“WHERE . . .IS . . .KRAMER???????????” The young quarterback for the South Bend Bulldogs was just about to release the ball when the loud booming voice of the coach rang out and caused it to slip from his hand. The ball fell uselessly to the turf and the next moment the quarterback coach was in his face.

“What in the hell was that, Lockheart? What!? You can’t hold onto the ball all of a sudden?!” Danny was looking now towards the rampaging head coach at the opposite end of the field and Coach Ricks followed his distracted gaze. “What in the hell are you looking at! What’s wrong with you!?” he demanded with somewhat sincere amazement. Danny was a star. In fact, he was THE star of the team (second only to Kevin Kramer), known best perhaps for his poise on the field and his collected head. He was not normally rattled by anything, least of all the screaming of the coaches, so what had distracted him now? “That end of the field does not concern you! Do you hear me?” the coach continued. “This end of the field and that ball should be the only two things concerning you right now and if you don’t get your mind back where it’s supposed to be both those things are going to be concerning you in a much more intrusive way! Are we clear!?”

“Yes, Coach,” Danny replied automatically.

“All right then! Let’s try that again. This time, hold onto the God Damn ball until you’re sure you know where it’s going.”

“Yes Sir,” Danny replied again quietly and the coach moved aside. Danny’s hands shook just slightly as he picked the ball off the ground and as he stood up he met the concerned eyes of his two most reliable wide receivers. Danny tried a slight smile to reassure them, but it was no use, and he bit his lip as he brought the ball into his chest, and turned away. He snuck another look at the head coach who was storming his way towards the practice squad now, and he swallowed. He looked for Jesse among the running backs, meeting his best friend’s panicked eyes briefly before necessity forced him to look once more at his receivers. The same two players who had met his eyes before stepped up now, their concern obviously increasing as they willed him with their eyes to remain calm. They knew exactly what Danny Lockheart’s problem was and for the rest of the practice they would catch whatever he threw, no matter what kind of acrobatics was needed to accomplish the feat.

“Delane! Hanson!” the head coach snapped now. “Get out here!” The ranks of the practice squad parted and the two freshmen were shoved forward by their lemming like teammates. “Where is he?” the coach continued his frightening tirade as they stood tremulously in front of him. “And don’t tell me you don’t know! The three of you are as thick as thieves!” He was definitely pushing the boundaries of personal space now and Alex Delane blanched as James Hanson’s face flushed with indignation.

“He’s sick, Sir,” Alex replied timidly.

“Bullshit! That’s Bullshit, Delane! Don’t you feed me that crap! You think I was born yesterday?!” The coach aimed all his ire in Alex’s direction now and Alex shrank against James. “You pansy! Stand up straight when I’m talking to you!” Alex bit his lip, but he did as requested, and James’ fists curled into balls at his side as his face turned still a deeper shade of red. “WHERE IS HE?!”

“Alex is telling you the truth, Coach!” James interjected. “Kevin is sick!”

“Horseshit!” The coach redirected his gaze to James, but James did not shrink. He met the coach’s blazing eyes head on. “It has been over a week!” Coach Becket snapped. “If he were that sick, he’d be in the hospital or dead! Now you tell me where he is, or you two jokers are going to spend the rest of this practice running the bleachers! You have three seconds!” James clenched his fists tightly, and Alex swallowed. “One!” Kevin’s two friends remained silent. “Two!” James lost some of his color, and Alex pressed close to him once more. “Three! Coach Anderson!” the head coached summoned the assistant practice squad coach, and the militaristic young man stepped forward. He couldn’t have been more than 28 but he was already hardened and had a somewhat sadistic look about him.

“Sir?”

“Wear their asses out!” the coach commanded.

“Yes, Sir!” the young man returned smartly, leering at Alex and James. “Let’s go, gentlemen! It’s bleacher time!” James and Alex hesitated momentarily and the young coach took James roughly by the shoulder, shoving him in the direction of the bleachers, and Alex after him. “Let’s go! Move!” he barked as the two disgraced freshmen broke into a sprint before him. Anyone who saw the gleam in Anderson’s eye at that moment would have known that he needed only a bullwhip in his hand to make him happier.

Despite the best efforts of the other coaches, all play had come to a standstill now and all eyes were on Coach Becket as he broke the unnatural silence that had descended. “Lockheart, Sanderson, Jankowski! Get your asses over here!” A rash of whispering broke out and spread up and down both sidelines as everyone shifted their gaze to where the quarterback had been practicing with his five wide receivers.

Three of the players in question were relatively unaffected though they shifted anxiously as all their teammates looked their way. Danny, on the other hand, swallowed hard and cursed under his breath, seeking once more the eyes of his two remaining receivers. They were both pale now, but their expressions were still reassuring. They met Danny’s eyes and Ryan held his arm out to him. They were in this together and that was how they would get through it. It had been a long time since any of the three stars had been made to run the bleachers as punishment and now in a matter of moments they fully expected to be joining their younger counterparts. Danny made his way over to his big brother, heaving a sigh as Ryan’s hand settled bracingly on his shoulder. Anderson was no joke. He wouldn’t stop until they were all sick on their knees vomiting or passed out from exhaustion. Ryan squeezed his shoulder as if reading his mind, and slowly, they started forward, their friends watching miserably from a distance as Kevin Kramer’s three big brothers trudged desolately down the field to face the irate coach.

“Well, well, well, Kramer’s three guardian angels . . .,” the coach started as Danny Ryan, and Steve formed a line in front of him. “I have to tell you boys, I’m starting to lose my patience here . . . in fact this whole business of our star running back not showing up for practice . . .I gotta tell ya, it’s starting to piss me off!” The coach had been pacing up and down in front of them, but now he stopped and looked at them. “Take those damn helmets off!” he snapped. “I want to see your eyes!” The three players quickly acquiesced, letting their helmets dangle as they did their best to meet the coach’s eyes without flinching. Coach Beckett was a very scary man when he was truly angry and angry didn’t quite come close to describing the feelings of the man now glaring at them. “That’s better,” the coach approved, looking now by turns into the eyes of each of his three veteran players. “Now as long as you boys continue to follow directions and answer my questions with the same degree of cooperation you just displayed, we’re all going to be just fine; this will be very easy.” The three players in front of him shifted uneasily, trying not to look at each other. “Now what is that little pet name you three have for our young friend?” the coach continued, pretending not to notice their obvious discomfort. Tentatively, Danny risked a sidelong glance at Ryan. Ryan caught it and tightened his grip on Danny’s shoulder. “‘Kevie’ or ‘Kev’bo,’ or something, that’s it, ‘Kev’bo.’”

There was some noticeable snickering, pushing, and jostling along the sidelines where Gregg Mcarthy and his followers had positioned themselves to view the scourging the three team favorites were about to get from the best vantage point possible. “Kevie,” Gregg called in a high pitched voice, “Kevie, Oh Kevie, where are you? Save us, Kevie! Save us!” More laughter followed.

Some of Danny, Ryan, and Steve’s friends responded with insults and threats of their own, and some extracurricular shoving broke out along the sideline that was soon broken up by the coaches. All the activity was ignored, however, by Coach Beckett and Kevin’s three brothers. Carefully, Danny, Ryan and Steve kept their eyes on the coach as he continued to pace in front of them. “All I want to know boys,” the coach stopped and looked at them once more, “is where our little Kev’bo is and why he hasn’t been coming to practice. It’s simple really, just a very simple question. Jankowski?” he looked at Steve.

“Alex told you, Coach,” Steve replied coolly, “Kevin’s been sick.”

“My ASS!” the coach grabbed Steve by the collar, pressing his face right in his. “Now, I am done playing games! Kramer has missed a week’s worth of practices and two games! We lost for the first time since the beginning of the season last week, and we came damn close to losing yesterday too! We have worked hard as a team all season to get here and it is the first time in ten years we have made it this far! It’s been ten years, Jankowski, since the Bulldogs had a chance to get to the championship, and all our hopes ride on that kid! I do not intend to lose this opportunity, so one of you three boys had better start talking! NOW!” He gave Steve a little shake before shoving him away, and Steve brought his hand to his throat, rubbing the red mark the coach had left. His face was ashen now, but his eyes remained steadily on the coach, and his mouth was firmly set in a stubborn line. “No?!” the coach demanded. “Not convinced?” He shifted his eyes to Danny. “What about you, Lockheart? You care to help yourself by talking?” Danny bit hard on his lip, but remained silent. “Sanderson?” Coach Beckett looked last of all at Ryan with no further success, and he turned away, running his hand through his thinning hair in exasperation. “All right then boys!” he said finally, turning to glare at them once more, and looking from one stubbornly set pair of eyes to another. “The three of you are done for the day! Hit the showers, and meet me in my office in fifteen minutes!”

“Yes, Sir,” they chorused.

“All right, go on!” the coach ordered, and his three disgraced players hung their heads for the first time as they quietly started in the direction of the locker room. “Mcarthy!” they heard behind them, “go in for Lockheart!” Tears stung Danny’s eyes, and Ryan brought his hand to his shoulder once more, looking worriedly at his little brother as Danny subtly swiped at his cheeks. Football was Danny’s life, his passion, his heart. Steve knew it too and he came up on Danny’s other side as they heard the coach behind them calling in replacements for Ryan and Steve.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” Steve said quietly. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. You were right. I should have listened to you.” Danny pressed his fingers to his eyes.

“It’s not your fault,” he managed quietly after a minute. Danny was not the kind of person who would ever dream of saying, ‘I told you so,’ and especially not to his big brothers, but this was exactly the situation he had been afraid of.

‘I fucking knew this would happen!’ Danny thought darkly now as they continued to walk. ‘I absolutely fucking knew it!’ ==============================================================

It had all started the night after the meeting. They had just played their last regular game of the season. Kevin hadn’t played (not that anyone would have asked him to) and they had lost for the first time since the beginning of the season (before Kevin was a starter on the team). They had planned the meeting, as usual, around the last few weeks of the semester, so there would be time for Kevin to get his act together and pass his classes. The football season by that time was traditionally winding down for them, anyway. The last game never made any difference to anything but the pride of the team. They had honestly not thought about the possibility that they might make it to the playoffs, and had certainly not counted on the important role Kevin would play in getting them there. It had been a long time since the team had so much riding on a mere freshman; a rookie!

When Danny, Ryan, and Steve finally began to see the direction things were taking, they talked about it, but there didn’t seem to be anything they could do. Kevin was sinking academically. He needed help. He needed their guidance, and that was what they were there for. They cared more about him than they did about the championship, and the tradition needed to be upheld. So, they had proceeded with the meeting as planned, knowing that Kevin would not play in the last regular game of the season. Their belief was, however, that he would be recovered enough to participate in the playoff games.

“What do you think?” Steve looked at Ryan and Ryan shifted uncomfortably as Danny too looked his way. He hated always being in the middle. He looked down again at the two pieces of paper laid out on the bed before them, and couldn’t help smirking. ‘Their impish little brother,’ he sighed as he thought of Kevin, ‘the cause of all this discord as usual.’

Ryan, Danny, and Steve had returned to the house after the game, hot, tired and frustrated, to find that Kevin had, as requested, turned in his version of the rules he had been set along with a copy of his schedule. He had left the two pieces of paper in an envelope that he had slid under Ryan’s door. He had addressed it: ‘To: the wardens of Phi Beta Capa From: The prisoner in cell 17,’ and the three brothers had gathered in Ryan’s room (which Danny and Ryan were now sharing) to discuss it.

Ryan simpered once more; it was not Kevin’s cheekiness that was causing the current problem. ‘After all,’ they had agreed, ‘with everything their kid brother had been through, they had to cut him some amount of slack.’ The problem was this: Kevin had dutifully laid out every second of his day for the next three weeks, including 15 minute ‘piss breaks,’ scheduled intermittently throughout each day. His class times were there as requested and his study times, but nowhere had he included the scheduled practice times for the team.

“Do you think he forgot?” Steve had inquired of Danny hopefully.

“No!” Danny snorted. “The kid eats, sleeps and breathes football.”

“Do you think he didn’t put them on there because he knew we would know them already?” Ryan had asked quietly. Danny shook his head.

“He’s trying to get back at us,” he returned softly. “Specifically, he’s trying to get back at me, and he knows this is the best way.” Ryan and Steve sighed as they met their little brother’s eyes. It was what they had suspected also, but they had been hoping Danny would have another theory. “He doesn’t intend to go,” Danny confirmed their worst fears in the quietest voice imaginable. For a moment, there was silence.

“Ok, then,” Steve finally spoke. “The next question is what do we do about it? Do we make it an issue or not?”

“I think we have to,” Danny returned quietly.

“I don’t know if I can, Dan,” Steve admitted just as softly. “I told him I just wanted to know he was getting to class and doing his work. I want to pick my battles. Right now his grades are the priority. I don’t want to make practice an issue only to have class and study time become one. We’ve all been emphasizing how there’s more to life than football, how he needs to take those other parts of his life seriously . . . ,”

“I know what we said, Steve!” Danny interjected. “But football IS his life. It’s his schooling! He’s on fucking scholarship for Christ’s sakes!”

“I know, Danny! But if he doesn’t want to play, I don’t feel like we can make him! If he doesn’t get his grades up, the football will be a moot point anyway! Maybe he doesn’t feel he can handle all the studying and practice too . . .,”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Danny glowered. “That’s his stress release! He loves playing! We’re not allowing him to do anything else! This next three weeks is going to kill him without football!”

“That is his choice to make, though, Dan!” Steve returned somewhat heatedly.

“But he’s not thinking straight, Steve! He’s just thinking how he can best hurt me! He’s not thinking about what’s good for him right now!” Steve pursed his lips as he looked at his passionate little brother. Danny did have a point. “What will Coach say?” Danny continued after a minute in a quieter tone as he looked at Steve’s face, hopefully. “You think he’s just going to let his star player disappear no questions asked, three weeks before the championship?”

Steve remained quiet for a minute, thinking over what Danny had said. Finally, he looked at Ryan. “What do you think?” he whispered once more. Ryan had, up until now, remained silent, hoping that his opinion would not be called for. He chewed his lip as he looked thoughtfully down at the paper before him.

“I definitely understand the point Danny is making,” he started quietly after a minute, “BUT,” he continued hurriedly before his little brother could celebrate, “I think we would be very wise to pick our battles right now.” Ryan raised his eyes and flinched at Danny’s accusing expression. “Steve’s right, Danny,” he said softly. “Kevin’s academics are the priority right now. They have to be.”

“Fine!” Danny sulked, looking away. An awkward silence passed and then Danny got up and made his way to the door. “You guys are making a huge mistake!” he groused, glowering at his brothers once more as he opened it. “Huge!” he repeated, and he stepped into the hallway, shutting the door hard behind him. Even then, Steve and Ryan had each wondered privately if their little brother might be right. Now, they knew that he had been.

Fully showered and changed now, the three young men waited tensely in the coach’s office for him to return. They said little and avoided one another’s eyes. They were each privately preoccupied with their own thoughts, and Ryan and Steve especially were battling with the feelings of repentant guilt that overwhelmed them. Finally, Coach Beckett entered. It had been considerably more than fifteen minutes by that time that the boys had been fretting. He came in quietly and closed the door. Danny and Ryan were sitting in the two chairs in front of the coach’s desk. Steve was sitting in the chair against the wall behind them. They all stood as the coach entered, but he waved them back to their seats, and Steve dragged his chair forward to sit beside his brothers.

Without a word, or more than a glance in their direction, the coach threw his playbook on the desk, and hung his hat and jacket on the coat rack in the corner. Danny, Ryan, and Steve watched him tensely, and finally he turned to look at them. He regarded them seriously as he sat in the chair behind his desk. His anger was gone. These were three of his favorite players, ever, both on and off the field. Their skill on the field and their compassion and empathy for others off the field had from the beginning won them his admiration. Not all the boys that made up his team had earned his respect the same way these three had; the same way the fraternity president’s brothers always did.

Coach Beckett had been at the university a long time now, nearly twenty years, and he had seen countless numbers of boys come and go. The finest of them were always the president’s brothers, and for years the coach had known why, that is he had at least suspected, and never really wanted to admit to himself that he knew what went on at the end of the first semester every year in the Phi Beta Capa house. Never before had he had occasion to question it, and it was just easier to close his eyes. He sighed now as he looked at Danny, Ryan, and Steve. “He’s the one isn’t he?” he asked quietly.

The blood drained from Steve’s face, and he glanced at his two brothers. Surely, the coach was not asking what he seemed to be asking. “Sorry, Coach,” Steve replied tightly after a minute, “but who’s the one?” ‘Just play dumb,’ he cautioned himself, his heart pounding. ‘Yes, just play dumb. He can’t know! The most he can do is suspect.’

Danny and Ryan were looking pale again too now as the coach repeated, “Kevin. Kevin’s the one isn’t he?”

Steve swallowed hard. “Sorry, Coach. I still don’t get what you mean,” he replied trying to keep his voice steady. “Kevin’s the one, what?”

“All right now look! Let’s just cut the crap here!” the coach snapped impatiently. “You know what I mean!” He glared steadily at all of them, “You all know EXACTLY what I mean! I know what goes on in that house! I know how things are ‘handled.’ I’ve seen too many bruises in my many years coaching this team to doubt it! I do not approve!” he stated emphatically as he continued to stare into the eyes of the three astounded young men. “I do not approve, have not in the past approved, and will not approve in the future!” He paused and Danny, Ryan, and Steve just stared at him in disbelieving horror. “However,” he finally went on, “I have never before found any reason to question it either. Never have the young men affected, in the long run, seemed worse for wear, and it is undeniable that in some cases lives have been literally pulled out of the toilet and turned around. Young men who I feared in their freshmen year were destined for disaster have gone on to be Valedictorian and class president, and it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge that the beginning of the change was always traceable to whatever goes on in that house! Never, however, have I ever had a kid miss practice for a week in a row because of that nonsense, and so help me if I find out that Kevin Kramer’s absence now is due to the amount of injury inflicted on him . . . .”

“NO!” all three of the brothers responded, horrified, cutting the coach off. “You’ve got it wrong, Coach,” Steve repeated quietly. “We would never hurt Kevin or do anything that wasn’t for his benefit, ultimately. He just needs some time to sort things out.”

The coach was quiet for a moment. “I hope that’s the case,” he replied quietly. “I certainly do hope so. That being said, the team needs him! It’s been ten years since we’ve gotten this far, and we’re all relying on Kevin.” Kevin’s brothers were quiet for a moment, and the coach bit his lip. What he had to do next, he did not want to do, but he felt he had no choice. “I’m afraid, boys,” he began quietly at last, “that until I see some evidence that Kevin is ok, until he returns to practice and starts working out with the team once more, until that time, I’m afraid the three of you are done playing football for me.”

“What!?” Danny exclaimed. “Coach, that’s not fair! Please! Kevin is fine. He’s going to be fine, he just needs some time. Please don’t do this! Please! The championship is two games away! If we lose the next one, we’re out! Coach, please!”

“I’ve made up my mind, Danny,” Coach Beckett returned evenly. “You boys may come to practice, you may change, but until Kevin is back on that field and I am certain he is ok, you will not step a single foot on the turf again. When I am satisfied that Kevin is ok, I will review the situation and reconsider my position. If I am not convinced, shortly, however, that all is well, the ban from the team will be the least of your worries. If Kevin Kramer is not back on the field within a week, I promise you, I will go to the college authorities and let them know my suspicions.” Steve, Danny, and Ryan gaped at him. ‘Surely he wasn’t serious.’ But the coach’s expression promised them that he was indeed as serious as he could be.

“It’s not fair!” Danny protested.

“I’m sorry . . .,” the coach began.

“This sucks!” Danny slammed his hand on the desk and without waiting to be dismissed, shoved his chair back and headed for the door.

“Danny!” Ryan tried to call him back, but Danny was already gone. Ryan looked quickly at the coach, wanting to be respectful, but worried about his little brother’s state of mind.

“Go on,” the coach authorized quietly and swiftly Ryan followed his brother.

“Sorry,” Steve offered softly when his brothers were gone. “You know how Danny is about football.”

“I know,” the coach responded understandingly. After all, football was his life too. The fraternity president and the coach continued to eye one another for a moment, understanding one another’s position even if they didn’t agree with one another. Sometimes, being in charge meant making unpopular decisions and doing things you didn’t want to do.

“Go on,” the coach said finally, “your brothers need you.” Steve nodded and without a word or a backward glance he made his way to the door.

“Can I come in?” Ryan asked softly. The door to Danny’s room (where Kevin was currently staying) was ajar, and Danny stood, motionless, in the middle of the room. He did not respond to Ryan or acknowledge him in any way. Without waiting for an invitation, Ryan quietly moved further into the room and saw, as he came up behind his little brother that Danny was holding what looked like several little pieces of torn paper in his hands. “What have you got there . . .?” Ryan started, but as Danny turned to face him he recognized with horror what those pieces of paper had been. “Oh, Dan,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Danny’s face crumpled, and Ryan folded his arms around him, holding him tight. “I’m sorry, Bud! I’m so sorry!”

“He hates me!” Danny sobbed, burying his face on Ryan’s shoulder as he clutched the pieces of the torn picture tighter. It was his favorite picture of himself and Kevin, taken after their first win this year.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Ryan assured quietly. “He is angry, hurt, and frustrated and you are the closest person to him.” Danny just continued to sob. “Do you have the negatives?” Ryan whispered. Danny barely nodded against his shoulder and Ryan breathed an inward sigh of relief. “I was going to suggest that you take it out, but we got busy with all the other stuff and I forgot. He’s just lashing out, Danny. He’ll get over it. You’ll see.” Danny just continued to cling to him and Ryan held him close, letting his chin drop to the top of his little brother’s head. “Come on,” he said quietly after a minute when Danny had still not calmed down, “get the negatives and come with me. I want to show you something.” At first Danny did not respond and Ryan squeezed his shoulder, holding him for another minute before he prodded gently, “Come on, Bro.” Ryan’s patient, calm authority finally penetrated Danny’s grief, and taking a deep breath, he dutifully pulled away from his brother and made his way over to his desk.

Little bursts of sobs continued to fight their way forward, making his shoulders heave as he searched through the bottom right hand drawer. Finally, he found the waterproof container that contained all his negatives. He took the box in his hand and turned to face Ryan once more, starting to sob harder again as he encountered the warm comprehending expression on his big brother’s face. “It’s all right,” Ryan encouraged, moving quickly to put his arm around him. “Come on.” He gently took the box from Danny’s hand and guided him from the room, closing the door softly behind them, and steering his little brother towards the room they were currently sharing down the hall. He took his hand off Danny’s shoulder just long enough to dig his key out of his pocket and open the door. He then nudged his brother inside and gently pulled the door shut behind them. Danny made instantly for his bed, throwing himself down and burying his face. He was still clutching the pieces of the picture Kevin had torn, and Ryan sighed.

Silently, he contemplated his little brother as he set the box of negatives on his desk. He opened the top drawer and slowly withdrew a worn and tattered picture of his own. Wistfully, he smiled down at it and then, keeping it in his hand, he approached the bed where Danny lay clutching the pillows. Quietly he sat down next to him and wordlessly, without looking up, Danny made room for him.

“I have something to show you,” Ryan gently repeated his earlier assertion.

“What is it?” Danny sobbed.

“Well you have to look, dingwit!” Ryan chided affectionately. Finally, Danny looked at him and Ryan held the picture up so he could see.

“Yeah, so?” Danny questioned bitterly. “What’s so special about that? It’s the same stupid picture you have in the frame over there on the desk. The same one I have too . . .”

“Look closer,” Ryan encouraged.

Danny brushed in frustration at his cheeks, but he did as his brother requested, trying hard to see the picture through his blurry eyes. “I don’t get it!” he protested. “I mean it’s a great picture, but what’s the big deal?”

Ryan stared at him in disbelief. “You really don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?” Danny demanded.

“Look again,” Ryan urged.

“Come on, Ry! Just tell me! I really don’t want to play this game right now!”

“I can’t believe it!” Ryan couldn’t help laughing. “You don’t remember! You ripped my heart right out of my soul, and you really don’t remember a thing!”

“What are you talking about?!” Danny cried again in exasperation.

“You tore this up in front of me, Danny!”

“I did?” Danny looked confused.

“Yes,” Ryan laughed again. “See the tape?” Danny looked closer and finally saw where all the torn and ragged edges were lovingly placed back together in the very best repair job a roll of scotch tape could do. “You threw one holy fit! Told me you hated me (that was actually the nicest thing you said), you smashed the frame against the desk and then tore the picture into as many tiny pieces as it would go! You scattered them on the floor, told me you’d never speak to me again and then stomped out of the room. I was still crawling around on the floor an hour later, trying to find every last piece when Steve finally found me. He helped me put it back together and I saved it for just this occasion,” Ryan finished quietly. “I can’t believe you don’t remember!” he chuckled once more. Danny turned his face back into the pillow. He was quieter now, but he was still crying and still clutching the pieces of his own torn picture.

“Let me see, Bud,” Ryan laid the picture of himself and Danny on the bed and gently took the pieces of torn photo from Danny’s hand. His brow furrowed slightly as he tried to piece it together on the bed in front of him. Finally, however, he smiled a little. “It’s not that bad, Dan,” he assured quietly. “We can put it back together.”

“Who cares?!” Danny sobbed. “He hates me! All I was going to do was talk to him! See if I could get him to come back, but he wasn’t even there! I was going to just leave him a note and then I found those on the floor! I know he hates me, Ryan! I know he does! Maybe if I leave the team, he’ll come back!”

“And how is that going to solve anything?” Ryan asked quietly.

“The team will win their game. The Bulldogs will be champions. Kevin will be a hero. He’ll be happy . . . .”

“Stop it!” Ryan snapped in a tone of such uncharacteristic severity that Danny raised his head from the pillows to look at him, swiping at his tears. “Do you really believe that the team will win without you, or even that we’d want to?” Danny shrugged, still brushing at his eyes. “This is your team, Dan! Kevin is my brother too and I care about him. I want him to come out of this snit he’s in as much as anybody, but if I had to choose there would be no contest! You’re leaving the team will not solve anything . . . .”

“I don’t know what to do, Ryan! I just don’t know what to do!” Danny sobbed in frustration, placing his face back down in the pillows.

Ryan placed a hand on his back and was quiet for a minute. “It’s going to be ok, Danny,” he whispered at last. “You’ll see . . . .” At that moment there was a knock on the door. “Who is it?” Ryan called.

“It’s me,” the quiet voice stated from the other side of the door. Feeling relieved, Ryan gathered the pieces of Danny’s picture in his hand and then got up to open the door. Steve entered quietly, taking in the scene without comment. Ryan showed him the pieces of picture and Steve took them in his hand, biting his lip to keep back the slight smirk that played at the corners of his mouth as he tried to piece them together. Finally he looked up again at his little brother. “What goes around comes around, eh?” he intimated in a tone Danny was unlikely to hear. Ryan didn’t respond, and after a moment Steve made his way over to the bed as his little brother softly closed the door. With a delighted little laugh, Steve picked up the other picture as he sat down and he looked at Ryan once more. “You saved it huh? Good thought,” he commented wryly.

“He doesn’t remember,” Ryan returned a little sheepishly.

“No?” Steve chuckled. “You don’t remember, Dan?” he turned to look at his other little brother who still had his face buried in the pillows. “You nearly broke Ryan’s heart,” he laughed again. “I could have killed you. We had to find every piece of the damn picture before he’d settle down at all! It took us at least an hour, crawling around on our hands and knees . . . .” Danny’s sobs became louder, and Steve stopped. He and Ryan were enjoying the memory but it was clearly not bringing the intended comfort to their younger brother. His own heartbreak was too fresh. “Come on, Little Bro,” Steve started again tenderly, placing a hand on the back of Danny’s head, “we’re going to get through this. I promise.”

“What if we don’t?!”

“We will!” Steve and Ryan assured in unison.

“But now I can’t even play football!” Danny sobbed. “That’s the only thing that was getting me through! God this is torture!”

“I know,” Steve sighed sympathetically. “I know it is. But it’s temporary. It’s all temporary. Kevin’s going to get over this. He’s going to go back to the team, he’ll still look up to you, still want and need your guidance, probably more than ever before, and the moment Kevin is back you know Coach will put us back on the field. I mean come on, Dan . . . . Who does the man think he’s kidding? He wants this championship. He wants it bad! And he needs us all out there to make it happen. This whole business about ‘reconsidering his position,’ is a bunch of bullcrap if you ask me! He can’t win without his star quarterback and he knows it!” Danny was still sobbing into the pillows and it was hard to tell if Steve’s words were really having an affect or not. Just then there was another knock at the door, and Ryan, who was still standing helplessly beside it, turned to open it.

“Hey Man,” Sean said through the crack as Ryan peered out at him. “Is everything ok?” Ryan shook his head slightly. “What’s going on?” Sean asked worriedly.

“Hang on,” Ryan returned softly. He shut the door again briefly and turned to his brothers. “Sean wants to know what’s going on . . .,” he started quietly.

“No!” Danny sobbed, his cheeks warming.

“I think we should tell him, Dan,” Ryan replied gently.

“So do I,” Steve agreed in the same undertone.

“God! Does my opinion ever fucking count around here anymore?!” Danny cried.

“Of course it does,” Ryan replied quietly as he and Steve exchanged guilty glances once more.

“They’re going to find out sooner or later anyway, Danny,” Steve pointed out as gently as possible. “I’d rather answer the question once for Sean and let him and Jesse handle things than have to answer it over and over again for everybody else tonight. Don’t you think?” he moved his hand from his brother’s hair to his back as he tried to calm him down. He and Ryan would rather keep the news of the suspension to themselves too, after all, but that just wasn’t realistic.

“Ok! Fine!” Danny snapped bitterly. “God this sucks!” He knew his brothers were right, but this was all just a little too much to deal with right now; he couldn’t help feeling resentful. Steve continued to talk softly to him as Ryan opened the door once more and slipped out.

“So, what’s going on, Man?” Sean repeated as soon as Ryan stepped into the hallway and closed the door.

Ryan paled. Reality was just beginning to sink in. He loved football too, after all, and to be suspended from the team was a blow he had not anticipated in his wildest imagination. He looked around the hallway where fortunately nobody else happened to be at the moment. Most of the exhausted players, having returned from practice now, were lounging in the common room or crashed out in their rooms, recovering. It had been a hard practice. “Where’s Jess?” Ryan asked in a low voice, returning his eyes to those of his best friend.

“He and Pat are still with Alex and James,” Sean replied his voice deepening now in concern. “Anderson was pretty hard on them.”

“Is there anybody in your room?” Sean shared his room with Ryan’s other best friend, Andy, and people were always coming in and out. Now, Sean shook his head.

“I don’t think so,” he replied. “Ryan, tell me what’s going on.”

“Let’s talk in your room,” Ryan responded and Sean paled now too.

“Ok,” he agreed. He led the way down the hall and taking his key from his pocket, opened the door to his somewhat cramped and messy room, stepping back to let Ryan pass in before him. He followed and shut the door, watching his friend quietly as Ryan made his way over to his desk, and began fidgeting with some of the miscellaneous little toys that sat on the top.

“Cute,” Ryan said finally, picking up the bobble head of the great New England Patriots Linebacker, Teddy Bruschi, that Sean’s girlfriend had recently given him and turning to face his best friend.

“Yeah,” Sean acknowledged wryly. “Come on, Ry,” he coaxed, “spill it. What did Coach say?” Ryan looked down again at the toy, playing absently with the head as he tried to form the words that were so difficult to say.

“He suspended us,” he said quietly at last, turning to set the doll back on the desk as tears welled in his eyes.

“WHAT!?” Sean cried. “What do you mean he suspended you?”

“I mean just what I sound like I mean,” Ryan whispered, still unable to meet Sean’s eyes. “He suspended us.”

“All three of you?!” Sean questioned incredulously, and Ryan nodded. “FOR WHAT?!”

“He suspects, or actually he just about as good as knows, what goes on in our mandatory meetings every year. He figured out that Kevin was ‘THE ONE’ this year and he’s worried since Kevin hasn’t been at practice that he might be seriously hurt . . . .” Ryan’s voice trailed off as he finally looked up and saw the expression on his friend’s face.

“Jesus!” Sean exclaimed, sitting on the bed and placing his head in his hands. An awkward silence passed.

Finally, Ryan went on, “Coach told us we ‘Are done playing football for him,’ until Kevin is back on the field and he’s sure he’s ok. Then he will, ‘Reassess the situation!’” Ryan pronounced sullenly. “Not only that,” he continued, gratified by Sean’s outraged expression, “if Kevin does not return to the team by the end of the week Coach is going to go to the dean with his suspicions about the discipline!”

“Oh, shit!” Sean exclaimed again.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed.

“Sorry, Man!” Sean didn’t really know what else to say; he was still trying to get past his own shock. “Are you doin’ ok?” Ryan shrugged and avoided his friend’s eyes once more as Sean looked up at him. “How are Danny and Steve?” Sean asked, quickly changing the subject.

“Not good,” Ryan choked unable to hold back any longer as tears started to streak his face. “Well, Steve’s all right,” he corrected himself, “but Danny’s taking it really hard. He came back here to try and talk to Kevin and found his favorite picture of the two of them in pieces on the floor, so you can imagine . . .”

“Oh yeah! I can imagine all right!” Sean remarked angrily. “I think that’s just about enough of this horseshit!” He rose from the bed and moved once more towards the door.

“Sean, wait!” Ryan cried, alarmed by Sean’s unusual burst of temper. “Where are you going?”

“To find Kevin,” he replied. “Somebody’s got to talk some sense into that kid!” Ryan grabbed Sean’s arm just as he was about to open the door and Sean looked at him, meeting his friend’s tear filled eyes head on now.

“Go easy on him, Sean,” Ryan pleaded. “He’s just really mixed up right now.”

“I know,” Sean replied. “I know he is, but he’s got to understand that this is much bigger than him now. He has responsibilities to the team, and he is letting everybody down. I know it’s hard, Ry, and I know he’s been through a lot, but he’s got to be made to understand that his actions affect others. Don’t worry,” he remarked drolly as he looked into Ryan’s anxious face, “it’s not as if I’m taking the paddle with me or anything.”

“I know,” Ryan smirked a little despite himself. This was, among other reasons, why Sean was his friend; he never failed to make him laugh in even the darkest of moments. “This whole thing has just been so rough on all of us,” he met Sean’s eyes again, and Sean squeezed his arm.

“Hang in there, Man,” he encouraged, “you guys will get through this. You always do,” he reminded, and Ryan brought his fingers to his eyes. Sean squeezed his arm again and then stepped into the hallway. Ryan followed, pulling the door shut and wiping as subtly as possible at his cheeks. Quietly, he made his way back to his own room and his brothers, leaving his friend to start his determined search for Kevin; Sean knew right where to start looking.

****************************************************************************

“Yeah?”

The tone that reached Sean’s ears was clearly irritated and Sean grinned despite himself, feeling just a twinge of guilt as he opened the door to the room his youngest brother usually shared with Kevin. James HAD been through a rough time at practice today. It was little wonder he didn’t want to be disturbed right now, but this was an important conversation, and there was no help for it. “Hey,” Sean stuck his head around the door, and almost laughed at the sight that met his eyes, his guilt dissipating quickly. James was propped up in his bed, the pillows fluffed behind him, the covers pulled carefully over him. The remote to the TV and the controls to his Play Station II sat on the nightstand beside him. “May I enter, your Highness?” Sean quipped.

“Don’t give me a hard time, Sean,” James grumbled. “Anderson nearly killed me today!”

“Sorry, Man,” Sean smirked as he stepped in and closed the door. “Where’s Jess?”

“He went to make me a sandwich,” James replied, huffing a little at the expression of delighted disbelief on Sean’s face.

“Come on, Bro. When are you going to let him off the hook?” Sean laughed. “That poor boy’s going to worry himself to death,” he smirked again and James shrugged, his brows knitting into a truculent pout.

Kevin had not been the only one to get a somewhat bruised and aching bottom out of the mandatory meeting that had occurred just over a week ago now. James had been summoned by Steve the day after to pay the penance for jumping Danny and Ryan. Jesse, as James’ big brother, had gone with him. As the infraction had been serious, the consequences too had been fairly severe. Steve had been stern and James had received ten smart smacks of the fraternity paddle on his bare bottom while Jesse had held his arms to keep him from reaching. The whole thing had been very hard on both of them, obviously, but Sean knew it had nearly killed Jesse. James knew it too and was still working his big brother’s conscience, milking the situation for all it was worth.

“What are you doing here?” James asked grumpily. He loved his older brother but it was harder for him to manipulate Jesse when Sean was around.

Sean’s expression became serious. “I need your help with something, Bud,” he returned quietly.

“You need my help?” James perked up a little. This was an occasion. Sean was seeking HIS help. “With what?”

“Do you know why Kevin hasn’t been going to practice?” Sean asked quietly.

James’ brow darkened again and he hunched further down in bed. “Who the hell knows,” he returned bitterly. “I think it’s because he doesn’t want people, especially Mcarthy, to see his butt,” James snorted.

“Is that the only reason?” Sean asked.

James shrugged again. “He might be a little pissed off at Danny,” he acknowledged tentatively, “why are you asking?”

“Where would he be now if he’s not studying?” Sean asked.

“Why don’t you ask his brothers?” James groused. “They know about every last piss break he’s going to be taking between now and the end of the semester!”

“Well, I’m not asking them,” Sean returned shortly. “I am asking you!”

“Why do you want to know?” James demanded; his guard was fully up now.

Just then Jesse returned with James’ sandwich. “Hey,” he acknowledged his big brother as he entered without knocking and made his way to the bed with the plate. He looked from his little brother to his big brother as he handed James his food. James took the plate without saying anything. He was glaring at Sean now. “What’s going on?” Jesse inquired softly. Neither James nor Sean answered and James dropped his eyes to his sandwich, fiddling with the edges of the neatly cut crustless bread.

“Aww, Jess!” James scowled. “I hate tuna!”

“You do?” Jesse questioned in dismay. “I didn’t know that. Here, I’ll get you something else . . . .” Jesse started to take the plate, but Sean intervened.

“No! Now, James, that is enough!” he insisted. “You are not an invalid. If you don’t want tuna then you can go downstairs and get something else . . . .Not now, though!” he added as James looked ready to do just that if only to get away from his older brother. “Right now, I have something I have to tell both of you, something serious.”

Jesse paled and James settled back into the pillows, crossing his arms in front of him and trying to appear like his curiosity was not piqued. “Does it have something to do with Danny and Ryan?” Jesse asked softly, sitting down next to James. He had been worried about their friends, but he had been even more worried about his little brother, so he had not accompanied Sean on his mission to seek Danny and Ryan out after practice.

“Yes,” Sean returned quietly. “It does concern them and Steve too.”

“Who cares about Steve!” James griped bitterly. Frankly, he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about Danny and Ryan either. As far as he was concerned, they were responsible for his sore bottom (he was only just beginning to sit really comfortably again). He didn’t dare express these feelings in front of his brothers, however; he had to content himself instead with somewhat cheap shots at Steve wherever he could get them in. These, at least, his brothers could understand. They ignored him now as they locked eyes.

“What did Coach say?” Jesse barely breathed.

“He suspended them,” Sean returned just as quietly.

“WHAT!?” Jesse lost all remaining color from his face, and even James seemed somewhat disconcerted, shifting uncomfortably next to his brother. “All three of them?” Sean nodded. “Why?”

“He knows apparently about the meetings we have every year. He figured out what happened to Kevin and is worried because he hasn’t been coming to practice. He’s given Ryan, Danny and Steve an ultimatum. If Kevin’s not back on the field by the end of the week not only are Danny, Ryan and Steve off the team, but Coach is going to bring his concerns to the dean.”

“Oh Shit!” Jesse exclaimed.

“That,” Sean looked back at his now ashen younger brother, “is why I am looking for Kevin.” James met Sean’s eyes and swallowed. He might be pissed at Kevin’s brothers right now, but he certainly would not have wished that on any of them, not even Steve.

“He might be working out,” James responded meekly.

“I thought he didn’t want anyone to see his butt,” Sean scoffed.

“He’s been using the general facilities instead of the team facilities and I think he’s been changing before he goes, or maybe in the bathroom or something . . . .”

“Ok, kid,” Sean replied affectionately, feeling sorry that he had been so snappish earlier. “Thank you, you’ve been very helpful.” Was it really such a surprise, after all, if Danny, Ryan, and Steve were not topping his little bother’s list of favorite people at the moment? Sean smirked as he turned towards the door.

“Want me to come?” Jesse piped up quietly.

“No,” Sean looked back at his other little brother as he opened the door. “I think it would be better for me to have a little one on one time with our young friend,” he responded, his hand on the doorknob.

“You’re not going to yell at him, are you?” James asked timidly.

“No, bud,” Sean reassured gently, “I’m not going to yell at him.”

“Well, don’t tell him I told you where to find him,” James replied.

“I won’t,” Sean chuckled.

“Is Danny in his room?” Jesse asked just as his brother was leaving.

“Yeah,” Sean responded softly, “but you might want to give him some time. Steve and Ryan are with him. He’s having kind of a hard time. Kevin ripped up that picture he’s so proud of . . . .”

“Oh, no he didn’t! That little shit!” Jesse interjected. Sean and James both gave him a look and Jesse scowled. “Sorry!” he remarked. “But I mean really! He didn’t have to do that!”

“Yeah,” James acknowledged sorrowfully. “I don’t know why he would do that. I didn’t think he was that mad.” He could never imagine being mad enough at Jesse to do something like that, and he almost felt sorry for Danny, almost.

“He’ll come round,” Sean replied. “See you guys later,” he continued and he stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. Kevin would come round he was confident, with or without him, but he intended to speed up the process a little. He headed for his own room, grabbed his gym bag and made his way out of the house towards the South Bend University Gym facilities. He shifted his bag on his shoulder and sighed as he walked. The last thing he really wanted to do after this morning’s practice was to work out again, but Ryan was his best friend and Sean would do anything he could to help repair this terrible situation. For Ryan, Sean would do anything.

****************************************************************************

“Mind if I join you?” Sean asked quietly and Kevin shrugged, scowling to show his displeasure. He was lying flat on his back on the bench press and Sean noted that he was lifting without a spotter. ‘Danny would freak out!’ he thought with a smirk. He was wearing his running shorts now and a fresh t-shirt. He had picked out a couple of free weights well within his limit, mostly to look like he was doing something. After this morning’s work out he didn’t dare try anything serious. His arms were already screaming in complaint. He stood just behind Kevin now and a little to the side, and for a while they continued lifting without speaking. Conveniently, the weight room was very nearly empty. It was the middle of the day and being near the end of the semester and exam time, most everyone was cramming. Besides Sean and Kevin, there were only two other people in the room and they were at the far end. Sean was aware how sensitive this subject was likely to be and had there been more people he might have tried to coax Kevin into taking a walk; as it was, however, now seemed like as good a time as any.

“We’ve missed you at practice recently,” Sean started carefully at last. He waited for a minute, but got no response and Kevin showed no interest in the conversation. ‘At least he’s lifting well under his limit,’ Sean mused still thinking about the lack of a spotter. “How come you haven’t been coming?” he asked finally.

“Don’t know,” Kevin shrugged, letting the weights rest on the bar for a moment. “I’m just busy I guess, trying to pass everything, stay up with the studying! Besides, I’m not supposed to be doing anything fun! Remember?”

“Your brothers didn’t mean practice and you know it!” Sean replied shortly. “In fact that was supposed to be on your schedule!”

“Oh, well excuse me for not obeying every single command set by my three lords and masters! I’ve done every other fucking thing they wanted me to do, so I don’t know what their problem is!”

“They do not have a problem, Kevin! They are content to let things go and happy that you’re putting time into your classes.”

“Well, what are you doing here, then?!” Kevin demanded.

“I’m here to find out what’s going on with you,” Sean admitted quietly, “but they didn’t send me.”

“Well, who did?! And how’d you find me, anyway?! Did James tell you?”

“No, James did not tell me. I just had a hunch . . . .”

“Yeah, right!”

“ . . . and nobody sent me. I’m here on my own.”

“Why? What do you care?”

“What do you mean, ‘What do I care?’” Sean returned. “The team needs you, Kev! Don’t you know that?” Kevin was silent now as he continued lifting, but Sean could see he was getting to him. He waited another moment and then tried again. “Come on, Kev, why aren’t you coming to practice?” There was still no answer as Kevin pretended to be concentrating really hard on his lifting. “Is it because you’re embarrassed?” Sean pushed gently. There was another pause. “Don’t be embarrassed, Kev,” he went on quietly. “Most of us have been there at one time or another. No one’s going to say anything and if they do, they’re going to find themselves in hot water . . . .”

“I just don’t want to go, Sean! Ok?” Kevin cried, tears welling in his eyes. Sean was quiet for a moment.

“Well, it may not be about what you want, anymore, Kev’bo,” he replied softly at last. “You have made a commitment to the team, and by skipping practice you are letting everybody down!”

“Like anybody really gives a shit!” Kevin snapped.

“We all give a shit, Kevin!” Sean retorted, really feeling angry for the first time. “Did you even know we lost last week?”

“Yeah, so?” Kevin returned crisply.

“You don’t care?” Kevin shrugged. “We almost lost, yesterday, too, Kev’bo.”

“Oh, please!” Kevin snorted. “Like that really would have happened! Losses fire Danny up! He never loses two in a row!” Sean quickly dropped his free weights on the floor and sat on the bench next to Kevin’s. The next time Kevin lifted the weight Sean took it from him and set it back on its bar. “What the hell are you doing?!” Kevin screeched.

“Sit up!” Sean commanded.

“What?”

“Sit up and look at me!” Sean repeated, and Kevin did so, responding automatically to the authoritative tone in Sean’s voice.

“Ok! What?!” he sulked as Sean peered intently into his eyes.

“I did not want to tell you, Kevin,” Sean started quietly, “and I’m sure your brothers would not want you to know, but clearly you do not understand how serious this is . . . .” Kevin’s stomach knotted at the solemn tone of Sean’s voice. Sean was one of the most laid back people he knew. Things rarely seemed to get to him. “Your brothers have been suspended from the team,” Sean went on finally and all the color drained from Kevin’s face.

“What?!” he inquired softly. “Why?”

“Because Coach is worried about your ass!” Sean replied sardonically.

“For real?” Kevin demanded irritably. “How does Coach know anything about my ass?”

“Well he’s had his suspicions for years, apparently, about the way discipline is handled in the house. He’s seen his share of bruises I guess and he figured out based on past experience what happened to you. He’s worried you might really be hurt,” Sean scoffed. “He told Danny, Ryan and Steve that they were done playing football for him until you’re back on the field and he can see that you’re ok.” Kevin sat for a minute, stunned, as he tried to absorb all that Sean was saying. “This championship means a lot to all of us, Kev,” Sean went on quietly after a minute. “We haven’t gotten there in ten years. Even so, it doesn’t mean as much as you do, certainly not to your brothers or to Coach! This is his big chance, you know, to reclaim some glory for the Bulldogs, but we’re in this position largely because of you . . . and Danny,” he added quietly. “It’s the way you guys work together!” Kevin looked away and bit his lip. “Coach wants this win, Man! He wants it bad! But it doesn’t mean anything if you’re not out there with us! We need you, Kev! We all need you!”

“It’s just so hard right now, Sean!” Kevin choked. “Going back in that locker room, changing in front of everybody, it will just bring it all back! They’ll all be staring! I know it! Especially Mcarthy! I know Mcarthy’s going to say something!”

“No he won’t,” Sean replied with certainty, his brow darkening, and finally Kevin looked back at him. “I promise,” Sean whispered. Tears slipped quietly onto Kevin’s cheeks and he brushed at them in frustration as Sean leaned forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Mcarthy is not going to fuck with you!” he whispered again. “Danny and Ryan will kill him for sure if he does.” Kevin was chewing his lip hard now in an effort to keep the tears back. “You should talk to Danny, Kid,” Sean soothed. “He knows what you’re going through.”

“How can he?” Kevin replied, wiping desperately once more at his cheeks. “Everybody keeps saying that, but how can he know?” A tiny smile pulled at the corners of Sean’s mouth.

“I think he’d tell you that now, Kev’bo, if you asked him, but you’re going to have to talk to him.”

“I can’t Sean! I’m not ready . . . .”

“Look, Kev,” Sean cut him off. “What goes on between you and Danny is your business. I am not going to tell you what you should or should not do there, but the team is another story. You’ve got responsibilities, Man! You understand?” Kevin swallowed and nodded as he met Sean’s eyes once more. “I know it’s hard, Bud,” Sean whispered. “Believe me, I know! Just think about it, though, Ok?” Danny’s younger brother nodded again and Sean squeezed his shoulder. He then got up, collected his free weights and placed them back where they belonged. “See you back at the house, Ok?” He turned to Kevin again and his heart wrenched at the expression on the kid’s face. One more time Kevin nodded and Sean turned for the locker room, his gut twisting as he heard Danny’s little brother burst into sobs behind him.

****************************************************************************

The week that followed Sean’s talk with Kevin was brutal on all the members of the South Bend University Bulldogs. Everyday Sean, Ryan, and Jesse looked hopefully for Kevin and everyday they were disappointed; they had decided it would be best not to tell either Steve or Danny about Sean’s undertaking. Danny would be heartbroken they knew if things didn’t work out and Steve, well Steve just had enough other worries on his mind.

Coach Beckett became more and more irate each day that Kevin’s absence continued. The Championship was breathing down his neck now and none of his stars were playing; Danny, Ryan, and Steve were forced to sit on the bench day after day watching miserably as the coach vented his growing anxiety and rage on their teammates.

Now, it was the morning of the last big play off game and still there had been no sign of Coach Beckett’s star rookie either in the locker room or in the house. On rare occasions, Kevin’s three brothers or some of their friends would glimpse him as he came in or went out, but he kept to himself most of the time, staying in his room, and only admitting James or, on occasion, Alex. Jesse tried to press his little brother for information, but James was maintaining a stubborn silence, and things were starting to look desperate.

The mood in the locker room as the players drifted in was one of gloom and despair. They had worked hard all year and they were a good team, but their record was not stellar. They had barely scraped their way into the playoffs and now every game was critical. Each time they played, they faced the possibility of sudden death, and they had come closer to losing last week than any of them liked to think about, even with Danny, Ryan and Steve in the game. Without any of their stars . . . well some of them felt like the game wasn’t even worth playing. Everyone went quietly about their own activities, nobody spoke, and the silence that hung in the air was oppressive.

Danny was changed already. He had arrived early, long before anyone else, in the hopes that he could talk to Coach Beckett, and make him change his mind. He had seen the coach, but his plea had fallen on deaf ears. Now, he sat miserably on the bench in front of his locker, replaying the conversation in his mind and devising a new plan of attack.

Steve and Ryan entered quietly, and exchanged glances as they took in their brother’s hunched shoulders and morose expression. Ryan dropped his bag on the floor and sat on the bench beside him. Steve made his way to his own locker, giving Danny’s shoulder a squeeze as he passed.

“No luck, I take it, huh?” Ryan questioned softly. He and Steve had known of Danny’s intentions, but had not banked a whole lot on his success and so he was not surprised now when Danny shook his head. “I’m sorry, Bro,” he brought his hand up to his little brother’s shoulder but Danny didn’t respond, and Ryan didn’t know what else to say.

It must be said now that in the midst of the generally downcast locker room, there were those who were having at least a little fun. Gregg Mcarthy was as worried about the game as anyone; this was his moment to shine. It was late in the year, however, and for that matter a little too late in his career to hope that one game might make a difference for him come Draft time. Consequently, the majority of his pleasure now came, not so much from his own opportunity, but from the knowledge that he was stealing Danny’s spotlight.

Nonchalantly, he propped his foot on the bench between the two brothers. “The kid’s really coming through for you, huh, Danny?” he sneered as he pulled up his sock and tied his shoe. Danny ignored him, but Ryan shoved his foot roughly off the bench before bending to unzip his bag. Gregg, however, was not about to let this go yet. He placed his other foot on the bench and pretended he was adjusting his sock as Ryan turned to glare at him. Gregg smirked. “All those hours you spent with him,” he continued tauntingly, “all the guidance, all the advice, all the chances you gave him . . . they’re really paying off aren’t they?”

Danny pressed his hand to his head, and Ryan shoved Gregg’s leg harder this time causing him to stumble back as he lost his balance. “Get the fuck out of here, Mcarthy!” Danny’s big brother fumed. He was not in the best mood himself. Changing into a uniform that would never see the first bit of grass or dirt today was a depressing process, and it was killing him to look at his younger brother. Every bit of the fire and passion that made Danny who he was, was gone, and Ryan felt helpless; this was something he could do. If he couldn’t get Danny back on the field, he could at least get Mcarthy off his back.

“You got something to bring?” Gregg leered as Ryan got to his feet. “Come on then, bring it!” he challenged.

“You think I won’t?” Ryan snapped.

“I’d be surprised if you had the guts,” Gregg baited.

Steve came out of nowhere in a half state of dress. He was just in time to intercept Ryan. Firmly, he pushed his little brother back as Gregg and his friends snickered; Jesse and Sean watched the scene from across the locker room, their hearts in their mouths. It was only when they saw that Steve really had the situation under control that they began to breathe again. “Calm down,” Steve commanded his brother firmly.

“But Steve . . .,” Ryan protested.

“Let it go!” Steve repeated in his most authoritative voice, and Ryan pursed his lips.

“It’s not fair . . . .,” he complained.

“I’ll handle it,” Steve assured him quietly. “But first you have to calm down, all right?” Ryan glared unhappily in Gregg’s direction. “I mean it, Ry,” Steve cautioned. “Let me handle it.” Finally, Steve saw Ryan’s jaw line relax and felt the tension in his body begin to dissipate. “It’s all right,” he soothed as Ryan sought his eyes. “You ok?” Finally, Ryan nodded, hanging his head, and Steve squeezed his shoulder.

“Well, well, well, big brother to the rescue . . . ,” Gregg started, but Steve was done playing now and Gregg yipped loudly as the fraternity president whirled around and grabbed him forcefully by the arm, twisting it back and forcing Gregg to bend.

“I’ve had it Mcarthy!” he admonished sharply. “This is where it stops! I told you two weeks ago not to push me, and I meant it!” He lowered his voice and bent down to peer into Gregg’s agonized face. “I will hold my brothers accountable once and only once for their behavior,” he warned in Gregg’s ear. “If you continue to bait them, the next incident is on you. Do you understand?”

“Oww!” Gregg whimpered. Steve tightened his grip and Gregg grimaced. “Ok!” he croaked. “Oww! Let me go!” Finally, Steve did. Gregg stood up and glared at him, rubbing his arm. Steve just raised his eyebrows, waiting until Gregg had retreated to the other end of the locker room before turning back to Ryan.

Ryan evaded his eyes and Steve’s brows furrowed as he gazed at his little brother. He was already dreading the thought of the summons he knew he had no choice but to issue for both Danny and Ryan, and Ryan was digging himself deeper by the moment. His stomach tightened and he cringed as he thought of the conversation he knew he would now have to have with Matt. Ryan’s continued rashness and disobedience was not something that Steve wanted to discuss any further with his own big brother (Matt was not likely to view this latest incidence of insubordination with a sympathetic eye). Given the circumstances, however, his little brother’s tendency to react was a real problem, and Steve knew he needed his older brother’s advice, even if it was advice he didn’t want to hear.

“Sorry . . . .,” Ryan muttered. His face flushed and he hung his head again as Steve continued to look at him.

Steve sighed. “You’re going to be president next year, Ry,” he scolded softly. “You can’t let things get to you that way. Mcarthy will be gone, but most of his followers will still be here, and Atchinson is just as bad (Kyle Atchinson was Gregg Mcarthy’s little brother). There will always be at least one, Bud,” Steve cautioned putting his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. Finally Ryan met his eyes. “Don’t let them get to you, ok?” Ryan nodded, and Steve swatted him lightly on his boxer clad butt as he returned to his own locker. “Watch yourself, Kid,” he warned.

Soberly, Steve and Ryan continued changing and at last the rest of the team members found their way to the locker room. The drama that had taken place between Gregg and Ryan only deepened the silence; the atmosphere now was nearly unbearable for all of them.

Fifteen minutes later, the door at the end of the hall that led to the coach’s office shut hard and everyone looked up expectantly. Coach was ready to address the team. A rash of whispering broke out as he appeared, spreading quickly and breaking the stifling silence, but it was not Coach they were all looking at; Kevin Kramer stood behind him. He was not in uniform, but he carried his bag on his shoulder.

Ryan nudged Danny and his little brother looked up. He followed Ryan’s gaze and got to his feet, hopefully. Kevin looked his way and for the first time in over two weeks, the two brothers made full eye contact. Silence descended once more as everyone waited to see what would happen. Kevin’s cheeks burned, and he shifted uneasily under all the attention.

“It’s good to have you back, Kid,” Danny ventured softly, trying to ease the way. The silence only deepened, and his stomach clenched. “You going to play?” he managed finally.

Kevin bit hard on his lip, his eyes never leaving those of his older brother. Finally, he nodded and the locker room erupted. The coach placed his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Suit up, Kramer,” he commanded.

“Yes, Sir,” Kevin responded, and tearing his eyes away from Danny’s, he turned to do as the coach had asked.

Coach Beckett was doing his best to maintain his stoic, businesslike demeanor amidst the now otherwise jubilant locker room, but even he couldn’t help grinning as he looked now at the expectant faces of Kevin’s three brothers. “All right, you three,” he addressed them gruffly, “go on out and warm up with the team. You will be starting.”

“Yes! Huhha!” Ryan whooped and clapped Danny on the back two seconds before Steve swept him off his feet. “Hey!” he laughed as Steve whirled him around. “Put me down, you imbecile!”

Danny hadn’t moved, and as Steve set Ryan down, both his brothers laughed at the stunned expression on his face. Keeping his arm around Ryan, Steve hooked his arm around his other little brother’s neck and pulled him to him. “I told you it would all work out,” he whispered tenderly.

Danny tried to smile, but his eyes were still on Kevin and he found all of a sudden that he didn’t care as much about the game as he thought he had. It meant nothing to him without his little brother. Steve and Ryan followed his eyes. “It’s going to be all right, Dan,” Steve whispered. “I promise, ok?”

Danny swallowed hard. Kevin hadn’t looked back at him once since he had looked away. “It’ll be ok, Bro,” Ryan echoed their older brother. “You’ll see!”

“I know,” Danny did his best to sound more hopeful than he felt, and he had to laugh despite himself as the next moment Jesse bounced up to him. “We’re going to the Championship!!!!!!!!!” he screamed as he flung himself at his best friend.

“Take it easy, Jess,” Danny chuckled as his friend tried to lift him and teetered backwards under his weight. “We haven’t won the game yet!”

“But we will!” Jesse replied with genuine conviction and Steve and Ryan laughed too as Sean appeared and pulled his overly exuberant little brother off of Danny. The next moment all their friends surrounded them and swept them into the now frenzied celebration. Danny had time for only one quick glance back to where Kevin too was now surrounded by his own doting admirers and friends.

The atmosphere of the locker room now was a stark contrast to the gloom of ten minutes before and the team that had been more ready for a funeral than a football game was now as fired up as anyone could ever hope. There was only one person not celebrating. Gregg Mcarthy was sitting in the back corner alone, every bit as miserable now as Danny had been fifteen minutes earlier, but nobody noticed, not even Kyle.

Ten minutes later, Kevin was dressed (no one had commented on the meeting or his butt which was healing nicely), and all four brothers were pushed to the front of the pack as the team made their way onto the field where they were greeted by the deafening roar of the fans who loved them. Kevin was received especially well, having missed the last two games, and Danny was touched by the expression on his little brother’s face. “Welcome back, Bud,” he whispered again and tentatively he placed his hand on Kevin’s shoulder as they stood for a moment, looking up at the fans. Kevin stiffened slightly, but did not pull away and as small as the victory was, Danny took more hope from that moment than from all the reassurances his two older brothers had given him put together.

************************************************************************

The game did not go particularly well. The Bulldogs won it of course (Danny sure as hell wasn’t going to lose it), but it was hard fought and came down to a field goal in the end. Kevin didn’t have as much to do with it as one might suppose either. He had, after all, not practiced for over two weeks and the strain between him and Danny was evident. He made a couple of good plays and gained some significant yards, but he did not score any touchdowns.

Danny, in his excitement at the end of the game, tried to embrace him, but Kevin pushed him away. “Kev . . .,” Danny started.

“Don’t, Danny!” Kevin held up his hands as Danny approached him again and Danny stopped. “Just . . .don’t . . .ok?”

Danny’s face fell. “Kev, come on . . . .”

“Just leave me alone, ok?” Kevin cautioned, backing away. “Just leave me alone!” He turned quickly, shoving the unsuspecting camera men out of the way, and keeping his head down as he headed for the locker room. Steve and Ryan, caught in the thick of the commotion themselves, had not seen the exchange, nor did they notice the affect it had on Danny as two seconds later they swept him back into the celebration, but someone had noticed, and that same someone followed Kevin into the locker room.

“Come on kid,” Kevin jumped at the sound of the voice behind him and spun around to confront Jesse Triviani’s inquisitive eyes. “Just how long do you plan to make him pay, huh?” Jesse inquired softly.

“Leave me alone, Jess, please,” Kevin requested tiredly, turning back to his locker and beginning to strip off his sweaty uniform.

“No can do, Kev’bo,” Jesse replied, “not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing’s going on!” Kevin protested.

“Bullshit!” Jesse countered. “You really hurt him just now!” Kevin remained quiet as he threw his jersey in the laundry cart and began to unbuckle his pads. “Why are you holding this over his head?”

“I’m not ‘HOLDING IT OVER HIS HEAD,’ Jesse!” Kevin returned exasperatedly. “I’m just not ready to talk to him!”

“Why not?” Kevin was silent once more as he started to untie his pants. “He has done everything for you!” Jesse began to get angry, now. “There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you, Kevin, and none of this is his fault! The meeting nearly destroyed him! Why are you so mad at him?”

“I’m . . . I’m not mad!” Kevin’s voice caught in his throat.

“That is such a load of crap, Kevin!”

“No, really, Jess! I’m not mad, ok?! Jesus! I just need some space! Is that really so much to ask?” Jesse regarded him for a moment without speaking.

“All right, Kevin,” he said at last, “if you’re really not mad, then why did you rip up his picture? You know how much he loved it. He showed it to everyone.”

“He knows about that?” Kevin’s face drained as he tossed his pants in the laundry cart, and finally turned to face Jesse.

“Yes,” Jesse returned quietly. “He went to try to talk to you the other day and found it on the floor.” Kevin pressed his fingers to his eyes. “Why did you rip it if you aren’t mad?” Jesse prompted gently.

“That was nearly two weeks ago, Jess! I was a little mad then, ok? I was confused! But I’m not now!”

“Well, why won’t you talk to him then?” It was Jesse’s turn to be exasperated.

“Because, Jesse, I’m a fuck up! Ok? I fucked it all up! Don’t you understand??” Kevin’s voice cracked. “I thought it was a party! I strolled into that meeting like I was the shit, broke I don’t know how many fraternity rules, and basically made a complete ass out of myself! I feel like such a fucking idiot! After all the times Danny tried to tell me, after all the things he did to try and help me and I never listened . . . . I just can’t face him, Jess! I can’t face him!” Kevin sat down on the nearest bench and covered his face as tears began to streak his cheeks.

Jesse gazed uncomfortably down at him for a minute, trying to think of the right words. “Danny doesn’t think you’re an idiot, Bud, I promise you,” he said softly at last. Kevin didn’t respond and Jesse sighed, sitting down next to him and feeling encouraged when Kevin didn’t move away. “You need to talk to him, Kid,” he went on softly. “He’s crazy about you! Now, more than ever!”

“I don’t see how he can be!” Kevin sobbed. “I’ve done nothing but fuck up all semester long! I nearly failed all my classes, gave him nothing but shit when he tried to help me, and then because of me all of my brothers got suspended from the team! They probably hate me!”

“They don’t hate you,” Jesse returned quietly.

“But I let the whole fucking team down!” Kevin insisted.

“You didn’t let anyone down, Kev,” Jesse assured. “You showed up today, didn’t you?”

“Yeah so? Fat lot of good I did!”

“You played hard, Kevin! And your brothers got to play, and we won, Bud! We’re going to the Championship! It doesn’t have to be all on you all the time, you know. You put too much on yourself!”

“I almost blew the whole thing, Jess, by being such an ass wipe! I just feel so . . . so . . . dumb!” he choked at last.

For a moment Jesse was silent, choosing his words carefully. This was a conversation Kevin needed to have with Danny.“Listen to me, Kevin,” he started at last. “Are you listening?” Kevin nodded. He was still crying hard, but he wiped at his face now, and made an effort to pay attention. “You need to talk to Danny,” Jesse repeated with quiet emphasis.

“I can’t . . . .” Kevin objected.

“Wait . . . ,” Jesse held up his hand, and Kevin hung his head, brushing at his cheeks once more. “You are not dumb, Kev! Nobody thinks that! Least of all, Danny.” Kevin looked at his brother’s best friend now and Jesse met his eyes. “He knows exactly what you’re going through, kid,” Jesse finished quietly.

“But how can he . . .?” Kevin protested disbelievingly.

“He does, Kevin,” Jesse cut him off, gazing intently into Kevin’s confused eyes. “He knows EXACTLY what you’re going through, Bud,” he repeated softly. “Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” Kevin just gazed at him in shock, unable to believe Jesse really meant what he seemed to mean.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” he sobbed, finally.

“He couldn’t, Kev’bo,” Jesse replied softly. “There’s a whole lot you haven’t figured out about all this just yet, Bud, and that’s why you need to talk to him.” Kevin looked down now as he tried to process everything Jesse was saying.

“Did he think the meeting was going to be a party too?” he choked after a minute.

Jesse couldn’t help the little snort that escaped, and Kevin looked at him in surprise. “You should ask him what he thought, Kid,” Jesse encouraged with another little chuckle. “You might not think you had it so bad, when he tells you.” Kevin hung his head again, and Jesse waited patiently for a few moments, but finally he asked. “So, will you talk to him?” Kevin nodded, brushing at his cheeks once more. “Tonight?” Jesse pressed. Kevin nodded again. “Promise?”

“Ok, Jess, I promise, I’ll talk to him,” Kevin responded at last. “Tonight,” he added as Jesse eyed him skeptically.

Finally satisfied, Jesse squeezed his shoulder and got to his feet. “Why don’t you get dressed and come on out there with us, Kev’bo? This is your celebration too. It’s been ten years since we went to the championship, and you and Danny together had a lot to do with getting us this chance.”

Kevin shook his head. “I don’t really feel like celebrating, Jess,” he replied softly.

For a moment Jesse gazed sympathetically at him, wishing there was something more he could say or do, but he could think of nothing. “Ok, Bud,” he finally sighed. “Are you going to be all right?” Kevin nodded, and quietly Jesse left the locker room, intent now on rejoining the still raucous festivities on the field. For a long time, after he was gone, Kevin just sat there, trying to pull himself together, thinking about all Jesse had told him, and planning what he would say to Danny later on that night.

************************************************************************

The news spread quickly from Jesse to Sean, from Sean to Ryan and from Ryan to Steve. By 8pm that evening, Danny was the only one inside their little circle who did not know of the impending event. He headed back to the house in low spirits. There were still plenty of parties going on of course, but he wasn’t in much of a party mood, not when Kevin was clearly still mad at him. Ryan went with him and hung out for awhile; trying to cheer him up with little success. Then, around 9, Sean and Steve showed up, claiming to need Ryan for something. Danny encouraged him to go and thus he was alone in their room at the computer when the knock finally came.

“Come in,” he responded moodily.

“I hope . . . I mean is this a good time? I can come back . . . .”

Danny looked quickly towards the door at the sound of his little brother’s voice and sat up straighter in his chair. “Yeah, Bro, of course it is,” he responded. “Come on in.” Hesitantly, Kevin stepped into the room, shutting the door after him and for a moment, the two brothers just looked at one another. “Have a seat,” Danny finally offered. “You want something to drink?” he asked, getting up and going to the mini fridge in the corner by Ryan’s bed. “Soda, water, beer?” he turned to look at Kevin who was now sitting awkwardly on the end of Danny’s bed. Kevin met his eyes briefly, but shook his head and looked away again quickly.

Danny shut the door to the fridge and contemplated his little brother thoughtfully for a moment. “What’s up, Bro?” he prompted quietly at last. “What’s on your mind?”

“I um . . . I thought you might want to see this . . .,” Kevin looked up once more to meet his brother’s eyes and his face reddened. It was then that Danny saw his little brother was clutching a thin packet of paper stapled together in the upper left corner.

“What is it?” he asked softly as Kevin tentatively offered it to him. He received no response and gently he took the packet from Kevin’s hand. Kevin looked uneasily at the ground, and Danny looked down at the papers he now held.

“Oh my God!” he exclaimed. “You got an A?” He looked at his little brother for confirmation and Kevin nodded, though he did not look up. “Oh my God, Kevin! I can’t believe it!” he laughed. “Merrick never gives A’s! I knew you could do it, Bud! This is awesome!”

“Yeah,” Kevin grumbled in embarrassment. “Turns out, studying DOES help. Go figure, huh?”

Danny laughed again. “So are you going to pass?”

“Yeah, looks like it,” Kevin murmured, his cheeks flaming. “Merrick said if I come to every class between now and the end of the semester and make at least a B on the Final, he’ll pass me, so I think I’m set.”

“Wait until Ryan and Steve hear about this!” Danny gloated, looking down at the history report once more and smirking to himself as he thought of Gregg Mcarthy’s earlier comments. ‘All the time, energy, and work had indeed paid off.’ “I’m proud of you, Bud . . .,” he looked once more at his little brother, only to find that Kevin had his fingers to his eyes; he was fighting back tears.

“Hey, Bro,” Danny sat quickly down next to him and placed his arm around him, laying the report beside him on the bed. “It’s ok,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry, Danny,” Kevin choked.

“For what?” Danny asked softly.

“For everything,” Kevin sobbed. “I’m sorry for everything!”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Bud,” Danny assured.

“I let you down,” Kevin wept. “I let everybody down!”

“You didn’t let me down, Bro,” Danny comforted once more. Kevin was only becoming more worked up and Danny tightened his arm, pulling him closer to his side. “You didn’t let anybody down,” he repeated as Kevin buried his face in his shoulder. “You’re all right, Bud,” he whispered soothingly. “We’re all right.”

“I just feel like such a jerk, Danny! I fucked everything up! Everything!”

“You’re not a jerk, Kev,” Danny murmured, “and you didn’t fuck anything up.” Kevin’s gut wrenching sobs continued to fill the room and Danny squeezed his shoulder. “Hey, Bud, come on now, you’re fine,” he whispered. “Everything’s going to be ok. I wasn’t such a model of perfection myself you know, last year.”

“I know!” Kevin sobbed. “Jesse told me.”

“He did, did he?” Danny chuckled, and Kevin nodded against his shoulder. For a few more minutes there was silence as Kevin worked up the courage to ask what he wanted to ask.

“Did you get licks?” he sniffed at last. Danny hugged him closer but remained silent. Last year’s meeting was not among his favorite topics of conversation. Finally Kevin began to grow calmer and he looked up, brushing at his cheeks. “Jesse said you got licks, last year,” he insisted.

“He told you that, did he?” Danny whispered, meeting his little brother’s eyes.

“Well,” Kevin blushed a little once more, “not in so many words, maybe, but yeah.” Danny too was red, now, and he pulled his little brother closer again.

“So, did you?” Kevin prompted.

Danny was quiet for another minute, but then he sighed. “Yeah, Bro,” he admitted softly, at last, “I got licks last year.”

Kevin’s eyes widened and Danny squeezed his shoulder again. “In front of the fraternity? Like I did?” Kevin barely breathed.

“Yeah, Bud,” Danny confirmed once more. “What did you think I meant when I said I knew how hard it was, huh?” Kevin shrugged and cuddled closer, thinking it all over. Danny too was quiet.

“Did you think it was a party too?” Kevin broke the silence with a little sob.

“Well sort of,” Danny couldn’t help smirking at his own memory.

“What do you mean, ‘sort of’?”

“Well,” Danny explained sheepishly, “cocky little ass that I was, I thought they were inducting me into the Bulldog Hall of Fame . . . .”

Kevin looked up in surprise, “As a freshman?”

“Yeah,” Danny flushed again. “Presumptuous little bastard, wasn’t I?”

Kevin hid his face again, but he wasn’t quick enough to hide the smirk pulling at the sides of his mouth and Danny poked him in the ribs.

“Oww!” Kevin laughed. “I’m sorry, Danny,” he declared, “but Jesse was right! That is worse!”

“Thanks, Bro,” Danny quipped, “just rub it in, why don’t you?”

Kevin looked up and smiled (really smiled) for the first time in weeks, and Danny’s heart soared. He brought his thumb up to wipe the last of the tears from his little brother’s cheeks and then closed his arms completely around him as Kevin snuggled in closer again.

“So, how come you didn’t tell me?” Kevin questioned after a while.

“I couldn’t, Bro.” Danny responded.

“Why not?”

“There’re a whole lot of reasons . . . .”

“Like what?”

Danny was quiet for a moment. “It’s complicated, Kev,” he said, finally.

“Can you tell me now?”

“I can try, I guess,” Danny affirmed, wondering where to start. “It’s kind of a tradition . . .,” he went on at last.

“Great tradition . . .,” Kevin scoffed, hiding his face once more as tears burned his eyes.

Danny couldn’t help laughing a little as he squeezed his little brother’s shoulder. “It is, actually,” he returned seriously. “You haven’t figured it out yet, have you, Kev?” he whispered.

“Figured out, what?” Kevin inquired. A knock on the door prevented Danny from answering.

“Who is it?” Danny cried irritably.

“Room service!” came the high pitched response.

“Damn it!” Danny cursed under his breath but couldn’t help smirking all the same.“It’s not a good time, Ry,” he warned. There was a long pause and Danny waited, listening intently to the nonexistent sounds outside the door. “You see, Kev . . . .,” he started again when all seemed quiet, but another knock interrupted the thought. “What??” Danny exploded.

“Housekeeping . . . .” This time it was Steve’s barely recognizable falsetto voice that floated through the door, and now even Kevin couldn’t help laughing a little.

“Beat it!” Danny commanded.

There was a pause and then, “No Hable Ingles!” came the reply.

“Sorry, Kev!” Danny muttered, and he got up from the bed, and went to the door as Kevin brushed in frustration at the tears that persisted in streaking his cheeks.

“What do you want, guys?” he started, cracking the door just wide enough to peer out at them. “It’s not a good . . . .” He stopped in mid-sentence as his eyes fell on the packages his brothers were carrying, and they grinned at him. “You knew?” Danny demanded, opening the door wider. Steve and Ryan just simpered at him. “You bastards!” he accused laughingly. “You totally fucking knew!”

“So, are we just going to stand out here in the hall all night?” Ryan quipped.

“Yeah,” Danny teased, and he started to close the door.

“Come on Bro,” Steve laughed, wedging his foot in the door. “Let us in before we drop something.”

“Would serve you right,” Danny griped, but he swung the door open, stepped back to let his two impish brothers pass, and then shut it securely again behind them.

“Hey, Kev,” Ryan greeted as he placed his boxes carefully on his desk.

“Hey,” Kevin returned the greeting half-heartedly. He resented having his time with Danny interrupted, especially when he was just about to get some answers, finally. “What’s all that stuff?” he asked, indicating the boxes Steve and Ryan had brought in.

“Well,” Steve began, “rumor has it that someone around here had a birthday not too long ago.”

Kevin raised his eyebrows, hopefully, feeling all of a sudden a great deal more cordial towards his two oldest brothers. “Those are for me?”

Ryan laughed. “You know someone else who just had a birthday?” Kevin smiled sheepishly.

“We just thought we’d celebrate it properly, Bud,” Steve asserted more seriously, and everyone was quiet.

“We didn’t mean for things to go down like they did, Kev’bo. We all want you to know that,” Ryan added softly after a minute.

“I know . . . ,” Kevin acknowledged softly. “It was my own stupid fault . . . .”He looked down uncomfortably.

“Hey, Man, we’ve all been there,” Ryan soothed.

“Yeah, we have,” Steve agreed.

“Did Danny tell you what he thought . . .,” Ryan smirked at his little brother.

“Ok!” Danny cut him off. “Yes, I told him. As you said, we’ve all been there, ok? No need to dwell on it.” With a crimson face, Danny made his way to the pile of packages, and plucking one off the top, sat down on the bed next to Kevin. “Here, Bud,” he pushed the box into his little brother’s hands as Steve and Ryan traded looks of amusement. “Open this one, first. It’s from me and Ryan.”

“You guys didn’t have to do that . . .,” Kevin started quietly.

“We wanted to, Bro,” Danny assured.

“I don’t deserve it,” Kevin remarked bitterly.

“Oh Kevin,” Ryan laughed. “Danny had the thing picked out months ago and he’s been waiting all this time to give it to you. Just open it, Bud! And happy birthday!”

Kevin looked at Danny and seeing the anticipation in his big brother’s eyes, he couldn’t help smiling a little. Finally he turned his attention back to the box and taking no more than a moment to strip off the somewhat crude wrapping, he lifted the top. In that moment all else was forgotten.

“It’s authentic!” he squealed, jerking the blue, red and silver jersey from the box and all his brothers laughed as he hugged it to his chest. “I can’t believe it!” he cried. It was indeed an authentic New England Patriots jersey, sporting the number 28. Corey Dillon had been Kevin’s idol since early childhood. His dream was to be just as good a running back someday. Corey was a popular player and jerseys were hard to come by (even the replica jerseys). Authentic number 28 jerseys were nearly impossible to get and very expensive. Now, there were not enough words in the English language, for Kevin to accurately dispel his feelings of gratitude and enthusiasm. He hugged both his brothers a thousand times and kept holding the jersey up to himself. Finally, when it became apparent that he was not going to let go of it, Steve laughingly told him to shut up and put it on. Happily Kevin complied. More gifts followed, lots of odds and ends that his brothers had felt it necessary for him to have (some of them related to school). The clear second favorite was an autographed picture of Dillon (from Matt and Steve), but nothing delighted Kevin more than the jersey. He kept looking down and fingering the number as though to be sure it had not disappeared, and Ryan and Danny couldn’t help exchanging smug smiles of satisfaction.

Finally, only one package remained. An air of anticipation filled the room as Steve picked it up and Danny and Ryan once again sought one another’s eyes. The festive mood that had been developing was replaced by one of sober expectation, and Kevin felt it instantly. Danny brought his hand up to his shoulder, and Ryan moved from the desk chair where he had been sitting to sit on Kevin’s other side. Steve dropped to his knees before them and gently laid the package on their little brother’s lap. Kevin bit his lip. “Is this something I want to open?” he mumbled. None of his brothers answered and he looked at Danny. Danny met his eyes, and squeezed his shoulder.

“Go on, Bud, it’s all right,” Ryan urged softly from the other side. Kevin swallowed, dropping his eyes again to the package as Ryan placed his hand soothingly against his back. Slowly and with considerable dread, Kevin peeled back the paper and lifted the top of the box.

His cheeks burned and tears welled up quickly as he saw what was inside. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. “Do we have to do this?” he choked. “I’m sorry for the way I acted. I know I was a brat!” Tears started to streak his face and Danny’s stomach tightened. He placed his arm around his little brother once more and hugged him close. “I’m sorry!” Kevin sobbed, burying his face on Danny’s shoulder. “Please can’t we forget it? I just want to forget it! I’ll try harder from now on! I promise I’ll try!” he whimpered.

“Kev,” Danny soothed, “this is not what you think, Bud. This is not about you or your behavior right now.” Kevin just continued to sob. “You know those questions you were asking me earlier?” Danny went on huskily. Kevin nodded. “Well that’s what this is about, Bud. Look at the handle,” Danny directed his little brother’s eyes back to the intimidating fraternity paddle that lay in the box. It was a minute before Kevin could bring himself to look but finally he turned his head and wiped at his cheeks as he did his best to focus on the blurred object before him. “See the names?” Danny whispered.

“Oh, that’s great!” Kevin blurted, crying harder as he zoned immediately in on his own name. “That’s just fucking great!” he sobbed. “Now, the whole world will know what a shit head I was my freshman year. What an honor!” Ryan turned his head and Danny chewed his lip to keep from smirking, but Steve laughed outright.

“Well, Bud,” he assured affectionately. “You’re not alone. Look a little higher.” Kevin wiped at his cheeks again and tried to peer closer, but all the names blurred together. Finally, he made out Danny’s name just above his own. “Look higher, Bud,” Steve urged again seeing that he was still confused. At last Kevin saw what his brothers wanted him to see. Before Danny’s name, came Ryan’s, before Ryan’s was Steve’s, before Steve’s was Matt’s and the string of names continued all the way up the handle, but what did it all mean?

“I don’t understand,” he sobbed.

“The next time you see this paddle, Kev, Ryan will be President. Danny will be in Ryan’s position, and unless Danny and Ryan screw up when picking your little brother, you will be in Danny’s position.” Kevin just looked at him blankly. “Don’t you understand?” Steve gently cupped his youngest brother’s face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. “We don’t do this, idly, Kev,” he continued softly as his little brother sobbed. “We didn’t single you out to torture or humiliate you. Why do you think it was you, Bud, instead of James or Alex or one of the other fraternity miscreants?” Ryan and Danny both pressed closer as Kevin’s agitation visibly increased.

“I don’t know!” Kevin sobbed.

“Do you think your behavior was worse than theirs?” Steve asked softly. Kevin shrugged, and Steve used his thumbs to wipe the fast flowing tears from his little brother’s cheeks. “Well, it wasn’t,” Steve assured tenderly, looking intently into the tear filled eyes. “Many of your classmates deserved it just as much as you, Kev,” he whispered, “but they are not my brothers. As my youngest brother you have a responsibility to set and maintain a certain standard of behavior. Others will look to you, Bud. You have to set an example they can follow. We expect more of you, Kev, because you are capable of more, and when you’re not setting that example we have to come down harder on you than on them. They have to know that we are all accountable, that everyone in the house must abide by the rules or suffer the consequences.” Steve glanced at Danny and Ryan, but they avoided his eyes. “It has to be clear, Kev,” he went on softly, “that there are no favorites. You took your licks in one big dose, Kid, and you took them in front of the fraternity.” Kevin cried harder as feelings from that night rushed back on him and Danny squeezed his shoulder once more. “I know it’s hard, Bud,” Steve continued, “but it’s over, ok? And hopefully there will be no need for any repeats. Do you understand what I’m saying, Kev’bo?” Steve caressed his little brother’s cheek gently as he sobbed. “It’s only supposed to happen once for you, Bud,” he whispered.

Kevin hung his head, and when, after a minute, he still didn’t respond, Steve got to his feet. He removed the box with the offending implement, and placed it once more on the desk. He then pulled Kevin to his feet and folded him in his arms. “You’re all right, Kev,” Steve soothed as his little brother buried his face in his chest. Ryan and Danny looked on quietly, fighting now with their own emotions. Steve looked at them again as he spoke comfortingly to Kevin. “It’s over, Bro, ok? Nothing but the most serious kind of infraction would induce me to summon you, now. Understand?” Kevin nodded against his chest, and Steve stroked his hair. “It’s only supposed to happen once,” he repeated. He was talking to Kevin, but his eyes never left Danny and Ryan and his two other little brothers cringed. Tears burned Danny’s eyes and he looked down, putting his face in his hands. Ryan slid closer to him as Steve went on. “You know what it feels like, now, Kev’bo,” he soothed. “You know how horrible it is to be on the receiving end. That’s important, Bud. Neither The Code nor the process of the summons is to be taken lightly. The paddle is to be used only in the most serious instances and as a last resort. Knowing what it feels like, makes it less tempting to abuse that power . . . .”

“What power?” Kevin sobbed. “I don’t have any power!”

“You will,” Steve chuckled.

“What?” Kevin looked up at Steve with a bewildered expression that touched his oldest brother’s heart. “Don’t you get it, Bud?” he asked softly, bringing his hand up to wipe away Kevin’s tears once more. “In three years, Kevin, you will be president.”

“Me?” Kevin exclaimed.

“Yeah, Little Bro, you,” Steve laughed at the look of astonishment. “What do you think about that?” As he tried to process it all, Kevin turned to Danny. Danny still had his face in his hands and Ryan had his hand on his back. His big brother nudged him gently and as Danny looked up to find Kevin’s eyes on him, he wiped quickly at his own tears. Kevin seemed not to notice and Danny had to smile a little at the shocked expression on his brother’s face.

“So, what do you think, Kev?” he repeated Steve’s question. Kevin thought about it for a moment; he was still trying to collect himself.

“I think,” he said finally and he paused.

“Out with it, Bro,” Ryan coaxed.

”I think,” Kevin repeated with another little sob, “that I don’t know if I really want to be president.” He hid his face on Steve’s shoulder again, and all his brother’s laughed.

“Welcome to the club, Kid,” Steve commented. “That’s how we all feel about it, but it’s not so bad. By the time you get here, you’ll be very used to the idea.”

“Come on, Bud, cheer up,” Ryan encouraged from the bed. “That’s three years away. I’m the next one on deck,” he asserted tentatively, watching his older brother for a reaction. He got none and Steve avoided his eyes.

“Yeah,” Danny agreed. “Don’t worry about it just yet, Bro. Lots of time between now and then.”

“Yes there is,” Steve agreed. “And in the meantime, Bud, whenever you’re ready, I think there are a few more people who might like to wish you happy birthday.”

“There are?” Kevin queried into his shoulder.

“Yes,” Steve smiled.

“Who?”

Danny’s surprised tone echoed Kevin’s, prompting Ryan to grin too. “Sean, Jesse, Alex, and James for starters,” he laughed, “but by now who knows? I believe they’ve invited all of Phi Beta Delta and only the good Lord knows who those girls will drag through the door,” he smirked.

“The girls are invited?” Kevin looked up eagerly.

“Don’t sound so surprised, Bro,” Steve laughed. “We all like a good party. It’s just that there is a time and a place.”

Ryan’s eyes sparkled. “I hear there’s going to be cake and ice cream, and maybe even, now don’t quote me on this,” he quipped, “but I hear there might even be beer.”

“Beer?” Kevin’s squeak of excitement made even Danny laugh, now as his little brother turned eagerly to Steve. “Can I have some, Steve? Just one or two? I promise not to overdue it!” Steve squeezed his shoulder and hugged him closer, touched by the earnest appeal.

“Well, you have been working very hard, Kev’bo . . . .”

“Oh my God! That reminds me!” Danny interjected excitedly. He picked up the report from where it still lay beside him on the bed and dangled it mischievously in front of his two older brothers. “Who, here has ever gotten an A from Merrick?” he grinned.

“You mean besides you?” Ryan retorted.

“Yeah well, Danny is his pet,” Steve laughed. “The man doesn’t give A’s to anyone else. It’s just a fact. Scored another miracle this semester, did you?” he smiled indulgently down at his second youngest brother.

“Nope, not me,” Danny could hardly contain himself.

“What? Let me see that!” Ryan made a grab for the report, and Danny let him have it. “Kevin!” Ryan exclaimed in disbelief. “Kevin got an A from Merrick??” he laughed.

“What?” Steve too had trouble concealing his astonishment. “Let me see.” Keeping his arm around Kevin, he stretched out his other hand for the report and Ryan gave it to him. “How’d you get an A from the biggest hard ass on campus, Kev?” he laughed as he thumbed through the clearly legitimate report. Kevin shrugged and blushed with pleasure, looking over his older brother’s shoulder as Steve continued to leaf through the pages. The comments definitely had Merrick’s tone. Though Steve had never gotten anything so positive on his own papers, he had read the comments on some of Danny’s before.

“Why should you be so surprised?” Danny demanded, bursting with pride as Ryan and Steve tried to get over their shock. “He’s MY little brother.”

“Oh, shit,” Steve laughed, rolling his eyes at Ryan as he closed the report and laid it carefully on the desk. “Here we go . . . didn’t I tell you?” Ryan just grinned.

“So, can I have a beer or two tonight, Steve?” Kevin returned to the subject foremost on his mind at the time and all his brothers laughed once more.

“How can I say no, after that, Bud?” Steve grinned. “Let’s just make sure we get back on track on Monday, ok?”

“Yes!” Kevin jumped out of Steve’s embrace and punched the air in victory, and Ryan and Danny grinned, enjoying their brother’s happiness.

“Coach told Jesse and Sean they could use the gym,” Steve went on when Kevin was finally done dancing about the room. “I told them, we’d be over whenever we were through here. It’s almost ten now. I said I thought we’d certainly be done by 10:30. They’re probably going to jump out at you, Bud, so try to act surprised? Ok?” Steve grinned.

"Ok,” Kevin grinned back.

“All right, Bud, why don’t you go get in the shower?”

“Ok,” Kevin agreed. “Thanks guys!” he hugged all his brothers again, giving an especially long hug to Danny, and then off he went. His mind was filled for the first time in weeks with nothing but eager anticipation of the night ahead. If only everyone’s thoughts could have been as wonderful.

The mood changed instantly as the door closed behind the youngest of the four brothers. Now, that all of the business with Kevin had been settled, they had no choice but to think of the other serious matter hanging over them. Danny hung his head again and Ryan bit his lip as Steve looked at them. Time had run out, they knew. Their big brother could not put off the inevitable much longer.

Steve tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he looked at his two younger brothers. They avoided his eyes and he knew what they were thinking about. He wanted to say something comforting, but could think of nothing. He knew too, that the day was fast approaching when he could no longer stall. "I'm going to go get ready," he whispered huskily at last. Neither Danny nor Ryan looked up, but they both nodded to show they had heard, and without another word, Steve left the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

"You ok?" Ryan asked softly when their older brother was gone. Danny shrugged. Ryan placed his arm around him, pulling him close, and Danny turned his face into his big brother's shoulder.

"I can't stop thinking about it, Ryan," he sobbed as all the mixed emotions of the night caught up with him.

"I know," Ryan returned softly. "I can't either." Danny continued to cry and Ryan held him, pressing his cheek to his head, and rubbing his back soothingly. There was no need for words. Each knew what the other was thinking. After a while Danny grew calmer and finally he stopped crying altogether, but still they said nothing. There was nothing to say, really. They sat for another few minutes and then quietly began to get ready for the party. Neither of them really felt like going, but they would not abandon their brother. They would make this night special for him, and maybe, just maybe if they focused enough attention on Kevin, they would both forget the potent reprimand hidden in their older brother's comforting words.

`It's only supposed to happen once for you, Bud.' Danny paused in front of the closet where he was trying to select a shirt and put his hand over his face. Those words kept pounding through his head. `Nothing but the most serious kind of infraction would induce me to summon you, now. Understand?' Danny took a deep bitter breath and felt his big brother's hand on his shoulder.

Without a word, Ryan selected a shirt and handed it to him and gratefully, Danny began to put it on. Ryan then selected a shirt of his own and the two brothers finished getting dressed in silence. `It was only supposed to happen once,' the bitter thought kept going through their minds.

Twenty minutes later, Kevin bounced into the room, looking squeaky clean and smelling strongly of cologne. He was wearing his jersey with a clean pair of jeans and his brothers smiled a little despite themselves. Kevin was too excited to notice the change in their mood, but Steve sensed it instantly when he stepped into the room.

He sent Kevin on ahead of them and as Ryan closed the door and locked it behind them, he put an arm around each of his other two brothers. They pressed close to him and he held them. "It's ok, guys," he whispered. "We'll get through it. I promise." They nodded, but Steve could tell they had doubts. Hell, didn't he have doubts too? `It's only supposed to happen once!' His own words still echoed in his mind as well and he squeezed his brothers' shoulders as Kevin bounced back to reclaim them.

He watched Kevin drag Ryan and Danny each off by a hand and wished desperately that there was a way to make this whole business easier on them. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. `Just get through tonight, Steve,' he cautioned himself. Tonight was not the time to think about this. Tonight was a night for being with his brothers, enjoying their company, and strengthening their bond. `Tonight is a night for healing,' he thought warily to himself. `I will think about The Summons tomorrow.'