Title: Inadequately Medicated Sociopaths

Author: CretKid aka Cal

Rating: PG-ish

Category: mostly Josh/Donna banter

Spoilers: US Poet Laureate post-ep story

Disclaimer: ain't mine. Nuf said. And this just had to be written.

Author's Notes: This will have reference to another one of my stories, called "Thin Margin", where, lo and behold!- I talked about the ANWR and freedom from energy dependence. I just want it known that I did it first! Muchos thanks to Rhonda for helping me clip this together.

"Inadequately Medicated Sociopaths"

==========================

It was well after 11 pm when Josh found his way back to his office. The President's freedom from energy dependence speech had gone over well. The Q&A afterwards outlined the new energy bill that they had been working on for over a year. It would be sent to the House of Representatives in the coming weeks. Josh had told himself he had stayed for CJ's post-speech briefing to make sure no one asked about the lemonlyman.com fiasco. It wasn't so much that he was concerned the topic would come up than CJ's unique brand of commentary painting him as the Ritchie of the West Wing.

Most of the senior assistants had stayed in the building to watch the speech from the sidelines. He had walked back from the East Room with Ginger and Bonnie and he idly wondered where Donna had been. As he neared the operations bull pen, he spotted his assistant sitting at her computer. She held a soda can in one hand while the other hovered over the mouse pad. She was staring at the computer screen with tired interest.

She didn't move a muscle as he approached. Donna was slowly reading through a list, similar to the post lists he had seen while cruising through the lemonlymon.com web sites. She clicked on another highlighted line and slowly sipped her soda through the straw.

"What are you doing?" he asked, setting his hands on the back of her chair. His gaze settled on the computer screen. Recognizing the general format of an internet message board, he pushed down on the back of the chair so that Donna had no choice but to look at him. "Donna, are you reading more of that Internet nonsense?"

"It wasn't nonsense when you wanted to applaud the people on that list for their knowledge of government procedures," Donna replied. She adjusted her vision so that she could dismiss the one window and open another.

"Does CJ know you're doing this?"

"Yes. She pulled me aside before the speech started to make sure you didn't try to make a last run at the web site while she was away."

Josh let go of the chair, jostling Donna and her soda.

Scowling as she righted the disrupted soda can, Donna continued, "Not that it matters, but I'm not on lemonlyman.com right now."

Josh looked at the headings more closely. The title bar on the Internet browser read 'Fifteen Minute Fixes'. He read a few subject lines of the posted messages.

"Recipes? People discuss their favorite recipes online?" Josh asked, incredulous. "Why the hell are you reading this stuff?"

Donna stared at the computer screen. "It's like passing a car accident on the highway. You can't help but look," she replied in a near monotone.

"How long have you been doing this tonight?" Josh cleared off a corner on her desk and perched there.

Shrugging her shoulders, Donna replied, "About 2 hours."

"So you really didn't go to the speech?"

She pointed at a small icon in the corner of her computer screen. "I listened to it on the Internet feed."

Josh leaned over the monitor. "We have an Internet feed?"

Donna pushed at his forehead until he was sitting upright again and out of her way of reading. "One of the news agencies covering the speech has a live Internet feed. I watched it from my desktop."

"While reading message boards about the best recipes to cook in under fifteen minutes."

"I've learned to multitask since working for you," she replied, smiling coyly as she looked him in the eyes. Then she returned to reading her computer screen.

Josh scoffed, hopped off the desk and started to read over her shoulder. "You've been looking at recipe boards all night?"

"I've only been on this particular web site for about 20 minutes. I was reading real-time posts about freedom from energy dependence during the President's speech on CNN.com's message board."

"People were posting messages on a web site about the President's speech while he gave it?" Josh asked, a note of hysteria to his voice.

Donna turned in her chair, forcing him to take a step back. "How is this any different than you or Sam and your running commentary during the State of the Union?"

"It… it just is!" Josh maintained.

Blowing air through her teeth, Donna went back to reading. "Yeah, that made sense."

"Some of these people wouldn't know social interaction if it came up and bit them on the ass. They are inadequately medicated sociopaths," he called over his shoulder as he moved towards his office.

"You can't medicate sociopaths," Donna replied loudly.

Backpedaling, Josh asked, "What?"

"You can't medicate a sociopath."

At Josh's stymied look, Donna continued, "You don't remember Toby's rant last year just before we started working on this bill? Sam was complaining about some guy named Chase from Greenpeace who, come to find out earlier put sugar in Sam's gas tank. Sam called him a ' a cowardly, manipulative, lying, immature, psychotic, inadequately medicated sociopath'. To which Toby replied that you can't medicate a sociopath and immediately cut off Sam's beer supply."

"You remember all of that? Word for word?"

Shrugging her shoulders again, Donna replied, "It was a memorable conversation."

Josh hung from the door jamb near her desk. "You're kinda freakish, you know that?"

"Pot-currently-hanging-from-my-door-like-a-chimp, meet kettle," Donna said.

Josh dropped his hands to his sides and leaned against the frame instead. "I'm not sure Toby's any sort of expert on sociopaths," he smirked.

Donna just stared at him, smiling knowingly.

"What?" he asked, coloring slightly.

"I'm not the one that decided to swoop in like Randle McMurphy to rattle Nurse Ratched's chain."

"You heard that, huh?"

"I think everyone on this side of the building heard that, Josh."

"CJ's voice does tend to carry when she's on the warpath, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. And, by the way, I've blocked access to lemonlyman.com on your computer so you won't be tempted."

"You can do that?"

"I am a woman of mysterious means."

"Mysterious, my ass. What did you do? Remove the 'L' from my keyboard?"

"And, that's another word you won't be able to access on the Internet now," she calmly informed him, pretending to jot down a reminder on a post-it note. "In fact you may find several other sites you're unable to access now. Don't try to do any research on breast cancer. The child proof filter I used has a few flaws."

"You put a child filter on my computer?" Josh whined. "I'm not sensing any respect here, Donna. CJ may feel like she doesn't have to report to me but you certainly do. So you can just march your farm girl--"

"Josh," Donna interrupted him. "Quit with the tantrums. The filter stays, CJ says so."

Frowning, he jerked the back of her chair again. "Once again I will point out that just because CJ says--"

"Just because CJ says what?" a voice from over his shoulder asked.

His face blanching as he continued to face Donna, Josh managed to croak out, "Just because CJ says so is always good enough for me."

Turning around he pasted a sickly smile on his face. "Whatcha doing, Claudia Jean?"

Eyeing him with ill-disguised suspicion, CJ carefully answered, "Getting ready to go home. What are you doing, mi amour? I hope it doesn't involve a certain Internet site."

"Nope. Just helping Donna look over some recipes. Right Donna," Josh blathered, reaching his hand behind his back and jerking Donna's chair again when she didn't answer.

"Right," Donna dryly answered, nodding at CJ. "Have a good evening."

"Keep him out of trouble," a frowning CJ said, giving Josh a side-long glance before starting down the long hall. She called back a warning. "Josh, I'm collecting some spare computer parts just in case you have a memory problem."

As CJ got a safe distance away, a suddenly emboldened, Josh responded. "Very funny, CJ. I can see why you have trouble getting a date."

"Josh," Donna yanked at his arm. "Shut up."

"What?" he asked, sitting on the edge of her desk, "I can't let her get the last word."

"Uh huh," Donna smirked. "I noticed you waited until she couldn't hear you to say it."

"I am a lot of things, Donna. But stupid is not one of them," he bragged, reaching out and trying to spin her office chair.

Donna's foot against the desk quickly put a stop to that and the sudden stop practically toppled him to the floor.

Recovering his balance, Josh asked, "So, what are you looking for on this recipe web site?"

"I don't know, possibly recipes?"

"You don't have time to cook."

"Thus, 'Fifteen Minute Fixes'."

Josh took a closer look at the post she was reading. "Donna, that doesn't look like a recipe for Yankee Pot Roast."

"No, it's a long list of off-topic comments on health issues. For example, this particular post is the list-moderator asking the participants to please pay attention to list rules and keep discussion of health issues off list after a particular long message thread about one young man whose girlfriend was in a car accident and is asking for everyone's prayers."

"The guy's girlfriend could have really been in an accident."

Donna turned away from the computer. "And it could be a case of Munchausen by Internet proxy. You may have complained about the chain-smoking, muumuu-wearing dictator on the lemonlyman site, but these people serve a purpose. Just the other day you were ranting about the fact that Sam didn't get some asinine email within seconds of you sending it and you wanted to bitch out Andy McIntosh because the server was slow. Well, it's people like Andy McIntosh and the chain-smoking, muumuu-wearing dictators that keep the servers and message boards running smoothly."

Josh nodded absently and Donna scowled. "I'm serious, Josh. You're just upset because there are some people in this world who get to have the last word over you."

"That's not the point!"

"That is totally the point!"

"I do NOT always have to have the last word."

"Fine," Donna challenged and went back to her reading.

Josh stared at her for a moment before saying, "Fine what?"

Standing, Donna poked at his shoulder. "See? You can't let me have the last word." She grabbed her coat and left her desk.

"Are you sure you want 'fine' to be your last word?" Josh joked, following her out of the bullpen.

Donna stopped short and whirled on Josh. "I can think of a few choice words right now, none of which you will be able to find on the Internet with your child proof computer."

She continued down the hall towards his office.

"Come on, is the child proof thing really necessary?" Josh whined as she walked about his office turning off lights and the computer.

"Yes." She walked out of his office.

"Donna!"

Donna stopped, turned. Josh was standing next to his computer, hands on his hips, backlit from the light coming in through his window.

"Last word, Josh."

She walked down the hall. Josh watched her from his office door.

"Donna!"

END