(Eeny Meeny Miney Ed transcript)
(A butterfly flies along the cul-de-sac, as birds twitter. A sock puppet on
Ed's hand snaps at it. Ed makes a few "rar" sounds as one puppet attacks the
other.)
EDDY: Ed! (Ed is standing on a lawn, with a golf thing strapped to his back)
Pay attention! Here, I see the nine hole. (Eddy is next to a wading pool) With
a jump over the water, and a spiral twist to the hole. (Scratching his head)
Now where to put the cart rentals... hmm... Huh?
ED: (Playing with the sock puppets again) Devour stinky socks, yap yap yap yap.
EDDY: Gimmie those socks!
ED: Hm? (Closes eyes and blows a raspberry)
EDDY: Why you! (Jumps Ed)
ED: Wha-woah! (They tussle in a smoke cloud while, in the foreground, Edd
adjusts something with a spanner) Gimmie my socks!
EDDY: Ed!
ED: Gimmie my socks!
EDDY: Ed!
EDD: (Happy) I think I've done it!
EDDY: Gimmie 'em!
ED: I want my socks!
EDDY: No! No!
ED: Double Dee! (The smoke cloud dissipates, and Ed stands up) Doughnuts!
(Ed runs over to Edd, causing Eddy to fall onto the ground)
EDDY: Whoa!
ED: Can I lick the bowl, Double Dee?
(Edd inserts a plug into an extension cord)
EDD: Voila! (We see what he was making, basically a green mechanical monster
which opens its mouth and waves its arms) The Ed's miniature golf course is
open for business!
ED: Cool.
(Eddy jumps on top of Ed, who laughs. Edd looks shocked)
EDDY: Good work, Double Dee. (Edd cringes) The kids'll line up for blocks,
(Puts his arm around Edd) and we'll be (Closeup on Eddy) independently
secure... Let's break it in!
EDD: But (Eddy... spins Edd away) Edddddyyyyyy.....
(Eddy places a golf ball onto Ed's head.)
ED: (quietly) Hur.
EDDY: Hoh! (rummages in the golf thing) Ha! (Pulls out a club) Weer! (Swings
the club and grunts. He screams excitedly as he watches the ball's passage.
Then he looks surprised.)Huh? (The ball is lying on a patch of dirt. Ed has
retracted his head like a turtle) Oh no!
ED: (Pulling his head out) My turn! (Ed sucks the ball up) Ooh.
(Ed stands up. Eddy screams as he is thrown off Ed's back.)
ED: Pah! (He spits the ball out onto the ground. He seems to be trying to hit
the ball, but he misses and throws the club instead. It hits Edd's contraption,
which was moving mechanically, and breaks it instantly. Cut back to the Eds,
who are standing in a line. Edd and Eddy don't look too happy.) Fore.
EDD: (Running forward) All my hard work...
EDDY: (To Ed) What planet are you from?
ED: (Hugging Eddy) I come in peace, Eddy!
(Eddy growls)
EDD: (Rummaging inside the machine) Grr... (Coming out) Well, the rods are
shot. (Ed and Eddy stare uncomprehending) And it'll probably take me weeks to
find another box.
(Eddy growls as he frees himself from Ed's grip. They stare at Ed.)
ED: Ha. (Procures a sock puppet and moves its mouth in time with his speech.
Eddy widens his eyes) How come Double Dee's so smart, about stuff?
EDDY: Hh. (Offhand) Because he's not human.
(Ed takes this the wrong way)
ED: (gasps, shocked.) Double Dee's not human?! (Narrows his eyes) No way!
(Eddy sniggers)
EDDY: (Falsely sincere) I... thought you knew. Have you ever known anyone
*that* smart? (Ed thinks about this. And thinks. Eddy gets impatient) Well? (Ed
grunts and points. Eddy growls)
ED: If Double Dee's not human,(Looks over at Edd) what is he?
(Eddy waves Ed over)
EDDY: (Whispering in Eds ear) You didn't hear this from me, but, (Tapping the
ground) deep in the Earth's core,
ED: Huh?
(Eddy appears in Ed's coat)
EDDY: In a top secret lab, (Strikes a menacing pose) a mad scientist conducted
(Twists his arms) crossbreeding experiments,
ED: (Grinning) Do tell!
EDDY: By combining (mimes something large) a terrifying lizard with, (holds up
a flower) a sweet boy, (Grabs Ed) thus creating, (They look at Edd, who's
thoughtfully fitting two sets of model teeth together) the Lizard Man! (Ed
stares) See that hat? He hides his *gills* under it.(mimes gills with his hands)
ED: (Running off) Must touch gills!
(Eddy spins around and falls over, laughing.)
(Edd is looking inside his machine, when Ed's hand attempts to grab his hat.)
EDD: (looking round) Respect my personal space, please.
ED: (Scratching head) Huh?
(Eddy smothers a laugh. Ed looks at him.)
EDD: Thank you.
(Eddy points downward shiftily. Ed looks away and Eddy smothers another laugh.
Ed groans with effort as he reaches towards Edd's hat again. Edd angrily raps
his knuckles with a ruler. Ed sticks his throbbing hand in his mouth as Eddy
sniggers)
EDD: (Annoyed) You're unfenite[?], mister! (Something large in his pocket
rings, and his eyes widen) Hm?! (Smiles and fishes around in his pocket,
retrieving a large hourglass. He giggles.) My cocoons need tending.
(Edd runs off, as Ed and Eddy watch.)
EDDY: What'd I tell ya?
ED: (running round the side of the house) Hurry, Eddy!
(Eddy grabs Ed, and his legs run him into the ground.)
EDDY: Quiet, Burrhead! We're not alone.
(The camera pans to Sarah and Jimmy, who are playing dollies and giggling)
ED: (happy) No, we're not.
EDDY: Yes we are. Double Dee made Sarah and Jimmy (Sarah removes the head from
her army doll) from a praying mantis, (Jimmy is spraying perfume, and gets it
in his eye) and a skate bug! (New scene. Eddy looks over a fence) Double Dee
changed Rolf, too!
(Ed looks through a loose fence post)
ED: Huh?
(Rolf happily rolls a barrel around his yard)
EDDY: Look at'm! He's a picnic ant!
ED: I smell chickens, Eddy. (A bug lands on his nose) Hm?
(Ed goes to squash the bug, but Eddy takes it)
EDDY: Ed, don't! You almost squashed some more of Double Dee's handiwork! (The
fence suddenly buckles beneath him. Ed has run off while his head is still
poking through it)
ED: I must find the Lizard Man, Eddy!
(Ed runs off as Eddy screams)
(Ed and Eddy poke their heads around the wall of Edd's garage. Edd is working
on something at the far end)
EDDY: See? Now he's making a *cockroach kid*.
(Edd looks through a microscope)
EDD: Hm. (Writes in a book. Ed raises his head above the table and looks at
him. Edd looks back in the microscope) Hmm! (Writes in the book busily. Ed is
on the desk. Edd looks into the microscope again. He writes in the book, while
Ed is standing on his head on the desk. He looks through the microscope again.)
Hm. (Writes in the book. Ed is now staring openly, standing on the floor. Edd
sees him.) Ed. (Ed laughs) It's impolite to stare.
ED: Hm. (Sniffs Edd's hat. Edd grunts when Ed grabs his arm and sniffs it, then
screams briefly as Ed releases him. Eddy is snickering) He is not of this
Earth, Eddy!
EDD: (Shocked) Wh-what? I-is it my breath? (Huffs on his hand, then sniffs it.
He runs inside very quickly.)
ED: (Gasps) I saw his tail!
(Eddy suppresses his laughter, turning red.)
EDDY: (Falsely desperate) His tail is dangerous! But watch out for the death
ray, (Makes his eyes very large) he shoots from his eyes! (Chokes, grabbing his
collar. He falls over and screams) Protect yourself... with this! (Holds up a
mirror. Ed looks in it.)
ED: Hello, my name is Ed.
EDDY: But, be cautious! Who knows what evil he's plotting, as we speak!
(Edd brushes his teeth worridly)
(Eddy makes unintelligible noises as he kicks the door open. Edd turns. The
toothpaste in his mouth prevents him from speaking coherently.)
EDD: Ha, guss. [Hi, guys]
ED: (gasps) Does he bite?
(The lights start flickering. Ed shivers.)
EDDY: Woooo... Wooooo.... (Eddy is flickering the lights) Woooo... Wooo...
(Eddy points) He's attacking, Ed!(Continues saying wooo and flickering the
lights)
EDD: (Walking towards Ed and Eddy) Uggug, heggug herroo... heggu gus gos heggo
gaga ge-e-e-e...
(Ed is terrified)
EDDY: Ed, the mirror! Use the mirror!
EDD: Ge-e-e... [Ed...] (Ed shoves the mirror in Edd's mouth. The top of the
mirror is wedged in his gap) Gaaa....
ED: Run away, run away!
(Eddy sniggers as he and Ed leave. Ed pulls the door shut behind him)
ED: (pants, holding the door) We're doomed, Eddy! (Looks around) Eddy?
EDDY: ED, (Ed jumps) HELP! HE'S GOT ME!
(Ed runs around a corner, panting. He sees Eddy's clothes on the floor)
ED: (Gasps, touching the clothes) No, not Eddy! Take me, Lizard Man!
EDD: (Walking up) Why are Eddy's clothes lying on my floor? (Ed's eyes widen as
he stands up) Is he running around naked again?
ED: Surrender, lizard thing! (Edd is confused. Ed grabs him by the collar) Give
me the antidote!
EDD: What antidote? Have you lost your-
ED: (Gasps, dropping Edd on the floor) Am I the only human left? I am alone!
(Edd rubs his head and Ed runs away) I am hungry!
EDD: (Standing up and following) Ed, wait, I can make you a sandwich.
(The camera pans over to the left, and Eddy pokes his head around the corner at
ground level)
EDDY: (mocking) Ooh, I am a bug, (Eddy rounds the corner, revealing that he is
in a bucket, with only his head and fingers out) help me Ed. What a sap!
(Laughs)
(Ed bursts through Edd's front door, not bothering to open it first)
ED: Run away! (pants)
(Edd follows)
EDD: Ed, please! Soup is filling... (Runs into Ed, who's stopped and is staring
blankly) Oohow! (Falls down)
(Ed reaches down and pulls Edd up by the hat, not changing his expression.
Edd's eyes widen. We see what they're seeing, Nazz.)
NAZZ: (Waving) Hi, Ed. Hi, Double Dee. I'm havin' a barbeque this afternoon.
Would you to come?
(Edd turns around. Ed looks up and walks a little way away)
EDD: (strained, speaking to the air) I'd be delighted.
NAZZ: How about you, Ed?
ED: Hm?
NAZZ: Lots of foo-ood.
(Edd comes up behind Nazz, now looking more normal)
EDD: Yes, join us, Ed.
EDD and NAZZ: (Close to the camera) Join us, Ed. (Ed is shaking) Join us Ed.
Join us, Ed.
ED: Okay, I give uup! (Shaking his head) It's no fun, being the last human.
(Edd and Nazz stare) So can I be a bumblebee?
(Nazz looks at Edd. Edd turns around again. Back in Edd's house, Eddy is
walking through the corridor laughing. He is still in the bucket)
EDDY: Eddy, you're the man with the scam. (He doesn't notice he's about to fall
down the stairs) You're the big(Walks on thin air)uh, oh (Screams as he falls
down) Ah, oo, ee, ow.
(The bucket lands face down at the bottom. Eddy pokes his head out, to see Ed,
Edd and Nazz walking down the street)
ED: So, if I join you at the party, can I be a tarantula? Or maybe a salamander?
EDDY: Party? Wait! (Attempts to pull himself out of the bucket, grunting. He
fails.) Hey, I-I'm stuck! Ed! (Falls over) Don't forget cockroach Eddy...
(Kids laugh in the background. First we have a closeup on a bug. It lands on
Kevin's nose.)
KEVIN: (Annoyed) Hmm?! (He flicks it off, where it lands on a barbequing wiener)
NAZZ: (faintly) Hey, guys.
(Kevin sticks a toasting fork into the wiener. The kids stop laughing)
KEVIN: (Lifting up the fork) Who's up for a dog?
(A large ham falls onto the barbeque)
ROLF: Yah.
KEVIN: Huh?
(Kevin stares at the ham)
ROLF: Your puny wieners are no match for Rolf's hunger.
KEVIN: How long's this cook for?
(Rolf removes the ham)
ROLF: Done.
(In the background, Ed laughs as he leapfrogs around Nazz's yard. The scene
shifts to Sarah and Jimmy, ready to eat their hot dogs. Jimmy is applying
mustard)
SARAH: Yummy! Hot dogs!
JIMMY: I love franks! (Jimmy bites into the bun, which squirts the wiener out.)
Woe is me...
(Jonny and Plank are at the other end of the table. Plank is wearing a napkin)
JONNY: I can't take my eyes off Jimmy either, Plank.
(Edd approaches Jonny)
EDD: Jonny!
JONNY: Hm?
EDD: Have you seen Ed?
(Ed reaches into shot to poke Edd's head)
ED: Buzz, buzz, buzz.
EDD: (Still being poked) Oh. Er, hello, Ed.
ED: I picked a mosquito, as I am ready to be transformed, and join your colony.
(The kids stare at Ed. Most look confused, though Sarah looks scornful and Nazz
looks amused)
SARAH: What an idiot!
(Nazz giggles. The kids resume laughing)
ED: (Waving his arms) Buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz.
EDDY: Psst! Ed! (Ed stops waving his arms and turns around. Eddy pokes head out
from the side of Nazz's house. He is still in the bucket)
ED: Huh?
EDDY: C'mere, quick! (Jumps and grunts)
ED: (Overjoyed) Eddy! You look good for a cockroach.
EDD: Knock it off, Fleabrain, and get this bucket off! (Growls)
ED: Let me take you to your people!
(Ed picks Eddy up)
EDDY: (Scared) Wait!
NAZZ: Hi, Ed.
ED: Uh.
EDDY: Huh?
(Nazz is holding a tray with two drinks on it)
NAZZ: Would you like a- (Sees Eddy and is terrified) buuug!
ED: Where? (Looking around) Get it off!
NAZZ: (Throwing away the drinks) Crush it!
(Nazz hits Eddy with the drinks tray. He flies through the air, landing on the
barbeque, which Rolf and Kevin are still standing next to)
ROLF: Look! Desert!
(Eddy groans as Rolf hits him with the ham. He lands near the cellar window)
KIDS: Squash the bug, squash the bug! (they continue talking while Eddy runs
into the wall a few times, then gets through the window, grunting)
JONNY: Huh?
JIMMY: (Shivering, holding Sarah) What does it want?
ROLF: It took refuge in your cellar.
KEVIN: It was huge!
NAZZ: (Scared) Do something!
ROLF: Yes, good, for as Papa would say, (Removes his shoe) the shoe is mightier
than Mama's stuffed leopard.
ED: (Gasps) But it's one of you!
ROLF: (Poking Ed) I don't know about you.
ED: Huh?
ROLF: Quickly, before it lays eggs!
(There is complete darkness, then Rolf opens the door to the cellar, letting
some light in)
ROLF: Stay close, as it may try to crawl up your pant leg!
(Jimmy whimpers, shivering)
JIMMY: I'm having a panic attack, Sarah!
SARAH: (Putting her arm on Jimmy's shoulders) It's okay, Jimmy, you and I can
stay here.
ROLF: Yes, as you wish. Will there be any more crybaby?
(Jonny agonises)
JONNY: Mmm... Plank has a tummy ache!
ED: (Raising his arms as the kids stare at him) Let the transformation begin!
(Edd laughs nervously. He smiles, embarrassed)
ROLF: Follow Rolf!
ED: (Grabbing Edd around the neck and pulling him offscreen) Follow Rolf!
JIMMY: (Looking through the cellar door) Smack it once for me!
ROLF: (Walking down the stairs) Stay together, as it may try to ambush you and
suck out your marrow!
(The kids wince. Eddy is hiding behind a corner)
EDD: Um, shouldn't we just find the light switch?
(Eddy runs offscreen. Rolf sniffs)
ROLF: Can you hear it? Kevin,
KEVIN: Huh?
ROLF: Shine your moonbox. (Hushed, pointing with his shoe) There.
(The beam of Kevin's torch meanders along a row of boxes. It stops on an empty
patch off wall. Eddy jumps out, and screams strangely. He runs away, panting)
NAZZ: It's so grosss!
KEVIN: There it goes!
ROLF: In honour of my ancestor, (Leaping) fleep! Shucklaha! (Screams as he hits
something, presumably Eddy, with his shoe.)
(Cut to the other kids in the cellar. Kevin is grinning, Nazz is looking
frightened, and Edd is worried)
ED: Whoa, Rolf's pretty good for a picnic ant.
(With every hit, Rolf yells, and the other kids wince. A hand flips on the
light switch)
EDD: Much better.
ROLF: (Lifting his head up) Hah. (Holds up his shoe, with a groaning Eddy
attached to it) This is no bug.
KEVIN and NAZZ: Huh?
NAZZ: Is that... Eddy?
KEVIN: Hit'm again!
(Ed is now holding Eddy, who groans)
ED: Double Dee transformed Eddy into a cockroach.
(Kevin, Nazz and Edd stand there)
EDD: (nervous) I honestly haven't a clue...
KEVIN: (Walking away) You got that right.
NAZZ: (Annoyed, also leaving.) Hmph. (Rolf follows)
EDD: Can you please help me out here?
EDDY: Forget about it! (Straining) Just get me outta this bucket!(Screams)
(Kevin and Rolf pause in the doorway)
ROLF: Are they from this planet?
KEVIN: (Shaking his head) No. They're from the Land of the Dorks.
(Ed and Edd are pulling Eddy out of the bucket)
EDD: Could someone please tell me what's going on? (Kevin turns off the light.
There is a crash) Well?
ED: Basement.
EDDY: Foot!
ED: Ooh.
(Fade out)
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