Oh come on, as if Lord of the Rings shouldn't be made as it was intended by J.R.R.T. himself.
All three with different directors but all produced by blockbuster mastermind
Jerry Bruckheimer.
Fellowship of the Ring.
Director: Michael Bay
The Two Towers.
Director: The Scott Brothers, Ridley and Tony.
Return of the King.
Director: John Woo. The initial cut of this would be 5 hours long though only 2 hours long in normal motion. 1/3 of the movie would be slow motion action
sequences. Another 3rd would be slow motion character entrances. The final 3rd may indeed be speeded up keystone kops style by Bruckhiemer in order to keep themovie under 2.5 hours.
The actors:
* Aragorn - Tom Cruise/Vin Diesel. Tom would be replaced after the first movie when his blockbuster appeal is overwhelmed by big vinnie.
* Legolass - a scantily clad J-lo. Then she could release a hit single about how she's just an "elf from the wood".
* Gimli - Mini-Me from Austin Powers. At least it would then be true comic relief!
* Gandalf - Samuel Jackson. Actually I genuinely think he would make a good Gandalf
* Frodo - Ashton Kutcher (yeah the guy from Dude, Where's my Car?)....or maybe Jason Biggs.
* Sam(antha) Gamgee - Britney Spears. She can act I tell you, and having Sam as a hot chick allows for muchos soxual tension between Sam and Frodo (though as if there isn't enough of that already) and maybe a couple of gettin it on scenes.
* Saruman - Tom Hanks. Revising his evil role from... ummm... I guess this would be his branching out role.
* Voice of Gollum - Hugh Grant. Who could help but feel for the affable bumbling english accented Smeagul?
I could go on and on, but I shan't. That'll do me for now.
- H.P.K.
Good in its time but surely we're due for a remake - or better still, a "re-imagining" - and what studio could go past this inspired idea.
The Director: Steven Soderbergh.
The Cast: The same ensemble responsible for bringing the remake of Ocean's 11 to the screen.
Potential, potential, potential! Clooney would be perfect as the Guttenberg of the new millenium - that cannot be denied. Pitt - he's proven such a versitile actor that he would have his choice of any other part (although I'd like to see him as a surprise replacement for Bob Golthwait in a remake of the sequels) and unless Pitt decited to tackle this roll, Roberts would have to replace Cattral, though personally I'd like to see Cattral reprise her roll. Michael Windslow, of course, is a man who is irreplacable - he'd definately be back, his Space Invaders mimickery being put to hilarious use ("Game over, asshole!" is one line that should not be re-written. You hear that, Soderbergh?). And the two idiot guys from Police Acadamy can be played by the two idiot guys from O's 11.
Perfect!
As for the rest of the cast - just dump 'em into secondary roles like in Ocean's 11. Naturally, Elliot Gould would be in the G.W. Bailey role and Reiner could replace the Dad from Punky Brewster... Unless this is a "next generation" sort of thing. If that's the case, get back G. W. Bailey and put Steve Guttenberg in charge. Bailey could cop it from both sides... The recruits and the boss!!!
I'm going to open up MS Word now and start writing this baby. It practically writes itself.
- NS2K