“He is weak,” the first voice said.  The voice was female, flat and emotionless, though somehow vaguely familiar.

     “He is strong,” a second voice countered in return.  This one was male, though it also carried with it a flat and emotionless tone.  It, too, sounded familiar.

     “He is running,” the female voice said.

     “He is surviving,” the male voice replied.

     “He has run before,” she said.

     “He has not,” he said.

     “He runs, as he always does.  He is in constant motion.  Always running.  He does not understand why.”

     “When ambushed by rogues, he fought.  When ambushed by the primitives of the forest moon, he fought.  When ambushed by she who has the heart of ice, he fought.  He did not run.  He is strong.”

     To this, the female voice had nothing to say.

     He wasn’t dead.  At least he didn’t think so.  He had never been dead before, so he really had no point of reference as to what it was like to be dead.  He hoped he was, though.  It would be much easier for everyone if he were dead.  Hell, everyone on the SSD would get instant promotions without him around.  Thunder would be Sith Lead, with Jen probably her XO.  He wondered if Thunder would take his place as Jace’s master.  She would be the most experienced Sith Lord, after him.  She would be the best to teach him.  He wished he could smile, as the image of Thunder teaching Jace was so ironic it was hilarious.

     Reno tried to force his eyes open and found that he barely had the strength to accomplish that small task.  Everything was white around him.  That was all he saw.  White on the ground, white in the sky, white blowing past his face in a blinding fury.  He realized that he was lying on the ground face down and the white was starting to bury him.

     Reno definitely wasn’t dead.  He was still on the path below Mt. Procyon, being buried by the falling snow.  Damn, he thought to himself, evaded death again.  I just have all the luck...

     He tried to focus his eyes to locate the source of the voices.  Everything was blurry.  He could not see anyone or anything.  He crawled forward slowly, though why he was not sure.  He had no idea where he was going, he just needed to keep moving. But although he told himself that, his body did not cooperate.  He collapsed back onto the snow.

     He heard the voices again.

     “He is weak,” the female voice repeated, her tone the same as before.

     “He is strong,” the male voice stated, exactly as before.

     “He is running, therefore he is weak,” she stated.

     “He is surviving,” the male voice countered. “therefore he is strong.”

     “He has run for his entire life, from one thing or another.  Those who run are weak.” she proclaimed.

     “When faced against that which is the terror of space, he did not run, he fought.  Those that fight are strong.”

     To this, the female voice had nothing to say.

     Reno had no idea what was going on, no idea who he was hearing argue.  All he could see was snow everywhere.  Above him, beneath him, around him...it encompassed all.  He could not see the two who were engaging in an argument.  He could only see the snow, though the cold wind often stung his eyes and forced them shut. In those cases, he went from seeing only white, to only black.  He preferred to see the black, as it hurt less.

     He tried again to find the source of the voices and failed.  There was no one in the area.  He was the only one on the snowy, mountain path.  Perhaps he was just hearing voices and imagining things.  He was malnourished and tired.  It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

     The cold wind continued to bite at his exposed skin, slowly killing him.  He didn’t know how long he had been out of the compound and out of Zarin’s grasp.  He didn’t know how much longer he could last.  The only thing he did know was that death was coming soon.  Zarin had failed to kill him in their duel, but he had killed him nonetheless.  It was just a slower and more painful method.  And now Reno was alone and on a mountain, freezing to death.  He had not the strength to continue, and he knew it.  All he could do was wait for death to claim him.

     “He waits for death, this one,” the female voice stated.  “A sign of the weak.”

     “To survive, one needs hope,” the male voice said.  “He has no hope now, so he will not survive now.  We can give him hope.  We can give him life.”  

     “He is weak,” she stated again, “he does not deserve life.”

     “He is strong,” he repeated, “he deserves a chance.”

     “He has had chances,” she said.  “He ran from them.”

     “He does not run.”

     “He runs from everything.  From Light, from Truth, from Shadow, from Lie.  From Himself.”

     To this, the male voice had nothing to say.

     Reno was growing rather tired of their arguing.  He did not like the way they talked about him as if he wasn’t there.  If they had something to say, he wished they would show themselves and say it.  He wished to see them.  But in order to see them, he had to find them.  To find them, he would have to move.  And if he struggled his way to his feet and looked for them, then he would live just a bit longer.  He wasn’t so sure he wanted that anymore.  Nevertheless, he pushed himself up off the snowy ground and forced himself to continue.

     “He tries to continue,” he heard her say.  He swirled around, looking for someone, but found no one.  “He will fail.”

     Reno tried to yell out to them but found that he couldn’t force his voice to work.  Instead, he just stumbled forward up the path.  For some reason, his right leg didn’t feel right.  He couldn’t feel his foot and the leg was dragging.  It was entirely possible that it was frost-bitten.  Assuming he ever made it off this rock, he might have to have his leg amputated and replaced by a robotic prosthetic.

     “You do not know that.”

     “He always fails.”

     The voices haunted Reno as he struggled to continue.  He didn’t allow himself to fall down again, though.  He would not give the female voice the satisfaction of seeing him fall.  He would prove that she is wrong.  He would prove that he is not weak and that he did not always fail.

     “He built a mighty squadron,” the male voice said.  “He did not fail in that.”

     "His squadron is based upon a lie that is based upon a failure," she responded.  "He is a lie.  He is a failure."

     “Then let us show him that,” the male voice said.  “Let us show him the lie that permeates his life.  Let us show him the Truth.  Let us show him who he is.”

     Reno didn’t care who he was at this point.  He just wanted them to shut up.

     “He does not desire the truth,” she said.  “He is comfortable in his lies.”

     “He is a prisoner of his lies,” he said.  “Let us set him free.”

     “He does not desire freedom,” she said.  “He is comfortable hidden in the walls he has set up.”

     “We must break down the walls,” he said, “and show him who and why he is.”

     “He would not understand.”

     “You do not know that.”

     As Reno struggled his way over a rock that was blocking the path, there was a long pause in the argument.

     “It will be futile,” she finally said.  “It will fail.  He will fail.”

     “Then he fails,” he responded.  “But it is necessary.”

     “To whom?” she responded.

     There was another long pause.  “To all,” he finally said.

     As he continued to stumble his way up the snowy path, he saw a fork coming up in the middle of the path.  Two paths lay ahead of him, each looking the same.  He had to take one of the paths, but which?

     “You would reveal us to him?” she asked.  

     “It is necessary, else he will not believe.”

     “He will not believe anyway.”

     “He has no choice other than to.  It is us or death,” he said.

     “He will choose death,” she stated adamantly, as if it was a fact.

     “We shall see.”

     The voices ended.

     Up ahead, Reno saw something.  Movement.  He couldn’t make out what it was.  Just a dark blurry shadow moving along the right side of the path.  It had moved for a split second, then vanished.  A person, perhaps?  No, there was no one here but he and Zarin.  Maybe it was Zarin.  If so, then he would be dead for certain this time.  Although he still had possession of his lightsaber, he had not the strength to fight, nor the will.

     Perhaps it was one of the voices, he thought to himself.  They had said that they would reveal themselves.  Perhaps it was one of them, the male voice, showing him a way to safety.  Perhaps it was the other one, the female voice, showing him a way to death.  Did it really matter anymore?  He was sure he was going to die on this planet anyway, one way or another.  Either from the voices, the cold, or Zarin.  What did it matter how, at this point?  With little hesitation, he turned down the right path.

     The voices had stopped now.  He could not hear them.  He was alone now.  He was grateful.  They had become irritating, talking about him as if he were already dead, or not there.  As if they were above him.  Who did they think they were, anyway?  Reno was a Sith Lord, despite the lies Zarin mumbled about him.  No one was above him.  No one.

     Ahead of him, about fifteen meters, he again saw the dark blur, though the thick snowfall made it difficult to see.  It was definitely a humanoid shape, though.  He was moving down the path in front of him.  Reno tried his best to push forward to catch up to the stranger, but he could never gain any ground.  He followed him for what seemed like close to an hour, though he was so out of it by this point that it could’ve been only a couple minutes.  Eventually, along the edge of the mountain, he saw a cave.  The mouth of the cave was wide, easily big enough to fit an X-wing into.  He was sure that the cave itself would be even deeper.  Despite his aching joints and tired, frozen muscles, he knew he had to make it to that cave.  At this point, it was his only chance to survive.  Besides, the dark blur seemed to have made its way into the cave.  He had a feeling that who or whatever those voices had been, they had wanted to lure Reno into the cave.

     He pushed himself along the path, holding the mountain side for support, until he reached the edge of the cave.  He grabbed his lightsaber off his belt.  The metal handle was so cold that it would‘ve hurt his bare skin under normal conditions.  These were hardly normal conditions.  As it was right now, his hand was already so close to being frost-bitten that it hardly mattered anymore.  He was surprised he could still grip his lightsaber, in fact.

     With a snap-hiss, his lightsaber ignited, bathing the area in its red glow.  He turned quickly and jumped into the cave, prepared to take on whatever faced him, whether it be wild animals or Zarin himself.  The cave immediately lit up, the red light of his saber vanquishing the darkness.  It didn’t take him long to spot the “dark blur” he had been following.  And as he saw the two figures in the darkness, he realized who it had been that he had heard.  He knew the voices sounded familiar, but their monotonous, flat style of speaking had thrown him off guard.  Now that he saw the two in the cave in front of him, he understood.  And yet, he was more confused than ever.

     It was impossible. 

     They couldn’t be here. 

     They couldn’t... 

     They...

     “Greetings, Master,” Jace said, bowing his head slightly out of respect.  The other person was not as kind with her greeting.

     “You look like shit, Lead,” Thunder said, a smirk on her face.

     It was then that the exhaustion and confusion washed over Reno, sending him back into the dark void that was unconsciousness.

     Reno awoke with a start. 

     He found that he was propped up against a rocky wall.  Luckily, he found that his lightsaber was once again clipped to his belt.  He wondered if he was going to need it.

     Although he was in a rather disillusioned state, it didn’t take him long at all to gather his wits and remember what he had seen before.  The shock had been so much that he couldn’t get it out of his mind.

     Jace and Thunder?  Here?  On Rhen Var?  No way.

     Yet as he looked around the cave, he spotted them both off in the corner, in close conversation.  They both looked exactly as he remembered.  Thunder wore her green flight suit, which had many patches on it from various battles.  None of which she had actually participated in, of course.  Just little trinkets she had acquired or stolen over the years.  She figured that they made her look like more of an authority figure, more like someone to be feared.  They didn’t, as most people realized she was a bit too young to have participated in battles during the Clone Wars, of which she had a couple of patches. Jace, on the other hand, was strangely attired, at least for this planet.  He wore his traditional gray trousers and high black boots, though for his upper body he only wore his red vest.  The rest of his chest was bare.  The clothes made him vaguely look like a male stripper.  Well, not that Reno knew what male strippers looked like, anyway.  It’s not like he’d ever seen one or anything.  It’s just...uh...He decided to end that particular train of thought before it went any further.  However, Reno thought it rather odd to come to a planet covered in snow without a shirt on.   

     "You're...you're..."  He stumbled to find something to say.  None of this made sense.  What were Jace and Thunder doing on Rhen Var?  And for that matter, why hadn't they gotten him out of here yet?  Maybe their ship was damaged, or destroyed.  Maybe they were stuck here, just as he was.  Maybe he was just hallucinating.

     "Not here?" Jace finished.

     "Not drunk?" Thunder tried.

     "This is impossible.  You can't be here.  I never told you about this place.  You can't know about it."

     "Well, you're right..." Jace said, "you never did tell us about this place.  We found out on our own."

     "How?"

     "From Xanthis.  He broke during interrogation."

     Reno eyed him carefully.  He wasn't quite sure he accepted that explanation.  He had spent much time around Xanthis during the years leading up to the Choosing between he and Jace.  He had spent a little time with him since then, during Reno's capture.  One thing he knew was that Xanthis was not the type to break in an interrogation...from anyone.  Not from Reno, not from Jace, and probably not even from Zarin.

     "Why are we still here?" he asked.

     Jace and Thunder exchanged a glance.

     "It is not yet time to leave," Jace finally said.

     Reno was starting to get frustrated.  "And who decides that?" he grunted.

     "We do," Thunder said.

     He looked at them both in turn.  "And who are you?"

     "We are who we said we are," Jace said.

     "No," Reno responded, shaking his head.  "I know Jace and Thunder, and you aren't them."

     Jace and Thunder exchanged another glance.  "You knew us," Thunder said.  "We no longer exist."

     "What?" he asked.

     "We're dead, Master.  All of us.  The entire squadron.  All gone."

     Reno shook his head in denial.  "I don't believe it," he shot back.

     "I told you he wasn't going to believe us," Thunder muttered, annoyance creeping into her voice.  "Look, Lead, we died.  We're ghosts.  Now just listen to us..."

     “You're lying.  Who are you, really?  Answer me or else—“       

     "Or else what?" Thunder said, a hint of amusement in her voice.

     He responded by taking out his lightsaber and igniting it, hoping to scare the imposters into cooperating.  Sadly, it didn't work.  Jace stood there, his face as impassive as ever.  Thunder still stood in front of him, almost challenging him to do something.  Neither of them said anything. 

     They had made their decision. 

     So had he.

     He charged at Thunder, his saber raised high.  She didn't move a muscle to dodge, avoid or block the oncoming blow.  For whatever reason, this fake Thunder had a suicide wish.  That suited him just fine, as right now it would feel good to cut down an enemy. 

     When she was within striking range, he brought down his lightsaber atop her.  She still hadn't budge, and he expected to cut her in half.  That didn't happen.  Instead, his lightsaber went right through her, as if she wasn't there. 

     "Great aim, Lead," Thunder commented.  "You swung dead on and still couldn't hit me."

     He swung again, this time at her neck, hoping to behead her.  Again, the saber passed right through her.

     "Ow!  Ow, that hurt!" she mocked.  "Oh, the humanity of it all!  Oh, the pain, the agony, the AGONY!...are you done yet?"

     He made one last lunge, just trying to hit her anywhere he could.  He failed, and each time his saber hit nothing but air, despite going right through her.  He didn't understand.

     "And strike thee, you're out.  Now turn that thing off before you accidentally hurt yourself.  A lightsaber is not a toy, Lead, you shouldn't treat it like one."

     Normally he would cut someone down for such insulting remarks, but there didn't seem to be much of a point in trying that anymore.  He couldn't touch her.  Nothing he did was having any effect.  It was as if she wasn't even there.  Maybe she was really a ghost.  Or maybe he actually was hallucinating.  He deactivated his saber and clipped it back onto his belt.  

     "That's better," Thunder said.

     "If you're dead, how can you be here?" he asked.

     "Well, you know how it's supposed to be really hard to come back as a ghost after you die?  Yeah, total crap.  Turns out it isn't that hard after all.  All you have to do is sign up and hope your check clears.  Check clearing is the only hard part, though.  You notice Jen isn't here..."    

     "If that is supposed to be a joke, I'm not laughing," he grunted.

     “Being dead is no joke, Lead.  Do I look like I‘m having a good time here?”

     Reno shook his head.  “I don’t believe you,” he repeated again.  None of this was true.  None of this was really happening.  He was tired and in horrible physical and mental condition.  He was hallucinating.  Or dreaming.  Whatever it was, this wasn’t reality.

     “That’s what I told Toto over there,” she said, jerking her thumb towards Jace.

     “Then that was you I heard,” Reno said, recalling the emotionless male and female voices that had been arguing.  The female had insisted that Reno would not believe.  At the time he hadn’t understood.  He did now.  At least a little bit.  “I thought I was imagining them.”

     “That was us,” Jace confirmed.  “We had to lure you to this cavern, so we could talk to you privately, in safety.”

     “It didn’t sound like you,” Reno said, his eyes flashing between the two.  “Either of you.  The voices were flat, emotionless.  They didn’t sound human.”

     “Yeah, you gotta talk like that when you’re a disembodied spirit, Lead,” Thunder said.  “It’s a rule.  If you don’t, you’ll get a fine from the Inter-Dimensional Bureau of Ghostly Affairs, Hauntings, and Shenanigans.  Trust me, even as a spirit who can’t be hurt, you don’t wanna screw with them.  Besides, it makes me sound all superior and all-knowing.  Well, even more superior and all-knowing than I normally sound.  Well, sounded.”

     None of this made any sense.  At all.  Why, on the assumption that they were telling the truth and were actually ghosts—which he didn’t believe anyway—would they come back to haunt him?  Why here?  Now?  He was so confused.

     “Why are you here?” he managed to ask.

     Thunder and Jace exchanged another glance.  He wondered why they kept doing that. 

     “To help you,” Thunder said.

     “Help me what?” he cautiously asked.

     “Understand,” Jace finished.

     Reno wasn’t sure he wanted to ask the next question, but he did anyway.  “Understand what?”

     “What else?  The most important thing there is to understand.  The only thing there is to understand.” Jace said.  There was a long pause, which Reno thought Jace was adding only for dramatic effect.  “Yourself.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

     “How long are you going to sit there, Master?” Jace asked from across the cave.  Reno sat on the ground, staring at the rocky wall opposite of him, lost in thought.  He didn’t bother responding to Jace, or whatever that thing was.  He still didn’t buy their “ghost” reason.  It just didn’t seem right.  Didn’t click with him.  It was a lie. A deception.  A trick.  But to what end?    As was par with the last few weeks, he didn’t know.  It was all so confusing, and he was so tired.  All he wanted to do was sleep.  Or die.  Why couldn’t he have either?

     “Master?”

     He wished “Jace” would stop calling him that.  He wasn’t that thing’s master.  If he was a ghost, and everyone in Sith Squadron was truly dead, then Reno was a Master to no one.  He had failed, and all of his people were dead.  And if that thing were just a hallucination of Reno’s, a figment of his mind and imagination, then he still wasn’t its Master, as Reno no longer had any control over his thoughts, conscious or otherwise.  He had no control over anything anymore.  His life had spiraled out of his grasp long ago.

     Truth be told, he wondered if he had ever actually had control of it to begin with.

     On the other side of the cave, Thunder was getting impatient.

     “We are wasting time here, Jace,” she muttered.  “Time that he doesn’t have to waste.”

     That piqued his curiosity. 

     “What are you talking about?” he asked.

     She shot him a “give me a break” look before responding.  “You know exactly what I’m talking about.  There’s no need to tell you.  You already know.  Stop running from the truth and you‘d know what you know.”

     Reno pushed himself back to his feet, struggling to do so, and stood tall and proud.  He defiantly stated, “I run from nothing.”

     Thunder raised an eyebrow in amusement.  “Is that so?”

     “It is.”

     “Well then,” she said in a huff, “Master Reno...what exactly is it you’re doing out here, then?”

     He had no immediate response to that.

     Jace, however, did.

     “I already told you, he isn’t running, he’s—“

     “Oh, yes,” she interrupted, the sarcasm in her voice clearly evident.  “He’s not running from Zarin, he’s just trying to survive.”

     “That’s right,” Jace said.

     “I suppose he isn’t running from the truth either,” she said.  “He’s just trying to survive it.”

     Jace didn’t respond.

     “Because if he learned the truth,” she continued, “it would surely kill him.”

     “What are you talking about?” he asked again.

     She gave him the same expression she gave him before.  “Do you ever stop asking that question?  Do you even realize how pointless it is to ask?  You know every answer.  If there is any question in your mind, you already have an answer to it.  You’ve just hidden them so far inside you that you can’t find them.”

     “What are you—“

     “Don’t.  Even.  Finish.  That.  Question,” she said, pausing after each word.  She took a deep breath, and Reno wondered why, as there should seemingly be no reason for a ghost to need to draw breath.  Perhaps simply habit.  “Okay, let’s try this.  You say that you don’t run from anyone, true or false?”

     “True,” he stated.

     “False!  You don’t believe that you were running from Zarin out there, true or false?”

     “True.”

     “False!  You don’t think you’ve been running from the truth for your whole life, true or false?”

     “True.”

     “False!”
     “Why false!?” he yelled, trying to make himself as imposing as possible, given the circumstances 

     “Don’t ask me why those statements are false!” she yelled back.  “That isn’t the issue.  Ask yourself why you consider them to be true.”

     “I don’t have to,” he said.  “I know they’re true.

     Thunder was silent for a long minute.  She looked Reno over, as it appraising him.  Finally, she said, “Then I can’t help you.  If you aren’t willing to question, then you’re not going to find answers.  Unless...you don‘t want answers.  If that’s the case, then you are running from the truth, and not even you can deny it.  If you don’t want answers, then you’re running.  However, if you do want answers, then all you have to do is start questioning, and start thinking—I know, I know, quite a change from your normal routine—and they’ll come to you.  So let me ask you again, are you willing to question?  Are you looking for answers?  Or are you just going to accept your life at face value, run from the truth, sit there with your head up your ass, and wait to die?  Your choice, Lead.” 

     Reno’s head was spinning trying to make sense of her little speech.  But what he understood of it made sense.  And she was right.  If he really wasn’t running from the truth, then he should have no problems at all questioning it.  And yet, he found that he did have a tough time looking into his past and questioning his life.  Perhaps he really was running from the truth.  And if that was true, then maybe he did run from other aspects of his life.

     “I see you understand now,” she said, breaking his concentration.  “At least a little bit.  So are you ready to question, Lead?  Are you ready for the truth?  For your truth?”

     He thought about it for a moment and then nodded.  “So why—“

     “No, no, no,” Thunder interrupted, “You don’t get answers by asking questions.  You get answers by answering questions.” 

     “That doesn’t make any sense!” he erupted. 

     “It makes perfect sense,” she shot back.  “Remember, this isn’t about you finding answers so much as it is remembering answers.  You already know them.  You just have to remember them.  And me telling you something won’t have the same impact it would as if you remembered it on your own.  Got it?”

     Reno nodded.

     “Good,” she said.  She looked over behind here to where Jace stood.  Caught up in their argument, Reno had entirely forgotten Jace was even here.  “Anything to add, Toto?”

     “I think you said it all,” he said. “And I think we’re ready to begin.”

     “All right,” Thunder started, turning her attention back to Reno.  “The first thing we need to do is establish that you have, in fact, run before.  From people and situations.  And many times.”

     “But I haven’t,” he said, though not with as much conviction as before.  Already he was starting to doubt himself.

     “What did you do the first time you saw Master Doneeta?” 

     Hearing that name made his head snap up and he shot a suspicious look at Thunder.  Never...not to anyone...had he ever mentioned the name of his original Jedi Master.  Not to Jace, and certainly not to Thunder.  How did they know? 

     “How do you know that name?” he asked, ignoring her question.

     Thunder sighed, as she realized that her questions had already been sidetracked.  “I’m dead, remember?  When you’re dead you know everything.  That’s the way it is.  You learn everything about everyone, including all that “meaning of life” crap.  So since I know the meaning of life, don’t question how I know the name of your Jedi Master, okay?”    

     Reno decided to pass on the subject, though he made a mental note not to forget it.  Something just didn’t seem right. 

     “So what did you do the first time you saw Doneeta?” she persisted.

     Reno took a deep breath, not liking his answer.  “I ran from him.”

     “Well, there’s one case of you running.”

     “I was just a kid at the time,” he interrupted.  “I was frightened and alone.  He was intimidating.  Down in the bowels of Coruscant, usually when someone follows you they intend to do something bad.  What should I have done?  Sat there and waited for him to kill me?”

     “Oh, excuses,” she said mockingly, “I love those.  All right, let’s try this, then.  You and Doneeta were sent to Velku to negotiate a peace treaty between two factions, the Royal Family and the rebels they were fighting.  But, during the ride from the spaceport to the palace, your caravan was attacked.  What happened during the attack?  Tell me.  Or, more appropriately, tell yourself.”

     Reno closed his eyes.  He didn’t want to think about this memory.  He didn’t want the engramatic interociters to take him back to this.  He tried not to think about it.  Yet, in not trying to think about it, he of course could think of nothing else.  But for some reason, the device didn’t send him back to the past.  He wasn’t reliving the experience.  He didn’t know why.  Zarin had never shut the devices off.  Perhaps they had been damaged.  Zarin had hit him with the hilt of his saber right on the device.  And the snow and cold could’ve caused it to malfunction.  Reno would be greatly relieved if the devices had been broken.

     And yet, now that he really tried to think back on the incident, he realized that it didn’t matter if the devices were working or not.  He was going to have to tell Thunder about his past, with the devices working or not.  And if he really searched his memory, he was sure that he could find everything just fine.  Besides, Zarin had only used those things because he knew Reno would be unwilling to cooperate with his questions.  With Reno’s defensive walls up around his mind, it was the only way Zarin could get through to the truth.  The devices didn’t break the walls open, it just bypassed them.  If Reno was going to work with Thunder and not against her, than the devices were rather pointless.  He was going to have to break down his own walls from here on out.

     “During the attack,” he started.  “I...”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

     Renn ran.

     Quickly.

     He didn’t care where he ran to.  He just wanted to run.  To get away.  To escape.  To live.

     Everything had been going fine.  The trip to Velku had been uneventful.  The shuttle ride down had been a bit bumpy, but otherwise okay.  That was where it had ended, though.  About two minutes into the trip from the spaceport, while Master Doneeta and Renn had been continuing to argue the legendary and never-ending case of which was better, shockball or slamball, the first shots had been fired.

     They had been traveling in a five car convey, all cars identical so as not to give away which car they were in.  The thought was if all the cars looked the same, it would make it more difficult for assassins to know which one to blow up.  So, instead, they just tried to blow them all up.  Only Master Doneeta’s danger sense had saved them, as he felt the attack happen seconds before it did.  They had been in the middle of their argument when he suddenly sat up straight and yelled at the driver to swerve.  The driver did so immediately, and narrowly missed being hit with a barrage of laser fire.  None of the other cars had fared so lucky, and all were disabled in the opening seconds.  Doneeta and Renn’s car only lasted seconds longer, even with their early warning. 

     Doneeta had wasted no time.  He jumped out of the car, ignited his saber and immediately went to work, deflecting blaster bolts as they came out of every which way.    Some he directed at building walls, others back at the shooters.  Eventually, the stream of blaster fire started to dwindle down, and a few seconds later, it ended. 

     That entire incident had lasted under thirty seconds. 

     He marveled at Kren Doneeta’s skill.

     He was embarrassed that the entire incident was over before he had even left their vehicle.  He had offered no help at all to his master.  He had just sat there in the car, too shocked to do anything.  He had been useless.  He had almost wanted a second chance, to prove that he wasn’t useless.  Sadly, he got his wish.

     From seemingly out of nowhere, PLA soldiers emerged.  Dozens of them.  Maybe even a hundred.  All to get Doneeta and Renn.  It seemed to be overkill, but at least they respected and feared the Jedi enough to not underestimate their skills.  The Royal Troops in the other cars tried to put up a defense, but they were overwhelmed very quickly.  Five troops had been in each car, which meant they had twenty-five troops overall.  Twenty-five against one hundred rebels.  Well, twenty-six with Doneeta.  Renn didn’t factor himself into that equation, as he wasn’t even a part of the battle.

     He had never seen such a hopeless situation before.  The Royal Troops were being slaughtered.  They didn’t stand a chance.  One by one they went down.  In another minute or so, they would all be dead.  Master Doneeta fought well, but Renn knew that he couldn’t take on all those PLA troops by himself.  Eventually, one of them would get lucky and a shot would get through, and Master Doneeta would die.

     I should do something!  I should be helping him!

     But instead, Renn sat, huddled behind their vehicle, lightsaber still attached to his belt.  In part, he feared going into battle.  He didn’t want to kill again.  He didn’t want to risk going near the dark again.  He didn’t want to feel the rush of battle, or the ecstasy of victory, or the glory of bloodshed.  He vividly remembered how good it had felt to kill Teton, and he didn’t want to return to that feeling.

     The other thing that kept him from going into battle was that he knew it didn’t matter.  It didn’t matter if he tried to help or not....they were both going to die.  With or without Renn’s help, they would both fall prey to the PLA and their ambush.  Renn didn’t want to die.  He didn’t want Master Doneeta to die either, but it seemed far too late for that.  He was already out there, in the thick of battle.  He couldn’t be called back now.  He wanted them to both survive, but it was too late for that.  Only he could survive now.  Only Renn could make it out of this alive.

     But only if he ran.

     So he did.

     Renn ignored the cries of his Master, who he heard calling for him.  Calling out his name.  Asking for assistance.  Pleading for help.  Renn knew that he couldn’t offer it to him, though, as soon he knew that his Master wouldn’t be asking or pleading...but instead, begging for mercy.  The PLA troops would no doubt show him none, and execute him on the spot.  There was nothing Renn could do about that anymore. 

     In the distance, as he ran, he could hear even more gunfire starting.  This was new gunfire.  Different from the PLA weapons.  It didn’t matter.  He continued to run. 

     He didn’t know where he was running to.  The streets of Velku’s capital city all looked the same to him.  He knew where nothing was in the city.  It was a maze of non-descript buildings and twists and turns.  He didn’t care, though, as long as it took him as far away from the battle as possible. 

     The battle...

     It was then that he realized the shooting had stopped.  The battle was over.  His master, by now, had been slain.  What made it even sadder was that Renn hadn’t felt his death, even though he wasn’t that far away.  He had always felt there had been some kind of emotional connection between the two, and if one had died, the other would feel it.  Yet his Master had been killed only blocks away from him, and he hadn’t even felt a ripple in the Force.  An overwhelming rush of sadness washed over him and he stopped running long enough to fall to his knees and burst into tears.  He had left his Master to die.  He had abandoned him.  He had left him.  After all Master Doneeta had done for Renn...after all he had sacrificed for Renn...how could he repay his kindness with abandonment?  How could Renn ever live with himself now? 

     He toyed with the notion of joining his master in death.  His lightsaber was right there.  Just a quick flick of the switch and he could jam his saber right through his head.  It would only be justice.  He definitely deserved it for his crime.  A death for a death.  Cosmic justice, it would be.

     But before he could make the decision, he felt a tingling in the Force.  It was too late to react, though.  He had just enough time to turn around before the stun blast hit him, square in the chest.  He was flung backwards and hit the cold, hard stone wall of a building.  He landed on the ground, his back slumped against the wall.  As his vision started to blur, he caught a glimpse of his attacker, a rough looking man wearing a PLA uniform.

     “Gotcha,” he muttered.  Renn was starting to black out, and the man‘s words were hard to understand.  “So much...acclaimed Jedi skills...ain‘t you...little...piece of...c‘mon, we‘re...see the Boss.  Happy to s...Elim is.”

     Elim.  He was going to see Elim.  Whoever he was.  Renn was finally going to get some answers.  He hoped.

     It was the last thing Renn thought before he slipped into unconsciousness.

     “So...you ran?” Thunder asked.

     Reno nodded, as there didn’t seem to be anything else to do.  He couldn’t deny it now.  He remembered that incident so clearly, now that he didn’t fight to hold it down.  He had run.  He had been afraid.  Afraid of killing, of falling to the dark, of dying.  So he ran.  There was no other way around that.

     “Good, good,” she said.  “Progress.   So now we’ve established that even you, the great and mighty Reno, are not above running when he is afraid.  Now that you’ve conceded the first fact, let’s move to the second.  You run from the truth.”

     “I’m not running now.”

     “No, you’re not, but you can’t wipe out a lifetime of lies with one truth.”

     “What lies?” he asked, a question that seemed to have greatly disappointed Thunder, as she sighed and closed her eyes after hearing it.  She turned around and walked a few steps away. 

     “That’s it, your turn, Jace.  I can’t stand this anymore. Every time he makes a little progress he jumps backwards.  You try to deal with him.  This was your little project anyway.”

     Jace nodded and walked over towards where Reno sat.  He lowered himself to the ground and looked Reno in the eyes.  “Do you want to know the lies of your life?” he asked softly.

     He hesitated slightly, but nodded.

     “Then we have to start at the very beginning.  You said you were born and grew up on Coruscant, right?  You lived with your mother and father, Arianna and Gresko Hado?  To your knowledge, that is the truth, right?”

     “Yes.”

     “Then you have completely forgotten, haven’t you?”

     “Forgotten what?”

     “What else happened on Velku.  What you learned there.  You really have buried it away.  It is no wonder you turned out like you did.  You’ve forgotten who you are.”

     “Then tell me,” Reno stated.

     “That isn’t how it works, Master,” Jace said quickly.  “Besides, there is no need to tell you what you already know.”

     Now Reno was becoming frustrated.  Though not so much at Jace and Thunder as he was at himself.  They were right.  He was refusing to open himself up.  He still wasn’t being completely honest, with them or himself.  He needed to stop that.  He had to start being honest.  He had to stop asking them questions and start asking himself questions.  And answer them.  He knew he had it in him.  He had all the answers in him.  He just had to find them. 

     But to find them, Reno had to take down his walls.  All of them.  He couldn’t leave one standing.  Every barricade in his inner mind had to be destroyed.  Every secret lay bare.  Every lie shattered.  Every truth exposed.  Before he died, he was going to find out who he truly was.  It had seemed, in his last few years, he had lost his smile.  It was time to find it again.  And the only way to find it, would be to destroy everything he knew about his life.  Or perhaps, more appropriately, instead of destroying what he knew of his life, he would only be finding out the reality of his life.  Was it not better to know yourself than live in ignorance?

     Reno closed his eyes and focused inward.  He didn’t think this would take long, but he knew that it would be difficult.  He saw his childhood growing up on Coruscant and focused on it.  He tried to focus mostly on his parents, but hit his first wall.  There was something about them that he didn’t want himself to remember.  It was time that he did just that.  He thought of the wall, a metaphorical stone structure in his mind that was blocking himself from the truth. 

     It needed to come down.

     It would come down.

     Now.

     He imagined himself in his own mind, standing in front of the huge wall.  He ignited his saber, which gave off an odd red glow.  It was surreal.  He swung at the wall, making a huge gash in it.  Some memories leaked through.  He was starting to remember things and feelings.  Fights.  Anger.  Hostility.  Resentment.  But that was not enough.  He needed more.  Reno swung again, and again, and again.  The wall started to crumble in front of him.  Gaping holes were now present, and memories flooded back to him.  It was so overwhelming that both he and his mental image dropped to their knees.  He had to control it.  Control.  He needed control.

     He forced himself back to his feet, and as he did, the image inside of his mind mimicked him.  There was still some wall left.  It needed to go.  With ferocious intensity, he slashed at the walls, until nothing was left of the structure.  The crumbled remains lay at his feet, and part of his past lay bare in front of him.    

     He remembered.  At least in part.

     “I remember them fighting a lot.  Many fights.  Violent ones.  Gresko wanted to leave Coruscant.  He wanted to leave us.  He resented both me and my mother greatly.  He hated us.”

     “Why?”

     “I don’t remember yet.  All I recall from that part of my past is feeling hated.  But only from Gresko.  My mother loved me very much.  She protected me from him.”

     “Why do you call him Gresko, and not father?”

     “I’m not sure I ever called him ‘father’,” Reno said, thinking back.  “He never was a father to me.”

     Jace shook his head.  “No, there’s more to it than that.  You’ll have to go deeper.  It‘s in there, Reno,” he said, pointing to his head.  “It’s behind another wall.  You have to continue breaking down the walls if you want to understand.  The secret to why Gresko hated you and your mother...the secret to why you were on Coruscant...the secret to your life...you know where you can find it.  You know.”

     Reno nodded.

     “What else happened on Velku, Reno?  What did you learn after you were captured by the PLA?  This is the key, Reno.  You must understand this if you are to understand anything.”

     Reno nodded and tried to focus on the memory.  He dove back into his mind and walked through the path of his memory.  He saw himself being captured by the PLA soldier.  He was taken to a base.  And then...

     ...Reno hit a wall.  A much bigger wall than the last one.  It was going to have to come down.  He ignited his saber and wasted no time in hacking away at it. 

     But this time, it didn’t work.  The wall wasn’t even scratched by his saber. 

     There were no marks on it.  None at all.  He tried again, swinging with even more strength and savageness this time.  This wall had to come down.  It was imperative that it came down.  A necessity.  He was so close, now.  So close to finding out the truth. To figuring it all out.  He wouldn’t be denied.  Not now.

     Still, no effect.

     “I can’t do it,” he said to Jace, through clenched teeth.

     “Try harder!”

     He was trying his best to take the wall down.  Every ounce of strength and energy in his body was trying to take it down.  Never before had he tried so hard for something.  Never before had something been so taxing.  He tried to break the wall in his mind.  He tried to hack it down, to slash it into pieces.

     But the wall wasn’t breaking.

     He couldn’t do it.  He didn’t have the strength.  He didn’t have the  power.   

     Apparently, Jace could sense his surrender.  His face hardened with determination as he spoke.  “You’re not giving up, Reno, not now.”

     “I can’t do it!” he yelled back.  “The wall is too strong.  I don’t have the strength to tear it down!”

     Jace shook his head in disappointment.  “It isn’t about strength, Master.  This isn’t a problem that brute strength, either physical or through the Force, can solve.  What you need to break down this wall isn’t strength of muscle, but of mind.”

     From the corner of the cave, he heard Thunder say “Well, there goes that idea...”

     They both ignored her.

     “You can’t muscle your way past this wall, Master.  You need to take it apart brick by brick, one piece at a time.  Finesse and control will break it, not strength.  Try again.  You’re almost there.”

     He tried.

     Reno pictured himself standing in front of the wall again.  His hand wanted to drop down to his lightsaber, but he fought the urge.  It wouldn’t do him any good.  Finesse and control, not strength.  He needed control.  He moved his hand away.

     He walked up to the wall and pressed his hands against it, moving them along the bricks.  He was looking for cracks.  For the right spot to start deconstructing the wall he had built around this memory.  He couldn’t find it.  He wasn’t looking in the right spot.  The wall could be taken down.  Of that he was sure.  Nothing could be built that couldn’t be taken down, even in one’s own mind.  Everything had its shatterpoint, he just had to find this one.

     He knew where it was.  It would be in the only place that made sense. 

     He moved his hand towards the very center of the wall and ran his fingers along the brick there.  As his fingers touched it, the brick protruded a little.  Enough for Reno to grasp.  He gripped it tightly and pulled it out, letting it drop at his feet. 

     Through the brick shaped hole now in the wall, memories flowed.

     He could picture the room where he had been taken by the PLA.  He could make out some faces.  He could hear some voices.  But it wasn’t enough.  He had to remember it all.  He had to know everything. 

     And he would.

     Even if he had to take this entire wall down, brick by brick.

     With that in mind, he got to work.  He took out another brick, tossing it aside.  And another.  And another.  And another.  And another.  Soon, he had a massive pile of bricks lying behind him, and not one brick standing in front of him. 

     He knew, now.  He understood.  He remembered.  Oh god, he remembered...