The Face Inside Feedback

by T.G.

I have just a few items to go over before we get to the meat of the story here. I've been making some additions to the site, including my monthly column "Ryvo's Targeting Computer," a new links page, and a periodically changing quote at the bottom of the main page. Oh, and a profile for Xanthis, with picture, on the Bios page.

This may not come as much of a surprise, but Hour of Judgement is being put on hold indefinitely (wasn't it before?) and will be removed from the site as certain elements within the story do not mesh with the ever growing SS Universe. I spoke with Reno about this, and he thought it was for the best. You never know, Hour of Judgment may appear again sometime in the future, totally revamped and fully complete. I myself always liked the premise of the story, and I'd like to see it finished.

I have to make a retraction from one year ago. I stated in the Summer 2003 news update that Secrets of the Soul would be a four part story, starting with Web of Power and ending with The Face Inside, but there was an apparent miscommunication between myself and Reno, and Mark of a Traitor is actually the first part.

Now, onto the title of this news update. I am going to let the Siths speak for themselves, so here's what they had to say.

Palin:

"The bits between Jace and Akude were very interesting. Helps to flesh out his (Jace's) character, as did his inner dialogue. The way Reno's character was fleshed out, well, even in spoiler space I'm not going to say much about that. It needs to be read and I wouldn't do justice to it. All I'll say about it is the bits with Zarin were.....intense. All the bits with Zarin. And Odium for that matter. Ah...the entire story. Characters actually got fleshed out in this one. Even traitorous Bothan scum. Really though, it showed more depth to most of the characters that haven't shown any in other stories.

Oh, and I loved the nods to other shows, movies, inside jokes, whatever. Every time I ran across one I cracked up. Especially with the SSD's mysterious general.

Zarin didn't come across as your typical 'bad guy.' He came across as....someone in an analogy I can't remember. Neh, I'll think of it eventually. He was trying to get Reno to see the whole picture of his past instead of how he wanted to see it, which was hard work.

As for Reno...well, he went through a lot in his life. Sure his first master wouldn't have died if he hadn't run, but they wouldn't have been on the planet at all if it weren't for political maneuvering, which might not have been there if not for, well, you get the picture. Everything's part of something bigger. It certainly wasn't his fault that his master was shot, he only attacked because he was brainwashed at the time. However, that experience shaped the rest of his life. If his master hadn't been shot he wouldn't have had to worry about finding another master and probably wouldn't have ever met up with Odium and Zarin. After all that, basically being told he was a failure in everything, he really wanted to believe that he was special, that he had done something right for a change. And in reality, he did go through the effort of putting a squadron together and keeping it together. He's one of those characters out there that doesn't fit the mold of being a hero or villain. He's more of an antihero.

I've seen Reno's (archetype) and I swear I've seen Zarin's someplace, even if I can't remember where just off the top of my head. But I agree that they aren't common. Can archetypes just spring into existence?"

Skate:

"I liked. Muchly. Good story, good suspense, quite intense at times. Well, most of the time.
Also, it very much 'ended' but also had good foreshadowing for future stories. Well done indeed.

Ok, well I was going to go look at the story online, so I could be specific and give examples, but my compy is being a jerk, and wont upload any sites. So, winging it.

The SS part of the story moved along well and Tommy did a good job juggling all the different characters and making good transitions between scenes. At times the writing was a little rough and I'd have to reread a line or so to make it 'sound' correct or just make sense. Not often though.
A few spelling mistakes or words repeated, but not too terribly often and nothing a good beta reader wouldn't be able to fix and ultimately not really that big of a deal.

Like Palin, the wrestling segment wasn't my favorite as I'm not into that -- but it neither took away from the story nor bogged it down. Just read through that a little faster so I could get to more interesting stuff. Which, really, is a pretty good indicator on how well he did.
There have been plenty of fanfic that I don't even try and finish I'm so uninterested in where the story is at that point. Or, ya know, just written so atrociously.

One very important detail, the most important IMO, Tommy excelled at was each characters 'voice' and personality. As far as I'm concerned, he nailed it. Second, it was a serious story but had plenty of humor and, admittedly, in jokes that made it fun for me to read.

Now, for the Reno/Renn sections.
Damn. Intense.
Poor Renn.
Poor Doneeta. He really didn't have much luck with apprentices. Then again...I kinda have a problem with sending children to accomplish what many adults can't and then being upset when they 'fail.'
Don't get me wrong -- this isn't a complaint about this story or the writing -- it's a problem I have with canon and I thought Reno did a good job showing those flaws.

I'd forget that Renn was only -- what ten? -- when they went to his home planet. It really bugs me that the Jedi Council is so sanctimonious that they would turn this child, this innocent, away just because he had the bad luck to be born in a warring country and sent away to be hidden.
"Ooops, too old, you're not worthy enough for training." And then they can point and say "See? We were right, he was too old and of course he went to the dark side".
Not that being treated like a pariah had anything to do with it though.....noooo not at all.
Renn should have been thankful and had no reason to feel bitter about that. Of course not. ~this is sarcasm by the way~
Bah!
Just so it's clear -- this is a problem I have with Anakin in the pre-equals. It's like, the Jedi have a built in excuse for him turning into Vader and have no responsibility, no culpability of their own. No reason for them to examine the system for any flaws, or potential flaws because they're always right. Bah!

So, yeah, poor Renn.
He's good with the denial, eh?
Poor Zarin as well, although...how did he think he'd be able to fulfill his dream? I mean, because of the whole only two thing and I just can't see Odium letting him gather a bunch of potential Sith. They'd have clashed over that eventually.
What did he think was going to happen when he was chosen and not Reno? Kinda hard to have him as your second when your master has already finished him off... Again, just can't see Odium letting Reno run around on his own.

Man, all these characters, so flawed and mired in grey and sinking fast. Well done.
The Odium prophecy thing? Confusion to me. Heh. Which I believe was the point, so good job.

Again, as with Tommy's chapters, there were the spelling mistakes or things worded incorrectly but not so many that it made me want to stop reading. Other than that, the only thing I'd watch for is repeating things. At times, it seemed that...you'd (Mike'd) show something, and then have Renn/Reno state it. It could be a little redundant at times and take away from the flow a bit.
::shrug::
That is but a minor detail, and I very much enjoyed the story and thought it well done."

Star:

"The Face Inside -- so far, so good. Well into chapter 2. Gotta let my son know that he has quite a big part in it (Fox). Heh. I am VERY impressed so far, very impressed. Bravo you guys....good read.

Finally finished The Face Inside. Bravo, bravo, bravo to all. It took me a while, but I got through it. I really enjoyed the story. I liked it, well, most of it. The only thing (as I had told Reno earlier on) that bothered me and started me in losing a little interest was the Reno "flashbacks." But, I kept reading...they started getting a little more interesting and I kept on. It was a really good read. I was really impressed. Keep 'em comin! Just remember dear Reno....Star would like to be mentioned just a little more, heh heh...kidding. :o) Anyhoo, for those who haven't had a chance to read it or finish it...DO SO, cause you will really enjoy the story."

Rick:

"For my review of The Face Inside, I'll just keep this short and say everyone else hit the nail on the head. I thought it was a great story and I loved reading it.

One minor correction, though. In the parts with my character (and I am really glad I was included in a small yet good part), I am supposed to have a silver, not blue lightsaber. Not really a problem, but I thought I might as well mention it.

Overall: an excellent story, can't wait for more!"

Those are the comments we received as of two months ago. We'd love to hear more from anyone who's read the story. Just post them on the AOL New Jedi Order board or e-mail tommyg@sithsquadron.com. That's it for this update. Stay tuned for information on the status of upcoming stories. And don't forget to check out my June column, set to go up within the next few weeks from now (5/30/04).