Razz stood on the edge of the battlement, her eyes closed, and her hands placed on the low-rise walls in front of her. It blows a gentle breeze today, and it softly caresses her long black hair. Still otherwise, Razz stands with her face towards the setting sun.

Soft sounds of clanking metal are heard on the steps behind her. Slow steps, methodical. Cresting the wall, Eladria spots Razz. "Oh, I didn't realize anyone else was up here, Razz."

Razz turns her face towards Eladria, but her eyes doesn't quite land on him. "Hello, Eladria," she greeted simply, she sounds like someone who hasn't spoken for a long time.

Eladria bows, metal betraying the motion. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. I was just coming up to watch."

Razz shook her head at Eladria. "It's okay," she replied, and turned her face back towards the west, to the sun that has painted the sky a dark shade of crimson orange.

Eladria walks up next to her, looking at the sunset. "I come up here to think, sometimes. It's very quiet, away from the students. . ." His voice trails off.

Razz nods, slowly. "... how have you been?" She asks after a moment of silence.

A clank of metal betrays a shrug. "I've been better. I just wish she'd come back, is all, you know?" He sighs.

Razz closed her eyes again. "Where did she go?" she asked.

Eladria looks out over the wall at the sunset. "I don't know, exactly. I wish I did. . .I'm beginning to think she isn't coming back at all. Guess it's fate."

Razz looked rather thoughtful, at that. "Fate..." she murmured. "What is fate?"

Eladria says: Fate, Destiny, Fortune. . .the way it's meant to be. And I'm meant to be alone, I guess.

Razz asks: The way it's meant to be?

Eladria nods. "Some people are lucky. They find someone, and live happily ever after. Others. . .aren't."

Razz raised her head a little toward the sky. "Why is that?"

Eladria shrugs. "I dunno. Some say it's the gods. They decide what will happen, and to whom. S'as good an explanation as any, I guess."

Razz asks: If everything is already decided... why do we continue to try?

Razz says: It wouldn't matter, if it's going to happen regardless of our efforts.

Eladria looks down at the ground, and then to the sky. "I ask myself the same question a lot, you know."

Razz shook her head. "How do people know what fate is? Can you feel it?"

Eladria shrugs again. "I dunno. Just. . .know. Sometimes it's easier to pick out than others."

Razz asks: What do you mean?

Eladria says: I'm not going to find someone. Lonneke has, no doubt, found someone else.

Razz asks: Why do you think so?

Eladria shrugs. "She was the closest I've ever come. The best shot. And she's run away."

Razz asks: Why do you think that she's found someone else, though?

Eladria says: There remain many men better for her. The gunslinger, the ranger. . .lots of people.

Razz doesn't recognize either 'the gunslinger' or 'the ranger', but it's probably of very minor importance. "You don't think you'd be the best person to be with her?" She asked again.

Eladria says: I managed to get the Tower destroyed the first time. I couldn't protect you, or Justin, or the students from him. She doesn't need me. Some dwarf doesn't even know who he is.

Razz blinked, and turned her face toward Eladria again. "Who is who?" she asked.

Eladria searches her face. "You remember, when Crulath attacked. I couldn't protect anyone."

Razz turned her face away. "What does that have to do with you and Lonneke?"

Eladria ask: Justin protects you, doesn't he?

Razz kept her face turned away, and remains silent. Slowly, she nodded.

Eladria steps toward her. "He cares about you, Razz. And he's able to protect you. I can't protect Lonneke. . .she doesn't need me."

Razz turned her back towards Eladria. "Perhaps she doesn't need you to protect her..." Razz murmured. "But that wouldn't necessarily mean that she doesn't want to be with you."

Eladria ask: I don't even know who I am, Razz. Half the people remember me from before I was even here. Doesn't she deserve someone who at least knows their own past?

Razz turned slightly back to Eladria. "I don't remember who I was either," she murmured. "What is wrong with that?"

Eladria say: Nothing, really. . .but no one remembers you from before. Remembers what a great warrior you were, how skilled you were. . .

Razz asks: Why is that bad?

Eladria says: Because it isn't me. I'm guessing she fell for the old me, and when she realized I'm not him. . .

Razz fell silent at that... that does seem like a rather sad propect, doesn't it? "She also know you from before?"

Eladria shrugs. "She's certainly heard about it."

Razz started, slowly. "So... you believe... that she didn't really love who you are?"

Eladria nods. "Yeah. How could she love who I am? A failure. Who doesn't even know who he is."

Razz shook her head. "Why are you a failure?"

Eladria asks: If I weren't, would we have had to rebuild the tower?

Razz looked towards the setting sun again, thoughtful. "None of us stopped him... So... we're all failures."

Eladria says: The old Eladria would have stopped him.

Razz asks: Was he a god?

Eladria sighs. "He'd have done his thing, and saved the day."

Eladria says: He was a hero. A warrior of great power.

Razz sighed as well. "But it wasn't your fault..." she murmured, and left the rest unsaid.

Eladria say: I don't know if I can stay here, Razz. . .I'm hardly capable of taking care of myself, much less teaching.

Razz asks: Where would you go, then?

Eladria say: I don't know. . .

Razz asks: When would you be back, then?

Eladria say: I don't know that I would be. . .

Razz asks: Wouldn't you be lonely?

Eladria say: I already am, Razz. . .I've been alone for a long time. She isn't coming back.

Razz sighed, softly, again. "Why are we lonely...?" she murmured to herself, questioning no one in particular.

Eladria blinks, and looks at her. "You're lonely, Razz?"

Razz turned her face away again. "A little... somewhat," she murmured.

Eladria asks: How can you? What of Justin?

Razz exhaled again. "What of Justin? I haven't seen him for several days now."

Eladria says: He cares about you, Razz. Surely you know about that. . .

Razz lowered her head, and murmured her reply quietly. "Only because I can't care for myself..."

Eladria shakes his head. "No, Razz. . .Not like that. He loves you, he's just afraid to admit it. Trust me."

Razz kept her face turned away from Eladria. "I don't know... he's never happy when he's with me... I don't think he really wants to be with me..."

Eladria say: I haven't known Justin as long as some, but he doesn't do things he doesn't want to. Like it or not, he's going to stay with you until he can't anymore.

Razz asks: ... then why don't I see him around anymore?

Eladria sighs. "I don't know where he goes, but it must be important. He'll be back, I'm sure."

Razz chewed on her bottom lip. "He told me... once... that if he had to be anywhere, he wants to be where I am... but... I don't know..." she paused. "I hardly feel that... he really wants to be with me... I don't feel that he wants me to be with him... he just puts up with me... that's what I think..."

Razz says: Once... he asked me to stay with him... but that was, I guess he knew I'd liked to have stayed with him then. He never really stays with me unless I ask him to... So...

Razz says: I suppose it's not something that he really /wants/... my presence is just something that he tolerates...

Eladria sighs and shakes his head. "He wants to be with you. It's obvious to everyone but you, it seems. To be honest, I'm surprised you two haven't. . .pledged each other yet."

Razz shook her head, a bit forcefully. "Pledge? He doesn't... I mean... he still.... he still..." she drew another deep breath. "He still wears... Lexi's ring... he doesn't want to be pledged to anyone but her..."

Razz says: I'm just his.... ward.

Razz's expression twists at some rememberance of a past conversation. "I'm just... another person to worry about, someone to hold onto."

Eladria shakes his head. "If he worries about you, it's not out of duty. But love."

Eladria says: He cares about you. Seriously.

Razz still keeps her face turned away from Eladria, but a sniffle betrays her tears. Reaching up with one hand, she rubbed at her eyes, trying to dry her tears. She hates her tears, she never has any right to them. "I- I know he does, but... I don't know..." she choked a bit.

Razz says: He only cares for me as his ward... just because I can't take care of myself...

Eladria say: No.

Eladria shakes his head, and says firmly. "He loves you, damnit. As a beautiful, kind and caring woman."

Razz shakes her head as well. "I'm not beautiful... Justin doesn't think so, anyway." She sniffled again. "Now that we're back... now that I can be places where I wouldn't fall into a paralysis of fear without him, he doesn't come to see me anymore... It was just because I needed him to survive that he stays..."

Eladria chuckles softly. "Everyone thinks so. Even the students do. Because you are. And you knew he'd have responsibilities besides just being with you when he returned. . .it's hard, but it happens."

Razz chokes on her tears, but she tries to keep it to a minimum to control herself. "I know that it's not good to be so reliant on him... I need to be able to stand on my too feet, because he can't always carry my burden for me. And I'm trying, but, but I just... I want to be independent, but I still want to be with him..."

Eladria isn't sure what to do. He places a hand lightly on her shoulder, hoping she won't be offended. "You're in love, Razz," he says softly. "And trust me, it won't be any easier as you go through it. You need to make sure he knows how much you love him."

Razz covered her face with her hands, wishing that she could hide from the world this way. "He does know, I told him," her voice came out a bit muffled. "And I sure don't act like I can live without him," she murmured, somewhat bitterly, even.

Eladria closes and opens his eyes. "You don't have to live without him. I know that."

Razz noticed Eladria's hand on her shoulder, and it made her uncomfortable all of a sudden. Gently, she pulled her shoulder away.

Eladria sighs and lets his hand drop. "I'm hardly the person to console you."

Razz sighs, again. "I'm sorry," she murmured, and fell silent.

Eladria turns and looks out again. "It's hard. Life, is hard. But count your blessings. You have someone to love. He loves you. You're mostly safe."

Razz nods, mutely. Indeed, she has little to complain of... she's just ungrateful, that's all. Another lesson to learn.

Eladria say: Talk to him. Work something out.

Eladria say: In the long run, none of us are here long enough to be miserable.

Razz sighed again. "What do I have to talk to him about?"

Eladria say: About you two. About being together more. About Lexi, and what needs to be done.

Razz winced at the prospect of that. "I don't want to... ask... I mean... I don't know, I don't want to make Justin..." she said the rest with another sigh. "Do more that what he's already done. I ask for too much." She shook her head. "I know that."

Eladria stares out into the sky, the sun setting into a deep red. "You ask for your happiness. That's not too much. Ever."

Razz stared out in front of herself, the eyes that seems to see nothing but the space right in front of herself. "It's not his happiness... I can't ask him to put up with me more than he wants to."

Eladria asks: How will you know how much he wants to?

Razz sighed again. "By his actions," she said simply.

Eladria says: Actions can mislead. Look at Lonneke. By her actions, I should be a happily married man.

Razz asks: How /am/ I suppose to know then?

Eladria say: Talk to him.

Eladria continues to stare out at the wilderness.

Eladria says: Ask.

Razz looks less than encouraged. "I already did."

Eladria ask: And what did he say?

Razz lowered her head. "I told you."

Eladria ask: So he said he cared about you, wanted to spend time with you, and you don't know what to do?

Razz wonders if sighing so much is bad for one's health. "He says he does... to console me, I guess.... I..." she sighed yet again. "I already told you why I don't think he really means it..."

Eladria says: I think you're afraid, Razz. To be happy.

Razz has a questioning look on her face.

Razz asks: Why would I be afraid to be happy?

Eladria says: He tells you he loves you. But you can't believe it. We tell you you're beautiful, and you can't believe it. Well, you're both beautiful and loved.

Razz looked away again. "I wish what you say is true," she murmured.

Eladria says: Don't wish. Know.

Razz fell silent once more. It's like no one hears her reasons anymore.

Eladria turns and looks at her. "Believe in yourself, Razz. Or you'll never be able to be happy."

Razz kept silent for another moment, then sighed in resignation, and nodded.

Eladria shrugs. "It's up to you, really. But trust me. It's worth trying to get him."

Razz managed a half-hearted smile, but kept her silence.

Eladria says: If you really want to know, all you really have to do is talk to him.

Razz lifted her face up suddenly, another one who didn't know better might assume that she can actually see the stars coming into the dark sky.

Eladria ask: Do you want me to help you find him?

Razz seems to have been brought back down to the planet by Eladria's words. "Justin would find me if he wants to," the elfling murmured, and laided her face down on the top of the low-rising walls, folding her arms in front of her face.

Eladria sighs. "All right. Well, I'll leave you to your stargazing." He manages to say it without a trace of irony. "If you come across Lonneke. . .tell here I went to find Eladria Kiran." He turns and walks down the stairs.

Razz stayed mute for another short moment, and called out behind Eladria. "... Thank you," she said. "For standing up for me... that time... I never thanked you for risking your life for me..."

Eladria stops on the stairs. Without turning, he speaks, just loudly enough for her to hear. "Live it to the fullest, and I need no thanks."