Author's Note: This is sort of the title fic of this site. A self-reflection of Tokiya, as he thinks about the life he's led in search of his sister's killer. Okay so maybe I've taken some liberties with the original story but since I really dunno the specific details of the events of the death of Mifuyu, and the life they led, I just had to let my imagination run loose. Also there may be some mistakes in my retelling of Tokiya's battle against Kai, but it doesn't really take anything away from the story. Anyway I hope you enjoy this fic, I hope you send me your feedback on it. I look forward to reading your comments on possibly the most touching and personal fic I've ever written. I really hope that this would let us understand our beloved Swordsman of Water a little more than just an arrogant guy with a pretty face and see the tragic boy beneath. The italicized words are Tokiya's thoughts. Interested in seeing something special for this fanfic? Go here
I could hear the sea's gentle roar and the faint sound of birds. I could feel the tender breeze caressing my cheek and the warm, feathery touch of sunlight on my face. Still I did not open my eyes. All I wanted to do was to lie there, calm and peaceful, thinking of nothing but of how beautiful the day was. This was a day that I haven't had the time to appreciate for so long. So very long...
Tokiya...Tokiya! A young boy sat up, blinking. The wind ruffled his hair as he searched for the owner of the voice. "Kyodai!" The boy turned to look at his sister as she ran towards him, a kite trailing behind her, her eyes shining. "Baka! What have you been doing? Daydreaming again!" she said to him. "Gomen, Mifuyu. I just felt...tired. That's all." the little boy answered. "Well come on, Tokiya-kun! The day is passing by, while you're lying on your back and staring at the sky." she gave him a brilliant smile. "Okay then." The girl took off running and the boy raced to follow her, their laughter floating behind them to join with the chirping of the birds. "Wait for me, Mifuyu!" the boy called.
Mifuyu...when her name crossed my mind, I opened my eyes and I gazed straight at the sky like I used to whenever we took a trip to the beach. "Ane." I whispered into the air. I pushed myself up picked up the objects I was carrying, a small bouquet, a letter, and finally my madougu. I lifted my head and stared straight out into the horizon. The sun was just rising, touching the surface of the sea with faint hues of red, and orange. The sky was still dark, although the sunlight was pushing the veil of violet darkness away. I had long made it a habit to visit her early when no one could see me. I walked towards her gravesite, feeling strangely numb. Maybe the beauty I had seen had completely stopped the pain that usually came over me whenever I visited her. Or maybe, as a brief smile touched my lips, I really have turned the rest of my heart to ice. Maybe it's the atmosphere of this day, but I feel like, I'm so alone, alone with my memories. Mifuyu...
Tokiya...Tokiya! It was her scream that jolted me to awareness. I was 10, with a child's complete innocence. Maybe that had been my mistake. Because I had been so young, so helpless, I couldn't protect her. My sister, the one who lost her life defending me. "Tokiya, when I tell you to, run." Mifuyu whispered. She looked at the two men, fear evident in her eyes. the little boy could tell that his sister was trying so hard not to shake. "But, Mifuyu, I don't-" she cut off her brother's protest with a shake of her head. "No, you MUST get away." She glanced up at the men who were advancing on her. "Please! Leave him alone! Take whatever you want just don't hurt him." she pleaded. The men just laughed, and even the 10-year-old boy could tell that there was something unnatural going on with them.
It was their laughter I remember the most. How they took such joy and satisfaction in our fear. It was an elixir to them, like the sweet ambrosia to give them ecstasy. Their laughter rang in the boy's ears. His sister's grip on him tightened, as she held him by her side, trying to shield him from the two men. He clung to her arms, trying not to show his own fear.
Yes I was afraid. I was so very afraid. But I had yet to realize how truly dangerous the men were. I had no notion that they would actually harm us. I believed them to be your usual burglars or so. Little did I know that later on I'd experience more than just fear. I'd feel something much purer and more longer lasting than that. The men neared the two, and Mifuyu pushed the boy away. He fell back onto the floor and stared up at his sister, gasping for breath. He struggled to get back up quickly but his movements were clumsy with the irrational fear pounding through him. Instinctively, he knew, how very wrong things would turn out to be. His frightened eyes locked on his sister's face. He caught sight of a faint glimmer of light on steel, as a knife plunged downwards. NO. It can't be. Mifuyu was running towards him, a sudden cry, her body falling to the floor, her eyes going blank and dark. NO!!
I shook my head, not wanting to relive the memories. Memories which had continually scarred my heart until it seemed as if I'd lost all feelings in it. As if I had truly turned my heart to ice...As if I'd stopped feeling when she said my name as she fell. Tokiya...
Tokiya...Tokiya. The little boy could see how much it was costing his sister to keep herself conscious. Inwardly, he grieved for the pain she must be enduring and hoped that she would soon get well. "Tokiya." her voice was so faint. "Take this." Mifuyu lifted her hand and took his, and she pressed into his palm a small object. "This is our family heirloom, the Ensui. This was what they were trying to take from us. Keep it and guard it well." The little boy nodded and answered. "And you'll guard it with me right?" Mifuyu simply rested her head back onto the stretcher which she lay on and turned her head away. Tears shimmered in lashes and traced a wet path down her cheeks. Her reaction alarmed the little boy. "Mifuyu? What's wrong? Mifuyu, why are you crying?" More tears slid out from her tightly shut eyes. "Tokiya, remember-" a sob rose in her throat. "Remember whenever we would go out on special trips at the beach? Please remember those times. Don't- don't let yourself be hurt too much by my-" her voice trailed off as she struggled to stifle another broken cry. "Mifuyu, yes, I remember. And we'll have more of them right? We'll buy ice cream and fly kites again. And you'll tease me about my daydreaming again. Right? We'll still be together won't we?" the little boy pleaded frantically. Mifuyu turned her head and looked at him with dying light. "Tokiya. Always remember. I love you. I always will. I'll watch over you, always." The little boy shook his head, "No! Mifuyu! Nothing's going to happen to you! You'll be alright won't you? You can't die on me! No, this isn't happening! It can't be happening!" his voice bordered on hysteria, rivulets of tears streaking down his face. She gave him one final smile, then her entire body grew limp. "MIFUYU!!!"
Mifuyu...I reached her gravesite. For a few moments I just stood there. deep in recollections. I then realized how wrong what I had thought was. I COULD still feel pain, so much that it threatened to tear me apart. Just like it did, they day of her burial. ...Ashes to ashes...dust to dust... Words spoken at her burial. The grief I had fought threatened to overcome me. I hadn't cried for days, instead I had suppressed my tears with the help of my Master Meguri Kyoza. In a way I was still in denial. No not Mifuyu, not my sister. It couldn't be. Can't be. She's so alive, so vibrant, brimming with energy and hopes and dreams for me, for herself for both of us. No. Not Mifuyu. I kneeled down beside her grave and rested my head on her tombstone.
"Mifuyu MikagamiBorn: 1976 Died: 1983 at the age of 16.
Beloved sister and classmate
"You will always be in our hearts.
Your memory will be preserved eternally.
Heaven is richer now with another angel among it's ranks"
I read the inscription, my voice breaking off on the last part. It amazed me, how deep the pain still was. It was like it all happened just yesterday, instead of 7 years ago. The pain hadn't been worn off by time. instead it had seemed to increase it. ...Ashes to ashes...dust to dust...
"...Ashes to ashes...dust to dust..." the priest spoke solemnly, his deep voice resonating through the wide space of the graveyard. No wind stirred the leaves of the trees above them. Even the birds did not make any sound. "It's because every creature is in mourning for Mifuyu." the little boy heard a girl speak. The girl was Mifuyu's best friend, Aya Shinomaga. The rest of the funeral was just a blur to the boy. He paid no attention to the proceedings, locked in his own shell of grief. He struggled against the inner turmoil of grief and fury that swept through him.
"I'm so sorry,Tokiya." "So very sorry." "Condolence."
He nodded in reply to their words. Many tried to comfort him but he remained stoic and outwardly aloof. Inside he was raging. How can you all be so muted?! Why are you all just simply sad?! She was MURDERED! Her life was ripped from her, everything. every chance she had was destroyed! Why aren't any of you angry? You're SORRY? So what?! Being sorry won't bring her back! Mifuyu....I miss you so much. Why doesn't it stop hurting? Will it ever stop hurting? His thoughts were interrupted by the approach of a man. He looked at his student, his eyes showing his shared grief. "Tokiya. I'm so sorry." his voice was quiet. Suddenly his expression changed. "Come with me." The little boy looked at him quizzically. "Now?" The man just grasped his arm impatiently and pulled him away from the mourners. He brought him to a shady tree and stopped there. He turned and faced the boy and squatted until they were both eye level. He rested his hands on the boy's shoulders and looked at him straight into his eyes. The little boy's blue eyes shifted away from his master's uncomfortable with it's piercing gaze. "Master Kyoza, why did you bring me here?" the boy's voice was hoarse from the effort of trying to stop the tears from flooding him.
"Tokiya, I am sorry for your sister. I am sure that what happened was very traumatic for you." Meguri Kyoza spoke again, still keeping his eyes on the boy's face. "I know you are grief-stricken, and you're probably not ready for this yet, but..." he broke off there, tantalizing the boy into asking. "What?"
"I will begin to teach you the advanced techniques of Hyomon Ken." he said it with pride. "The-the advanced techniques? B-but, Master! I thought you said I wasn't ready? You said that the Ensui was still not ready for a novice such as me." the boy stammered. The man looked at him, his eyes speaking of his impatience with the boy's answer. "Tokiya, what are you talking about? Aren't you excited?"
"It's not that I'm not happy about what you said, sir." the little boy answered. "I was just...surprised." The man laughed softly. "Yes forgive me for my impatience. I do suppose you are quite confused by my sudden change in thought." The boy looked at him, his eyes merely coolly questioning. "What made you change your mind sir?" The man chuckled as if pleased with the question. Or maybe he was pleased with the way the boy asked it. "My student, the reason why I am advancing your lessons is because your situation is different now." The boy did not ask the question but the man could sense what was in his mind anyway. "I know you're wondering what I meant by your situation being different. Let me explain it to you."
Vengeance...That was the difference. I had a new motive for learning the moves.
"Your sister, Mifuyu. You loved her very much don't you?" he asked. The boy's eyes widened. "Wh-what kind of question is that?" his voice shook slightly, although his voice remained blank like his face which was carefully expressionless. "I did. I DO." So good was I at concealing what I felt that you wouldn't be able to tell if we were talking about everyday conversations or about the death of my sister. Unless you could see my eyes. I worked hard to remain detached, or at least appear to be, but I could not hide the pain and fury which were reflected in my eyes. "Good. Now let me explain it to you. She was so very young, with her life stretching out before her, until those men just cold-bloodedly ripped her life, YOUR life as well into shreds. Are you simply willing to ignore this fact?" The man continued on without waiting for the boy to answer. "I know you, Tokiya, and I know you would not allow such a crime to remain unpaid for. Now you must avenge your sister." The boy's eyes widened. That was exactly what he had been thinking. "With these techniques, you will be able to make your sister's murderers pay for what they have done." I'm sure he could tell by the look in my eyes that I agreed with him completely. But something stopped me from agreeing immediately. I knew that Mifuyu was life-loving person and all she wished for me to do was to guard the Ensui, and not to destroy a life. My master was able to see my indecision and he quickly worked to remedy it. "Or am I wrong? Are you not yet a man? You were forced to grow up so quickly due to this circumstances, and I had believed that you had become a man, able to protect his own and able to give vengeance and justice to their memory." the man paused, allowing him to think it over. "No, I guess I WAS wrong. You're a boy, all alone and helpless. Unable to protect your loved ones. Maybe you don't love her enough to give your life the way she did for you?" This roused the boy's anger. "Of course I love her enough." the boy's voice was still quiet, however rage burned in those cool blue eyes of his. "Master, with all due respect don't EVER even imply that I do not love my sister." The man's blood chilled at the look in the boy's eyes. "Very well. Go home now and rest. We'll begin your training tomorrow."
Vengeance...Indeed I made it my life's purpose to avenge my sister. I had nothing left. I'm not a complete fool, nor do I have a one track mind. One day while I was visiting her, I've also thought of the mission I have given to myself. I knew, in a somewhat detached way, I was doing this for a selfish reason as well. It was because I had nothing else, and in my childish way, I clung to it. I was like a boat set adrift, like a drowning swimmer in the sea, trying to grab onto anything that will keep me afloat. My vengeance was the only thing keeping me from sinking into total despair. I sat down now and just simply looked at her grave. It hurt to bring back those memories, but now as before, I had been set adrift. This time the turmoil I faced was confusion and frustration...and betrayal. Maybe I should have been suspicious. He worked me hard, driven me to the point where for awhile I could see only the rage I felt. Maybe even then I should have seen the smugness he hid behind his encouraging smile.
Tokiya...Tokiya! The man's voice was edged in irritation. "What are you doing? Don't be so slow. Remember speed is of great importance in combat." The boy nodded, sweat dripping down his face, but he did not wipe it off. Instead he concentrated even more on the new technique his master was teaching him. His master lunged at him, his bokken swining from side to side wildly. The boy sidestepped it then jumped back quickly when his master thrust the wooden sword at him. "Tokiya, always remember, your enemy will have sly ways of fighting against you, they could trap you with hidden weapons and try to fool you with sloppy mistakes. Always keep a detached and objective eye as to what your enemy is doing. That way, you will never be defeated." He swung at Tokiya's legs then when the boy jumped, he quickly brought up his sword and slammed it into the boy's right leg. He saw that the boy did not even flinch when he was thrown down on the floor. "Tokiya! That was exactly what i was talking about. Always try to figure out the possible moves that an enemy makes when he attacks you!" The boy nodded, gasping. "This is the second time you've made that mistake! You've seen it twice, now try to find a way to counter it!" he lectured. The boy only looked at him, instead of getting up and he lost his composure. "What are you doing you fool? Are you tired now? Are you so weak that you cannot handle my lessons? Well, I suppose you are since you could not even protect your sister from those men. You, a boy, needed a girl to protect you." the man said, tauntingly. He knew that it would light the boy's fuse. And it did indeed. A spark of fury touched the boy's eyes and he got up almost immediately, holding his bokken ready. "Weakling, are you back for more?" he taunted again. The boy ignored his words and just watched him, a look of concentration on his face. "Do it." the words were quiet and filled with determination. The master immediately followed through on the boy's words and swung the sword again at his legs. The boy skipped back quickly instead of jumping and stepped his foot on the sword and swung his own bokken at his master's neck. stopping an inch from it. The man's eyes lit with triumph at the boy's move. "Very good, Tokiya, you just might be able to avenge your sister yet." But the boy's eyes unlike his master's reflected no joy at being able to defeat his master's move, instead it showed nothing, not even the slightest hint of satisfaction.
"Boy, you're weak. You could not hurt even a fly."
"You're pathetic! Why do I put up with you as my student?"
"I'm starting to wonder if you really DO love your sister. You aren't fighting well enough to avenge an ant."
"Are you just going to let those murderers get away? It seems like it to me, since you aren't showing any skill!"
Those words were used to hurt me even more, and provoke me into a rage. But the most hurtful words were the ones which concerned my sister. And he knew that. He used my hate of the murderers to make me into a cold automaton, a perfect fighting machine. And it worked. After a few months I did not need his words to make me learn my lessons well. I just did it on my own. My anger burned brightly enough that I learned them at a rate that surprised even me. But I felt no pride in them, only a faint trace of satisfaction that when I find the one who had my sister killed, I would make him pay, in a most terrible manner. I looked at my madougu, the Ensui. It was in the form of a handle, what it usually looked like when not being used. "Mifuyu, here I am again." I said, faintly amused by the fact that I was talking to a person who was dead already. "You know I always thought that when I finally found out who killed you, I'd finally have peace. I always thought, I'd be able to come back here and finally be able to tell you that I have avenged you. I've searched long and hard, devoted my entire life to finding your murderer."
"I want to know...who was the man who killed my sister. Tell me!"
"I don't know what you're talking about! I just reacted because your sister reminded me of my princess."
"Don't lie to me! I'll kill you if you don't tell me the truth."
"Recca Hanabishi." I said his name quietly. "I thought that he might know who your killer was. And I fought him. But I was wrong. He DIDN'T know. And because of him, I met Yanagi Sakoshita. She does remind me of you, Mifuyu. Not just the physical resemblance. But because she's so kind, like you were."
"But remember if anything happens to her I'll come back and I'll make sure you pay for it."
"I had sworn this to Recca, and indeed, something did happen. Yanagi was kidnapped by Mori Kouran and Recca and his friends, Fuko Kirisawa and Domon Ishijima went after her. Kage Houshi tried to convince me to join them, but I refused. Why should I help that idiot?" I told her. "But I knew, that I would come to help them. And I did, I battled against Kaoru Koganei to buy Recca and his friends some time to reach Kurei." I shook my head. "I never thought that I'd actually fall into that gang."