DISCLAIMER: All characters in the BtVS & Angel series are property and copyright of Fox, Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon, and any others I might have left out. I do NOT own any privileges to the BtVS, Angel, and Watcher characters. HOWEVER, I DO own Isabelle, Shalimar, Rayvin, Kyla, and any other made up characters along the way. All hail the great & powerful Joss, without whom, these fan fictions would not be possible!

Disobedient Gaze


Why in the bloody hell can't I stop thinking about her?! It's not like she's...no. She IS everything I need. Everytime I see her it's like, something else takes over...William, maybe, instead of this demon. I know it's still there...it's why I mucked up when Soldier Boy came back...and when she said it was over, I knew she could see the pain in my eyes...that damned Slayer...

Every time I try to sleep, there she is...in my every sodding dream, And in my mind's eye every bloody waking moment! It's like there's this...this gaze that's in me. A disobedient gaze that keeps shifting back to her. She wants me...I can sense it. I can smell it on her. Her want, her need. But she says she's just been using me...and that she hates it. She shouldn't hate it. I mean, honestly, Slayer! I'm "...just Spike," right? Incompetent and what-all else you said to Captain Cardboard...

She knows I love her...I've told her at least a million times, and she still uses it against me...What in the bloody hell did I do to deserve this?! She just waltzes in and blows my mind away...

Oh...and then at the wedding...or, what was supposed to be the whelp and the ex-demon, anya's wedding, when i brought...my date. I wasn't trying to make her extremely jealous...just enough to make her think...but it worked anyway...made her all, posessive jealous and what-all else. That was when I knew for sure that she wanted me. The look in her eyes, the want, the longing...the desperation when I told her I'd better be leaving...And then those little smiles and the shy blushing bit she had going while we were talking there...I had to leave before i got in deeper than i already was, considering i was already drowning in her...

I will admit, the dress was horrible, but with her in it, it looked like perfection. The Slayer...MY Slayer was as beautiful as ever. you know, as soon as I left, i ditched my 'Date.' That's right. I dumped her. 'Course she tried to beat my bloody ass...but it was worth it. The rest of the night I was free to think about the only thing that mattered to me. My Slayer. My Buffy Summers.

Damn this disobedient gaze...

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