On one side or the udder .

His very generous gift to the bread bank could have

been called a dough nation. It was because the bread bank

kneaded it more than he did.

Asked the patient to the eye-doctor, "Will the operation

be completed successfully?" The reply: "Don't worry,

you won't be able to see the difference."

The barber's will ended up "splitting heirs."

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.

The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up,

not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted,

"Can you float alone?" "Obviously," the banker replied,

"but this is a heck of a time to talk business.

I remember a story about a man who developed a phone

that didn't ring, and was awarded the no-bell prize.

What do you think my English teacher means when she

says that my marks are underwater? She means that your

grades are below C-level.

An abortion in Prague is a cancelled Czech.

A guy who wanted to stop eating poultry quit cold turkey.

Locomotive: A crazy reason for doing anything.

Writing these is easy. You jest put pun to paper.

Pollytheism:: The Belief That God Is A Parrot.

A policeman bought a house with a yard that was

in terrible shape with weeds, rocks and junk everywhere.

But in no time he had it healthy, green and beautifully

manicured. His neighbors got together and cited him

for restoring lawn order.

What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?

Steer Wars

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring,

wedding ring, and suffering.

The Widow Worried because they hadn't heard

anything for days from the widow in the

neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her

son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how

old Mrs. Goldberg is?" A few minutes later,

Timmy returned. "Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"

"She's fine, except hat now she is angry with you."

"At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?"

She said "It's none of your business how old she is.

"The Verdict After a laborious two-week criminal

trial in a very high profile bank robbery case,

the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations

and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge.

The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks,

"Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me,"

The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff

to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman

and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the

verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip

back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and

instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to

the court."

"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four

counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy

at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug

each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.

The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks,

"So, what do you think about that?" The defendant

looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered

look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney

and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean

that I have to give all the money back?"