With a last name like Speed, one must become accustomed to the large number of puns that come ones way.  I do not mind this much;  it becomes a very good ice-breaker or conversation starter. The annoying part comes in when these "comic geniuses" pat themselves on the back as if they were the only ones to ever have thought it up, laughing hysterically at their own supposed cleverness.  Believe me, I've heard them all.  Common examples often include references to Speedy Gonzales, Speedos, Speedy muffler, being up to Speed, speed stick and speeding tickets.  There are many more variations on the same theme.  Once in a while a clever one surfaces, and I would not trade my name for any other one, but these minor occurances can irk me when besieged at the wrong time with the wrong pun.  So watch out!!!!!!  It better be clever, or don't bother!!!!!

I compiled a list with the help of my family of the puns that we have heard
Clever and Intelligent challenges to the Speed pun fund will be greatly accepted-credit will be given to unique responses.
send submissions to sspeed@bmts.com

*   Wow, you must be very fast
*    Does that mean you are fast or slow? (after laughing hysterically)
*    I'm glad I brought you up to speed
*    Do you wear Speedos?
*    Are you related to Speedy Gonzales?
*    Speed Stick
*    Speed eh? As in the movie?
*    Do you own the Speedy Muffler Chain?
*    Hey Speedy, you're not so swift
+    Police Officer to Colleen after the "incident": Speed eh?  You weren't doing that when you hit the sign?
*    I bet you get a lot of speeding tickets
*    Hey Speedy/Speedster/Speedo/Speedmister and variations of the like
*    Pick up lines like, "I have the need for Speed" or speeding away to paradise (Bonnie attracts men that say such things apparently)
+   That's a great name, you should start a band, Shelley and the Speed-demons or something-Mr. Lobb, Gr.10
*    Speed....how do you spell that?-retarded receptionist, + (Bonnie's reply..."with a silent k")
+   Did you know speed kills?
+   Johnny-Speed the dope-pusher
*    Speed...as in the drug???
*   Shelley Slow or Shelley Snail  ( We won't even get into the Shelley Belly thing--that's not "Speed-related", though you could say, I'm doubly cursed)