Razz is not quite asleep, with a towel strewn over her wet hair, but she's not completely awake either. Kneeling beside Justin's bed, her head is laid on it's edge, her face shield by an arm as she doze. Justin hasn't woken up yet... No one really objected to her waiting there, as soon as they patched up the long wound over her stomach. One of the medics had wanted to run a through check to make sure that the fetus was unharmed, but Razz refused to go anywhere out of physical contact with Justin. And they relented, being discret about the matter. Not every medic is an Arkie, thankfully. > > Justin has, despite outwards appearance, been more or less conscious throughout. It's his body that's wrecked, rather than his mind, this time. Hours upon hours of trying haven't produced any action since he 'fell asleep' out in the forest. He can't even talk anymore. Try as he might, he can't even get "..d..damn.." ..! Well. Progress at last. Razz's ears perked up, and she lifted her head from the crook of her arm. "Justin?" The elf girl reached out and touched his face. "Are you alright?" > > Justin draws another breath, and with a supreme effort of will, manages to force out the word "...Mostly." and open his eyes. Razz nodded, and laid her head down again. "I'm sorry I didn't think of it sooner..." she yawned, relaxing. > > Justin is going to wake up and he is going to converse, damn it. We'll omit the typographical games here and just let it be known that he's speaking rather haltingly. "I'm sorry you had to think of it." Razz shook her head lightly. "You couldn't help it," she murmured. "How are you feeling?" > > Justin is working on motor control, again. He can about do a hand, now. "...disconnected." Razz looks confused. "Disconnected?" she asked. Justin doesn't waste effort on a nod nobody's going to see. "Disconnected, yeah. Like everything is there and working, I just can't do anything with it." Razz says: Oh. Justin says: You'll note, for instance, that my arm isn't moving. Despite my strenuous efforts to make it do so. Razz reached out and placed a hand on Justin's arm, and nodded. "I can feel it," she said, noting the tension in his muscles. Justin isn't accomplishing anything by it, obviously, so he gives up on moving for the moment. "How long was it? Can't have been very long, it's still night." Razz thought about it. "I'm not sure, but it wasn't very long, I don't think. A few hours, maybe." The passage of time is hard for Razz to keep track of, now. > > Justin sighs, quietly. "Good. And Crulath has been keeping to his word, so far? No more darklings?" Razz shook her head. "No more darklings, but he said he'll be back if something happens to the baby." Razz say: He said he's attuned to it. > > Justin says, "...Right. I wouldn't doubt it, really." He sighs again. "...what of the Blades? How many casualties?" Razz looked somewhat sullen, she had asked the same question herself when they brought her in. "Two died, and four more are in intensive care. One of them might lose an arm, if he survives." Justin mutters darkly to himself. Damn Crulath. Damn his ambition. Damn his lack of concern for life. He uses people worse than they ever used us. They'll tell him themselves what happened when he's about again. "...damn it." Sorrow. Razz's ears dropped, her expression sullen still. "I'm sorry," she muttered, holding onto one of Justin's hands. > > Justin doubts, somehow, that he has the strength to explain to Razz why it's not her fault. He barely has the strength to hold her hand. What the hell is he going to do for the two who were killed? Or the one who's losing his arm? It's not for the kids to fall in combat, that's what /he's/ there for. Damn it. Razz doesn't really know what to do, just kneeling there, her head bowed, holding Justin's hand. The situation, for as far as she could see, was entirely her fault. Crulath had sent those creatures here to get at her, if she hadn't been here, or if she had thought of the solution sooner, things wouldn't have turned out to be like this. Right then, a medic choose this time to come and check up on Justin and Razz. "Aah, you're awake, that's good to see," the lady remarked, and placed a hand on Razz's shoulder. "Now, would you come with me for our little checkup? I cannot stress how important this might be." She lowered her voice without seeming to. "A fetus is quite fragile, as is the body that carries it. I really must insist on this test." Justin's expression is as immobile as the rest of him, but you can hear the frown in his voice. "...You can go ahead, Razz. I'm not going to expire in the next few minutes, I think." Razz bit down on her lip, and seems to be having some sort of an inner struggle before nodding. "Alright," she murmured, and allowed the medic to lead her away by the arm. For a moment, her expression was filled with rejected anguish, but it's soon replaced by a guilty sorrow as she disappeared around the corner. > > Justin indulges in another bout of damning stuff. Himself, for not being a little more emphatic, the nurse, for dragging Razz off, Crulath, for putting them all in this situation, and himself a little more for not being able to handle any of it any better. And for not being able to get up. And for thinking that there'd be something useful he could do once he did. Razz returned some time later, looking a little more hesitant about approaching Justin. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out but a lot of silence. "Another one died, a girl." > > Justin has spent this time in a slightly more serious effort to regain voluntary motor control, and has so far succeeded in sitting up. He falls back again. "/Damn/ it. Damn it all." Razz closed her eyes, and knelt down beside Justin's bed again, facing the wall behind it. No amount of apologies can bring the dead back, and so she sits, silent, not knowing what else to say or do. Justin takes a moment to damn Crulath and his schemes again (Sorry, Crulath). He'll withold comment on himself, but /Razz/ certainly didn't deserve this. He'd be a trifle more capable of comforting her in some way if the damnable medicos didn't keep taking his-- hey, wait, they left his pants this time! Joy. Now if he could only get out of the damn bed. Razz noted the shift on Justin's bed, and turned to face him. "Would you like anything?" she asked. Justin would like very much if this hadn't all happened. "No... I'm fine. I'll be fine. Are you okay?" Razz remained expressionless. "Why wouldn't I be okay? I wasn't hurt, not much." Justin sighs, which turns to a hiss briefly as he forces himself to a sitting position, and turns to face Razz. "Not physically. This looks to be hitting pretty hard all around. How are you /feeling/?" Razz started to help Justin up, and stopped. The corner of her lips jerked before her expression died down into blankness once again. "I'm alright," she murmured. Then, in bare whisper, she muttered "I wasn't killed or losing an arm." > > Justin places a hand on Razz's shoulder. No, she wasn't killed, or losing an arm. She did lose her sight, and from all appearances she's well on her way to losing her sense of self-worth. Yet another thing, unfortunately, for which Justin is the absolute last person to which she should come for help. Razz bowed her head as she felt Justin's hand upon her shoulder, afraid that the dam she had carefully erected around her heart would crack, and that Justin might see. "I..." she opened her mouth again, looking for things to say. "Do you think he might come back again?" she mumbled, the first sentence that she could think of that would require a reply. > > Justin shakes his head. "I shouldn't think he'll be back until, er, until. Unless something happens to you or the child beforehand." This doesn't mean Justin isn't still going armed, mind you. Razz nodded. "Nm." Keeping her head bowed, she fell silent, not knowing what else to say. "It's alright, the medic said it's okay, that it only hurt because I was under stress." Justin sighs, quietly, yet again. Joy. Under stress, eh? That'll be a cinch to avoid, yeah. "It's good to hear." Razz nodded slowly, noting Justin's state of depression. "You can sleep if you're tired -" she paused. "I can go if you want to rest- I can find other things to do," she quickly added on the last part. Justin is going to be made no happier at all by the idea that Razz thinks she's depressing him. However it might seem on the surface, really, depressing Justin any further than he has been for these past several years is a pretty silly concept. "No, it's okay... I'm okay... ...you'll stay here? Please?" /Now/ you can talk about role reversals. Razz's face twisted behind the curtain of long black hair, but she quickly schooled it back into a expressionless calm, as much as she could. "Why- I mean, you don't need me here." Justin shakes his head. "No... I don't /need/ you here. But, I'd rather you were, all the same." Razz stood still. "Oh... thank you," she murmured, the end of her sentence had a shaky catch to it. > > Justin isn't going to push any more than that. It's her choice. He'll still be alive either way. Razz, uncertain of what to do, knelt back down beside the bed, and waited. For what, she does not know. > > Justin reaches down to lay a hand on Razz's shoulder again. ".../Are/ you okay?" He knows he's asked before, probably a few too many times not to start being bothersome, but he also begins to feel that he hasn't had a clear response from her. Razz's voice changed, from the controlled, if somewhat shaky tone into a smaller, softer one. "I- I don't know. Why do you ask?" > > Justin asks because he wants to know. "I don't know if you are or not. You seem... well, you seem like you're trying pretty hard to be okay, but /are/ you?" Razz swallowed, wondering what she should say. Is she okay? Of course, she should be, nothing happened to her, why shouldn't she be okay? "I think I'm okay... I should be okay, nothing happened to me," she announced her thoughts out loud. Justin frowns. "What do you mean 'nothing'? The lord of pain dispatched a horde of minor demons to haul you back to him. You had to threaten to disembowel yourself to get him to back off. That's an awful lot for 'nothing'." Razz blinked, her eyes wide. "But I wasn't hurt, not like you, o-or the students that are-" she covered her face with her hands and inhaled. "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I should've- I should've done something!" Justin shakes his head... "No, no... you don't have to /do/ anything... This isn't something you have to atone for, like." He slides forward, off the bed, to kneel in front of her. "There's no fault here. It can't be your fault. There's nothing to be sorry for. It wouldn't have been better-- no, worse, much worse-- if you /had/ gotten hurt." Razz felt the tears that she had been fighting spill over as Justin spoke, and she reached forward to clutch at the blanket wrapped around Justin, her head still bowed. "You- really?" Justin nods. "Nobody wants to see anyone hurt. It's horrible that we all had to suffer just because Crulath has finally lost what little mind he had, but... it would've been worse if you'd been lost. Or hurt." Razz swallowed. "Is it okay to want to cry? Because I do but I didn't think I should." > > Justin's control is still far too perfect to allow whatever tears he might be holding back to spill forth, but he of all people should know that holding back too much, too long, will break you. "Of course it's okay. Anyone with a shred of feeling in them would want to cry after all of this." Razz nodded. "Okay." And she allowed the tears to slid down her face. She did not sob, or wail, but cried silently. > > Justin reaches out, to put his arms around Razz, to put his arms around Razz, to pull her close, to /try/ to comfort her. Yes, oh yes, he wants to cry after all of this, but no, no, he can't, he won't. Razz leaned against Justin, and placed her hands on his chest. "Justin," she said slowly. "It's not your fault either." Justin nods. "...I know. I did the best I could. I almost stopped them." He /almost/ sniffles. "Doesn't make me much happier." Razz reached up, and wrapped her arms around Justin's neck and head. "I love you," she said, pressing her face against Justin's jaw, her tear-choked voice was sincere, and vulnerable. > > Justin never knows what to say to that. Fortunately, actions usually speak louder than words. He gives Razz a small kiss, on the forehead. Razz was stunned, and her ears flushed, and her heart pounded, and her breathing was agitated. Suddenly she was embarassed, and she ducked her head down into the nape of Justin's neck, holding him tighter, all the same. Justin isn't really as clear about his feelings as it must seem, but, well. Putting another's happiness and well-being before one's own, that's a definitoin of 'love' isn't it?