(The words "CLONE HIGH" spin at the screen to dramatic music. After a camera angle change, they read "A CLONE HIGH SPECIAL PRESENTATION")
Narrator: Previously, on a very special Clone High. (Joan and Cleo hit each other with pillows) Joan got a new roommate. (Abe and Cleo share a french fry, then kiss) Abe and Cleo continued to date. (Gandhi is locked in jail) And Gandhi became an inmate. (A live action paper plate) Here's a paper plate.
(Opening credits. Christmas bells are audible all through the theme song. After the credits, the words "A VERY SPECIAL CLONE HIGH SNOWFLAKE DAY SPECIAL" appear on a light blue background. After that, there's a closeup on a giant, Christmassy star. The camera pans down to a town, probably Exclamation!, which is covered in snow. It goes into a church, where some bells are ringing and apparently floating in mid air. The camera comes out through some doors onto a street. It pans past Snowflake Jake, the mascot of Snowflake Day)
Scudworth: (Voiceover) Dear family and friends, (the camera pans past a bunch of kids throwing snowballs at another kid) is it possible a year has passed (More panning, past a group of carollers and a man in a pirate suit drinking alcohol. Then Scudworth is shown in his office, writing with a giant feather pen. Mr Butlertron is serving tea) since my last impersonal, [photo] informative, photocopied holiday update. (Licks his pen) I can hardly believe it's only been a year, since the United Nations abolished religious holidays in favour of the all-inclusive, non-offensive, (smiles) Snowflake Day.
(The camera goes out the window, where Joan is looking at a giant fake snowflake with smaller snowflakes hanging off it. She pokes one of the smaller snowflakes)
Joan: Well this blows.
(Gandhi runs up)
Gandhi: Oh my god, Snowflake Day is almost here! (Clasps his hands and dances) Snowflake Jake, this holiday's mascot, will come to my house and bring me spices upon spices!
Joan: (deadpan) Oh, joyous day.
Gandhi: What do you have against Snowflake Day, anyway? It's not like all of those exclusive religious holidays like Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa... (points offscreen) Ooh, it's time for the ceremonial lighting of the snowman! (Runs around singing like Christmas bells)Bun bun bun bun, bun bun bun bun, bun bun bun bun, bun bun bun bun...
(Abe and Cleo approach, holding lamb tacos)
Abe: Jolly Snowflake Day, Joan. (offering his taco to Joan, who leans away) Would you like a bite of my lamb taco? It's just not Snowflake Day without a lamb taco.
Joan: (annoyed) Cripes! Why is everyone so cripes... darn... cheerful?
Cleo: Well, you better be cheerful at my annual Snowflake Day party, because those crackers won't hand out themselves.
Joan: (deadpan) I can't wait.
Abe: (excited) Neither can I, Joan! We're all going to exchange Snowflake Day care satchels!
(Joan rolls her eyes as Cleo clings to Abe's arm)
Cleo: Speaking of which, Abe, I can't wait for my big, expensive Snowflake Day gift.
Abe: Oh, don't worry, Cleo! I'll get you the best gift ever!
Joan: A clamp to keep her legs closed?
Abe: No, even better than that!
(Gives a thumbs up)
(Later, in the hallways of the school, Abe's thumb is still up, but it seems to have wilted. A banner above the lockers says
"CLEOS ANNUAL SNOWFLAKE DAY PARTY IS NIGH". Gandhi is there too. Abe sighs)
Abe: Where am I gonna get money to buy Cleo a good present?
Gandhi: Have a Bar Mitzvah dude, you get made stacks! (Raises his hands and dilutes his pupils)
Abe: Sounds sweet, but I think I'm gonna do the Christian thing: Get a job.
Gandhi: (pointing) Right on. Both Bill Gates and Will Smith have jobs, and they're millionaires!
Abe and Gandhi: (High fiving) To jobs!
(Gandhi, who jumped in the air so that he could reach Abe's hand, hangs there for a few seconds)
(JFK in his recording studio. His foster dads are watching)
JFK: (Singing) It's the most lucrative tiiime of the yeeeaar!
Wally: Voice of an angel, baby.
Carl: An angel!
JFK: Gay dads, enough fawning! (The dads look at each other) We gotta get my annual Snowflake Day album done! (Sings to "Deck the Halls) Deck the deck with gay apparel, fala lala lala... (starts laughing) Gay apparel... (laughs some more and points at his foster dads) like the pants... you know?
(Wally and Carl look startled)
(Establishing shot: TGI Chili’s. In the kitchen, Abe washes a huge pile of dirty dishes. Gandhi comes in and angrily throws
some cutlery into the sink, then leaves again. He comes in a second later with more cutlery)
Gandhi: Dude, this blows. I don't know how Bill Gates and Will Smith do this.
Abe: (Cheerful) Come on, Gandhi! Two more hours, and we'll've paid for the mall parking!
Caesar: (offscreen) I need a fork!
Gandhi: (sighs) Always with the utensils!
(Abe gives him a fork, and Gandhi goes out to give it to Caesar)
Caesar: (The second Gandhi comes back in, making him wince) And mayhaps a knife as well?
(Abe gives Gandhi a knife)
Gandhi: Every time! I have to make two trips! (Leaves, enters) "Can I have a fork?" (Leaves, enters) "Can I have a knife?" (leaves, enters) Jeez! Every time.
(He goes out the door. A second later, Napoleon comes in, making Abe jump. Napoleon is even shorter than Gandhi)
Napoleon: (French accent) Lincoln, we need those plates right now! (Gandhi walks in) Gandhi, traditional Snowflake Sombrero dance, pronto! (leaves)
(Gandhi walks off)
Abe: What a jerk! Napoleon’s got some sort of a complex. I don't know what it is, but man!
(Gandhi comes back wearing only a sombrero, which Abe lights on fire with a lighter. Gandhi runs out the door singing a Mexican tune. People gasp and Gandhi runs back in with his groin on fire)
Gandhi: Groin fire!
(Abe drops a glass in surprise)
Napoleon: We eat our mistakes here, Monsieur Abe!
Abe: But I dropped a glass!
Napoleon: Eat it! EAT IT! (Speaks French)
(Abe hesitates, then sighs and picks up the broken glass. He puts it in his mouth and chews, causing the glass to cut through his cheeks and spray blood everywhere, though he doesn't seem to be in any pain. Gandhi runs back into shot, screaming. He flips a switch accidentally, and all the water in the sink drains out, as does most of the stuff in there. A knife and a fork fall down the drain at the same time, twisting them together. Gandhi looks at them)
Gandhi: (whispering) Whaat? (He holds the knife and fork up) Abe, if I said we could be millionaires, would you quit with me right now?
Abe: (muffled, as blood drips onto the floor) I'll give it some serious consideration. (chews)
(A bunch of kids line up to meet Snowflake Jake. Joan is his assistant)
Snowflake Jake: Now, jump on me back, and whisper yer wish for spices in me ear.
Kid: (In Snowflake Jake's ear) If you don't fill my rack with cumin this year, I swear to God I'll get you fired!
Snowflake Jake: (Tolerant) Yo ho ho. You'll get yer wish, ya booger. (Lifts the kid up and throws him away) Get off me back, or I'll murder yer grandparents.
Crowd: Awwww.
Joan: (annoyed) Why do I take this job every year?
(The crowd laughs)
Snowflake Jake: (Holding up a bucket) Now, go empty me chum bucket. It's starting to smell like a day old hooker.
(Joan grabs the bucket)
Joan: I hate you, you nasty, crap eating monkey!
(The crowd laughs again, and Snowflake Jake blows a kiss)
Snowflake Jake: Arr.
Man in Crowd: I'll tell you what spice she's got! Sassafras!
(Outside, Joan empties the bucket into a dumpster, then throws the bucket away)
Joan: I hate this stupid holiday!
(The star from the start of the episode appears over the dumpster, and a homeless girl who may or may not be Mandy Moore lifts up the lid from inside)
Mandy Moore: Don't say that, Joan. And, I could've used that chum.
Joan: Sorry, I didn't realise you-- How'd you know my name?
Mandy Moore: I don't know your name. I call everyone Joan. It's like saying dude, or bro, or in your case, Joan of Arc. (Joan narrows her eyes) But, that's not important right now. What is important is that you continue to spread the Snowflake Day spirit.
Joan: Snowflake Day sucks! All those kids are so greedy! "Oh give me some spices!" "I'm fat!" "I want some parsley!"
(She sticks a finger down her throat to display her disgust)
Mandy Moore: Lucky kids with their spices. I have to eat the salt they sprinkle on the roads when the ice freezes.
Joan: Who cares about spices and seasonings and traditional snowflake meats? Snowflake Day is just another made up holiday, courtesy of the greeting card industry, just like Valentine's Day and Easter.
(Cut to two greeting card industry thugs watching them from a rooftop. One is holding a gun)
Thug with Gun: I can take her out right now.
(His companion nods, and he shoots. The bullet barely misses Joan, who looks irritated, then puts a finger in her ear)
Mandy Moore: You know for many, this season is about giving. So um, can I have fifty cents so I can eat today?
Joan: Ugh! See? Even you, a homeless person, greedy and selfish! (to herself) Well, if it's spices everybody wants, I'll pepper their precious Snowflake Day, with a little slice of sabotage pie. (Walking offscreen) Joan of Arc style! (Comes back) Hey, are you Mandy Moore?
Mandy Moore: Me? (laughs) No. This mic? (Points to a small microphone attached to her head) Doesn't even work.
Joan: So... You're just an incredibly hot homeless person?
Mandy Moore: You'd be surprised at how many ab machines you find in dumpsters. Plus I... have a trainer.
(Joan narrows her eyes. The homeless girl stares to her left)
(Scudworth is still writing his holiday address and smiling. Mr Butlertron is lying on a bearskin rug)
Scudworth: (voice over) In addition to my crippling bunions of last year, I have also been diagnosed with corns. But in this happy season, we all have to be thankful. Thankful that the plantar warts in my other foot, have been removed. (Holds up a finger) Save one. I call him Gary, (Shot of a Snowflake Day card featuring Scudworth, Mr Butlertron, and a wart on Scudworth's foot) and he's part of the family now! (Back to Scudworth) He'd better buy me a good present!
(Abe and Gandhi are in a science lab. Gandhi is holding up a fork with a blade on one side. They speak in an excited tone for most of the scene)
Gandhi: It's perfect! It's half knife, half fork. Like the spork.
Abe: (taking it) Vincent Spork took home a Nobel for that baby!
Gandhi: Mm-hm. And now people don't have to hold a fork and a knife to cut, then switch hands to eat their sweet meat. They can just use one brilliant tool.
Abe: (warmly) Like you, Gandhi. A brilliant tool.
(Abe uses the tool to pick up some meat)
Gandhi: Exactly! (Abe eats the meat offscreen) Hey, why're you bleeding, dawg?
(Abe's cheek is cut open, and flaps as he talks)
Abe: Well, the knife portion seems to have sliced open my cheek. How about a sliding plastic sheath to cover up the blade when the fork portion is in use?
Gandhi: Okay, we're just gonna need a system of ball bearings to (thinking) make the sheath slide!
Abe: But it'll need to be counterstabilised. I'm thinkin'...
Abe and Gandhi: (pointing at each other) Trigger assembly! ...Jinx!
(A silent movie card reads "Later That Day...")
(The tool looks more complicated now. Abe has a bandaid on his cheek)
Abe: Should we have a strap to hold down the meat when we cut it, or Velcro?
Gandhi: (laughing) Oh, Velcro. Definitely. And there's only one solution for the oscillating serrated edge.
Abe and Gandhi: (pointing at each other) Coal power! ...Get out of my head! You get out of my head!
(Silent movie card: "Yet Later Still Even..." Abe has an engine of some sort strapped to his back, which Gandhi is shovelling coal into. The engine is connected to the tool in Abe's hand)
Abe: I gotta hand it to you, the foot pedal and the popsicle sticks really worked! We're gonna be rich, Gandhi! I'm gonna be able to buy Cleo the best gift ever!
Gandhi: Now, as far as the name, I was thinking... Knifork.
Abe: Bladeforker!
Gandhi: Utensil!
Abe: Sir Slicenspere!
Gandhi: Fike!
(Both think)
Abe and Gandhi: (pointing at each other) Knork! ...Oh my God!
Abe: Fantastic!
Gandhi: (Simultaneously) Awesome! (Annoyed) Come on man, we rehearsed this.
Abe and Gandhi: (Turning away from each other) Sorry.
Man: (A title card says the same thing) We now return to Snowflake Jake Saves Snowflake Day.
(Zoom in on a pirate ship. This whole segment is animated in CGI. Snowflake Jake has three holiday mascots about to walk the plank)
Snowflake Jake: Arr. Any last words, Santy Claus, (Closeup on Santa Claus) Dreidelstein (Close up on a monster with a dreidel for a torso. The dreidel currently shows a letter he) and King Kwanzaa? (Closeup on a guy in a crown) It be time for you, and your exclusionary holidays, to walk to the plank.
Santa Claus: Jake! Don't kill us! We've realised that the harmless celebration of our religions is oppressive!
(Dreidelstein and King Kwanzaa nod their agreement)
Dreidelstein: Dreidelstein sorry. (His torso spins, and stops on a gimel) Gimel.
King Kwanzaa: Your way is right, and our way is wrong.
Snowflake Jake: Oh, not wrong. Just specific. (A blackboard reading his next line rolls up, and Snowflake Jake gestures to it) And specificity be the enemy of unity. Now, let us all join in a traditional All Religions Are Equally Valid Traditional Snowflake Day Celebratory Cabbage Patch.
(Santa Claus, Dreidelstein and King Kwanzaa start Cabbage Patching, which consists of holding the arms out and gyrating them in a circle, while a singer says "Lickey lickey lickey lickey lickey ah ah ah ah ahahahahah". Toots is watching the special on TV, and he starts Cabbage Patching as well. Joan is putting razor blades into some bite sized wieners)
Joan: Ugh! I can't believe you guys watch that Snowflake Day crap!
(Another bullet whizzes past her head)
Toots: I may be blind, but I can still see you're losing your Snowflake Day spirit, girl. You know Snowflake Jake might not shoot us by his cannonball at our party if you continue to act so ill mannered!
Joan: Who cares? I'm not going to the stupid party anyway! (Sinister) But my presence, will be felt. Oh yes, oh yes, my presence, (Holds up a pack of garlic gum) will be felt.
Cleo: But you have to come to my party! You're serving the crackers! Where else am I gonna get a cracker girl at this late hour?
Toots: (To Cleo) Um... Fourth and Maple?
(Pan to the TV, where an ad is showing that features a young man and a young woman cuddling in front of the fire)
Woman: Oh relax, this music sure is putting me in the mood.
Man: Oh course it is. It's JFK Sings The Er, Uh, Snowflake Day Hits!
(Shot of JFK)
JFK: (Not really to the tune of Away In A Manger) Away in a taco, no spice for my lamb... (It cuts to song titles scrolling up one side of the screen, with JFK singing on the other side. He sings to Dreidel Dreidel) Snowflake Snowflake Snowflake, I made you out of snow. (Riding a sleigh, singing to Jingle Bells) Jerky balls, jerky balls, jerky beef jer-ky. (Ice skating, singing to Silent Night) Jerky balls, tasty balls, balls of meat, jerk so sweet. (To another tune) It's a Jeff Foxworthy Redneck Snowflake Daaay!
(Cut back to the man and woman)
Man: More brandy, dear?
Woman: No thanks. I'm pregnant!
(Zoom out from the TV at the mall as the couple start making out)
JFK: Get your album here!
(People fight to get to the TV. Abe and Gandhi watch)
Gandhi: See dude, that's called marketing. Marketing brings the coin.
Abe: Marketing, ehhh?
(Silent movie card: "Yet Further Later Still, At The Indoor Shoppe Mall..." There is a large crowd around a platform, which Gandhi is standing on. It also has a cottage on it reading "Knork".)
Gandhi: Ladies and gentlemen! Witness the miracle utensil, that's sweeping the exotic nation, of Europe. (Points) You,ma'am! Why are you all deformed?
(He's pointing at Abe, who's dressed up as a hunched over old lady)
Abe: (falsetto) Oh, it's the saddest story, medical expert. I have this hideous deformity from hunching over a plate using two utensils, for lo these many years. A knife and fork.
Gandhi: Ma'am, have you ever tried a knork?
Abe: (falsetto) A hwhaaat?
Gandhi: Knork knork.
Abe: (falsetto) Who's there?
Gandhi: (Holding up a knork) A knork. Half knife, half fork.
Abe: (falsetto) That would cut my silverware budget in half!
Gandhi: No to mention the toughest beef briscuit!
(Gandhi hands the knork to Abe, who stands up straight)
Abe: (falsetto) I can walk again! (ducks, comes up dressed in a bowler hat, false moustache and small glasses) I say, let us all purchase this miracle! (Ducks, comes up dressed in a sailor suit and blond wig, holding an oversized lollipop) I agree with the dandy. (Licks lollipop)
Crowd: (variously) Hmm... Great device.... That's quite a unit!
Gandhi: Why, even a child can use it. Come here, giant boy! (Abe gets onto stage, and Gandhi straps the knork's engine onto his back) Just pump the gas valve with your foot there, (pumps the gas valve) pull out the choke, (pulls out the choke. The knork begins vibrating) and like magic, the knork begins to--
(Abe yelps as the knork turns him around and slices off the top of the hat Gandhi is wearing. Then he starts screaming as the knork turns around and starts cutting up his mouth. He falls offscreen)
Abe: (Panicky and in a lot of pain) Oh, I think it's in an artery, (Gandhi is splashed with blood) oh oh, oh God it's inside me now!
(Gandhi is splashed with blood again and Abe screams some more. The crowd walks off angrily)
(Joan and Cleo's house)
Toots: Joany, are you putting itching powder into the eye patches? (Joan stops putting itching powder into the eye patches) I may be blind, (Joan groans) but I can still tell when somebody's trying to sabotage Snowflake Day.
Joan: I hate Snowflake Day!
(She runs away, just before a bullet barely misses her. Toots puts a finger in his ear)
Cleo: Congratulations, Joan. You just got yourself a one way ticket to Snowflake Jake's ill-mannered list!
(Cleo's drunk foster mum slurs drunkenly, then falls over)
Toots: Remember when you were a kid? And you used to do your traditional Cabbage Patching? Cabbage Patch with us, Joan. Come on!
(Toots Cabbage Patches)
Joan: No! I hate this family! I'm running away and never coming back!
(Joan walks offscreen, sobs, and slams the door)
Toots: That's the spirit, Joany. You sure can Cabbage Patch. (Cleo and her foster mother say nothing) That's right. Woooow.
Mandy Moore: (Looking in through the window) She's lost her Snowflake Day spirit. Sure as shootin' she's lost it. (Closes her eyes)
(Scudworth is still writing)
Scudworth: (voiceover) And after fifty-two hours, I finally passed the stone. And in the end, isn't that what Snowflake Day, (Smiles at Mr Butlertron) is really about?
(Joan walks through an alley crying)
Mandy Moore: (offscreen) Hello, Joan.
(Joan gasps. The homeless girl is suddenly standing behind her)
Joan: Oh, it's you. That sexy dumpster teen.
Mandy Moore: I know that you're running away from home after sabotaging Cleo's party.
Joan: It's just that I hate her, and she's dating the boy I love, and I have to live with her because me and Toots' house burned down, and I hate her! (Softly) Wait. How'd you know that?
(The homeless girl hesitates)
Mandy Moore: I... can see it in your heart. Joan, your family misses you. They're worried about you.
(Cut to Toots walking through a windy forest in the dark)
Toots: Joany! Joany! Come back home, girl. (A mountain leaps down and snarls at him) I knew you'd come back! (Pats the lion on the head) That's a good Joany. (The lion roars and gnaws on Toots' arm) Ow! (laughs) It's alright, I'm just happy you're home.
(Back to the alley)
Mandy Moore: Now follow me. I'll show you something about Snowflake Day... And yourself.
Joan: I don't know. Toots told me I shouldn't let homeless people show me things.
Mandy Moore: Come with me. And I'll forever change your life. (Whispering) Forever.
(She starts walking and Joan follows her)
Joan: Are you sure you're not Mandy Moo--
Mandy Moore: No.
Joan: Seriously? Because you really--
Mandy Moore: (Angry) Get off of my back, okay? Leave me alone, I already said no, are you stupid or something?
(Continues walking)
(Abe and Gandhi are disposing of the knork. The right side of Abe's face is covered in bandaids)
Abe: You ruined my life, (puts the knork into the dumpster. A dolphin sound is heard) knork!
Gandhi: Who would've thought a get rich quick scheme wouldn't work?
Abe: I told you we should've made a spife!
Gandhi: So you're out twenty thousand dollars. (Raises his arms and dilutes his pupils) Just make Cleo something from your heart.
(Montage: Abe sits down at a table and closes his eyes. He traces an outline of Cleo's head. He cuts the outline out of black
cardboard. He glues eyes onto the cardboard. He threads string through some holes. He sleeps on a box of macaroni. He
squeezes glue onto a piece of white cardboard. He shakes glitter onto the cardboard. He blows the glitter off, and it gets
into his eyes)
Abe: (Falling off his chair) Dinger! (Finally, he looks at his completed creation) Art, you've done it again.
(The homeless girl has led Joan to a burned out house with no roof)
Joan: You took me to this dump to show me the Snowflake Day spirit?
Mandy Moore: This is no dump. It's your old house. The one that burnt down. Welcome home, Joan. Welcome home.
(She opens the door. Inside the house, homeless people are dancing to folk music)
Joan: (Impressed) Wow. I didn't know poor people could have fun!
Mandy Moore: They have the Snowflake Day spirit, Joan. These people don't need spices or silks or a balanced diet to have the joy of the season. They just need each other.
Joan: So you find the Snowflake Day spirit when you hang out with the homeless?
Mandy Moore: Yes and no. More like you find it when you hang out with your friends. Be they homeless, or homed.
Joan: My goodness, it's true! (The other homeless people come to stand with them) I've abandoned my family and friends, I've slashed their tyres and urinated in their punch... I realise now, I've lost the Snowflake Day spirit! Sure as shootin', I've lost it!
(Cleo's Snowflake Day party)
Caesar: Someone has slipped laxatives into these lamb tacos!
(Catherine the Great comes out of the bathroom. A bucket balanced on the bathroom door falls down and covers her with blood)
Catherine the Great: Oh my god, you guys, someone put goat's blood on the doorjamb.
(Caesar runs into the bathroom and slams the door. The mountain lion chews on Toots' leg)
Toots: (Hitting it with his clarinet) Bad Joany! Bad bad bad, Joany! First you sabotage the party, now you're chewing through my Achilles tendon! And you know my Achilles tendon is my one Achilles' heal!
(Abe taps a glass with a spoon)
Abe: Everyone, it is now time for the traditional Snowflake care satchel exchange! (Approaching Cleo) Cleo, we've been together for a long time. Almost four weeks. And that's why I wanted to give you this.
(Cleo gasps as Abe gives her a present, then opens it and is less impressed)
Cleo: Ugh.
Abe: It's a love coupon book! (Opening it) One free snuggle, one backrub, see that's your silhouette in macaroni! And those pipe cleaners are--
Cleo: I'm confused. Why didn't you just buy me something expensive?
Abe: But... I stayed up all night making this.
Cleo: Well you should've stayed up all night buying me an expensive present. Now I'm not sure if you deserve this, but (holds up present) here.
(Abe opens it. It's a knork)
Abe: (dropping it) A knork? (smashing it) A KNORK?!
Cleo: I got it at the Sharper Image.
Abe: (enraged) LIIIEEES! You just pulled this out of the garbage! This junk gift had absolutely no thought or meaning!
Cleo: Well, you didn't say what you wanted! I clearly stated that I wanted something that was a: expensive, b: bought and c: not lovingly hand crafted!
Abe: I see. (angry) I guess you're not the person I thought you were. I'm going to get some bite sized wieners now. (Cheerfully, at the table with the wieners) Bite sized wieners! (Eats one. It cuts through his cheek and he groans in pain) Who put razor blades in these? Why does my mouth keep getting cut up?! Whhhhy?!
(The homeless people come in and everyone gasps)
Genghis: (waving) Homeless!
Cleo: (afraid) Homeless!
(Joan comes in)
Joan: I'm back, family and friends!
(Toots is wearing the mountain lion around his shoulders)
Toots: Joany! I thought you were dead! I shot you for biting me so much.
(They hug)
Joan: Oh Toots. Everyone, I've got something really important to say. Don't drink the punch!
(Genghis Khan, Gandhi, JFK and Cesar stand around the punch bowl. Gandhi is drinking some from a straw, and JFK is drinking some from a cup. The other two look at the cups in their hands)
Joan: These derelicts taught me something today. (Some other clones sit with her) Snowflake Day is not about greediness, or ruining parties. It's about being with friends, and family. And realising what you're got.
(The others talk, mostly inaudibly)
Boy: So that's what this is all about.
JFK: This punch is amazing!
Cleo: You know what, Abe? It doesn't matter that you got me a crappy present. I'm happy to have you, as a backup gift. (suggestive) And I'll give you your backup present later.
Abe: You mean?
Cleo: That's right. I'm gonna show you my left boob.
Abe: Oh Pancho, finally we will meet.
Mandy Moore: Now, new friends and old, let us unite, and celebrate Snowflake Day! Everyone! Cabbage Patch!
(Everyone cheers, then the main characters Cabbage Patch. A boom is heard)
JFK: Hark! Snowflake Jake is nigh!
Gandhi: I can hear his cannonballs a-comin'! (Jumping up and down) He is real! He is real!
Mandy Moore: Step away from the target, or you'll get hit. Everyone into the basement! (Everyone goes into the basement) Hurry it up now, in you go.
Catherine the Great: To the basement!
Boy: Can you believe it? Snowflake Jake?
JFK: I wished for curry!
Gandhi: Look, everyone. It's snowing outside.
JFK: Hey uh. Where'd that hot homeless chick who may or may not've been Mandy Moore go?
Caesar: I don't know.
Catherine the Great: Maybe she had a gig.
Gandhi: She just disappeared.
(Joan looks out the window)
Joan: So she wasn't Mandy Moore. (gasps) She was an angel! An angel all along. Well jolly Snowflake Day, angel! Jolly Snowflake Day everyone!
All: Jolly Snowflake Day everyone!
(The homeless girl comes out the front door with a TV, a few others come out with a stereo system, a washing machine and a sarcophagus, then get into the back of a truck. The truck drives off and the exhaust pipe makes the booming sound from earlier. It drives into the distance and the star from the start of the episode shines brightly. The words "SNoWFLAKe'S TiDiNGS" and "Regards, Clone High" appear on the screen)
Narrator: Next week, on a very special Clone High. (Joan getting a makeover) Joan gets a makeover. (JFK giving Gandhi a makeover) Gandhi gets a makeover. (Scudworth and Mr Butlertron shaving) Principal Scudworth gets a makeover? (Abe waves) And old Abe stays the same: loveable. Maybe I'll get a wax or something.