Title: Tones

Author: CretKid aka Cal (AIM cretkid)

Category: post-ep to "Posse Comitatus", CJ POV

Rating: PG

Spoilers: see above

Summary: "Peter Pan has lost her shadow"

Disclaimer: Not mine. 'Nuf said. Will be followed by "Immune" shortly.

"Tones"

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Do…

They say when you lose one of your senses, the others become heightened; colors are more vibrant, sounds are more vivid, food tastes richer, the air seems alive with a simple touch on the skin, smells that much more keen. Maybe it's the body's way of not taking what you have left for granted.

In my newly acquired freedom, the sky is that purplish-pink hue just before the sun rises over the horizon. Birds have been chirping for the better part of an hour, each with their own morning tune. Stale coffee rears its ugly head and I don't want that taste to go away. Dewey drops fall like lead off blades of grass in dire need of a good trimming. Diesel fuel has drowned the faint hints of cherry blossoms.

So, what exactly have I lost?

I can go where I want to go, be where I want to be. I no longer have the specter of unseen and unknowing eyes watching me through the aperture of a camera lens. The trail of wired black suits has been left by the wayside. The curfew's been lifted, no enforced bedtimes, no chaperoned visitations.

Peter Pan has lost her shadow, in more ways than one.

La Re Ti…

They say when you lose an appendage, you can still sense it's there. Phantom sensations. With the shock you swear that nothing ever happened. Grabbing for what's not there, running after something that is just around the corner. All the while not realizing that your hands are tied, your legs have been cut out from under you.

With a needle and some thread, Wendy was able to reattach Peter Pan's shadow. If only it could be that easy now.

Ti So Re…

Time passes so slowly sometimes and then in the blink of an eye, everything has turned upside down and inside out. The scenery has changed, but the situation remains the same. The lights of Broadway have dimmed and merged with the sun rising over the Potomac. The loudness that is New York replaced by the silences of the Memorials. A different bench 200 miles and 8 hours away.

I'm not even sure how I managed to find myself here. It certainly wasn't by thinking good thoughts and believing I could fly.

Ti Do La Do…

I should have gone home to change. The weather didn't bother me before, but now the chill in the air is seeping and stealing any warmth that may have been left in my bones. But if I had gone home, I probably wouldn't leave Never Land.

I should have stayed home and watched the vote. Conjuring ways to make this bill play better than it really sounds. Compromise is the game we play. Buy safety with freedom. Trade privacy for the right to know. Sellout love for the sake of propriety. If I'd stayed home, the crocodile would likely still be waiting in the reeds. Tick tock. Tick tock.

I should have…

I could have…

I would have…

I would have done a lot of things differently, but 20-20 hindsight isn't going to change anything now. Need to focus, need to prepare to shoulder the burden, ever the consummate professional.

But for just a few minutes, I need to hold on to something intangible. I just need to believe, for a little while, before the light goes out entirely.

I know he's caught the phone before the answering machine picks up. There's a scuffle of unsteady hands and too dry vocal cords before I hear the words I've been waiting for.

Constriction and confession fight for dominance in my throat and chest and even that is a giveaway to my father because only I would call in the middle of the night.

"Claudia?"

The fact that he recognizes that it is me is both a blessing and a curse. A sob escapes before I can catch it.

"Claudia, what's wrong?"

"Daddy? Dad, something's happened--"

End