by Pat Nordman

In a booklet I wrote titled Why Stay Married, I give ten commandments for keeping a union intact:

1. List your spouse's good points only.

2. List your own negative contributions to the marriage.

3 .Read God's word together, if at all possible. If your spouse will not join you in daily devotionals, then read and pray privately. Daily reading: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

4. Use your creative imagination to see yourself as loving your spouse. The moment a bad thought or image enters, pray to the Holy Spirit. And stay busy!

5. Don't have the last word. Let God's Word be the last word--to yourself. If need be, write a rational and caring note during those times when you can't verbally communicate.

6. Forgive, as God has already forgiven us all.

7. Give thanks often to God for this person, and then give thanks to the person.

8. Don't discuss marital problems with "sympathetic" friends who you know thought the marriage to be a big mistake anyway. This can be the death knell.

9. Be grateful for this set of circumstances and see in this situation the opportunity for spiritual growth.

10 Make the first move, with whatever words are necessary. You can simply say, "I'm sorry," or "Please forgive me."  Believe me when I say this works!

Pat Nordman