the questionable establishment

2001.03.12

:Yawn: Hi. ^_^;;

I'm tired still. When you take a nap, isn't that supposed to make you un-tired? Of course it is. But noooooo, it just makes you more tired. At least, when you take a nap around 6:30, your bird bitches at you till 7, and you wake up a little after 8. All in the PM, natch. Even though I should really be doing homework... but the way I figure it, I'm just getting something done that would be done anyway, right? Sleep is a normal nightly thing. If I'm sleeping instead of studying or whatever, then I'm really just doing what I'd be doing later anyway, and not wasting time at all!

Online diaries, however...

Heh.

I'm still incoherant, so don't worry whether I make no sense. Plus today I've been through so much random junk that I feel justified in just sitting here and wasting time. Somewhat justified. I got my blood taken for this survey/research thing that I've been in since I was in kindergarten, and that I had to do crap for last time when I was in 8th grade. So now I have puncture wounds in both of the veins in my arms, the right from giving a pint of blood and bein' all charitable, the left from being a guinea pig. At least one of the bruises is going away, and the other hasn't had time to form yet.

::goes from the entry, to an IM conversation, back to the entry::

I'm pissed. I'm crying. I hate myself. All because I've got a 3-month itch I can't get rid of. I mean, I know, it's not like the world is coming to an end. But I hate hurting people, especially people that I really do care about. I don't get it, and I hate who I am, and if I mess up this relationship I'm going to... go away and hide in a corner until I'm an old maid who feels sorry for herself. I hate cycles, and I'm always in them. I can't ever seem to grow past anything. It hurts. I don't feel like talking about it to an imaginary audience anymore.

Hail and Farewell,
Leaina-arni/Lioness-lamb