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By “Mark Andrew Dwyer”
January 2, 2007
[Click here for a version with picture.]
The following was my first commentary posted at American Patrol circa 1999 (the link expired):
There is a
striking similarity between how recent flood of illegal aliens from
Common cuckoos are famous for duping other birds into raising their chicks. A mother cuckoo, rather than building a nest while pregnant, will find one that has already eggs in it, and when its owners are away, will lay there one of her own. Cuckoo eggs hatch quickly, usually before their hosts' eggs, and they grow fast after they hatch. When the cuckoo chick is strong enough, it will kick out one-by-one all its foster siblings (whether hatched or not) from the nest, and consume all the food that its foster parents can deliver. The hungry cuckoo chick makes so much noise (a very fast "si-si-si-si") that the parents will devote all their time to diligently feed the chick that grows into a grotesque behemoth four times the size of their own.
So, next time when somebody tells you that we, Americans, must pick up the tab for education and care of illegal aliens, and set aside a room for them in our more and more overcrowded, traffic-jammed, and polluted country so that they, too, can pursue the American dream, remember the cuckoo chicks.
Over the last seven years after the article’s publication, I heard many nonsensical claims, the absurdity of which can be clearly seen after their translation on the cuckoo chicks language.
Here are some of them.
These where the European nations that were the actual cuckoos that laid their eggs in indigenous (which all-inclusive term refers to, depending on the context, North American Indians or Mexican Aztecs) peoples’ nest (the U.S.) and the pilgrims and the settlers were the actual cuckoo chicks that kicked out the “indigenous” chicks.
Well, when the
cuckoo dies, her chicks will prosper anyway since they only depend of the
hosting birds. Quite obviously, should the
pilgrims did not kick the natives out, but traded with them, and offered them
several benefits for the land that the natives thought belonged to nobody. They
(the pilgrims, the immigrants, and their descendents) were the ones who built
the actual nest (the
As to the
Mexican Aztecs and their descendents, their ancestors lived nowhere even close
to where the today’s
The cuckoo (
In addition to
the fallacy mentioned above (Mexican Aztecs have no ethnicity-based claim to
the U.S. land), this argument has a striking similarity to claims made by
Hitler who insisted that certain Eastern European lands (for instance, western
parts of Poland and Czechoslovakia) belonged to German nation solely on basis
The cuckoos and their chicks contribute to host birds’ economy by creating the demand for more nests and food.
Whatever their contributions are, they consume more than they contribute.
If there are any negative effects of cuckooism then they should be blamed on hosting birds that didn’t build nests that are big enough to accommodate both the cuckoo chick and their own. If some of hosting birds’ chicks suffer or die, it’s because they waste their food.
The above seem to be the core argument of “blame America first” demagogues who root Third World’s overpopulation, poverty, and economic failures on not enough American generosity, charity, and compassion, as wall as on Americans wasting their resources.
All the birds of the world should feed all the chicks of the world, including the cuckoo chicks, even if the cuckoos are unwilling to do so.
This is a typical liberal/leftist/communist/neo-socialist plea that pretends to remedy a serious problem with a (usually unsatisfiable) promise of utopia.
Any restrictions on where cuckoos may and may not lay their eggs would violate their God-given rights and principles of free enterprise that would, eventually, discourage all birds form building nests.
That is very much the free trade/free movement of labor argument. Its absurdity is visible with a naked eye.
It doesn’t really matter whose chicks, the cuckoo’s or their own, the host birds are feeding. All that matters is that the well-being and survival of the entire birdship (birdity?) is secured this way.
This is the argument usually brought up by the advocates of the so-called “proposition nation”, a doctrine that claims that it doesn’t matter who the American people are as long as they are human beings that support the American constitution and form of government. Well, if at certain moment big spotted cuckoos become 100% successful in replacing the host birds’ offspring, they will die out to extinction as there will be no one left to feed their chicks anymore. Also, hosting birds’ altruistic continuation of the feeding of the cuckoo chick after it has terminated its foster siblings is, to it’s all apparent “humanitarianism”, a maladaptive strategy as it increases the chances that another cuckoo, perhaps the one that they are feeding now, will dupe them, again, and further decrease chances for their own reproductive success.
All birds’ chicks, including cuckoo chicks, have equal rights to be hatched and fed. Calls to stop birds from laying eggs into some other bird’s nests are de facto directed only against cuckoos (or will have a disparate effect on cuckoos), and, therefore, are rascist (speciest?) by their very nature. They should be banned, or, at least, silenced as a form of hate speech against birds’ minority (cuckoos). The host birds that refuse to feed cuckoo chicks (like Australian superb fairy-wren, see ref. ) exhibit blatant racism (speciesm?), nativism, and xenophobia, and should be severely punished for their malice and refusal.
Should I add anything more? Remember the cuckoo chicks!
Readers’ comments: “What a great analogy Mark, you had me in stitches, I forgot about Cuckoo Birds.....”
“Cuckoo Chicks -- The Best Analogy I've Ever Read”
“Very good read!”
“I wasn't aware of your excellent '99 Cuckoo Chicks piece. Excellent!! Thanks for sharing it again with us!”
“This by far is
the best illustration that brings the point home than any I have ever seen.
Would you please figure out a way to get this in The
“Mark: Absolutely brilliant, as always.”
“I absolutely loved this!!” [top]
 “Their” Land
By Mark Andrew Dwyer
 Cuckoos, Wrens in Escalating Evolutionary Arms Race
By James Owen
Past commentary (December 20, 2006): THE LEFT’S ARROGANCE with extensive footnotes and hard-to-find references.
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