Rausha gives you

her Teen Help Page

Welcome to my teen help page. This page was developed to help teens deal with problems and to help parents of teens. I am not a psychologist or counselor of any kind. I'm just a normal person who used to be a teen and I have children of my own. The views expressed here are simply my opinions and should be accepted as such. I can't prove anything that I say is going to be the perfect solution. It is more of just an advice area where people can go to see what other normal everyday people think about today's situations. If you don't agree with my opinions then that is your choice and I ask that you e-mail me with any opinions that you have. I would be happy to put other opinions here as well. You will find the e-mail address at the bottom of this page. I appreciate any suggestions or opinions given.

Click Here to learn about my first contest for teens!

All rules and regulations will be given as well as the type of contest. I thought I'd start off with a little patriotic type contest and see how that works. I hope you will find it interesting and fun.

Also coming soon: I'm going to try to put together a forum where teens can post messages and sorta start their own discussions. I'd like some feedback on this and see if it's something you guys would be interested in before I spend the time and effort on putting it together.

Teens

Some of you may be asking yourself why this person is interested in my problems. Well the answer is simple. I care about people no matter what their age. I know that life can be difficult and sometimes it seems that people just don't understand. I also feel that society today is a bit confused on several issues involving teens. I would like to help those who can't seem to figure out a solution to problems they have. I would also like to share with you some of the opinions I have on some of the more important issues facing teens these days. Life is not easy for anyone but it is more difficult on the youth than the adults. Some of the more prominent issues are sex, pregnancy, guns, and drugs. No I don't know all there is to know about everything. But I do know what it is like to be a teen and feel pressured by peers and the above things. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you what I think about these issues. You don't have to agree with me but if you do that's okay and people should appreciate your opinion. And I do. Your opinion is valuable to me. And please remember that YOUR feelings are the most important in your life. So here are my opinions:

New topic: Racism

Racism is another topic that is really big in our world. Being a racist means that you judge others because of their race. When you judge another because of their skin color, you are downing them in ways that hurts them. Racism comes in a lot of different forms. There's the comment racism and then there's the violent racism. Comment racism is making remarks to someone of a different color that are negative or talking against someone for being a different color. Violent racism is taking violent action against those of other races. I'll tell you more about the types in a minute. But first I wanna tell you what makes races different............NOTHING! If you were color blind, you wouldn't know that black is different than white, yellow is different than brown. And if you take away our skin, we all would look the same. We all have bones, muscle, blood, teeth, hair, eyes, lips, and everything else that's the same. Why does the color of skin make us different? It's only a way to tell us apart. For example, some white skinned people lay out in the sun forever or go to tanning salons and change their skin color. Some black skinned people are darker than others. So it doesn't matter does it. If we make it an issue, then it becomes an issue. We should all love each other no matter what because we are all Americans and we are all humans. Now there are groups of people that will tell you different. And if you listen, you'll hear the hatred in their words. One such group will tell you that because they are white, they are superior to all other races. And they will tell you that other races are only animals and are meant to be enslaved by whites. I am white and I think that group of people are the biggest trash pile on the face of the earth! And they are ignorant....not stupid....ignorant. And they are scared. Because they were taught by others to think that way and they are afraid of other races. And quite honestly they should be. I'm not going to speak the name of that group but it's the biggest white supremacist group in the U.S.A. and they have been known to be very violent with their beliefs. So think about what we all look like underneath our skin before you judge one another. No race is superior to the other. And no race has more rights than another.

New topic: Terrorism

I'm sure everyone knows what terrorism is since Sept. 11, 2001. The question is, does it take place in school and at home? To answer that, yes it does. Let me give you a definition of terrorism and a few examples of how it fits into modern society. Terrorism is any act that is taken to instill fear or terror into another person or group of people. So let's look at how that fits in society. When a group of kids at school bully another kid or group of kids, often times it causes fear. Something that happened to a kid I went to school with that would fit here: We'll call my friend Joe. Joe was your classic geek, nerd, dork, square, whatever you want to call him. He really didn't have any friends to speak of. His parents were poor and he would usually have holes or patches in his shirts and pants. He rarely had new shoes. Well one day, Joe came to school with a new pair of shoes on that he'd gotten from his Grandma. These other kids, we'll call them the A group because most of them were the popular and more fortunate kids, started accusing Joe of stealing someone else's shoes. He hid his face as usual and cowered before them. A group never let up. They started pushing Joe between each of them until he got dizzy and fell down. He got a new hole in his jeans from the sidewalk. A group just laughed and started throwing pebbles at him. Joe started crying. He yelled for them to stop but they didn't. Then one person in A group grabbed a bigger rock and aimed to the side of Joe's foot. Well apparently this kid was not a very good aim because when he threw it, it hit Joe in the side of his head. Finally a teacher showed up and sent everyone off to class. Joe was fine other than being afraid and ashamed. Now the point of this story is that these kids in A group terrorized Joe. Back then we called it being a bully. But nowadays it goes much farther than that. So think about Joe next time you decide it would be fun to pick on someone smaller, uglier, less fortunate, or just plain nerdish. Because you can really hurt someone's self esteem and quite possibly make a bigger problem than you'd expect. And if you're the one being bullied, remember this. You have a brain in your head that is made for thinking. Learn some ways you can use it to say something that will make the bully or bullies think about what they are doing. My daughter, who is 10, has learned how to make other kids think rather than fight with them. Using your head is way better than using your fists.

Teen Pregnancy and Sex

Now this is a hot issue nowadays that I feel really ought to be addressed. Many teens have a need to get pregnant to have someone to love them unconditionally. Others wind up pregnant without intending to. And a lot of boys in this situation do not feel they should be responsible for the mistakes the girl made. They often times feel they do not have to provide protection or abstain from having sex. They think that it is the girl who should worry about all that.

This is for all teens: Consider abstaining from sex as long as you can. Babies are not the only thing that can become of having sex. There is AIDS, Hepatitis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and many other sexually transmitted diseases that occur in teens more every year. Protection can help prevent all of those as well but condoms do BREAK!!!!! The pill does not prevent the transmission of diseases. And the only sure way to prevent all of them is abstinence! So forget about doing the cool thing. Do the RIGHT thing! Sex can be a wonderful thing. But it should be shared only by two people who really love each other. Parents don't seem to talk to their kids about sex anymore. I feel that a person should find out all the pros and cons of sex before going through with it. Sex is not a bad thing, it's just something that should be thought about before doing. For adults, teens, and children alike. No one is immune from the possible consequences of sex. Some don't seem to care. But when you are young, like between 13 and 18, those consequences can affect so much of your life. Not only that but your own children's lives. Most people know about AIDS. It is a deadly disease. No one who has it will ever live a full live. It makes you so sick that sometimes you can't even make it through a single day without throwing up or feeling so bad that you can't even move. That is not a life. And you can get it from having unprotected sex. And even if you do use a condom there is still a small chance that you can get it. Condoms break!! I know because my first two children were conceived through sex with a condom. So keep that breakage thing in your mind when you are thinking about having sex. And AIDS is not the only sexually transmitted disease out there. There are some that are incurable. Like Herpes or Genital Warts, otherwise known as HPV. Those probably won't kill you but they are not comfortable and are highly transmittable. It will affect your future sex life. And there are some that are curable but they are often unnoticeable. Such as Chlamydia. That one is a pain!! I've had it and didn't know it. Also if you have it while pregnant and it is left untreated it can have really bad affects on the baby. The baby could go blind or have physical deformities. And if you don't consider yourself, consider your child. They don't ask to be conceived or born and what you do affects them as much as it affects you. If you don't get a sexually transmitted disease then you are lucky. But there are other consequences that some people don't consider. Pregnancy. Most of the time two people don't plan a pregnancy and it just happens when a condom breaks, the pill isn't the right one for your body, or the guy doesn't pull out in time. And usually the guy leaves and the girl is stuck with a baby that she doesn't want. Trust me a baby will change your life in some of the worst ways if you don't really want it. No more going out to party. Many sleepless nights. No money to eat or buy the clothes you want. No time for school or work. Loneliness because your friends don't want to be around your baby. These are not things that teenagers should want for themselves. And if the guy does stick around, he then has to support a baby that he didn't really want in the first place. That means a job rather than school. It means that his money doesn't go to himself but to a baby. And babies are not cheap!! My youngest child is 5 years old. On the average after he was born, we spent about $200 a month on formula and diapers. That doesn't even count clothing, blankets, a crib, and toys. And sometimes parents are not happy about it and refuse to help the young parents with their expenses. Please consider these consequences before having sex. Because when you weigh these cons with the one pro the cons win out. The only good that comes of sex is that it feels good. Would you risk your life for something that feels good? Is it really worth it? If you choose to have sex, learn everything you can first and make sure you protect yourself. Protection could be the one thing that saves your life. A condom is not that expensive and not hard to use. So do the right thing. Don't make a hasty decision. Be educated about the act before you commit it.

And please don't think that oral sex isn't sex. Because it is. And diseases can be transmitted that way too. Just think about the difference between the two and figure it out for yourself. Don't look at what adults do and call that right because some adults don't even do the right things. Use your own brain and your own judgement to decide what's right and what's best for you.

So let us start with those that want babies. Let me tell you from experience that having children is not at all easy or fun. Once they arrive, you lose sleep, you never get to go out and have fun anymore, you forget to eat because the baby needed you at dinner time, you lose friends because they have better things to do, you get cranky because you have not slept enough, and you just do not have an easy life anymore. But before the baby arrives, it may seem easy enough to carry around about 25 to 50 extra pounds of weight all centered in you abdominal area. Boys do not look at you the same way anymore, you get a bad reputation, and most often than not the father is already out of the picture by the 4th month. So if all that is not scary enough, think about the delivery. Now that is the hardest part. Imagine something that large ripping its way out of you without a care for how you feel at that moment. And think about the hours of breathing and pushing and contractions you have to

withstand before it ever comes out! Man, it is really painful! And I am not just saying that. My first 2 kids were natural childbirth. My youngest was an emergency C-section. I honestly prefer natural over getting cut open any day. Then you have to consider the possibility of complications that can occur while you are pregnant and during childbirth. Some girls do not even get to the 4th month because they miscarry. Others make it to the full 9 months and wind up delivering the placenta before the baby which can make mother and baby bleed to death in a matter of minutes. Some deliver several months early and watch their babies suffer on machines and in incubators for more than a month. Some even have twins which means double the work. And after all that, all you have is more work until the child turns 18 and leaves home! It is a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, 18 year JOB! If you are lucky, you might have someone who will take the baby for a few hours for you to get some rest or do some shopping. But forget the fun! And please do not get me wrong, kids are wonderful. But when you are not even grown yourself, trying to raise a child can literally erase you. You do not exist anymore at all. The baby then runs your life. So if unconditional love is worth all that, then go for it. But you should really think about it first.

Now for those that just wind up in the situation unintentionally, lean on your parents as much as you can. They are there to help. They may be angry at first and may seem to hate you at first, but they also have to adjust to the idea of their baby having a baby. And whatever you do, try your absolute best to stay in school as long as you physically can and try to find a way to go back after the baby is born. That is the best thing you can do for your baby and for you. Your education will make your life easier, like getting a job, going to college, things like that. So do not give up on your school! Also look into programs in your community that can help you learn how to care for your child and yourself, during and after your pregnancy.

Now for the boys: If you have sex with a girl, it IS your responsibility as much as it is hers to provide and use protection. If you do not use it, you are 50 percent responsible for the baby being conceived and therefore just as responsible when the baby is born to be a father and help provide for that child. Do not think for a second that the girl is by any means more responsible for the situation than you. It takes 2! So if you get a girl pregnant, you need to get a job and help support the baby by helping to buy diapers, food, clothes, and pay for medical costs. You will earn a whole lot more respect from your peers and you family and your whole community if you take responsibility for your child than if you pretend you had no part in it.

Alcohol and Drugs

Ok. So if you really want to kill your brain, yourself, your friends or even a stranger, drink and do all the drugs you want. But think about this: All types of drugs affect your body and your mind! Drugs kill brain cells, cause sterility, impair judgement, and in large enough doses can kill you. Alcohol depresses your system. Consider for a minute that you are already depressed and you figure having a drink will make you feel better. Well think again. The alcohol will only make you more depressed as well as slowing the function of certain organs like the heart, the lungs, and the liver. Long term use of alcohol can damage the liver so that it kills it and can lead to your own death. Serious business. And it is not worth all the hype either. Because if drugs and alcohol do not kill you, you still

risk losing your drivers license, especially in Texas, going to jail, killing someone while driving a car under the influence, and it ruins all the work you do everyday in school. It does not help you and it does not make your problems go away. Why waste yourself on something that slowly takes all your money and possibly even your life? I can not possibly stress enough that drugs are really not smart and are not good to do. And alcohol should never be used to fix problems or before driving a car. As long as you are under age, it is best to only drink with your parents because they can make sure you are safe. Or at least let your parents know that is what you are going to do so they can safely get you home. Or if they do not know you are drinking, call them to pick you up rather than let a friend who has probably also been drinking drive you home. Think before you do it of what you are doing to yourself and others. If you have a problem with alcohol or drugs, let someone know who can get you some help before it ruins your life. And do not smoke cigarettes! They are also a drug and can cause problems like, emphysema, circulation problems, lung cancer and other serious problems. And they are highly addictive no matter what people say. It is harder to quit smoking than to quit doing any other drug or alcohol. Be smart and know what you are getting into before you do it.

Drugs and alcohol are bad!! I went through a stage in my life that I thought getting drunk was the coolest thing. But I learned that it sucked getting up with a hangover. I've never touched drugs because I felt that I would rather keep what brain I had rather than destroy it. And you can overdose on any kind of drug and lose your life or become a vegetable. Not a good way to live. Drinking too much can give you alcohol poisoning and that is dangerous as well. And if you drink for years you can have major physical problems from it. But if you decide to drink or do drugs, don't drive a car! You more than likely won't die but you will kill someone else and I don't think going to jail in exchange for a good buzz is worth it. And if you choose to do either make sure you know who you are with and where the alcohol and drugs came from. Don't take drugs or alcohol from a stranger. You don't know what they may have added. And don't use too much at a time. Learn about the drug or alcohol before you use it and if you aren't sure about it don't touch it. Think before you do!!

Violence and Weapons

Now this one is very simple. Leave weapons out of it and do not fight! What good does it do anyway? If someone makes you mad enough to lash out at them, use your head to come up with ways to get back at them that does not cause physical damage. You can say something very simple that can make the other person think. Then maybe you wind up being friends instead of enemies. Or at least the 2 of you are not bleeding or dead. Right? So leave violence out of your disputes. It only hurts people in ways that can not be repaired. And violence is a sign of hatred which in itself is wrong. Think of what other people have done that have hurt our country in the past that was all out of

violence and hatred. And weapons kill! I do not care what anyone says, guns kill, knives kill, clubs kill. The people using them should not be using them at all and it could be their fault those weapons kill. But if the weapon was not there, the chances are that the person it would have been used on, would wind up not dead. We have to stop living our lives each man for himself and start realizing we are all living in this world together and we should help each other rather than hurt each other. Make friends, not enemies. Make love not war. Make peace, not chaos. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do as you will, yet harm no one. All these quotes should go through your head when you get angry. Maybe by thinking before we act will make this world a better place for all of us.

Guns have been an issue that has been in the news a lot over the last few years. Kids going to school with guns and killing other kids and teachers. I hate guns!! They are so dangerous in the wrong hands. I won't even touch a gun because I don't want to risk it going off accidentally and killing me or someone I love. The best thing to do if you see a gun is run away and tell an adult about it. You should never play with guns. They might be loaded and you not know it. The safety might not be on when you think it is. If you pick up a gun, never point it at anyone and don't touch the trigger. If you are angry at someone, a gun is not the answer. You can go to jail for the rest of your life or get the death penalty if you kill someone. It is not a good way to spend your life. You should be able to talk things out with people rather than use violence to get your point across. Do the right thing; don't use violence in any form. Only you can choose your future! A gun can end your future!

I will add more topics as they come to me. I think these subjects are very important and affect a lot of teens lives. I hope something here helps you. And remember, your suggestions are always welcome. And if you need some help

with an issue that can not be solved by reading a website, please email me. I am always willing to help.

Parents of Teens

If you are a parent of a teen under the age of 18 this section is for you. There is not a lot I can say to parents other than talk to your kids. Be their friend. They look up to you for advise, ideas, and actions. If you do something unacceptable in society, expect your child to do the same. One of the hardest things for parents to talk to their kids about is sex. They need to know what it's about and what the pros and cons are or they're just gonna go out and find out on their own. At least if you talk to them then you can encourage them to use protection and advise them on consequences of their actions. Be there for them. They are your children and no one can help them better than you. Know what they are doing...be aware. You can't hide from their problems or you teach them to hide from them. Love them! No matter what they say, they love you, they need you, and they depend on you. Without you they are alone. Another issue that is all over the news these days is children with guns. If you have guns in your house, lock them up. Make sure the ammo is not stored in the same place as the gun. And make sure the gun is not loaded. And most of all don't let your children have access to the gun!! If they can get the key to the lock or know the combination they can get the gun. Don't let your child be the next one on the news that took a gun to school and shot other kids and teachers. The best alternative to all of the lock and key stuff is to watch your children. There is nothing better in the world than parental supervision. I don't care how old they are they should be watched. If you leave your children at home alone and you have guns in your house there is no better safety than lock and key. We have to save our own children. There are so many kids that die these days from guns, drunk driving, and drug overdose. Parents know their children better than anyone and should keep it that way. Know them and love them. If you don't, who will?

If you would like advice on a specific issue you can feel free to e-mail me. I can't claim to know everything but I care about our children. I care about our future. Our children are our future and if we don't protect them and teach them then what kind of future do any of us have? I will be happy to address any issue that is wanted here. I only ask that you e-mail me with what you think or what you would like to know. I can place it here for public or I can answer questions via e-mail. If you care as much as I do then help me save the children.

I am not trying to preach here but we need to stop letting television, video games, and computers be our babysitters. We have to start spending quality time with our kids from the day they are born and not stop until we are dead. Kids grow up and leave home but they never stop needing their parents. We chose to bring them into the world and it is our job to raise them, protect them, teach them, and most of all love them. We

can not expect them to learn morals and values not counting responsibility by watching TV or playing on the computer. Our kids are our future leaders and if we do not take care of them today, what are they going to do for us tomorrow?

These are my views and my opinions. They are not meant to offend. I expect at least a few people to disagree with me on all of the above information and that is perfectly fine. We are all individuals and our ability to think for ourselves is what makes us human. Please do not email me with hate mail. I do not condone

hatred and will not accept someone hating me for my views. You do not have to agree with me or take any of the advice I provide. You can even let me know you disagree. But do not send me HATE mail.

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The information on this page is the advice of Sandra Griggs and does not reflect the opinions of any national organization for teens, parents, or community program. I apologize if any opinion I've stated has offended another human being, be it teen or adult. Any comments should be made via email using the button above.

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