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Ocktober 31, 2005 2:33p Samhain Yay. It's traditionally my least favorite day of the year. It's alright, though, because I had my second closing today. I'm looking at a third a little later in the week. Today is a closing in itself, to all of this work and stress, and on to the wintery season of rest. I'm slightly mournful, but for the most part, excited that things are winding down for a spell. I'm taking a class on Chaos Theory. It's proving to be quite interesting. It feels like 'What The Bleep' concepts being expounded upon. Deb tells me I should come up to her house this evening and watch the Jaws saga with her. On any other day I'd be so inclined, but being as it is the day that it is, I am automatically more excited about the idea of being holed up at home with my books and my husband, studying. 'Sides-- My horoscope says it should be a very passionate evening. ::wink, wink:: '_' I just don't know. I know the whole idea behind Deb having me up is to get me out of the house on this particular evening, but I just... Bah. I went into Mal Wart the other day to pick up some shoes I had on layaway, and it was none other than El Douchebaggo at the counter. It was remarkable. I didn't even make a mild attempt to light his receeding hairline aflame. Amazing. I suppose that means that I'm not giving the situation as much creedence as I once did. That does not mean I think any of it is right or okay, just that I shan't be concerning myself with it when confronted with one of the parties to. That's a sigh of relief. As I've said prior, I massively suck at letting go, so, this is good. I figured I should update, as I hadn't for so very long. The kitties are doing very well, as is Dora, for now. Robert and I tore all of the contact paper off of the loft and put some linoleum down. I also purchased some plant stands. It looks so much better. I'm wondering when Mary and Lonnie are going to want to put in the new sink and counters in the kitchen. No matter. I'll be heading into Portland on Friday, and it looks as though Robert will be going on Wednesday to help Joe and Kelly move. I have been debating whether or not to go and help as well. I'm really tired of Kelly accusing Joe of sleeping with me, which is why there's any debate at all. I feel that just by being there, I'm causing some sort of marital issue. It's really not my problem, but I don't want to be the cause of anything, even if it is imagined. I don't honestly know why she's so jealous. I don't think I've ever even hugged Joe. Well, whatever. I don't think it would matter who was around Joe. If they have a vagina, Kelly thinks he's screwing them. Okay, enough venting. Deb and I went to Portland yesterday and I got some mini taper candles, incense, and dragon's blood resin. It smells nifty. I also picked up a couple of other things, and had my first truffle. Those things are damned good. Evil, really. ^_^ I'm waiting for my processor to get in, then I'll have a computer at home once more. Yay! This has been an excruciatingly long update, so I'll be off. Farewell. October 13, 2005 8:52p
I'm listening to old Filter, it makes me want to pick up their album Short Bus. Alas, I am poor. Robert's check is coming in without his vacation pay, so in short, we're fucked. Money makes me tired. Couldn't we function on the bartering system? Of course not. We live in Capitalist Central. Anyhow, I've been working a lot since our return from Crooked River Ranch-- or at least it feels like it. I got to see Heather, and stayed the night at her house. I still don't know what to make of her husband, Shannon. I find him really difficult to read, so for now I retain my reservations. I went to this awesome Fall Street Fest thing while I was in Bend, visited some of my favorite shops, and overall, just enjoyed Robert's company. It was nice for him not to be working. I still took my work calls, but I know that Joyce tried not to call me when it wasn't absolutely necessary. We got a new receptionist named Kristina. I like her, she's very nice, on-task, and professional. It does feel strange trying to figure out whether to ask her to do things or not. I suppose its just that I've done her job for so long, I almost feel badly for asking her to do tasks that were formerly mine. The Hops Fest was last weekend when we got back, and I was in time to help Nan and Deb with their booth. It was... Interesting. Deb and I went to see Nan a couple of days ago, and it was the most bizzare encounter I've ever had with Nan. She was talking so quickly, so much gibberish and broken sentences. I wanted to shake her. I couldn't bring myself to, and that night culminated a sense of irritation for me. I haven't talked to her since. I tried to call her yesterday and the day before, but the phone is constantly busy. I may try her again tonight, but I just don't know. I'll be meeting with Deb tonight, so I should be off. Ciao
October 4, 2005 11:51p Things I learned today: Growing older & living in a changing body beats the hell out of the alternative! Each day is sacred. No one has ever been here before. I'm coming to appreciate more and more that just making the effort to get out and LIVE is admirable. Some people have such courage to keep going and trying and to make their lives meaningful. That kind of character is something we should be much more concerned about instilling in our children. That is an extraordinary appreciation for life -- not taking things for granted. Ocktober 4, 2005 3:20p My horoscope for today reads:
Changes in your working environment Septiembre 18, 2005 12:02pm I am sitting in my office on a Sunday afternoon. Why? Because that's part of the package with this freakin' job. I could be sleeping in, but noooo. I'm working. A paycheck is a paycheck, Sunday or not. I'm waiting on a disclosure, so I'm mindlessly updating. Samantha called me yesterday. I returned her call, left a message, and she called me when she got off work. I was glad to hear from her, but then everything is cast in bittersweet light for me when it comes to her. We talked a bit, but everything seemed so forced-- from both ends. She told me about her mom and dad, sister and nephew, and that she had taken up the hobby of sewing (my hat's off to her, sewing is the debol!), but nothing about the people she lives with, which, it just stands to reason, comprises the most of what's going on in her world. Not that I could stand to hear it anyway. Her undertone purveyed that she was deppressed, just that melancholy strain I am ever so proficient at picking up in people's voices. I couldn't stop thinking, "Why are you calling me? Why would you have any urge whatsoever to speak to me when you know I can't bear to hear about what's actually going on in your life?" But I never said it aloud. I just couldn't bring myself to. I didn't want it to come out as confrontational-- it wasn't meant to be. I wondered these things in earnest. I think we both spent the conversation wishing for what was; what sadly, isn't any longer. I fear if we spoke again, I couldn't keep these questions to myself. I'll always wish better for her. I'll always disagree with her choices. I'm incapable of stoicism and she knows that. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I need to put that aside for now. Today I am trying to get a deal together. I really hope it goes, even if the money isn't all that great, its still money... And Robert and I could use some. :) I need to get back on that and get going, actually...It's likely I'll come back later, as I have more laundry to do at my mother-in-law's house. Ciao. Septiembre 14, 2005 3:56p I lost track of my freakin' phone. I had it about a half hour ago, but now its gone. This wouldn't be an issue, except for the fact that we're in Portland at Joe and Kelly's and I don't know where it could have gone to. I've tried calling it from another phone, no luck. I feel practically naked without it. But... Fairly OddParents is on so I gotta go... ;) Septiembre 13 2005 11:51a I bid on a flourite merkaba a few days ago and recieved the package in the mail yesterday. I reached into the box to pull out my flourite merkaba, and a bloodstone merkaba with a note fell out after it. It read:
Please have this Merkaba. Thank You! Amazing! Both merkabas were so incredible. We had emailed back and forth during the auction, was all, and she simply *gives* me this breathtaking piece. Somehow, she's restored my faith in the kindness of strangers... Septiembre 12, 2005 11:38a
"You seem cool for a naked chick in a booth There is fresh snow on the mountain! Yay! This brings me joy, joy to my heart. Although, I must inquire: Do you know what doesn't bring slews of joy to my heart? Kitties that keep me up all night. Little psychos. Anyhow, I have a little extra pep in my step because I've had coffee this morning. I'm working on cup # 2. Wise, I know. Anyhow, I just wanted to update to say that work is going alright, life is busy, and that's ok. I've been having many bizarre dreams of late. I don't like them or understand them... One of my theories is that it has something to do with my cats disturbing my rest. Who knows? More importantly, who cares? I apologize for my spastic writing. Just how many scoops of coffee do you put in the coffee machine when you're only making coffee for yourself? I should also note that I will be updating Debs bio in the next few minutes. That way, if one of you so desires, you could stalk her-- or whatever. I spent all of last night uprooting all of the things in my room and Goodwill purging. Tonight, I take on the living room. It really made me tired, but seeing that I was getting rid of a bunch of shit and that I have more closet space pleases me. Today after work, I am going over to do some chores for my grandmother. I like that just by helping her with a few minor things, she can have some peace and a smile on her face. I don't like going to Wal Mart. Its really uncomfortable. Every time I go, it seems, I run into Samantha. Which is painful, but fine. It's not like I want to light her afire or anything(unlike some people), but its strange. Last I saw her, she was checking up front, and I heard her call my name, I guess in that telepathic sort of a way (shut up, all those who can't take the concept). It was so loud that I did a swift double-take, and not suprisingly, she was looking right at me. But what in the hell am I supposed to do with that? The last three or four times I've called her to see if she was alright because I had this panicky sense that something was really wrong, she would say, "No, nothing's wrong." My ass. One of those times, even Deb called her because she had the same feeling. I guess its none of my goddamned business anyhow. Its really hard not being able to talk to her. I still love her as much as I ever have. The friendship that we shared prior to this whole ordeal was one of openness and honesty, not secrets and formalities. At this point, ultimately, I have had to make my choice between salvaging my sanity and having a stress-inducing relationship full of things I can't bear to be party to. It is what it is. My choices are mine, and Samantha's are hers. We've both made our choices, and the outcome for me is that I love her, and it massively sucks that things have come to be the way that they are. Maybe someday things will change. Maybe they won't. I fucking suck at letting go. Septiembre 5, 2005 12:02p Okay, maybe not an hour. Maybe four. Anyhow, time to update. Work is going exceptionally well. I like my job again! Huzzah! I hope that keeps up. I could get used to this... I worked through the weekend, but all is well. It was not a weekend wasted. All of this paired with the fact that I still have a social existence makes me one contented individual. The only drawback is that I just caught myself scheduling time to clean my house (this afternoon, actually)-- Sad, no? So, any of you would-be callers, please leave me be until about 5pm. Thanks! Nan, Deb, and I met last night about the Hops Festival in HR on October 8th. They plan to have a booth there, and while I'll be gone that day, I still intend to create a few things for sale and help them prepare. Too much fun! Deb has convinced me to take up beadwork again. I think I may get some cheapy seed beads and thin wire and try to remember how to make amulet bags. I think that's what they're called, anyway. Regardless, they're nifty! We went to see Joe and Kelly last Monday night, and stayed through Wednesday. I can't believe the last time I was up was in May. Emily and Baby Joey have grown so much, and Emily has deemed me her new best friend. For the most part, I got to play with the kids, and Robert and Joe played some game most of the time. I'll give them credit, though, we did get to spend some time all together that had nothing to do with evil computer games. I miss getting to see them, so it was nice. We had our "Independent" Medical Exams on Wednesday morning, which acually went better than I'd expected. No jerk-y docs, but I guess we'll just have to see how the reports come back. We also did a little bit of shopping, and I found a crystal pestal and mortar for $6.99!!! Unbelievable. I also got a nifty wedding vase (I've been looking for one for quite a while) for 4 bucks (well, $5 if you count the paint I bought for it). Both sit in my loft now, the vase painted, and I am smitten with them. I also managed to find two candle holders of note, and later, a set of plates and bowls that I simply adore. Ah, well, enough about all of that. I need to get back to work. Yay! Septiembre 5, 2005 8:05a It's too early to be conscious. In any event, I had to take Robert to work at 7:30 this morning, so I had time to come over to my mother-in-law's house (yay) to pick up some laundry and update here. Hmm, I just remembered I need to balance my check book-- Justa sec... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Damn, this always happens. I get side-tracked and then I don't get to finish my update. Fie. I'll come back in an hour or so. Ciao. August 22, 2005 12:02p I'd really rather not be working today, but its important to be here every once in a while-- you know, keeps business stirring. There are a few easy but tedious chores to be done here, then I have to chose whether I will be spending the rest of my afternoon cleaning my Grammy's kitchen or my own. Depends on what Nan's doing. She's offered to help me get some rearranging done. I also need to do some Goodwill purging. Ugh. Who has the time for any of this? Robert's car is still broken as well. Needless to say, I have enough problems of my own, namely being broke, to worry about what's going on with other people, and yet, those thoughts always find an "in" to my brain. Even though for the most part, Samantha's situation simply pisses me off (due to her making horrid choices and disrespecting my boundaries), I still find myself worrying about her well-being. Its a battle on some days to put it away and not think about it. Occasionally, I think I should call her. I come to my senses, though. What good would it do? She's going to do this for as long as she gets what she wants out of it, and all I can do is pray that it doesn't result in another child's life being ruined. I've been spending most of my free time at my Grandmother's doing odd chores for her. I'll probably be there every afternoon but Thursday. Quick Paternal Update: relations are likely at their worst. I was so insulted by a recent gesture he imposed that I've been made to feel like an imposition to his "real" family. I've grown tired of left-overs in every respect. Anyway, I do need to get back to work. Ciao. August 10, 2005 9:25p I didn't win Powerball. I did, however, find a most amusing picture of my husband this evening, which made that all better. I placed it in the Robert link in the navigation bar. Enjoy those sexy curls! ;) August 9, 2005 1:27p Bev's funeral was yesterday. It was a grave-side service at Cliffside Cemetery, where most of my relatives known to me are burried. Her coffin was pink. Bob is doing well, however, and I'm glad for that. I just loathe funerals, but I found that bizzarely (or not), the cemetery felt not only familar, but comfortable to me. Not in that, So-Comfortable-I'd-Pitch-A-Tent-Here sort of way, but I was at ease.
We went to Julie's after the service. She lives right in the middle of the city. It blows my mind how one could be so profoundly wealthy, and yet choose to live on such a small piece of land. Anyway, it was uneventful, for the most part. I talked briefly with Meichelle, and some other relatives. Julie really is an incredibly talented sculptor. Her work can be found at www.juliemartin.net. I went to an open house today for another realtor's listing. I'd love to live there. it's so beautiful. $439,000 though, and with values climbing the way they are around here, its well worth it. Well, I have more work to do, and I need to get laundry done and make preparations for my little excursion this weekend. I've placed a photo of one of Julie's sculptures below.
Ciao! August 6, 2005 4:57p
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Blackbird singing in the dead of night -Blackbird, The Beatles August 4th 2005 1:04p We have kitties! I'll post pictures as soon as I can, but their names are George and Sith Ra. Our landlords decided to allow us to add them to our household. They're so much fun. Yesterday was spent with Deb, Nan, Pat, and Darla up at Pat's. It was Darla's birthday. It was most enjoyable, but now, I'm really tired. I think I will call it a day early and nap. Ciao! July 29, 2005 2:11p Things are definitely looking up. MUAHAHAHA! More later. July 26, 2005 2:24p I've updated my picture on my mini-bio. It needs some updating in general. Anyhow, I did have a lovely evening at Pat's after my last entry. We tie-dyed random textiles, and then went skinny dipping at dusk in the pond. Well, I should say that Nan and I went swimming sans clothes-- Deb went wading bare-assed, and Ellie and Angela stayed a safe distance from being splashed. I had gone swimming earlier in the day while we waited for Angela and Ellie to arrive. I'm shifting my esoteric studies a bit as a result of some profound things I learned from these women on that particular night. Last night, I visited with Heather. She was in town for the evening, just needing to blow off some steam about her job. I think she'll quit, and I hope she does. Sounds like a hell of a place to be working. We talked a little about people we'd known in TD, what happened to them, and caught up on life events in general. Directly thereafter, I met Deb at Shari's. We stayed as usual, until about 2:30 this morning. I'm so tired. I'm due at my mom's for dinner this evening, and I'm hoping Robert will be off work in time to attend. I miss my family. I know I don't see them nearly enough. I can't stand being so busy, but at the same time, I know it is most neccessary. Robert and I are working up the intestinal fortitude to ask Mary and Lonnie if we can have George, and possibly one other cat from the litter. Seems like they might be less trouble as a pair. I'm willing to put up a deposit, or whatever is needed to at least have George. He's changing color, and his eyes are turning greener. He's such a sweet cat. As I've said, I've got house-fever, and having a kitty will help to delay my need for an actual house. I keep looking at this building on Dee that some elderly man is fixing up as a house. I want to buy it so badly. If I offered him $80,000, we'd only have to be pulling in three or four hundred dollars more a month to afford it. >_< Maybe by the time he markets it, it will be affordable to us. Who knows, we'll see, all signs point to a sale in my near future. I just hope it's true. I'm going to go visit George now. Miao July 21, 2005 11:49a
"...Open up your mouth -Queens of the Stone Age Much has happened over the last week or so. I went up to Miss Pat's camp out last weekend and had a beautiful encounter with a rattlesnake. I was walking into my camp and nearly stepped on him. He rattled at me, and slithered into the trees. He stayed visible, though, and Matteo, Ron, and I watched him for quite some time. Most of the time spent there was relaxing, and interesting. I finally got to meet Aaron and Jo, both wonderful people. It was also the first time I'd met Lynn's husband Ron. I like him. He doesn't have an egotistical asshole personality that takes over while amongst other men. Come to think of it, neither does Aaron. I spent some time reading, and feeling the cool breezes off of the pond. Pat's view of Mt. Adams is incredible. There was also a fire dancer in our midst, who performed on my last evening there. By Sunday, I had no desire to leave. I still wish I was back up there, completely lacking in obligation.
Samantha's ceremony came and went. It was as gutwrenching as I'd expected. Most of us were under the impression that it would be a union of the three of them But, it was more a mormon type union wherein it was his wife that performed the ceremony and tied only Samantha and he together. She looked so beautiful-- I wish it could have been for someone worthwhile. I'm sure its difficult to believe that all things are not in regard to her drama, but they aren't. I had been on the phone with a client both times that she had called me. Dropping the call I was in the middle of really wasn't an option. To answer the accusation of not wanting to talk to her, that is most certainly true. I don't know why it comes as a shock-- we've discussed the reasons why before. It would not be self-respecting for me to place myself in a postion that would force me to have to listen to any report of her daily existence. Deja vu... I'm saying this again... ITS THE ONLY THING SHE HAS TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE THE SAMANTHA THAT WAS IS GONE. All that remains is Samantha as she pertains to Jeremiah and/or his family.
I tired of trying to be cordial in that regard long ago. If being a good friend requires that I allow my psyche to be ripped to shreds, I guess I'm a shitty friend. Eventually, I'll figure out a more mediated way to say this to Samantha. I just needed to vent. And now, I need to go on to have a wonderful evening at Miss Pat's with those close to me and put this on a shelf to be dealt with later. Ciao. July 11, 2005 3:45p Silli died this morning. Because it was I that found her, I was a bit more than distraught. I feel wretched, like there should have been something more I could have done. Robert assured me that there wasn't. I cried more than was probably necessary. Debbie said it was likely a culmination of all things. She's probably right. She usually is. This is bound to be a hell of a week. Thursday is Samantha's ceremony. I can only imagine the drama that shall unfold. I was also just reminded that Relay for Life is this weekend-- the weekend I planned to camp up at Miss Pat's. Fuck. So, now, I have to schedule some time to drive all the way down to Hood River during the weekend to walk. I really want to do both things. I'll just have to juggle time, as usual. Work is somewhat frustrating right now. The candidate we chose to fill my old position still hasn't called back. I left two messages on Friday for her to call or come in this morning at 9 am. No luck. I know this makes Joyce less at ease with our decision, as it probably should. At least she has changed her mind on hiring the other individual she had considered. I don't know exactly what we'll do. I guess I'll just be in the office much more while Joyce is on vacation. Then what? I could have sworn there would be a plethora of competent persons to fill the position. Gah! I'm hungry, but I'm also not terribly interested in going shopping or going home. Home is where my lone mouse is now. I'm very concerned for her. Robert says she'll be fine, and perhaps he's right; Dora does have a very independent personality. I'm just so afraid she'll be lonely, or perhaps die of loneliness. I have to stop thinking about this, or I'll cry again. I suppose I will go get my laundry, go shopping, that sort of thing. Maybe it will help. I miss Robert. It seems like all we ever get to do anymore is sleep with each other (stop thinking nasty things!). This is a very long, very depressing post. I'm done now. July 1, 2005 2:19p I spent last night at Deb's house. Robert is in Portland, and so there's no one at home. :( I'm listening to John Mayer and hoping that Deb will be able to wait for me to go to Carson. I need the break. I've been really stressed for no apparent reason. In typing that, I realize its a lie. There's plenty that I have to be stressed out about, its just not study or work related which I am totally unaccustomed to. My stress stems from my home and these first two weeks of July. The 14th is fast approaching, and it makes me feel like I could throw up. I just may. I've also been unnecessarily emotional, and poor Robert is suffering for it. I need to talk to him. Allen, Sarah, and Russell are in town, and I spent pretty much the last two days with them. It was good to see them. Russ is in town for the Summer, so I'll probably see more of him. Allen will only be here through Monday, I believe, and Sarah is on her way back to Eugene today. Deb met everyone on Friday, I think. I wonder if Deb knows how socially adept she is. My days are sort of running together. I'm exhausted. Remarkably, I'm having to do everything in my power not to go back to school now. What is wrong with me that I need to function on overload at such a constant rate? Site Note: Archival! June 26, 2005 6:15p Weekends always go by too quickly. I feel as though I've accomplished nothing. I've recently been informed that I cannot type freely in my own blog. So, much as I would like to update on what's going on, I cannot. My appologies. In any event, I have added a new site feature: Babel Fish! I will leave it at the bottom of all of my entries, just scroll. I will also be adding some non-American news sources to the navigation bar, although I'm not sure when I'll get around to it. Hope everyone is well. June 16, 2005 9:42p "Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic, I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been...Wake up and face me, don't play dead, 'cause maybe, one day I will walk away and say, 'you fucking disapoint me, maybe you're better off this way...'"
My God, I suck. I haven't updated in quite a long time. Presently, I'm throwing myself into work and avoiding friend-y drama. I'm once again feeling badly about acts of self preservation but there's just only so much you can tolerate politely before it severely affects your own life. I'll say it again, I'm not angry, I'm just refusing to put myself in painful situations. In non-horrible news, I'm quite concerned for Debbie and Brian. Things will work out. I can feel it. "Famous last words," Deb would say. As for me, my post real estate study time will include reading. Lots of reading indeed--among other things. Also since obtaining my license, Robert and I went camping with Nan & Co. Their property is like a dream. I didn't ever want to leave, even if it meant sleeping in the back of Robert's Subaru forever and eating fire-cooked grouse. I'm so glad to have met Nan, and Lynn as well. I knew I wanted to meet Lynn, but I thought she would be more stand-offish. She wasn't. I really enjoy her. I'm also not sure if I mentioned previously that I met the famous Miss Pat. Also a wonderful woman with an old soul. Her eyes see everything-- and her property exudes nothing but peace. It neighbors Nan and Rick's new property, not surprisingly. I'd type more, but I keep losing track of my thoughts. More later. Ciao. May 29, 2005 1:24p Bueno! I am soooo excited! I received word yesterday that I aced my Real Estate Exams, both National and State! Woot! Robert says I may now make us rich. I say, Yay! No more filing! I know it has been too long since my last update, but I have been so nervous about the test results that I just couldn't bring myself to type anything. But now, they're back, and I've passed. Now, I have time for peace and to set long needed boundaries and calm the chaos. Right now, I'm responding to emails and will be looking for Sir Mix A Lot for Debbie. "Why? Dear God, Why???" You may ask. Because I just love the Debbie that much. Tee. I'm going to be doing a lot of personal studying in the next year while I persue real estate. I figure this is the perfect time to take a break from career-like studies and learn something beneficial to me. Like how to say 'No,' which I am presently, practically incapable of. Damn. Well, I'm off on my Mix A Lot Mission. Wish me luck! May 15, 2005 9:38p I am studying like crazy, and I am so sick of it. Six days and its all over. Yay! The truth is, I am only updating to bitch and to gloat. I got the new System Of A Down CD three days before its release date. The joys of preordering... May 13, 2005 3:27p I've finished all of my Real Estate Coursework! Huzzah! I'm taking my final course test on Monday, and the Final State Exam is on the 21st. Wish me luck! I'll need some time for recharging after this is all over. I plan on reading and learning how to scrapbook, and maybe, I'll go camping. I know I am definitely going to Carson Hot Springs. I don't know why I feel so confident that I will pass this exam, but I am, and I'd like to hold on to that. I will update upon my return-- possibly sooner if I get a spare moment. Love and prayers for me, please. May 10, 2005 4:10p
April 28, 2005 10:00p
I am doing research on Lateralus. I have been for quite some time. For the moment, it is drawing fascinating parallels in my own self-discovery.
Debbie and I were up all night last night, leading both of us to a terrible state of exhaustion. Of mind, however, I feel rejuvinated. I've been writing more religiously now, but only journaling-- I haven't dared to delve deeper than that. Not yet.
April 27, 2005 12:26p
Look at my navigation! I am getting things done around here! Debbie has a bio now (okay, really, its just a picture with unanswered bio questions), and I got Stonehenge pictures up. I rule the universe! Yeah!
April 25, 2005 10:59p
I took the Agency test and got 100%! Yay! I've also got pictures from Stonehenge and Maryhill up (see navigation). I wish I could have gotten more pictures of Debbie. :( I need to make Debbie a page. By the way gents, Debbie is the singleness!
I need to go sleepy now. Have fun!
April 23, 2005 7:39p
I finished Agency! I should be taking the test Monday. :) I'm so happy to be done with it. Two more books!
April 21, 2005 10:53p
"Pick me up
Today's been shitty. Asshole patients paired with my flat tire and an almost constant panic attack made for a very shaky me. I was so bitchy up until this evening. I also managed to bite a hole in my tongue while I was napping. That was nice. What does that tell you about my dreams? Whatever it was I was dreaming about was so bad I didn't even notice that I was biting a hole in my tongue.
I've been like that for a long time now. I'm so stressed about being ready for my final exam and worrying about Sam that if I can sleep, it's really awful, and if I can't, I go through the week feeling like I have a massive hangover. I keep having painfully prophetic dreams, which I'm not inclined to share-- not even with Robert. It's really troublesome. I wake up, usually ready to throw up around three or four in the morning. I'm back to that place where I stay up until I'm ready to collapse, just so I can stop from thinking while I sleep. The last two nights have been suprisingly uneventful. Debbie gave me some tiger's eye, and I've got my hematite next to my bed. I'm not generally a person of superstition, but it's seemed to work. I've been zoning a lot as well, and run into Nan often--someone I just met. I like her, and while I've only met her once, I feel like I know her fairly well. I've also been writing a bit.
On a less serious note, Debbie, Sam and I took an excursion yesterday to the Maryhill Museum. I haven't been there in a long time, but Solitude is still there-- Apparently she's a part of the permanent collection. It was so awesome to see some of the new things they had, and also the sculpture exhibit they had. I wish I could remember the name of the sculptor right off, but I can't. We also went to Stonehenge and visited Sam Hill's grave. He has the most beautiful view of the gorge. I'll be posting photos soon, if not tonight.
Well, I've got to get to bed, so I'll be off. I've got to deal with more shit.
April 18, 2005 11:06a
I'm at work. As usual. I did however recieve an email from Sarah that updated me on her trip status. She's traveling in Europe and has sent me the following photograph.
It sounds like, for the most part, she is enjoying herself. I'm sure that Allen misses her terribly.
There really isn't much that I want to write today, but it's been about a week, so I thought I should check in. Dave is comming at 12:30 this afternoon, and I think we may actually get the company website up and running. Wouldn't that be nice. We've only been waiting on it since November. >_<
I passed both Finance and Practice last Wednesday, and now I am on to Agency (which I am almost done with) and Property Management. I'm so close to being done! I can't wait.
Well, I suppose for now, that's it. More later when I actually feel like typing.
April 11, 2005 8:15p
Gerber daisies!
April 9, 2005 9:40p
�Dead as dead can be,� the doctor tells me
Wake up and face me,
Wake up and face me,
Wake up and face me,
Go ahead and play dead
Passive aggressive bullshit"
--Passive, APC
April 7, 2005 1:05p
I was just thinking about changing the window header for my main page. I realized, however, that would be some sort of an injustice, for I still feel it is an appropriate quote for the way I'm feeling now. Usually, I check all of my email before I update, but today, I just checked one inbox. I'm curious to see if anyone has written to me, but because I highly doubt it, I'm not bothering right now. Last night, I discovered that ebay is a dangerous thing. I went a little nuts and bid on 4 things. What's worse is that I hope I win them all. One of the things I bid on were 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. I really doubt I'll get those.
My eye is feeling better today. Unfortunately, I am on antibiotics to get rid of whatever sort of infection has been living in my eye. I'm sure it didn't help that I fell asleep in my contacts last night, but still, it feels much improved. Does anyone know if you can drink beer while on an antibiotic? Just curious.
I am begining to think that for the most part, Sam has dropped from the face of the earth. I don't know quite why I feel this way. I think I saw her quite recently, although things have been really weird lately, and I don't remember what day that was.
Robert is at home. This is his day off-- sort of. He has a meeting tonight and has to work for two hours aside from that closing. It really pisses me off. This is his first day off after 18 days straight, and there is absolutely no reason that he should have to close the store on his one day off. Bullshit, says I.
Well, enough rambling. I'm going to check my ebay transactions.
April 6, 2005 9:46 am
Site Note: The archives have been updated. Also, new links have been added to the Navigation bar
Wheeee!!!!!! I am SO excited! I just talked with my beloved tax consultant, and we are getting back $915!!! We're going to pay off bills, and pay for things pertaining to my license... Woot! It totally made my day. But, I'd like to take a moment to talk about something that is not day-making. Samantha has not updated her site in 14 days. That's two weeks, and that, my friends, is a long freakin' time. Dammit girl! Upadate! :)~
Anyway, there really isn't much for me to do here at the office. I have a doctor's appointment at 11:30 this morning for my eye, which is really swollen right now. It feels like a sty, but isn't acting like one in that it is causing me a tremendous amount of pain. It doesn't itch so much as hurt. I told my boss that I would be trying to get an appointment with my doctor today, and she said, "If you need to leave early or anything just forward the phones to me and take care of yourself." She's such a sweetheart.
I'm having some peach yogurt now, and as I've noticed I am cursed by said yogurt. Every time I open a container of peach yogurt it spits at me. No other flavor does that-- just peach. I have a flyer that I am avoiding. That's why I am rambling about the cursed peach yogurt. If I type "peach yogurt" enough times in this entry, I think there's a good possibility that my site will show up on a Yahoo search for "peach yogurt". As you all know, I will be checking to see if my site does come up on a search for "peach yogurt" just as soon as I'm done here-- all in the name of avoiding that stupid flyer.
I got to talk to Jenni last night. She is still rooming with Tasheena, but now, they are rooming with Ayme�. She says it's okay, but that sometimes it's difficult. She still works at ShopKo, but now, she has moved to the Jewelry Department. I'm happy for her. Jewelry is much nicer.
Well, I've only a little time left before I have to go to my appointment. Wish me luck!
Peach Yogurt!
March 29, 2005 12:23 pm
Site Note: I have updated the Archives and rearranged the navigation. Good Luck!
I'm back. I don't know how excited I should be about that, but so far, I really miss the quiet. It was so comfortable there. No major stress-- just homework, deer, and places to explore. Mark and Kami were wonderful. They were very accommodating. Kami and I went to lunch together a couple of times, and talked often when she came home from work. I had planned to post pictures of the trip today, but I's 'tarded and I left the disk at my mom's house. I will load them here later. Smith Rock was so cool. There's a long trail that circles the canyon and goes down by the river. People do a lot of rock climbing there, although I certainly wasn't so inclined.
My horoscope today said this:
"There is tension in the air today that isn't sitting well with you, dear Cancer. Do not be surprised if you feel on edge for no apparent reason. There may be a great deal of angst within you that needs an outlet for release. Don't get sucked into dramas that aren't yours. Your warrior instinct is better used to fight your own internal battles rather than the people who surround you."
Most interesting. Usually, I look at my horoscope and say, "Meh." This one hit me, though. It seems that midway through my trip, I came to this lull in dealing with other people's issues. I don't know if I should really call it a lull so much as a point of weariness. I've had a really hard time dealing with the guilt I feel because of that. I somehow think it makes me a bad friend. Take Gary, for instance. Every time he came up in conversation, I used to think, "Oh my God, I feel so badly for him. I wish he'd clean up his life so he can be happy. What can I do to help him?" Now, I've taken on this unfamiliar attitude of, "Its a shame he's made those choices for himself, I hope things turn out." I feel like I'm abandoning people or something. I really do still care about them and what happens to them; It still hurts to see them in that predicament, but I've taken a step back and not let it be my battle. It's freaking me out. I feel like I'm failing my friends. I know that this might be a relief to some, but I think it will be short-lived. I can already tell that my old empathetic self is coming back.
When I started this entry, I had hoped to take it in a different direction. My apologies for the rant.
I have a chiropractic appointment at 4 o'clock, so I suppose I should get back to my homework.
Ciao!
March 18, 2005 11:13 am
I need coffee. It is cold outside, though, and I neglected to bring a coat to work today. I am hungry, so I will likely brave the blistering cold to walk to the store next door. I just finished writing out my budget for April, so that's nice. I really shouldn't even be updating here. Not only do I need coffee, but I have three ads to get done before I leave here, none of which I actually feel like doing. >_< I feel like cheating and using some of my old ad layouts, but that would be terrible.
I went to Portland last night with Sam and Debbie. It was fun to hang out with both of them at the same time. Through this experience, Debbie and I learned that Samata has a perhaps unhealthy need to watch the people that ice skate. Debbie took us to dinner at the Olive Garden-- Sooooo good. We also got our Zils. Yay! I found out that Randi will be taking the class with us, which is nifty. I can't believe that she's going to have a baby!
Robert went out to a bar last night with some of the guys from work. I don't know why, but it totally threw me off. I wasn't pissed or anything, although slightly concerned from last time. I guess that's what guys do, though, and he was home at 10, which was much earlier than I'd expected.
I bought a new notebook for Sam and I while in Portland because our other one is almost exhausted. I love it so much I almost want to buy another. But, I bought it in Portland, and I don't intend to go back until the week after next.
Well, coffee is calling, and I fear this will be the warmest part of the day, as the sun is peaking through.
Faeries!
March 16, 2005 9:22 am
Fuck Geocities. I had an entire update written a couple of days ago. Not only did it not post it, but it appeared that all of the text on my main page had disappeared. It's all better now. I put up a lovely crocus and some lilacs for those of you who live in crappy deserty places where such things don't bloom. Let's see, on Monday night, Sam, Debbie and I went to Shari's. Sam had to pick up Jeremiah from work, so she only stayed an hour. I wish she could have stayed longer, Debbie and I had some interesting conversation until two in the morning. It was good for me to talk to someone at length. I haven't really had occasion to do that in some time. Everything seems to move too quickly, and everyone is busy (myself definitely included).
Last night was Kim's birthday. We went to see Robots (very cute) and afterward, Robert and I got ice cream and bought The Incredibles. We watched it on the futon and then crashed. Neither of us even noticed that our blanket fell off in the night.
I have a chiropractic appointment today. Sometimes I don't even want to go. It means relief for me, but it takes up my whole day. I had forgotten about it, and made plans for today. Now, I have to drive to Portland instead. I'm thinking about calling Sam and seeing if she wants to go with me if she doesn't work, but of late, I don't expect that she's available. I'm going to be taking a dance class on Sunday afternoons. I don't know when it is supposed to start, but I will ve gone from the 21st through the 25th, and then the following Sunday is Easter. I'm inclined to think we might start in April. Yay!
I think that's about it. I guess I should work now.
Bueno!
March 9, 2005 12:26 pm
St. Helen's errupted yesterday, spewing steam and ash seven miles into the air. We could see the plume from here. Robert dramatically proclaimed that the cloud would soon be looming over our little town. But, I predicted (and rightfully so, I might add) that no such thing would happen-- this time. I do wonder, however, how many times this will happen before St. Helen's errupts like it did in 1980. Well, I guess because our mountain is part of the ring, I should be slightly more concerned about it. Presently, though, I'm not.
It is official. I am leaving for spring break and going to Crooked River Ranch to visit my Uncle Mark and his wife Kami. I am sort of glad the timeshare thing fell through. I hadn't even thought to call Mark until my mom called me. Mark seemed pretty excited about the prospect of guests. Every time he and Kami have been up here, Kami invites everyone to come and visit them in their new house. I think I'll be going up that Sunday night or Monday morning. I looked at an aerial map of their property on terrasearch.com (I'm addicted to that site) and they quite literally live in the middle of nowhere. That should be refreshing.
I was up far too late last night sifting through DVDs of Mp3s that Peewee gave Robert. Most all of it was stuff I would enjoy, but Robert certainly wouldn't, so he handed them over to me. I retrieved everything I wanted and completed a CD at 2:30 or so this morning. Needless to say, I'm exhausted-- and bitchy!
Well, it's about time for me to go, so I think I'll start wrapping things up here.
Buena noche, polica de la patata!
March 7, 2005 12:25 pm
I tried to get this done earlier in the day, but that didn't end up working out. I shall try again. Jenni sent me one of those online invite thingys. I haven't heard from her in almost a year, so I was a bit shocked. If things weren't so busy, I'd write her an email. Unfortunately, that shall have to wait.
This weekend was long, but amusing. We went to Dinner with Joe and Kelly on friday to celebrate Joe's birthday, followed by Robert and Joe taking a ride in Joe's new truck, and Kelly and I watching Sex and the City (or maybe it's Sex in the City. I really have no idea. Shows you how television savvy I am) until I was ready to pass out. Robert and Joe returned about then, Kelly went to bed, and we screwed around on terrasearch.com until three in the morning. Saturday, Robert and I went to the local high school play with Sarah and Allen. It wasn't the greatest I've ever seen, but it was definitely awesome to see Krum again. Afterward, we went over to Willie's house and talked until two in the morning. I miss seeing Willie. He's hilarious, but I never have occasion to chat with him unless Sarah and/or Allen are present. He is working at the District Office, which is awesome, and he also has a new girlfriend. I say, good for him. Sunday I slept until 12:45 and went somewhat lazily through the day-- I putted around the house for awhile, did laundry, hung out with Sam, took a nap, and then went home and made dinner.
At some point last week, I helped Sam clean her room out. My car is full of crap to take to Goodwill, I just haven't had the opportunity yet. Now, there is actually space in her room, which is awesome. I know it was hard for her to part with some of her stuff, but I think she'll be happier with her new space. I took all of the crap over to Robert's mom's first for her to go through. It was like Christmas morning all over again for her. Rick was pretty pissed, though. Rightfully so, she freed me of a bunch of stuff I would have had to haul into the Goodwill.
Presently, I am putting together a plan to get out of town for 8 days or so. Joyce has okay'd that time off, and so now, I am just looking for a place to get away to. I called my dad in hopes that he could reach Carrie. Perhaps she will let me use her timeshare in Welches. It's so quiet there-- and there's a fireplace and everything. It would be perfect. No people, no house to clean, no obligations... Just me, my books, and my collection of jammie pants. I want to get my studying done, and I need time to decompress from these past few months. I know I've been bitching about needing the time for a long while now, I'm just hoping that this time, I'll be able to take off.
Well, it's time for me to go from this job to the other job now, much as I don't want to. I hope everything has gone smoothly for Denise filling in.
Ciao!
March 2, 2005 12:29 pm
Things have been somewhat productive today. I got some work done, but not all or as much as I had hoped. I get to see my chiropractor today. I didn't go last week, and now I hurt so badly. I'm so hungry. I've been so good about having breakfast in the morning, but forgot today. I feel very stunted by my work schedule and studying. Tomorrow, though, I have off. I think that I wll leave my car at home and walk down to the library so that I will have no excuse to forgo my studies to clean my house. It really isn't bad, but I had it spotless on Sunday, and now, it's cluttered and there are dirty dishes again. I find myself deeply irked at Robert. I know he works a lot and is tired on those days that he works. While I appreciate his long hours, I am still annoyed. Last week, for instance, he had three days off, and I still ended up spending my Sunday cleaning my house and doing laundry. It really pisses me off that he won't help out lately. He knows this, for I vocalized it last night, trying to be as calm and constructive as possible. I feel, however, that he thinks I am a nag, which I really don't want to come across as. It gets nothing done.
Samata has started her very own online journal. This has provided me the joy of nagging her to update it, like she does to me here. After a long time of emailing her, she finally added to her cute little blog, but now, once again, I am feeling without a SamataUpdate. Sam, I know you're reading this: UPDATE, HO!
Well, I am leaving soon to go to Portland, and hopefully to find something to eat. I shall try to update more religiously, so that I can nag Sam without risk of hypocrisy.
Buenos Nachos!
February 26, 2005 10:01 pm
Cheez-its! Looks like I'm going to have a couple of busy nights. I'm studying away, hoping to get that much closer to taking the big test. Robert and I got two little mice. They're so adorable. We still don't know what to name them. Teej suggests Bucket and Re Re. I'm not generally too picky, but I'm discarding that idea.
Once again, I'm doing laundry. It seems that the only time I can get online is when I'm at Robert's parent's house. Their dog is in heat, which is incredibly disgusting. Robert didn't come with me, so I'm a bit lonely, but that's alright. Alone time is always good. Peewee gave Robert two CDs with Mp3s on them. When you pop it into the drive, they come up as being titled "Suck ass music." Nice. But really, there was some good stuff on there. Some Cake songs I wanted, and a few others, so that was exciting.
I think I'm going to go play a rousing game of Sapiens now.
Ciao!
February 20, 2005 11:25 pm
I need to get out of here. I'm at Robert's mom's doing laundry, and I think she wants to go to bed. A few things are going on around here. My aunt is pregnant again. Robert and I got two mices. March is coming. I'm tired. I'm stuck doing laundry, and I miss seeing Robert very much. It seems to me that the only time I see him, he is sleeping. I almost want to cry about it. I'm exhausted myself, though. I just thought I should update. Pop in and say hello, that sort of thing. I'm also talking to Jeff, something I haven't gotten to do in eons-- So I'm not eager to leave.
"Like a bird on a wire
Johnny Cash, Bird On A Wire
February 12, 2005 2:31 pm
Ah, here I am, remember me? I finally allowed myself a lazy day of laundry and internet surfing. Upon this excursion, I have discovered this:
Spiffy, eh? I had quite a time designing my own sign, one of which I will post at the bottom of this entry.
I feel guilty that I haven't updated in so long, things have just been incredibly busy, and I've been sick and exhausted. That, and not much has changed. I hope everything is going well for everyone... Yep... I'll post again when I have more to say.
January 30, 2005 12:43 am
Music: Evanecence, Breathe No More
Just a quick note to say that I am still alive, but exhausted and busy. I'll try to post a real update tomorrow.
January 12, 2005 11:57 am
I feel misplaced. I feel like I should be busy, but I'm pretty much done with everything I can do at this very moment. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around the majority of the people in my life right now. Timidity is not generally a characteristic of mine, but of late, that's how I feel. Not at work, though. I feel particularly assertive when I'm working. I've been devoted to using my planner, which has been most beneficial to me. It helps me to have a schedule, and also holds me accountable for my procrastination. It's effective because I cannot stand to have a to do list with something that couldn't be crossed off on it.
I bought myself some Blackberry Sage tea the other day from the Republic of Tea. It's delicious, and it reminds me of Banjo. That was the first tea that he shared with me. I wonder how he is doing.
I just noticed that the small potted plant in our office has died. That's alright, I suppose. It was meant to be a "Fall" plant anyway. I should probably water the plants today--which reminds me, I need to do that at home as well. I have acquired three plants so far, the last being the leafy start that Maribel gave me. I put it in a small vase and put the purple gem-cut glass pieces that I took from my father's wedding in the bottom. It's really quite lovely.
I really ought to study now. I'll bet that if I start reading this chapter now, I can get the test for the unit finished by the time I have to leave.
Putas del caramelo y de la grieta para todos!
January 10, 2005 11:40 pm
 what's your battle cry? | mewing.net | merchandise! January 1, 2005 3:06 am Sad. So sad.
 take the nerd test. and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia. December 31, 2004 12:44 pm I'm sick and I have a sinus headache. It really sucks. This whole South Asia Tsunami thing is so terrible. I can't stop thinking about it and reading the news stories in its regard. I feel like I should write more, but being as I am ill, I'll try again later. December 27, 2004 12:23 pm Four days until this year is over. I'm not sure what that signifies to me, but I can't wait. I will be filling in for Maribel in January, which will create some much needed income for us. I need to be saving money for my real estate test and licensing fees. That's another thing I can't wait to get done. I feel like I keep pushing the date of my test forward, but I want to make sure I am ready. I got my Real Estate Agency review book the other day, and I also got my background check back in record time. Three weeks, I believe it was, as opposed to the three months they say it will take. I need to get back to studying. Things have been so hectic with the wedding and the holidays-- Lord, the holidays. Our house is chaos. I've been steadily working toward it resembling a home again, but its difficult to find time when I never seem to get home until midnight. Tonight, however, will be different. I can't take it anymore. Everything is getting wiped down, vacuumed, and hung up where I want it. Last night I was up until 2 o'clock cleaning the bathroom, picking up trash, and hanging up our laundry. We got new sheets for christmas, the ones I wanted. I've washed them three times once with vinegar, and still they are turning us blue as we sleep. I don't know how many times I have to wash them, or if there is some secret to washing sheets that I don't know about, but it's driving me crazy waking up all blue. Anyway, the house. Sam is in the process of moving, so things look both empty and cluttered. Strange combination, but that's how it is. Not for long, though. I plan to do some major rearranging this afternoon after I pick up my brothers. I need to go to Mal*Wart and get a new wall clock. We don't have one, and that, too, is driving me nuts. I don't know what kind I'll get-- I don't really have a theme that I'm aware of. In my bedroom, its an impressionist art sort of thing. In the kitchen, it's a beach theme. The bathroom is slowly becoming lavender themed. I'm actually thinking of taking a bit of paint to the bathroom. Just the door frame, mirror frame, cabinet door, and window, but I think it would look better. It wouldn't take much time, and it would take less than a quart of paint. I can do it for under $10 so I think I will. Maybe I'll even do it today. That would probably lift my spirits a bit. Hopefully robert won't feel like taking a shower this evening... December 21, 2004 1:42 am
Indy died a few days ago. I'm still not over it. He was my baby. Presently, however, I've been being kept company by a small dog named Teddy. He's my dad's wife's dog. They want to get rid of him, and I want to keep him. He's so precious. I'm watching him while they're on their honeymoon. Michelle is nice. I can honestly say I feel better that it's her and not Tammy. Things on the whole, however, just aren't going well. I just want to cry. I've gotten hardly any studying done since the 17th. It needs to get done, but it's Christmas time, and everything's a mess. Once again with that whole thing about needing to get away. Ack! I need to cut my nails. The wedding is over now, and I can go back to having none. Its far more comfortable than ripping them and catching them on things. Anyone looking for some last minute gift ideas for me: I'd like A Perfect Circle, eMOTIVe and AMotion. Speaking of gifts, there's something in a big green box under my tree with my name on it... and Robert won't tell me what it is. I'm looking forward to it, but not much else about Christmas. It's going to be a lot of stress and driving.
"...baby Jesus never sleeps December 13, 2004 11:07 am
"I have come curiously close to the end, down Hey! Life's exciting! Or not, maybe I'm just getting sick of this continual state of misery. What has brought upon this gleeful state I'm in? Well, a myriad of things, but notably the fact that my father's wedding is taking place this coming Saturday, and I am to be in Sandy with my brothers on Friday. My dad didn't call my brother this weekend on his birthday, or send anything. I guess this shouldn't shock me anymore, but this stuff about his wanting to be a better father really isn't making a shred of sense now-- Not that I was truly convinced in the first place. Naturally, I still have some sad sort of hope that he will actually act like a parent. I need to call him today to figure out exactly what is going on. I generally just feel shitty--overwhelmed-- all of the things that Winter does for me regularly, and it's topped by additional stressors. I'm working on Finance, my most dreaded unit-- can anyone tell me what a wrap-around mortgage really is? I've only read it three times and still can't quite grasp it. I can't keep my mind on one thing for very long at all. I'm telling you, I really, really need to get away. On the upside, Robert and I are doing well together, and yesterday, I purchased my own copy of Tool's Lateralis. Yay. December 7, 2004 11:54 am I'm really tired. I don't want to be here anymore. I have a few things to do before I'm done here, but I'd rather be updating here for now. I've been emailing with Heidi the last couple of days. She says she and the boys are doing well. I've been keeping in better contact with a lot of people lately, which makes me feel a little less alone. I really need to get moving on Finance. There's a study guide I want to get sometime before I take the state exam. I just want to be as prepared as possible. I'm hungry, but I have an hour left to go here, and listing sheets to fold. I have to do laundry over at my mom's today, which, after I've mopped the kitchen floor, will afford me some time to read my Finance book. I just got black crap from the rollers on the desk all over my hands. It's really rather disgusting. At this point I think I should be feeling some form of relief, but I'm not. Not at all. I feel paniced much of the time lately. I can't seem to put things out of my mind that I've mulled over for long enough. I'm actually glad to be going over to my mom's for awhile this afternoon. It gives me some alone time without having to really think. December 4, 2004 5:56 pm I've fucking had it. Novembre 30, 2004 9:28 am First snow of the season. I drove into it this morning while following a moron in a white van. Normally I would have gotten pissed off and been irrate the rest of my drive behind him, but the snow was really beautiful... and the mountain is breathtaking. I wish that everyone could have such a view on their way to work. The only downside is that the office is freezing. Good thing I decided to wear fleece today. Last night, Robert and I played Super Mario World on Super Nintendo. I haven't played that game in years. It was so much fun, though, that we ordered pizza and played for three hours. I'm better at it than he is, but then, Super Mario Bros. games used to be my fort. But, the Nintendo is set up in the "entertainment center" now, so I can play it whenever I like. I have to go over to my mother's house this afternoon and do laundry. I hate laundry. I know I wouldn't mind it at all if we had a washer and dryer at home, but alas, we do not. Besides, where the hell would we put one if we could? I figure I'll do a little more work on my mom's computer when I get there, and take some more reviews in Law so I can take my final tests in TD. I am so nervous about taking the tests. I know you can retake them, but it makes me a wreck. I've done so well so far, I'm worried that the final tests will be in a format I am unfamiliar with. It really hasn't been all that busy at work. I know Joyce said things would slow down during the Winter, but I didn't know she meant this much. Everything is clean, thanks to our new cleaning girl, I've got everything organized for the most part, and it's generally just very quiet. It's nice, but it might just drive me crazy not having anything to do. The closer I get to obtaining my license, the more I start to think about building a house of my own. I've so many ideas for a house for Robert and I, but they're all pretty expensive, and I doubt we'll have the money for it for quite some time. I'd really like to avoid having a house payment, or at least borrow the smallest amount possible. It feels early to be thinking about a house, but it's something I really want. Once we've built a house, I want to travel, and pick up furntiture from different parts of the world. Meh. I can dream, right? Novembre 27, 2004 6:01 pm Lookie! The Halloween 2004 pictures are in the navigation now! Yay! Ooh! And Robert will be getting off from work soon! Novembre 27, 2004 4:11 pm Sam tells me it's been to long since I updated, but I'll get her back for it. ;) Actually, right now I am downloading Paint Shop Pro right now so that I can finally put the Halloween pictures up. I'm at 12%. This could take a while. It's freezing in here. I bruised my ass the other day jumping into my car. I slid on the floor board and I'm still paying for it. 23%. I'm just kinda sitting here, spacing out and listening to my radio thingy on Yahoo. "Mother" by Pink Floyd is on. Ooh! System! This thing really is getting smarter. I don't really know what to write about. I've been studying a lot, as usual.
I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall 69% complete. I just want to get these posted, go home and be braindead. I don't want to study or pay bills. Just sleep or curl up with a good book listening to the accoustic version of Plush by STP. Yeppers. I think its this whole holiday season thing. It makes me deppressed, but I really don't know why. Doesn't take much to set me off lately. I'd like to just take a break from being around here for a week or so. I keep coming back to that point, but never have the funds. My download is complete. I'm going to go get those pictures put up. :) Bueno! Novembre 15, 2004 9:51 am I love my boss, but she's forgotten once again that it's the 15th. Anyway, I spent much of Saturday night at a resort in Welches drinking Irish Creme and Eggnog with my soon-to-be stepmother, uncle, and his girlfriend. Weird to be drunk in front of family members, but somewhat amusing. I lie. Freakin' hillarious. There was a hot tub, which was nice, and a fireplace. The next day we woke up late, did a little shopping and I got a wonderful outfit of sorts. ;) We had brunch at the Highlands...Holy crap. I'm from the country. We don't generally, if ever, eat raw salmon with pat and things of that nature. The meal cost more than I spend on groceries in two weeks. It was very good, especially the chocolate tiramisu with espresso (that was to die for, I could have made off with the tray), but entirely too expensive. That part of the trip, save the minor hangover, was great. I talked to my dad on the phone during that time as well, however, and that was quite unnerving for me. I feel like I have more to work through now than I did in the first place. Ghaa! A little earlier in the week, Sam and I joined not only Michelle, but her daughter Ashly, Michelle's friend Jan, and her daughter, who's name I cannot recall, in a hunt for clothes for the wedding. It sucked. It made me so nervous I broke out in hives. I'm just glad Sam found me something for me (I couldn't very well find something for myself, I was a nervous wreck!). Well, I have other things to worry about right now. Homework, housework, but most of all homework. Oh, and work here. :-P I'd better get back to it. More later. Ciao. Novembre 8, 2004 12:01 pm It's been a while. There's not much going on that I can think of. Thanksgiving is coming up. I'm hungry, but thinking about Thanksgiving makes me feel entirely famished. All I have now is Mal*Wart brand Root Beer that I found in the back of the fridge here. I'm wishfully thinking about the cinnamon rolls from the store next door that they only make on Fridays. I only have two dollars anyway. Hmm...But that would buy a cookie... I'm so hungry! I was hungry when I woke up at 7:30 this morning. Bah. The wedding of my father and Michelle is fast approaching. So fast approaching, in fact that I have to call and say that yes, I will get together with her on Thursday to find something to wear to the wedding. I'm mortified, so I am dragging poor Samata along with. The whole thing is rather stressful to me. I think I will look ahead at outfits online before we get together, and I just hope that she won't decide that she loves something hideous on me. I'll have to put my foot down, then. Robert is fixing Lunchbox's computer, and so I get to copy all of the music from it. I'm excited. I know he has some Tool that I don't have, and also the accoustic version of Everlong by the Foo Fighters. Too cool, I've been looking for that for a while. Today, updating feels more like a chore than anything, so I'm going to get going and wait until I have something more important to say to post again. Boo! Novembre 3, 2004 11:25 am Kerry conceded without a fight. I was certainly taken aback by this information. I figured there'd be lawsuits and angry Edwards speeches, but in the end, nothing. I'd been receiving newsletters from Michael Moore... Right up until the last few hours before everything was finished. I'm sure he's pissed. What's sad is, I'm more interested to see what his next move will be than what Bush or Kerry will do next. How American of me. I figured that Bush would win the election. I also predicted that Measure 36 would pass, and it did. I should get paid for this stuff. I've got a few tests to take today, some laundry to take home, and thank God, a chiropractic appointment tomorrow afternoon. Sam and I shall once again have our Thursday. I'm so tired of school. It's not that I'm disinterested in the topics, its just that I've discovered that I'm a hands-on learner, and this is independent study. It sucks. Let me say this here, now. Unless its a Lit class, I instruct anyone who cares at all about me to chain me to the floor before you'll allow me to enroll in one more independent study course. Its like a form of self-punishment. I still haven't decided whether or not to call my father. I'm still pissed at him, he still hasn't told me his plans for Christmas, and I'm damned sick of it being, next to Thanksgiving, my most stressful holiday. I'm not juggling schedules and driving in the snow when I don't want to, and fuck whoever says otherwise. I'm beginning to feel more at peace, doing all of this writing. It's like I saved it up all year and now its just pouring out of me. Or oozing, like a gaping wound. You pick. Someone has been trying to fax me something all day. Unfortunately, it isn't getting through. Why? You may ask. Because whoever it is isn't intelligent enough to dial the right number. Now, I know that our fax number and our phone number only have a one digit difference, but wouldn't they realize that after 8 times of it not getting through, the note I faxed them, and me radiating hatred at them from 100 miles away, that they might just be faxing to the wrong frikkin' number??? NO! Apparently none of that makes a difference. Bah. I have other things I need to be doing. I want Zucchini Bread. I am considering going over to my mother's and making two loaves, and taking one to Robert at work. Quand la lune frappe votre oeil comme un grand pt en crote de pizza, c'est amour. Novembre 2, 2004 12:26 pm Happy Election Day.
I'm exhausted. I went to the library last night, took tests. Before that, I set out on a walk and didn't return for 45 minutes. It was already getting dark when I started, and it was only 5:30 or so. I hate it, like I said before. Needless to say, the walk didn't improve my mood any. Anyway, back to the library. I needed to get a new library card. When I told the librarian my address, she proceeded to describe the house to me. She said she used to live there five years ago or so. Sort of ironic, but then, it's a small town. I finished that book. I really enjoyed it. I can't wait to find something else to hold my attention. I can't wait to finish my coursework. There are too many things I just can't wait for, and perhaps, I'm a tad bit impatient. I need a break (yes, I can hear you slapping your forehead and saying, "duh,"). When I get my license, I'm going to sell real estate, and do nothing else for a good long while. I don't intend to work full time when I re-enroll in another school. I don't care if I'm getting my LMT or getting my degree in English, I'm not going to overwhelm myself like I have been. I'm notorious for taking on an excessive amount of tasks, being stressed out, and failing to understand why. That relates back to my productivity issues. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am my own shrink. I went through those blankets and things from my mom's, and reclaimed my old Dick Tracy pillow case, along with two sheets (unfortunately not of the Dick Tracy variety). I hadn't seen that pillow case in so long, that now, it has proudly taken its place on Robert's pillow. This is mostly just because I have one of my mom's old pillowcases from a set she used to have, and its soft and comfortable. I cleaned my room last night, got all the laundry put away. I accomplished everything on my list of stuff I wanted to get done. I didn't feel accomplished. I felt I should have done more. Objectively, I'm aware of the fact that this isn't functional. Subjectively, I'm not ready to care about it. As you may have noticed, I've been writing, excessively. I appologize, but hey, it's my blog. ;) Hey, I archived today. Sorry it took so long. I'm starving. It's cold. I'm tired. Somebody call the Waamublance, I'm going home. Novembre 1, 2004 2:41 pm Wow, two updates today. Better soak it up. ;) I'm feeling a little better now that work is over. I'm in the process of making chocolate chocolate mint chip cookies. Good stuff. It is, however, coming up on the time that I need to get going to HR, so I can make it to the bank on time. I hate being rushed. The cookies need to hurry up and bake. Either that, or I'll just leave some dough in the fridge and they can cook or eat it later. I haven't gotten much laundry done. I feel kind of bad about that. At least I have some clean stuff to take home. Home, speaking of which, is a disaster area. I declare it so. I need to go through the bags of blankets my mom gave me to take to Goodwill. I'm betting there'll be a few things I'll want to keep. It's beautiful today; sort of drizzling and cold. The leaves are amazing around here. I think when I get home, I'll unload all of my crap and go for a walk. Maybe go swing on the swingset at the park. Its so cool that we live a block away from a park where there aren't generally children. That may sound hateful, but I like my solitude. I'm trying to find better ways to delegate tasks with Robert without sounding like a nag. I know I tend to become irritated when I ask him to do something three times and still it remains undone. I only ask him to take out the trash and clean up after himself, but it feels like I'm speaking a different language. He nods, says "okay," and it never gets done. I think I need to have a chat with him about that. It's driving me crazy. All of the cookies are almost done now. The laundry isn't, but I want to make sure that I have a dry hoodie to wear for my walk this afternoon. Today I shall feed the productivity monster. Walk, study at the library, clean up the house a bit, get my laundry put away... It doesn't seem like much, but I'm losing daylight. I hate when daylight savings time ends. drives me friggin' crazy. It just adds to my feelings of being overwhelmed and running out of time. ------- I seem to be talking about my feelings a little too much, and another batch of cookies just got done. I'm going to go take it out and go through those blankets. Novembre 1, 2004 12:03 pm I'm just not in the mood. For anything, really. I feel generally pissy and I just want to lash out at the next person I encounter. That is so messed up. I forgot to write to Meichelle today. I should. I wonder what kind of a role model I am supposed to be? I don't have my shit together, not even close. I've started reading again. I need that, it's a good escape for me. I'm reading this great book Sam passed along to me. I've almost finished it, actually. It's Good In Bed by Jennifer Weiner. Horrible last name, great read. She has two other books out, which I'm considering checking out from the library. I have to go to my mom's today, do laundry and a few other things. I need to finish up the assignments I'm working on and go to the bank. I think I shall go to the library today as well, maybe take a test or two. Hopefully more like three, but you can only have an hour on the computers there. Bah. I keep having strange dreams. At least I can't recall much about last night's. I took a Trazadone so I could sleep through the pain that has decided to leach itself onto my left scapula. I'm still very tired, however, partially because I've been drinking tons of water and having to get up often in the night. I feel like one of those old people in the commercials for over-active bladder medications... "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now..." Damn. I'm sad. I've also come to the conclusion that I don't know how to deal with being non-productive. Not even a little bit. I've known for a long time that I tack my worth to what I've accomplished from day to day. I know that's fucked up. I don't know how to make it okay not to do anything. I took a weekend for myself the last two days. I feel like shit about it. What the hell is wrong with me? [/rant] In other news, my dad is irritating me. He bitches that I never call him unless I need money, and yet the only times he ever calls me are when he has concerns about money. Screw him... For this week,anyway. He is my father, however, so I'll begrudgingly forgive him and we'll all move on. Just ask him, that's how it works. My appologies for the bitchy post. Life isn't always sunflowers and gumdrops. Yeah, I don't know where that came from. Ooh! On a happy note, I shall be posting pics of Sam's first real pumpkin carving experience. They're great, I can't wait to get them up! Arrivederci! Oktober 26, 2004 12:47 pm Just a quick update. Sam and I went to see Shaun of the Dead. Awesome movie. I recommend everyone see it. It was the most bizzare cinematic experience I've ever had. Lots of laughing and near puking experiences. I'm still tired, studying a lot, and being generally bored. I finished the kitchen painting, finally. I think I am more excited that it's done than Sam is. I also talked to Guy, Banjo, and Tracy this week. Too weird. Apparently, Tracy is dating some 21-year-old girl who is in the middle of a divorce and has a child. Good going, Trace. Banjo switched his major from Computer Sciences to English-- what a swing. He says he likes it, though. It's friggin' hot in here, I'm leaving. Oktober 22, 2004 11:02 am
I am a Lighthouse, Worn by the weather and the waves.
I had a keeper, he helped me warn the ships at sea.
And the waves crashing around me, The sand slips out to sea,
She'd had to leave us; my keeper, he prayed for a safe return,
And the waves crashing around me, The sand slips out to sea,
Then on the next day, my keeper found her washed up on the shore.
And the waves crashing around me, The sand slips out to sea,
I am a lighthouse, worn by the weather and the waves, --The Lighthouse Tale, Chris Thile & Adam McKenzie Oktober 15, 2004 11:26 pm I'm so incredibly frustrated with my life right now. I don't know how to balance everything, and lately, I've been feeling like every life choice I've made and am presently making are being weighed and judged. I've been called a failure, I'm having a hard time studying, and overall, it's just been a sucky week. Robert and I had a fight last night, which I'm still pissed at him over. Sam asked me why I was upset with him, but I really didn't want to talk about it, and I'm quite worried I've offended her terribly. She seemed really off ever since. I just don't know. I feel like a crappy friend; to everyone, really. I still haven't called Allan, for instance. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but lately, I feel so aggravated. I feel entirely too angsty for my own good. I feel like I'm not good at anything I do, I look awful, and worst, I feel like people around me just affirm my feelings. I guess that's not the worst part. The worst part is, I don't feel like talking about it with anyone. This is my journal, however, and for whatever reason, I've decided to make it a public one, so I suppose the sacrifice I'm choosing to make is that I am writing down what I'm thinking, but that I'll never live it down. Fuck. And I feel like Kate is being far more angsty than I, hence my concern about appearing so. She wrote a few weeks ago that she has everything, and she does, really. I suppose it's not my place to be annoyed. Her life, not mine. I miss Melissa as well. I don't know what's wrong with me. I miss a lot of things. I've been thinking about writing again. Since when did I need positive reinforcement to write? I guess it's just another thing I'm not great at. I just want to scream almost all of the time. Someone just kill me. I'm sick of the commentary, the snippets of shit. I just want out. [/angst] Oktober 12, 2004 11:48 am I'm having a really hard time with my Legal Descriptions unit. They're incredibly complicated. I just want to memorize the review and pass the test and move on. I am so close to finishing up this book, and this unit is the only thing holding me back. It makes me feel defeated. It dawned on me yesterday that I haven't been doing the little question packet for quite some time now. I am going to play catch-up with that today, as well as memorize that stupid unit so I can pass the test. I want to get this book finished tonight, but that seems somewhat unrealistic. I need to hurry, though, as I want to get this done by December. I don't want to have to worry about it through Christmas. I want to have that stupid certificate of completion in my hand and be able to schedule myself for the test in January. As it stands, I still haven't sent in my background check. I haven't been able to afford it. Robert and I are going to have to find a way to afford it though, as it has to be in by the time I take the state exam. I'm determined, but I also feel like I'm never going to get this done. I'm cutting it close as usual. To top it all off, I've got this awful song stuck in my head... Damn you, Sam! Oktober 5, 2004 5:35 pm I'm addicted to a typing tutor game. My mom bought it for Mike to help him pass his Computer Apps class, and yet it seems that everyone but him is playing with it. It's called TyperShark, and every time I get on the computer, I can't resist playing it. What's wrong with me? I have awful cramps today. I took a vicodin, and it took the edge off for about fifteen minutes and after that, pretty much stopped working. It sucks. How many vicodin can you take within four hours and not O.D.? So, I was reading Teej's blog, as I occasionally do, and happened upon this really groovy test. I was actually surprised at my results, and felt the need to share them with all of you. Exciting, no?
So, I went to visit Cynthia's blog today, just making my rounds, and its there, but the access is restricted, which makes me sad. I know she was having some sort of issue with Adam's brothers, but she never told me how or if I could access it, so :(. Mayhaps she'll check here and tell me what's going on. I've been considering getting a tagboard put up here, but I always end up voting the idea down. I don't know why I just mentioned that, but I guess it doesn't matter. Ladies and Gentlemen, the train has derailed. - - - - - - Anyway, today I came into work, and, you know, worked for a while, and then Joyce came in and told me that her daughter had bought her this stuff, and she thought it was really sweet that she thought of her, but that it was this rank rosemary mint body scrub and soap, which, she hated.[Run-on sentence, much?] So, guess who has it now? Muahaha! I know I just took a shower this morning and everything, but I just don't care, I shall do it again just so I can try my new scrub out, which, by the way, smells heavenly. Woot! And, that's pretty much it-- yeah. I should really be studying right now, but I feel sick and tired, and thusly, just want to do amusing nonproductive things like update my site and take tests about how white trash I am. Tee Hee. Some would say that I should be bored more often; apparently I've reached the status of Dead Beat Site Updater because of my lack of bored time. Okay, looking back at that last paragraph, I've decided that while the vicodin is not really helping with the pain, it's made my brain rather fuzzy. I should go now. Buenos Pollos! Oktober 4, 2004 1:05 pm Wow, it's been awhile. I'm not sure if I've updated since the whole Brat thing, but Robert has found another Subaru to own and love. It's a blue '89 Subaru DL with 4WD. Robert is quite attached. In other news, I'm still studying like crazy, trying to get all of my coursework done by December so that I can get my certificate of completion and take the state test. Woo hoo! Robert called me earlier today... I think he's Gold Certified now, which is really cool. That means a raise. Yay! Unfortunately, however, Zac failed the test... and he's been there for over a year. Poor Zac. Its sooo cool! Mt. St. Helens is spewing ash 10,000 feet in the air again. There's been an ash advisory, and I'm kind of excited, being as I wasn't alive the last time it actually errupted. They are expecting an actual, all out, big erruption some time this week. My only concern is my car's paint job. I've heard that ash can do a number on a car's paint job, and of course, insurance won't cover that. I think I shall include a groovy link so that you all may go and read about the glorious erruption. C l i c k y ! I've decided to indulge you lazy non-clickers and post the pictures below. Well, anyway, I guess I shall try to update sooner next time, But now I must go. Ciao!
Septiembre 11, 2004 12:56 pm I added pictures to the Misc Pics. Good luck with those. :) Maybe I'll come back later. Septiembre 10, 2004 12:54 pm Is it wrong to hope that something falls through for someone else? Well, I do, and I don't think I can change it. Robert and I are looking at a Subaru Brat. We both really want it, but there's some other guy who put a deposit down on it. The dealer guy won't know until about 4 o'clock whether the deal is going to happen, but I hope it doesn't. We need this car, and it's a good deal. Sam and I sought it out last night in the dark on McLoughlan Blvd. Scary stuff. I can't stop thinking about it though... I want it! In other news, my Grandma Anna's funeral was yesterday. I feel badly, but I'm just happy it's over. It's sad that she died, and I'll miss her, but it was time for her to go; she was hurting. I am hoping for things to slow down a bit now. I have studying to do, and the emotional trauma this week has inflicted has left me slightly mangled and very tired. I slept very well last night with my new fleece blanket, though. It's black and has tiny skulls and pink stars on it. My mom thinks it's awful. Heh. Sam seems to think that there is something important about today, but I can't seem to remember what that is, and neither can she. Hope it wasn't all that important. I finally got Seven Bridges Road downloaded, so now you must all suffer me posting the lyrics here. And then, then I am going back to Hood River, for my time here is up.
There are stars in the southern sky
Now I have loved you like a baby
Sometimes there's a part of me
There are stars in the southern sky August 30, 2004 10:35 am I had the strangest dream last night. So strange, in fact, that I'm going to share. ~*~It started out that I was in a doctor's office being examined by a physician who looked much like Ryan Stiles. He told me he didn't like my mouth, and I said, "Well, I don't care for your face." I then jumped off the table, got dressed, and left. The next thing I know, I'm being led into a small nurse's station. The two women who escorted me throw me in the room and lock the door. It's dimly lit, and there is a nurse sitting in the chair across from me. She has poofy reddish hair from what I can tell, and she says sternly, "Sit." Remarkably, I just do. I watch her write something on a sheet of paper... it looks like a chart note. Next to the paper is a foam tray with a vial and a syringe. I look back at the nurse and she has tears in her eyes. I look back at the chart note and read, "Traztonite, 50mg." I repeat it out loud and she covers the note with her hand. "What is that?" I ask her, "Is it a sedative?" Now I start to panic, but for some reason, I can't stand up. She hesitates and then says, "No-- it's, well, it's mild..." By now I am hysterical. I just keep screaming at her that she won't have that thing anywhere near me. She draws the medication from the vial, but just as she goes to inject it into my arm, I get up and run toward the other end of the room. I hit the wall and am able to get through somehow. I end up in the woods. I'm running from the nurse even though I never saw her leave the same hole I came out of. I look back, but don't see her again. It's nighttime and eventually, I see a man who appears to be hunting. I watch him for a while... Strangely, he kills things, anything, and simply takes his knife, cuts it straight though it's stomach and throws it in the back of his Subaru station wagon, blood and all. He has a pile of animals, most memorably, a baby bear... As I approach him I hear him babbling something about being absolved. "What are you doing?" I ask him. He doesn't seem at all startled by my presence. "It's my job," he replies, "and I'm Davin." He extends a bloody hand but I decline. He offers me a ride into town and I accept, not knowing where I am in relation to anything. Just as we are about to get into the car, an old man walks up to the back of the car. Davin freaks out and pulls me into the car. He peels out, leaving the old man covered in mud. "Why the hell did you do that?" I asked him. "Just stay away from him," he pants. From then on, I have a sense of impending doom. We get into town, but it's a town I've never seen before. I ask Davin where we are, but he just shakes his head. Suddenly, we turn onto May Street. I see my house, but we pass it. I say nothing. We turn left onto an unfamiliar street, but I note in my mind where we have been so I can get home. We stop at a large garage. Davin backs up to the door, gets out, and starts hurling the animal carcasses into a pile on the dirt floor. I am confused and bewildered, but again, say nothing. I take off my seatbelt slowly. Just as Davin is throwing the last few carcasses into the garage, the old man appears again. This time I have more of an opportunity to look at him. He is wearing a black suit and has thinning grey hair. I guess him to be in his 80s. "Run!" Davin screams, and I jump out of the car and head for home. Davin follows, and behind him, the old man. We get to the first door just before the old man, and I fling it open. I run inside and shut the door, but the old man pulls out a power drill and takes the door knob off and replaces it with a new one. I look to my right and he is standing in the garage doorway adjacent to the front door. I take the front door and slam it into him three or four times until he falls. I then run up the stairs into the apartment and shut the door. Samantha comes up behind me and suddenly Davin has his arms around me holding the door shut. His presence felt like Robert's for some reason. "It's going to be okay," he says, as we listen in horror to the old man beating on the door. I wait for the glass to break and then I wake up.~*~ Pretty bizarre, eh? Surprisingly, I woke up feeling rejuvenated... August 29, 2004 3:00 pm An update has occured! I checked all of my links in my navigation, threw out the bad ones, and updated the Miscellaneous Pics. Go look! August 29, 2004 2:18 pm Mwhahaha! Annette ended up deciding not to use me for the two weeks! I know she thinks she is screwing me over, but I couldn't be more happy. I'll be calling the store in TD this afternoon to tell them that, oops, guess I don't want those hours this week after all. Bastards. Anyway, I'm about to go home, where it's quiet, put away my laundry and do my homework. Robert gets off around 5 this evening, so I'll be back here later on. I feel like there was more I wanted to say, but I don't remember what. More later, perhaps. August 26, 2004 12:09 am I am sooo tired. We had a spelunking adventure today. We went to the Ice Caves, which I haven't been to in a long time, and then to see the Natural Bridges, where there was also a cave to be explored. I only hit my head four times! >_< It's alright, though. All was made better by how beautiful the caves were, and our trip afterward to Carson was most relaxing. We went to the Hot Springs and had mineral baths. Of course, it smelled of sulfur, but it was pleasant. My skin feels wonderful. The water did take a great deal of the color from my hair... After a lazy drive back to our house, we fell asleep, Sam and I. I suppose I probably should have prefaced all this by stating that all involved were: My mom, brothers, Sam, and I. Anyway, we fell asleep accidentally while my mom and brothers were there. I felt a little guilty, but she's a mom. I'm sure she understood we were tired. Sam and I got to use our new hiking boots. They are so incredibly comfortable. I'm tempted to wear them all of the time, but I want them to last awhile. Ohh! In other news... I PUT IN MY TWO WEEKS NOTICE AT PAYLESS!!!! Woo! I hate that damnable place. I still have to work there until Wednesday September 8, though. That will suck. Ooh, speaking of suck, I need to call Annette and tell her I certainly won't be attending the "manditory" meeting at 9 pm on Saturday night. Screw that. I think I'll make something up. Something not quite believable, just because I know she can't fire me over it. She could, but a girl in TD just quit and they need me too badly. I know I'm being vengeful, but, well, I just can't bring myself to feel badly about it. Well, tis late. I should sleep. I have too much to do tomorrow. Ciao! August 22, 2004 1:42 pm I have to go to work in about a half an hour.... blerg... NNY! August 20, 2004 2:10 pm I should be studying. Instead, I'm downloading music, getting in touch with old friends, discovering useless blobs (as seen at right, they come in myriad of colors) and here, updating my website. Errg, I'm a procrastinator. Better get down to it, but I don't wanna! ::cries:: I have to work an entire closing shift with my manager, whom I can't stand. I'd rather stick my head in a trash compactor, but hey, I need the hours. In spite of the fact that I haven't technically been as busy as usual, I am still run down, it seems. Robert is having issues with his school...Which of course is no fun for anyone. I'm getting really sick of my second job. I would like to tell my manager to shove it up her whiny ass, but again, need the hours. I want to go on vacation. Somewhere warm and breezy... and study under a tree and sleep... August 16, 2004 9:56 pm So... Samata took the "What flavour are you?" Test. Here are the results:
::tee:: August 14, 2004 11:39 pm
August 13, 2004 5:48 pm
August 11, 2004 12:54 pm Ah, that feels much better. I've updated my archives and cleared out this page. No more massive scroll! Anyhow, I only have a few minutes here, but I felt the need to check in. It's been awhile. Things are going. I can't really think of anything particularly exciting. I'm going back to my original chiropractor in Portland, and I'm so happy about that... Sam and I went last week and got to go to Pottery Barn before the appt. We also ran into some crazy guy who was trying to get people to sign a petition to get Ralph Nader on the ballot... I told him I was from California. Twice. He was a little loopy. Um, what else... Robert is really enjoying his job, which is good... And I'll have to write again when I can think more clearly. Right now, I'm just really hungry and I'm going to my Grammy's house. July 31, 2004 12:31 pm And this is Sam.
Woot! My husband is employed! Booyah, Biatch! Erm. Anyway,I'm really excited. He starts on tuesday. Yay! Unfortunately, today my contacts crapped out.They's my last pair, and on a work day, too! So, I'm wearing one, which is making me really dizzy and sick. Fortunately, a place in TD is open, and will be giving me a trial pair until I can get in for my appt. on Wednesday. Then, then I must work at the place that I loathe. I hope that soon, I will find a new job. Maybe one with fewer hours and better pay. I know such things exist. Well, I must go to work. Ciao! July 30, 2004 12:45 pm Gee. I think this test might be slightly inaccurate. Either that, or it's some sort of an echo of what my life should be... err somethin'.
Oh, and this is Robert:
The accuracy. Oh, the accuracy... July 19, 2004 11:39 am Just a quick entry-- I'm at work, as though I am ever anywhere else... Things have been stressful of late. I have learned that the world of retail is not the place for me, but that I must stay there indefinitely until I get my license and my first listing. That could all together take up to six months. That might send me over the edge. While I had a huge amount of respect for people who work in the retail industry before, it has grown from my new experiences. I swear to God, one more pair of shoes that need to be "straightened" and I'm going to chuck one at the next pissy customer. The expectations that this company places on it's employees are wildly unreasonable. "Hey, I know you're busy with 40 customers during the busiest time of the day, but you need to find 20 minutes while their are no customers in the store(mind you, this 20 minutes MUST occur at exactly 3pm) and run these reports." And then we get bitched out when that 20 minute break in customers never comes; because, you know, I control when we have customers and when we don't and I just called all of them in here at this precise moment to piss you off, Mister District Manager. I can't wait until I get my listing and tell these assholes to shove it. I wish there were some other news, but sadly, I've been working seven days a week, which makes it nearly impossible to do anything else but work and study. June 30, 2004 10:01 am Little bit of deranged happiness for joo:
June 29, 2004 12:00 pm Bad me... Yep. I got called on not checking in here. ;) Well, yesterday was Robert and I's first wedding aniversary. No, we didn't eat nasty frozen cake, but we did go watch the sun set on the dock at the marina. When we came home I had to soak my nose and I hadn't noticed that he left while I was doing so. Anyway, about a half an hour later, we went to bed and he had Coldplay on, and sparkling cider on ice (he's so cute) and so... and then... uh... yeah. We stop there, mmk? ...Onward. So yeah my nose is doing well, I think, and hey! Sam and I are moving to a cute little house in town. Mary, our landlord, said we could start moving in tomorrow. I am so excited to finally have a house. I know Sam is excited as well, but her parents aren't sharing in the joy. Robert went to Sandy for me yesterday and got all of my dishes, books, blankets, towels (I hope), etc. out of storage. It stinks like cigarettes and something old, so I'll have to use lots of lavender dishsoap on the dishes and wash the towels twice. The phone gets set up on June 30th, so if you want the number, email me... and that shouldn't be difficult, the link to do so is at the bottom of the navigation. I am working at Payless now... Yep, I got the job, and supposedly, lots of hours as well. I worked my first day on Saturday; my manager asked me to come in, but I wasn't scheduled to start work officially until July 9th. I know I do work that day, as well as the tenth. That will be 11 hours! Woo hoo! Things on the whole have been looking up. However, my dad has been being really evasive, as has the rest of his side of the family. They seem to think that I've had my eyes plucked from my head, and that I must automatically take everything they tell me and process it as truth. Sam and I went to my Grandmother's house on Sunday to let her know that Robert would be along on Monday to take things from storage. Some of my things were in the bedroom where Robert and I had previously stayed. Michelle (who is not my dad's girlfriend, let them all tell you what...) lives in there now. I walked in, and not only was there this lovey picture of she and my father on her nightstand, but there was a poster-size map of Texas on her wall and pictures of wedding dresses strewn over her vanity. And here we are standing in the bedroom looking at these things and my grandmother is babbling about how they aren't really together, and are taking things slowly because, "They're both good christian people and they only want to do what God wants them to do." For God's sake; her Michelle's son is living with my father already, my dad mysteriously decided to divorce Tammy after he started spending time with Michelle... The evidence is just a little more than convincing. And yet, everyone acts as though there is absolutely nothing going on. They lie to me, to my face-- trouble is, they're shitty liars. I'm thinking of calling and confronting my father, but he has some sort of justification, logical or not, for everything. As laid back as he thinks he is, he hates to be questioned. It automatically makes him defensive. I would think that he might have figured out by now that lying to me is a sure-fire way to piss me off. If he told me the truth, while I might be temporarily irritated, my limited trust in him would not be irreparably dammaged. [/rant] Hey, don't ya'll love how I fail to write for a week and then spill my brains for a half hour?
"...If I met you in a scissor fight
Hey megalomaniac --Megalomaniac, Incubus June 20, 2004 1:39pm Wow, this is the first day that I haven't been entirely too exhausted to write. I got my nose pierced three days ago. It's still a bit sore, but not too bad. I would like to get a smaller stud, but I have to wait a month and a half before I can switch this one out. I like it, though. I just hope my boss is okay with it. Heh. I feel like so much is going on, but I can't seem to recall much. I've been going around downtown soliciting donations for the convention that is coming up. I've been pretty sucessful, so that's cool. Tj made his way into Oregon a while back and is settling in well, which was good to hear. On another front, however, Jacob is being incredibly evasive. It's annoying at best. I think I may call him today and ask him what is going on. Is it Kevin? Me? Sam? What the hell? Meh, I give. Anyway, I have much to do, again, so I should be going. June 17, 2004 12:10am
Night lift up the shades
how stupid could I be
love has made me a fool
how stupid could I be
everything changes
how stupid could I be June 11, 2004 3:47 pm I saw the last LOTR movie last night with Sam. We sorta... obliterated it. It was really rather sad. Nevertheless, it was a good movie. Today, I was supposed to have an interview. The woman who was supposed to be interviewing me called in sick, and no one let me know! I showed up for my interview and she wasn't there. I was really annoyed, but my attention was averted when my mom suggested we go out for Thai. mmmm... Anyway, I talked to my dad today as well-- about many things; but notably, I asked him where he was living. He said that he was living alone in an RV. I reminded him that he had told me previously that he was staying with a friend. He said no, just him and the RV. Five minutes after I hung up with him, I discovered that his girlfriend of long ago's son had moved in with him a week ago because he landed him a job. Why did he lie to me? I dunno, that's my dad. I had missed him for a few days and now I just sort of remember why it hurts less to turn off my feelings when it comes to my father. My brother's eighth grade promotion is tonight, and not only will my grandmother be there, but so will Michelle (my dad's long ago girlfriend mentioned above). Ironically, Michelle is living with my grandmother... and her son is living with my dad. Hmm, I wonder where this is going... Anyway, I am not looking forward to any questions in regard to my life. I think I come off as really outgoing and open, but in actuality, at least lately, I don't care to share my personal information with much of anyone. I'd really rather just go home and take a nap, but I really do want to see my brother's promotion. I'm so proud of him for making it through middle school. I'm running on three hours of sleep, so I'm really exhausted. I miss Jenni and Banjo... I haven't emailed either of them in a while. I think though, that right now, I am going to get something to drink and then go change for the promotion. Later. June 9, 2004 4:42 pm Merr... I know I haven't written in a long time. There's not a lot to say. Well, maybe there is and I am just too lazy to type it. Sam and I went to Portland yesterday. I got new capris for work and a new bra from Frederick's. Woo Hoo! Lately I've been just working... I've been house sitting for my Grandma. Actually, on Monday I got to go to the Summit Meeting at Timberline Lodge. It was so cool learning about what they are planning to do with the mountain and surrounding areas. Senator Ron Wyden is trying to pass a bill that would allow for 160,000 more acres of land around here to be classified as wilderness. At first, I thought I would be all for it, but as I heard more, I decided that I would be interested in such a bill if some amendments were made to it. The printer crapped out at work today, so that sucked. I hope it'll get fixed by Monday. It's nearly impossible for me to do my job without the printer. I would say more, but I'm tired of typing on this stupid keyboard and I need to get out of here. I promise I won't take as long to write again. ;) Oh, by the way, I added new links to my navigation. May 29, 2004 2:47 pm
"Just let the light touch you Reflection, Tool May 28, 2004 2:16 am
"I'm not the first you
sucked down Last Time, Fuel And, on to the entry. Today has been long, but lovely. Bittersweet. I seldom use that word because I feel it's clich. Anyway, I got new work clothes today; some cute black pants and a really hot red zip up top. I also bought some new Mango Mandarin Lotion from Bath and Body Works. I can't begin to say how I love that specific scent. I think I shall wear it most every day. I got my car fixed... It needed some sort of software update, and a new fuel pump. It took a few hours, but during that time, I taked to my dad, watched The View for the first time ever, and wrote to Samantha. Sam's mom is still in the hospital. They say she could be there anywhere from five days to three weeks. I'm leaning toward a week. She's perserverant. Work is going well, I think. I have an interview on Saturday at 9:00am for another job. I do hope to get it as well. I'm not even working a full 20 hours where I am now. Don't get me wrong, I really want to continue this job, I'd just like another to supplement it. Hopefully this interview will go well-- as well as one can expect an interview to go that one has to get up at 6:00 in the AM for. i shouldn't complain. I should just take advantage of the opportunity. I'm rambling now, because I am absolutely exhausted. G'night. May 19, 2004 7:43 pm Merr... I's tired. Good day at work, have to do lots of crap tomorrow. Woot. I wants some chocolate, but Sam says no. She thinks I should say something else. ::Crap falls out of my brain:: Erm... I didn't get much sleep last night; I was up until 3ish. Sam stayed up til two, and then was awakened by her phone. I keep making these random entries... I appologize, I guess. I got a lot done at work today... It's kind of nice, my boss is hardly ever in the office. I wanted to take a nap on my desk, but refrained. After all, you can see my desk from the front window and it doesn't look good for me to be sleeping. When I answered the phone, I had to keep looking for something that said the name of the company on it. I hope that was just a one day brain fart, because it gets annoying. I have to go now. Someone is bordeded. May 18, 2004 11:20 pm It's been a few days. I have news! I got a job today. Yes, I am a receptionist at a realty company. I am so excited, I start tomorrow. I shall have to remember to make coffee in the morning, and I have yet to figure out what I will wear. So... tired... Sam and I went on a little expedition a few days ago and saw a baby bear. It was so cool. Never seen one up close like that before. I want ice cream. As I mentioned earlier, I'm really tired. Random things just keep coming to mind, so, for you, poor reader, I guess my only suggestion is, deal. Robert is supposed to be bringing the car back this evening. His mom called me and was awful. Sometimes, I just want to scream in her face and tell her what a shitty, selfish, bitch she is. Drives me up the wall. I would rant more about this, but I feel guilty enough for the rambling I've done. I thought there was more I wanted to say, but there must not be right now. I'll come back later or something. ;) May 14, 2004 12:26 am Wow... Not that long since I wrote last; Amazing. So I'm writing to inform those who didn't know that the Marconi Show is no longer being aired on NRK. They got fired today over comments they made regarding that guy who was beheaded in Iraq. It makes me sad, for the Marconi Show brought me such joy. I shall miss Tiny, Marconi, and Nikki J on the mornings that I can get that station in. I have decided, since their site is still up and running, to add a link to it in my navigation. Woot. Not much else is going on... I locked my keys in the trunk of my car this evening (I think) making it absolutely impossible for me to go anywhere-- Which, as we all know, drives me friggin' crazy! Well, I don't want to make this terribly long-- My last entry was a bit much, I think. G'night. May 13, 2004 12:23 am Yesterday at 2:05 am Serena Marie was born. I wanted to go and see her so badly, but I've been ill and can't. I shall have to wait. I hear she's really cute and has a lot of hair, unlike myself as a baby. I went to drop off my resume at a realty office yesterday, but ended up pretty much having an interview with the owner for 45 minutes! She said she'd be accepting resumes through Monday, but would be calling me Tuesday and that we would be meeting again. Yay (I hope)! Its part time to begin with, but I don't care. I just want a job! She seems very personable, easy to work with--- Oooh! Pick me, Pick me! [SMOKE] So let's all hope for me! erm... okay, no more random tangent. Hey, Sam got a job! I's so excited for her that she won't have to make that ungodly commute anymore or deal with her bitch manager. Hopefully this mangement will be more professional. Retail is her bailiwick, so I'm sure she'll do well. I've been feeling very nonproductive lately, almost supine. Things seem to be getting done, just-- slowly. I have a lot of paperwork to do, and I just never seem to get through it... Its abstruse. I've become very adept at making lists, though. I've been listening to old Everclear. Its my predilection of late. "She says 'No, no, no, no, no, no, she don't want no double-fly-- she says I should know why." But I'm palavering. I need sleep. I just made an interesting discovery, though... Aymee blocked my screen name. Sometimes technology irritates me. It just makes it so much easier for cowards to hide from confrontation. Whatever happened to facing your problems head on? G'night all.
"I could love you and treat you with class April 28, 2004 12:34 am
"That ain't no jingle bell! That's a gland fulla knowledge!" I love Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Next to Family Guy, its my favorite show on Adult Swim. I think that's all I really wanted to say. I'm going to check mah email and go to bed. Tomorrow, I'll look over Robert's Englilish Paper. ;) G'night. April 26, 2004 3:39 am
"Do you have a girlfriend?" Sam, I love your dreams. Heh. Well it is Monday morning now-- I really must stop staying up so late. I just can't sleep. Perhaps once I find out whether or not I got this job, I'll be able to sleep again. Maybe not. I guess we shall see. Anyhow, nothing terribly exciting has gone on here. Robert worked on my mom's yard, I worked in the house, and my mother and brother attended another atrocious family gathering. I didn't go, and I feel somewhat guilty. I love my cousin, I wanted to be there for her; but I just can't take the judgemental nature of most of those present. When I figure out a better way to say, "None of your damned business," I'll consider going to these things again, but I don't think I wish to expend the energy on that figuring presently. Surprise, my dad blew me off when I called him a few days ago. I've been thinking about it, far too much for my own good, I'm sure, but it pisses me off. He wonders why I don't call him, and then I finally do, just to say hello, and he's like, "Oh, err.. I'm really busy right now. Call me sometime." Call me sometime?! I understand being busy, but how about an, "I'll call you when I get home," or even an, "I'll call you later"? I know he thinks the only reason I call him is for money. I don't want his damned money, and even if I did, he's far too busy spending it on his "new family" to have any left over for me to ask about. God... I sound all angsty. Blech. But a well-founded frustration does surface-- He hardly ever calls my brothers. At Mark and Kami's wedding, he says to me, "If he just knew me, he would know that I wasn't as mean or scary as he thinks!" What do I say to that? The truth? "You rarely call to talk to the boys, you see them maybe twice a year. They know you put much more thought into birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc, when it comes to your step-son. They feel slighted and kicked down a notch in worth to you. What do you expect?" Meh. Maybe I should get some balls and say just that. [/rant] Well, hope everyone is having a fantabulous Monday! ^~^ Good Night... Or Good Morning, whichever... April 24, 2004 10:34 pm Today was good. I feel like my entries are becoming increasingly more boring as the weeks drone on. I'll do it anyway. So, today Sam and I went to my mom's and cleaned up. I made pancakes for breakfast (my first ever from scratch... now don't I feel domesticated). I also discovered I make delicious Mexican coffee... Well, at least mom and I liked it. Last night was far more eventful-- Sam and I dyed each other's hair and Sam pierced my ear... I can't decide yet if I like it or if I want to get another piercing further up my ear in this one's stead. We'll see. I'll have to give it a little while. Oh, and I had Cherry Garcia. Woot! April 23, 2004 1:06 am I've had a pretty rough go of it today, so I'm tired and snippy. I think I'll go to bed soon, but I wanted to pop in here and say that we received more info on that job and are still hoping to get it. We should be hearing back on it soon. I'm feeling a bit lonely, so hopefully I'll get to have some good people time tomorrow. Heh. Well... What else... I made tacos tonight! Mmm... Tacos. BUUUURRRRIIITTTOOOO! {tee hee, hi Russ!} Well, g'night all. April 21, 2004 6:26 pm Eeek! An awesome job opportunity has come up for Robert and I. I will give more details later, but for now, hope, pray, cross your fingers and all that stuff for us. Thanks! Later. April 20, 2004 3:20 am "You're breathing so I guess you're still alive Even if signs seem to tell me otherwise." I feel like I'm being unnecessarily cranky and snippy. What a bitch am I. Ohh, and I'm tired and riddled with guilt. "Her hair was the color of pee after you take a multivitamin." And it's Jerrad Barclay's birthday today. Ha. Good Night...err... Morning, whatever. April 20, 2004 1:53 am "If I smile and don't believe, soon I know I'll wake from this dream..." Why am I always up so late? I'm inconsolable, which makes me feel guilty, and vulnerable. Sometimes I wanna kick my own ass for my honesty. I just wish I had enough of a mind to know when to shut the hell up or lie. That would make everyone feel just a little bit better, I'm sure. What am I supposed to say when I'm begged for the truth? Fuck it. April 18, 2004 12:24 am Weee! So I got new clothes today and all is right in the universe. Yes, the simple act of purchasing clothing fixes all. Well, now that I've shared, I'm going downstairs with Sam to watch Spun and sleep. Woot! April 17, 2004 9:51 pm
The hell continues. This day has been fucking horrible. I've been in an awful mood to begin with and Robert is being an asshole. Some days, I just hate men. I went up to Kingsley for four hours or so, hoping for some reprieve, but no such luck... It's kind of sad, but sometimes I want to beat the fuck out of the people I love no matter how much I try to cool down. I'm getting really sick of the same old bullshit all the time. I need a break. I think I'll try to call Sam. I know my brother called and annoyed the shit out of her this afternoon, so I hope she isn't pissed at me. I talked to him about it, so... Last night we watched Gothika, which was actually really cool... Then we watched Something's Gotta Give, which sucked ass. Gag me. No one, and I mean no one wants to see Jack Nicholson or Diane Keaton's naked asses, EVER. What would posses someone to put such things in a movie, I don't know. Anyway, I'm hoping to get this job I am scoping out tomorrow. More on that later, though, I'm going to call Sam. April 16, 2004 7:14 pm AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Today has been relatively hellish. Hellish. I like that word. This be the first time I have ever had anyone watch me write an entry... I stand corrected. I was watched while typing the February 29th entry. Damn me. Sooo... anyway, Sam and I cleaned a house today. An evil, evil house. If ever we are asked to clean this house again, we shall be dead. Bye! March 19, 2004 11:41 pm
"...I Want You To Scrape Me From The Walls --Alice in Chains, Dirt Mark and Kami are getting married tomorrow. The wedding is in Welches... I'm sure it will be lovely, but I still don't know what to wear. ^~^ Hoping to get a job at the hospital that I interviewed for this week. ::crosses fingers:: Well, I need to get some sleep. More later, I suppose. March 18, 2004 1:11 am New link at right. I've been preoccupied with the song My Immortal for weeks. I'm so tired of being here... I feel like nothing will ever change. Good night. March 8, 2004 9:45 pm Bloog. I'm not tired, but its awfully boring out, so I wish I were tired. I received some new bath salts today. Can't wait to use them. Kevin is still pissed at me. I suppose I'll appologize for what fault is mine, but no more than that. I just don't know why he feels the need to hold grudges like he does. I can't respect that about him, as I see it as immaturity. In other news... I'll never look at dolphins the same way again. Banj sent me to this nasty site...ugh. Damn you, Banj! Damn you! Well, I'm off. Going to Sam's tonight and hiking in the morning. Dors Bien. March 4, 2004 12:51 am "...your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me..." Kevin is being an ass. I feel like he's taking his lack of Midol out on the rest of us for reasons that are making Samantha literally dream about kicking his ass. Jake seems to cater too much to Kevin's shitty mood swings, and he shouldn't have to do that... ever. It's his house! He shouldn't have to walk on egg shells in it. Sometimes I think I overstep my bounds talking to Jacob about the way Kevin treats him. It's like he can't do anything without Kevin's say-so, and for some reason I fail to keep thoughts like that in my head and out of my mouth. It just frustrates the hell out of me. Jake is such a great guy-- He doesn't need that kind of stifling. This is the week for cranky issues. I wrote to Ayme almost two weeks ago-- still no response. It is beginning to irritate me that she hasn't written me so much as a "screw you" in reply. I'd take that... At least it would be something. Banjo and Guy reassured me that someone needed to say something to her, but in a way, I feel guilty... Like she needed me and I cut her off. But there's only so much one can take. I have to go and pick up Robert from Portland at 10 o'clock this evening. He's been at Joe's since Monday, and I guess that in honor of Joe's birthday, they went out bar hopping. When I talked to Rob on the phone, he acted casual about it, but for some reason I still find it to be unnerving. I keep telling myself that I trust him, and that I'm not hurt, but that doesn't change anything. I just tried to seem unmoved by it over the phone. After all, there's no reason why he couldn't go, or why I should have expected him not to. Whatever. I guess I'm just a bitch. February 29, 2004 9:15pm Listen up, bastards:
February 21, 2004 11:36 pm I had a lovely time last night and into early this morning. Kevin and Jacob came over to Sam's and we played card games for a while. Around three o'clock this morning, we walked Jake and Kevin up to their truck, but instead of them leaving, Sam ended up talking with Jake, and I with Kevin. We left them up by the truck and found a colder, but more peaceful place down by the field. We sat on the fence gate and talked until six, at which point, I lept from the gate and chased the cows in the field. It was too much fun... everyone should be allowed the opportunity to chase cows... February 15, 2004 4:19 am
latched the saturated door January 17, 2004 1:13 pm I found this quote this morning. Its one that most people have heard many times, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded. "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." - The Velveteen Rabbit January 14, 2004 4:10 pm Hmm... The job that I thought I wanted wasn't exactly what I thought it was, and frankly, I really don't want it at all. The little cabin sounds promising, though, and I found a little victorian house that I want to look into as well. "Into." What an odd word. Anyhow, there are plenty of other jobs that I am interested in, and hopefully I'll find a suitable one soon. Its been a slow day. There's not much to eat in the house, except for that bagel I ate that was past it's prime, I'm fairly sure, and although there is so much to be done, there is an aire of boredom. I think that the sooner we get the money situation figured out with Sarah, the sooner we'll be able to move... People can be so greedy... January 13, 2004 6:59 pm ...Run, rabbit, run. Dig that hole, forget the sun. And when at last the work is done, don't sit down its time to dig another one... The search continues for a job, but I found one that looks promising in the valley. I'm hoping Robert will agree to it, as it is an immediate position. I miss the valley! I got two new CDs on Sunday, Mushroomhead and Filter... Good stuff. I also found a potential place for rent... a cute little cabin. I had to get up early this morning, so I'm exhausted. G'night. January 12, 2004 1:52 am
January 9, 2004 5:57 pm ...And all you touch and all you see Is all your life will ever be...
We moved again. I really feel as though I'll never really have a home. Every time we move, I lose more interest in unpacking or making any sort of effort to settle in. We'll be moving from here, for instance, by the end of February, but to where, I don't know. I've been thinking about starting a journal on livejournal.com, but I lost the code that Tj gave me. The anonymity would be nice, I think. Someone took notice of the fact that I hadn't written here since November. Guess somebody's paying attention. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Novembre 2, 2003 Boo! We're moving again, further into Portland just before the Burnside Bridge. It's a cute little old apartment with a clawfoot bathtub and a built in hutch in the living room. Too cute. I think I'll paint as well. I'm actually sort of excited about it, even though moving is such a pain. I'll be closer to work, which may mean a bit more sleep in the morning and a shorter commute in the evening. I'm awfully tired, please forgive the rambling. Anyhoo, just thought I'd drop in and let you all know what's going on. We need some furniture...
trivialized Oktober 3, 2003 11:27 pm Wheee! Life is looking up. Haven't written in a while (I always take forever to write...), so there's lots of good news. Firstly, I finally got a job. I worked at that crappy-ass Urology Clinic for ONE DAY, and they said I was timid and told me they didn't want me there. TIMID?! Me? Yeah, right. Well, whatever the case, it was for the better! I got an amazing position at a Pediatrics Clinic. It pays very well, the benefits will be fabulous when I get them, and it's probably the nicest office I've ever worked in. Just about everyone has come to me and told me how glad they are that I'm there to pick up the slack. Yay! I'm exhausted though, as though you couldn't tell by my typing. I hardly ever sit at my job-- I'm always moving. I haven't had much sleep in the last week, and I plan to hit the sack for a good long while... In other news, I get paid friday, and I can pay my car payment. That's always good... Married life is a blast, but it's hard not seeing each other. I work from 8:30-5:00, and by the time Robert picks me up, oftentimes I have to take him straight to school and we hardly seem to see each other. Well, at least now that we have an income, things are smoothing out. It isn't as stressful in our house. :) Well, I'm going to bed. Right now. Yep... Septiembre 11, 2003 5:41 pm I'm getting really weary of looking for a job. I got a call today about an opening at a Urology Clinic. A Urology Clinic. "Hi, I work at a Urology Clinic"? Now it's more about paying the bills than finding my ideal position. Even though it's not, I really feel like it's all on me to take care of the expenses for our household. And I want pizza. I'm really hungry. Anyhow, that's really all I have to say, but I thought I should check in. Septiembre 7, 2003 9:30 am
My interview is this morning. I'm so nervous, and yet I'm still working on this tar coffee and trying to give myself gutrot. With my luck, I'll have diarhea half way through the interview. I forgot to get some new knee-highs, so, since I'm on a mission to boycott Wal-Mart, I'll go to Target and pick some up. I watched Bowling for Columbine on Saturday and bawled like none other. Robert took a pile of used up tissues to the trash about 30 minutes into the film. I really do recommend that everyone see it. I believe it's such an important example of the steps that we as people should go through to find answers. People need to see what really goes on. Ever since watching it, I've been wanting to send a copy of War Prayer by Mark Twain to the president. I don't know that it alone would make a huge difference, but I'm sure I'm not the first to have the idea. Septiembre 6, 2003 4:00 pm I'm set up for another interview on Monday. It's at a very small internal medicine practice. Only two physicians. How simple. I start the semester on the 22nd, so if I get this job, I'll have time to settle in to my job before I start classes.
When you drain the blood August 30, 2003 8:34 pm Checking in once again. Yesterday I had my first interview for a job in Northwest Portland. It was incredible! I did so well, that the woman told me that with my experience and from what she had surmised from the interview, I'd probably be hired within two weeks. The house is clean, which is nice to come home to. Moving in just took awhile, I guess. We kept on getting more crap from our parents' houses. Our room, on the other hand, looks like it was hit by a tornado with malicious intent. Laundry is everywhere, a broken stereo is in the middle of the floor, and the bed needs to be made. I slept in an unmade bed last night. ::The Horror!:: >_< I suppose that soon, I shall have to go and clean it. But, Robert did offer his assistance, and I will certainly take advantage of that... August 17, 2003 10:06 pm
Gather 'round kids! Lookie here! My site has been rated: August 17, 2003 9:17 pm Still waiting on a computer and doing the job search. I found a job as a full time receptionist for a dental office that I'd like to apply for. I'll most likely do that tomorrow. I can't wait to be working again. I can't lie, I enjoy the stability. Fall term starts September 28th, which should be most exciting. I'm sure I won't miss any of the finantial aide runaround after I graduate, though. Last Sarah and I checked, the finantial aide office was still closed. Bastards. On a lighter note, Robert and I have fully moved in to the apartment. Indy seems right at home, and now that I've gotten to organize things, so am I. Robert hasn't received all of the parts he ordered for the computer yet, so I don't have my own to download AIM onto. My email is on the fritz-- I can read it, but I can't respond and I can't compose. Soooo.... Teej, I hope I get lucky and you check in here-- I loved what you wrote. The first stanza was a visual jerker for me, and I really liked it. Well, I'm off... August 8, 2003 1:02pm Sometimes I become so irritated with the limits involved in posting thoughts into the nothing that is the internet. I want to vent, but what I can and can't talk about-- I'm restricted. August 7, 2003 9:51 am Ahh...Packing. Robert and I are frantically trying to pack up everything for our move. We found a cute two bedroom apartment, and we will start moving in on friday. Sifting through all of the things in my bedroom at my mom's has been quite the experience. I found a black floor lamp I didn't even know I had, as well as a few other neat light fixtures. I finally have a couple of prospective jobs, so it looks like we're set. At about 2 am, Robert and I heard our beloved Indy outside. Indy is an indoor cat, and so after yanking our clothes on, we headed out into the rain; the thunder and lightning jolts startling the cat into running every time we got close to catching him. Finally, Robert sat down on the ground and caught him. We took him to bed with us, but didn't get much sleep for the rest of the night. He was so happy to see us that he sat on Robert's head and clawed at my hair, purring all the while. Well, as exciting as all of this information must be, I need to go and pull the laundry out of the dryer. Robert has a finantial aid appointment in Portland today, and we have to go and sign our rental agreement for the apartment. ;) July 23, 2003 10:54 am It has been far too long since I have written here. Since May, I have gotten married, returned from a fabulous honeymoon, and have added a member to our family. I rescued him from the animal shelter in Caldwell, Idaho. He is a four month old red tabby who was already dubbed "Indy" by his first owner. I'll post pictures soon. Robert and I will be moving to the Gresham/Portland area next week or so, and we are very busy looking for a place and new jobs. Looking at apartments around here reminds me how much higher the cost of living is in Oregon. However, I can live with it-- I'm just so glad not to be moving back to Nampa. I arrived back from a trip to Nampa yesterday, and by 10 in the morning, it was already 106 degrees. >_< Well, I will try to check in more often. Right now I need to go and talk to the insurance company about getting Robert on the policy for our Kia and feed the cat. May 24, 2003 12:15 am Just a little note to let everyone know that I'm still alive. I made yet another road trip to Nampa and back... But at least I have my Robert for the weekend. The trip to the coast was mostly good-- It was great between the catastrophes. The first day, Heather locked my keys in the car. That was okay, I just called AAA and they unlocked it. The second day, we spent a lovely late afternoon behind Mo's beachcombing. When we came back, however, and wanted to get into the car to get some money so we could have dinner, I realized that I didn't have my keys. I searched the beach forever and came up empty-handed. I must have dropped them in the ocean. So, to make a long story short, I ended up paying $90 for the cab ride to go and get my forgotten license from our campsite, and another $135 for the crappy key the locksmith finally produced at 2:30 am. Ahh... But we got to go to the Oregon Coast Aquarium, and that was awesome. We went down to the waterfront while we were there and shopped. I ended up with a new Celtic purse, a see no evil-speak no evil-hear no evil monkey set and a PODAI--NOT a Buddha--that glows in the dark (I don't care what it is, I'm going to call it a freakin' Buddha forever, and I don't care what you say, Mr. Scary Store Owner Man). Well, I probably had more to say, but I've been driving all day. I'm going to bed. May 15, 2003 1:59 am The last night with my socially inept obnoxious wench roommate! I'm ecstatic! Tasheena and I made up Jenni's face with oil pastels this evening, so I'll be posting some uber hot pics of that as soon as I can. I'm really sad to be leaving Jenni-- I won't get to see her again until my wedding. This reminds me, though, I need to add Tasheena to my guest list... Robert's stepmom emailed me, and I'm really excited to read what she has to say. Random off topic comment: I didn't get my car fixed yesterday. The parts didn't come in until it was too late, and so I have to get it done tomorrow morning instead. A highlight of my car's day yesterday, though, was that it got it's oil changed and a new air filter. I asked the guy at the shop for the high milage oil, and he said that would cost me an extra $6.00. The air filter was $8.00, and the oil change comprised the rest of the bill, coming to a whopping total of $44.98. The guy must have thought something of me, because not only did he take me down to look under the car, but he also knocked my bill down to $30.91, just because he was a "nice guy." Well, whatever the reason, I was grateful. Now all I have to do is get the brakes fixed, and I'll be good to go. I'm so emotional right now. I'm really excited to be going home where it's beautiful, but I really don't want to leave Robert at all, even if it is only for a few weeks. Blargh...The drama has flared up for the last two days of the semester; I'd get into it, but it would make me far too angry. Instead, I think I shall go check my email and read the ones I'm looking forward to. May 14, 2003 7:40 am Ahh... I haven't even been to my room yet. I've just been sitting here and working on getting the site up and running, and I must admit, it's been fun. In 20 minutes I need to call the auto shop and get a quote for my car. I'll be going to Caldwell at 11 am to get the parts, and sometime before that, I need to finish packing and get some caffeine. Woo hoo! Yeah for staying up at all hours (my eyes hate me). Tomorrow will be my last day in Nampa... I don't know how I'll cope, but I'm sure I can handle it. I just need to get on top of everything so I don't feel so overwhelmed. I should definitley start that now. I feel that I have given the beast that resides with me enough time to sleep, and that I shall now go in and get started. Muahaha... >;} May 14, 2003 3:29 am Stupid roommate. I hate my roommmate. Let me just make that very clear right now. Usually, she works the 10-6 shift at Denny's, which would give me oodles of time to pack to go home and re-arrange my room, right? Oh, but no. She comes home early (2:30 to be precise) and plops down in bed wearing her uniform and says, "So, yeah, I'm going to bed, I'm too tired to stay up." I inform her that I might come in to pack and she says, "Well, uh, could you maybe keep it down? I need to sleep." Sleep 18 hours EVERY day? I'm sure. What a wench. We have room check out in the dorm tomorrow and I have to get my car repaired before that. What exactly does she expect from me? to clean during that two hour slot when she's awake? I think I'll probably just barge in there and pack like a mofo until I'm done. If she says anything, she will receive a prompt and friendly, "screw you. Be quiet and go back to sleep. I'm so glad I only have to deal with you for two more days." Then, whenever I can, I'll rearrange the room. Exciting, no? Well, at least I got everything but my resum done on my to do list from yesterday(the bookstore screwed me over, by the way. $47 for $213 worth of books). Whenever I remind myself that I have so little time left, I feel sick. Tonight is the last night I will get to spend time with Robert until our wedding, I fear, and that makes me ill. I am making a notebook for him so that he can write to me, and I have one that is basically identical so that I can write to him. I figure we'll trade them on our honeymoon or something. June 28, 2003. 45 days until the wedding. I'm so excited, and yet, so frightened. I have far too much to accomplish before that day, and not nearly enough money. Gag me with a stick. My only consolation is that the minute I get back home, I'll be preparing for a trip to the coast with Heather. Sand and sorbet, here I come. May 13, 2003 6:04 am No sleep... Going for a walk with Ayme soon. The brakes on my car are going out, and the bill comes to $268.27. Of course, I can just pull that kind of money out of a hat, now, can't I? My step-parental unit chewed me out last night, and I really wasn't feeling that. I'm trying to get things together and feeling really crappy. My stupid roommate sleeps all day, and then complains to me that I'm not done packing. Honestly, I don't know what the hell is wrong with her. Well, I'm off for my walk, then going back to face the beast that is my roomie so I can start packing again. Yippee. To Do:
Sell books back to bookstore
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