David the Game Master is assembling for yet another night of Dungeons and Dragons for the fairy nobles of the High Court.
His gammers were assembled as usual:
Lady "I want to play a damn wizard" Morwen . . .
. . . High Queen "I'll seduce this guy" Faerylith . . .
. . . Princess "I want to play a Half Dwarfish/Half Elf/ Fighter /Wizard/Cleric" Lenore . . .
. . . Duke "You twinkish punks, in my day" Dray . . .
. . . and Professor "On page 227 of revised Dungeon Masters Guide it clearly states" Edgewhich
Tonight: "The Dragonlance Years"
DM David: Okay guys you see a beggar wandering upside the road carrying a satchel over one shoulder and shivering in the moonlight...
Morwen: I cast fireball
David: Morwen!
Lenore: DANGIT! No fair! I need the exp! Oooo wait I shift his body for coins and magic items! Yesss I got dibs! Dibs!
Faerilyth: I see if they're are any cute guys back at the tavern. See if I can get more than one up to my inn room if you know what I mean...
DM David: Ewwww
Faerylith: I have an 18 charisma ppppphhpt
Dray: You stupid DM in my day we used our old 100 sided...not your pansy ass 20 or 10s to make REACTION ROLLS not any of this planned crap. We rolled a 02 and got TROLLS...completely at random! Saved a bundle on gamming.
Edgewhich: Actually 02 according to the World of Krynn supplement would be goblins Dray.
Dray: Shut up pansy! (gives Edgewhich wedgie)
Later, after getting Edgewhich out of the bathroom crying....
DM David: The ruins of Xas Tararoth are filled with the rumbling of yes...A BLACK DRAGON rising from the horrofic mists. It opens it's mouth to let out a billowing roar...
Faerilyth: Okay...let me handle this...(says in sultry voice) Hello there BIG guy...Rowr...me and my friends were just wandering through your tomb looking for the disks of Mishkale...I was curious if we could have them...I'll make it worth your while.
Morwen: You are such a slut! I swear what the hell do you think this is going to acomplish? It's a DRAGON. It may even be a GIRl dragon ever think of that?
DM David: Oh dear...
Faerilyth: Hey my character is into that...
(Morwen groans)
Dray: Black Dragons! Bah! What the hell happened to Baphmut and Tiamet! THEY WERE DRAGONS! Not your pansy ass ADULT or HATCHLING types.
Professor Edgewhich: Actually they're can't be a black dragon here David the Monsterous Manual clearly states they inhabit SWAMPS not ruins. I think your looking for the Yellow variety which are much weaker.
Lenore: I use my hide in shadows ability 99% that Edgweich helped me get with my Character sheet. I sneek up his nose and hide there. (rolls) YIPPIE I GOT IT!.
DM David: I hate you people
Faerilyth: Your just jealous my character gets some and your character spends her nights alone with her spell "books".
Morwen: What?! I'll have you know....(looks at Character sheet) I turn my familar every night into a breathtakingly handsome man named Charlie and we have wild passionate lovemaking!
DM David: Hmmm?
Edgewhich: I take aim at the Yellow dragon's eye which gives me a +10 damage modifier plus +1 due to my specilization +2 for it being elven wood +3 for...
Faerilyth: I have a higher charisma than Morwen. I seduce her familar and get him to call me Goddess.
Morwen: YOU @&$*%#%! (grabs faerilyth's hair)
Dray: Cat fight! I draw my sword and get medieval on the dragon's candy ass.
Edgewhich: Dragons don't have...
MUCH later...
DM David: Okay....you are face to face with THE QUEEN OF DARKNESS TAKHASIS! She is about to come into the material plane and destroy your world....the ground shakes and the pillars of Nekara shudder in agony.
Dray: This is such a damn rip off of Tiamat.
Edgewhich: The book clearly states she's orginal.
Dray: The game company's lie to avoid getting their ass sued!
Edgewhich: That's just paranoid.
Morwen: I cast fireball at Faerilyth.
Faerilyth: Will that lower my charisma?!?!
DM David: Oh god...(tosses DM screen)
(Lenore sneaks a peek at his notes)
Lenore: I decide the only way to defeat Takhasis is to cast someone into the portal carrying the crown of Nekara.
(everyone looks at each other)
(a fight breaks out as they toss each other)
DM David: Okay...you stand before Paladine god of light in judgement for screwing up saving the world.
Lenore: I want to be ressurected as a paladine/archmage whose 1/3rd orc, elf, and dwarf with Tinker Gnome's brain.
Dray: Tell Paladine he's a cheesy ass rip off of Baphumut and draw my sword.
Edgewhich: May I ask what his hit points are? Frankly I should be able to judge given my "Value" skill and Dragon magazine 420#'s artical "the Judging of Hit points". If he's acting according to lawful good rules he has to ressurect us anyway.
Faerilyth: So...your a God...are you....Gently unbutton my bodice...
Morwen: I cast fireball and send her to Takhasis where she belongs!