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By “Mark Andrew Dwyer”


January 2, 2007



The following was my first commentary posted at American Patrol circa 1999 (the link expired; the picture is from ref [3]):



There is a striking similarity between how recent flood of illegal aliens from Mexico finds its way and roots into the U.S. and the way cuckoo birds secure the continuation of their species.


Common cuckoos are famous for duping other birds into raising their chicks. A mother cuckoo, rather than building a nest while pregnant, will find one that has already eggs in it, and when its owners are away, will lay there one of her own. Cuckoo eggs hatch quickly, usually before their hosts' eggs, and they grow fast after they hatch. When the cuckoo chick is strong enough, it will kick out one-by-one all its foster siblings (whether hatched or not) from the nest, and consume all the food that its foster parents can deliver. The hungry cuckoo chick makes so much noise (a very fast "si-si-si-si") that the parents will devote all their time to diligently feed the chick that grows into a grotesque behemoth four times the size of their own.


Now, Mexico like a monster cuckoo dumps on us millions of her "migrant workers" she doesn't want to rear herself. Although most of them arrive here as poor and defenseless cuckoo chicks who just want to improve their lives, they quickly learn how to take unfair advantage of our political system, and use it to complete their cuckoo chicks' job. And their number is growing so rapidly that formerly 80% "white" California is predicted to become a "Hispanic" state within just a few decades.


So, next time when somebody tells you that we, Americans, must pick up the tab for education and care of illegal aliens, and set aside a room for them in our more and more overcrowded, traffic-jammed, and polluted country so that they, too, can pursue the American dream, remember the cuckoo chicks.


Over the last seven years after the article’s publication, I heard many nonsensical claims, the absurdity of which can be clearly seen after their translation on the cuckoo chicks language.


Here are some of them.


These where the European nations that were the actual cuckoos that laid their eggs in indigenous (which all-inclusive term refers to, depending on the context, North American Indians or Mexican Aztecs) peoples’  nest (the U.S.) and the pilgrims and the settlers were the actual cuckoo chicks that kicked out the “indigenous” chicks.


Well, when the cuckoo dies, her chicks will prosper anyway since they only depend of the hosting birds. Quite obviously, should the U.S. economy cease to exist tomorrow, millions of Mexican “migrants” would be left with no means of subsistence. But if Mexico disappeared from the Earth, they would prosper at least as well as they are prospering now. So, it cannot be the case that Europeans are the cuckoos here, while Mexico passes the test, and in flying colors, for being one.


Moreover, the pilgrims did not kick the natives out, but traded with them, and offered them several benefits for the land that the natives thought belonged to nobody. They (the pilgrims, the immigrants, and their descendents) were the ones who built the actual nest (the U.S., that is). Judging from the history, the descendents of the natives would never enjoy the life standard and the affluence that the American society has offered to them, particularly those who have been allowed to operate gambling casinos, if the European pilgrims and immigrants stayed at home and did not move to North America. (See also ref. [1].)


As to the Mexican Aztecs and their descendents, their ancestors lived nowhere even close to where the today’s U.S. is and were conquered, colonized, and exploited by Spanish Empire that had no political or organizational ties with the pilgrims (who were Brits) or with the country that their heirs established on the North American soil. So, if the descendents of Mexican Aztecs have any grudges against European conquistadors then they should direct them to Spain (or to their own government that, predominantly, is of Spanish ancestry) and not to the U.S.


The cuckoo (Mexico) has the right to lay eggs in other bird’s nests because she is “indigenous” species here.


In addition to the fallacy mentioned above (Mexican Aztecs have no ethnicity-based claim to the U.S. land), this argument has a striking similarity to claims made by Hitler who insisted that certain Eastern European lands (for instance, western parts of Poland and Czechoslovakia) belonged to German nation solely on basis of ethnicity. Mexico is sending millions of her impoverished citizens to the U.S. because she can, and being in the proximity of the U.S. (and not any “indigenous people” irredentist rhetoric) is the main part of the reason why she can.


The cuckoos and their chicks contribute to host birds’ economy by creating the demand for more nests and food.


Whatever their contributions are, they consume more than they contribute.


If there are any negative effects of cuckooism then they should be blamed on hosting birds that didn’t build nests that are big enough to accommodate both the cuckoo chick and their own. If some of hosting birds’ chicks suffer or die, it’s because they waste their food.


The above seem to be the core argument of “blame America first” demagogues who root Third World’s overpopulation, poverty, and economic failures on not enough American generosity, charity, and compassion, as wall as on Americans wasting their resources.


All the birds of the world should feed all the chicks of the world, including the cuckoo chicks, even if the cuckoos are unwilling to do so.


This is a typical liberal/leftist/communist/neo-socialist plea that pretends to remedy a serious problem with a (usually unsatisfiable) promise of utopia.


Any restrictions on where cuckoos may and may not lay their eggs would violate their God-given rights and principles of free enterprise that would, eventually, discourage all birds form building nests.


That is very much the free trade/free movement of labor argument. Its absurdity is visible with a naked eye.


It doesn’t really matter whose chicks, the cuckoo’s or their own, the host birds are feeding. All that matters is that the well-being and survival of the entire birdship (birdity?) is secured this way.


This is the argument usually brought up by the advocates of the so-called “proposition nation”, a doctrine that claims that it doesn’t matter who the American people are as long as they are human beings that support the American constitution and form of government. Well, if at certain moment big spotted cuckoos become 100% successful in replacing the host birds’ offspring, they will die out to extinction as there will be no one left to feed their chicks anymore. Also, hosting birds’ altruistic continuation of the feeding of the cuckoo chick after it has terminated its foster siblings is, to it’s all apparent “humanitarianism”, a maladaptive strategy as it increases the chances that another cuckoo, perhaps the one that they are feeding now, will dupe them, again, and further decrease chances for their own reproductive success.


All birds’ chicks, including cuckoo chicks, have equal rights to be hatched and fed. Calls to stop birds from laying eggs into some other bird’s nests are de facto directed only against cuckoos (or will have a disparate effect on cuckoos), and, therefore, are rascist (speciest?) by their very nature. They should be banned, or, at least, silenced as a form of hate speech against birds’ minority (cuckoos). The host birds that refuse to feed cuckoo chicks (like Australian superb fairy-wren, see ref. [2]) exhibit blatant racism (speciesm?), nativism, and xenophobia, and should be severely punished for their malice and refusal.


Should I add anything more? Remember the cuckoo chicks!



Readers’ comments: “What a great analogy Mark, you had me in stitches, I forgot about Cuckoo Birds.....”


 “Cuckoo Chicks -- The Best Analogy I've Ever Read”


 “Very good read!”


 “I wasn't aware of your excellent '99 Cuckoo Chicks piece. Excellent!! Thanks for sharing it again with us!”


 “This by far is the best illustration that brings the point home than any I have ever seen. Would you please figure out a way to get this in The Los Angeles Times?”  


“Mark: Absolutely brilliant, as always.”


“I absolutely loved this!!”  [top]





[1] “Their” Land

By Mark Andrew Dwyer


[2] Cuckoos, Wrens in Escalating Evolutionary Arms Race

By James Owen


[3] Common Cuckoo

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Past commentary (December 20, 2006): THE LEFT’S ARROGANCE with extensive footnotes and hard-to-find references.



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