TITLE: "Networks"

AUTHOR: CretKid aka Cal

CATEGORY: General, sort of a post-ep story to "The Stackhouse Filibuster"

RATING: G-PG

SUMMARY: Spring is just around the corner.

DISCLAIMER: I don't intend to make any money off of this. If we didn't care about the characters so much, we wouldn't be doing this in the first place. Beat that with a stick.

"Networks"

========

"Did you know that Neanderthal women nursed their young until the age of five?"

Josh looked at the clock on his computer screen, noting the time. It was well after 8PM on a Sunday night. Why Donna was still at her desk, bellowing esoteric facts without rhyme or reason, was a mystery. Why he was there was not.

Once the Family Wellness Act had been reopened, everyone and their third cousin wanted a piece of the pie. The vote was postponed yet again until the beginning of the week, and Josh was waiting on approval from his guy who knew a guy on the Appropriations Committee to know whether or not the changes would fly. The study for autism had made it through the gauntlet without a problem. Some of the other pet causes had not.

And Donna was bellowing at him from her desk. On a Sunday night. After 8 PM. There was something wrong with the world.

"Just think of the amount of calories Neanderthal women had to consume in order to maintain that sort of schedule," Donna continued. "I mean, after birth, they can hardly help with the hunting and gathering. The men had to wait on them hand and foot."

Josh put down the paper on autism he was trying to comprehend and leaned back in his chair. His feet automatically landed on the edge of his desk. "How come you can yell and I can't?"

"Because no one of consequence is in the West Wing right now, particularly the President."

Josh arched his eyebrows. This was too good to pass up. "I beg to differ, I believe Toby is just down the hall. Though, I do see your point. He's of no consequence."

"That's not what I meant. It's bad form to scream between rooms when the President is in the building."

"So does this mean I can yell from my office whenever the President is not in the West Wing?"

"No, that's not what I said. I said it is bad form to yell between rooms, particularly when the President is working."

"'Kay." Josh picked up the remote control and started flipping through channels.

"The operative phrase is 'it is bad form to yell between rooms'."

"'Kay." March Madness on ESPN. That had to have potential.

"You're not listening to a word I say, are you?"

"You started the bellowing thing first. I'm only reciprocating."

Rubbing his face, he decided that after all the work he had done on the bill throughout the past week, he deserved a small break. He reached into the little refrigerator and pulled out a beer and settled back to watch at least the remaining half of the game.

It had been quiet for quite some time. The commentary on the game was muted so that Donna would still be under the impression he was still working. Then,

"Infanticide was a common practice to maintain the family network in Neanderthal communities."

Josh let his head hang over the back of his chair. "Is this some sort of punishment for asking you to come into work on a Sunday? I said you could go home."

"Is what some sort of punishment?"

"Subjecting me to this torture by reciting science factoids."

"Theoretical physics, Josh. Three months of theoretical physics. This is far more interesting."

"Where the hell are you getting this information? You aren't taking anthropology classes behind my back, are you?" He started rummaging through his desk drawers for something to eat. Lunch had been a bag of carrot sticks he grudgingly ate after Donna confiscated his potato chips. He missed dinner all together.

"No, Josh. I'm writing my own treatise on the subject after studying the men of the West Wing."

His head bounced up over the top of his desk. She couldn't have said what he thought she said. "What was that? I didn’t quite catch all of it."

"Nothing. Oh no, John Phillips died."

"Who?"

"Mamas and the Papas. John Phillips. 'All the leaves are brown.' John Phillips."

There was nothing to eat anywhere. Maybe be could bribe Donna for the potato chips. "The Mamas and the Papas broke up before you were born."

"That doesn't mean I don't listen to their music."

He checked his refrigerator again. There was a container of yogurt in the back; Donna must have left it there. He checked the date stamp on the top of the container. "What's today's date?"

"March 18. Neanderthals lived at the same time as Homo sapiens sapiens."

He tossed the yogurt in the trash can and walked out into the bullpen. Donna was sitting in front of a computer, feet propped on an open desk drawer. He sauntered up behind her and sat on the edge of the desk. "So, we're back to Neanderthals."

Without glancing at him, Donna said over her shoulder, "It really is an interesting study. Despite the fact that Neanderthals were more than adequately suited for life in the cold climates of Europe, humans in the form that we recognize as humans that had migrated from Africa and Asia co-existed with Neanderthals for maybe 10's of thousands of years."

"As fascinating as that may be, why are you telling me this?" He grabbed one of the many strange paper weights sitting on the desk and tossed it in the air like it was a baseball.

"It's educational."

"John Phillips' death is not educational."

"Neanderthals had a larger brain capacity than we do."

"So all those times CJ called me a Neanderthal, she was paying me a compliment?"

"I wouldn't go that far. Sociologists are changing the entire thinking of how Neanderthals interacted with each other. Now it is believed that they had a very close family unit, that they took care of their wounded, and there may be some evidence to suggest they buried their dead in an organized fashion."

"Yet you just said they practiced infanticide."

"I'm not saying they were perfect. It was to better the community. It was a family network. A very close knit family network. It’s not something you expect when you hear Neanderthal. They worked with tools. They may have had art. They may have had religion."

"Where are you getting this stuff?"

"Off the internet. I was watching something on the Discovery Channel the other day, and one of those little pop-up things said to learn more, click on discovery.com. So I did."

"Another wonderful example of subliminal messaging in television programs."

"This is not the cigarette camel or the naked people in the ice cubes or the food related commercials during sporting events and toys during cartoons. This is the digital age."

"Yeah, and every time I try to use a search engine, I get a running banner advertising some other product I don't need but would feel empowered having anyway." He jumped off the desk and practically bounced in front of her chair. "C'mon, let's go get some food."

"Did you finish your thing?"

"No. I'll finish it tomorrow."

"No, you'll finish it tonight. You have meetings on the Hill all day tomorrow."

"But I'm hungry now."

"Stop bouncing. What's gotten in to you? Did you sneak a beer in your office?"

There was no way she could possibly know that. He stopped bouncing.

Donna left the chair and stood nose to nose with him. "You did. What have I told you?"

"No beer until the work is done." He tried to put on a face that showed he was sufficiently chastised. Donna didn't look convinced. "I've worked all day on this, I deserve a break. In fact we all deserve a break. We need a party. It's the first day of Spring on Tuesday. I say we have a party. Everyone must bring beer and a food dish of their choice. It will be pot luck. It will be the annual first day of spring party at my apartment." He clapped his hands together, laying the ground work for this get together.

Donna wasn't buying it. In fact, she had yet to move. His party plans were starting to spiral down the drain. He tried a different tactic.

"Okay. No Spring party. Ah, then a Mir splashdown party. Isn't Mir supposed to crash land sometime this week? We'll have a betting pool about the time and the place."

"Betting pools are illegal."

"So we won't tell anyone of consequence."

"You won't have too many people in the pool then, will you?"

Josh was practically dancing in the bull pen. "C'mon, Donna, winter will soon be over. Spring is coming. We need to celebrate!"

Donna had yet to leave her spot on the floor. "You're just looking for an excuse to drink beer."

"Yes!"

"And who do you plan on inviting to this little soiree?"

Josh tread carefully. Donna had her arms crossed over her chest. He might still get what he wanted if he played his cards right.

"Everyone! CJ, Sam, Toby, you, Charlie, Leo, Margaret. I suppose I could invite the President, but then he would want to have it here, or else my place would be swamped with Secret Service agents. And I don't want my party here. Who am I forgetting?"

"Many, many people."

"Yeah, our own little family network." He started bouncing on his toes again.

"I'm sure everyone will be happy to know you've just compared them to Neanderthals." Donna shut down her computer, packed away files in the desk drawers, and the general closing down of the bull pen area.

"Let's go get food."

"Only if you promise to stop bouncing."

"I can’t help it, I've got spring fever." Josh did make a concerted effort to stop.

"Then take something for it."

"Let me have my party."

"I was thinking more in terms of a blunt object to your head," she said under her breath.

"Donna."

"Josh."

He followed her into his office. Now she was turning off his computer and his television with college basketball on. She picked up the beer bottle he had left on his desk, tsked, and tossed it into the box he had for bottles and cans.

"Let me have my party."

"And this will cure your spring fever." She shoved him out of his office, grabbed his coat, turned out the light and closed the door.

"Yes."

"Fine. Tell me when to show up."

"You're not going to help me plan it?"

"No. You're crazy idea, you plan it."

"But you're the one that started me thinking of having a party." He handed her coat to her.

"How?"

"By talking about family units and stuff."

"I was talking about Neanderthals."

"Well, c'mon, we're really the only family we've got around here. CJ's family is on the West Coast. Sam really isn't inclined to talk to his right now. I didn't even know Toby had a brother or sisters. My mother is in Conneticut and yours is in Wisconsin."

Donna's expression turned from sardonic to sickeningly heartened. "You think of us as your family? That's so sweet."

"Don't go all mushy on me, Donna. Help me plan this thing."

"Fine. We will discuss it over dinner. Where are you taking me?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"Start thinking. You have until we reach your car." She started down the hallway.

"Ooh, pressure."

Donna whirled around. "Do you want help or not?"

"Yes."

"You really think of us as your family?"

"Yes."

"Okay." They started walking again.

Josh shrugged into his coat. "You're not going to tell anybody, are you?"

"No, I'm saving that for when I want a day off."

"Like that will work."

"Oh, it will."

And he had no doubt about that.

END