There is a good joke for everything in India.

In most cases the joke is coined by Indians themselves.

It is this joke that tells you a lot about the country and the people.

And the jokes are always worth repeating.

A schoolteacher pointed to the painting of Adam and Eve hung on the wall and asked, " Can you tell me the country they came from?"

A little boy stood up and replied, " Sir, they are without clothes, have only one apple to eat and they call it Paradise. They must be Indians"

This happened to an American tourist in Madras. In his hotel he picked up the phone and asked for a 7-up. The switchboard operator answered in his best English, " 7- Up? Yes, sir."

The cold drink never arrived but the next morning the tourist was woken up punctually at seven o'clock.

American astronauts landed on the moon only to find the Russians waiting for them. They were comparing notes when a family if Sikhs passed by.

"When did you people get to the moon?" ask the Yanks and the Ruskis.

"Many years ago," replies the Sardarji blandly. "We came here after the Partition."

A fortuneteller tells a man that the best way to find out what his son will be in later life is to give him a test.

" Put on a table a gun, a wad of notes and a bottle of liquor. Watch what happens. If he picks up the gun, he is likely to be a police inspector. If he picks up the money he will be a thief and if he picks up the bottle he will be drunk most of the time".

The man does what he has to do and waits for his son to return from school.

When the little lad comes home, he pockets both the gun and money and takes a swig of liquor"

Puzzled the man goes to the fortuneteller to ask the meaning of this divine difference.

" Your son, sir, is slated to be an Indian politician".

A leader of the Opposition was soliciting votes at an election meeting. " Brothers, this time you should vote for my party. The ruling party has cheated you for many years. Now give us a chance."

Question: Why is the Indian Government the most neutral in the world.

Answer: Because it does not even interfere in its own affairs.

An Indian welcomes his American friend and shows him around India. All is well until the American sees rows of men sitting on the railways tracks, defecating. " This is a real shame," the American tells his host, "but you will never see this in America."

Years later the Indian visits America and the American shows him around. The Indian is totally impressed but still hurt by the American remarks about open defecating.

Suddenly, as the car turns past an alley, the Indian sees a glimmer of hope. Deep in the alley is a figure squatting in the familiar posture.

"Stop," says the Indian, " but it seems your people also defecate in the open."

The American is enraged. He stops his car, gets out and dashes into the alley only to return with a smile on his face.

"That " he tells the Indian, "is the visiting Indian Minister of Brahmin Affairs."

An Indian dies and goes to Heaven. As is the custom he is met at the pearly gates and taken for a tour. He finally lands in God's room. In front of God is a huge console with many red lamps.

" Every time," his guide tells him, "anyone lies on the Earth these lights flash."

Just as they spoke, all the lights on the console beginning to light up like crazy.

The Indian is puzzled. "So many lies at the same time?" he asks.

"Yes," says his guide, "there is an election rally in Delhi."

In a contest to pick the people with the best brains a Scientific Institute issues a rubber hose.

It is sent to the Russians. They put a circuit into it to generate music.

It is sent to the Japanese. They improve on the circuit to allow tiny pictures to be displayed on a screen.

It is sent to the Indians. After a week it come back totally intact. There has been nothing done to it.

The scientists are curious. "What have you done to it," asks the head scientist.

The Indian turns over the hose and points to the tiny lettering at the back. It reads " Made in India."

An Indian living on the streets of India hits a lottery and decides to emigrate to America.

He buys a posh mansion. Within weeks of moving in he suffers headaches and nausea.

He goes to see an American doctor. The doctor tells him to splash urine and rub faeces into the basement of his mansion. The Indian reluctantly agrees.

And sure enough, he gets better day by day.

On his final visit to thank the doctor, he asks the doctor what his ailment had been.

"You were not sick," says the doctor, "you were just homesick."

A Singaporean, a Chinese and an Indian were asked to compare their

Leaders with a National Landmark or Monument( Man Made or Natural)

The Chinese wrote " My leaders are like the Great Wall of China...old

but still as strong as the bricks in the Wall."

The Singaporean wrote " My leaders are like the many highrise

buildings in Singapore. They build our nation and bring us to greater

heights."

The Indian wrote " My leaders are like the Himalaya Mountains. They

have been around for a long time, doing nothing."

The Popular Malaise

An Indian Minister hangs himself when he realises that the black money he has been hiding and the kickbacks he has been getting are on the verge of being revealed by a newspaper that doesn’t accept bribes.

His death certificate has the following as the cause of death : AIDS

His enraged relatives rush down to the mortuary to clarify that he had been hale and lealthy before his death.

" I know," said the coroner, " but this AIDS means Accumulation of Income Derived Secretly".