"We’re going to have to get her to either start wearing thongs again, or make her wear trousers." Janelle stated firmly.

"It’s a free country, Janelle. She can go without if she wants." Red Hope told her.

"Red, it’s becoming a little distracting. Surely it’s beginning to bother you as well?" Janelle asked.

"I just chose not to look. Maybe you ought to do the same." Teased Red.

"I’ve tried, but all it does is serve as a reminder of what I’m not getting." Complained Janelle.

"Yeah and it’s also a little difficult when she is walking in front of you and she just happens to bend over to check her boots." Michelle retorted.

"I agree Red. It is beginning to become a bit of a problem. Even though Empress Cy has a very nice ass, tight, firm buns…"

"Janelle!" Red shouted. "Could we please focus on the problem at hand?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." Janelle replied.

"Okay, so we need to get her back into wearing thongs. How do you suggest we do that?"

"Look, mate. I’ve having a hard enough time coming to terms with what you guys call a thong. As Michelle will tell you, thongs are something we Aussies wear on our feet. Where we come from, thongs are known as ‘g-strings’." The frustrated bard retorted.

There was a collection of laughter at the statement.

Janelle and Michelle glanced over at each other and raised their eyebrows.

MomBard managed to stop laughing for a short time and asked, "Where in the world did you guys get that word from."

Michelle and Janelle just looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

"We don’t know." They replied in unison.

"Hey we also call guys, blokes and girls, sheilas. Who knows where that came from either." Janelle declared.

This started a new wave of laughter from the others.

After the laughter died down, Tea spoke, "Well, we really should inform the Queen that this is becoming a problem."

"But in the Queen’s absence, doesn’t the majority rule on a decision such as this? Cindy enquired.

"Cindy’s right, "stated Red, "I have no idea how we’re going to get her to start wearing thongs again. Anyone got any ideas?"

"You’d think it’d be a little chilly without something under her leathers, with the way the weather is at the moment." MomBard casually remarked.

"That’s it!" Red shouted as an evil grin appeared on her face. "We’ve just got to get her to realise that it’s far too cold for her to go without her thong and that will convince her to start wearing them again. Now all we need is a plan."

"Well, we’d better think of something quick, because she’s heading this way and she’s got her sais in her hands." Tea advised everyone.

"Oh no." groans Red. "Mom, you and I were supposed to meet her on the practice field a half a candlemark ago. We’ll be in for it for sure."

Tea quickly jumped out of the way as one very angry Empress barged through the door.

"What in Hades are you all doing in here?" she demanded.

Everyone was shifting from one foot to the other, no-one brave enough to answer.

Cindy, normally the timid one of the group, decided to take her chances and walked over to Cy and put her arm around her waist.

"We were just discussing who out of all of us were going to volunteer to help you with your target practice. Sorry we didn’t tell you. Everyone here has been wanting to volunteer, so we had to draw straws for the job." Cindy hoped that Cy wouldn’t realise that she was lying and she also hoped that the rest of the Amazons would forgive her for putting them in the middle of it.

"Hmm, I see. So who drew the short straw?" Cy asked.

Janelle felt two hands on her back and was shoved forward from behind as Red spoke. "It was Janelle. She drew the short straw."

Janelle turned and glared at the group of ‘fearsome’ Amazons. Well there were when Cy didn’t have her sais.

"Is this true, Janelle? Did you draw the short straw?"

"Sure. I think I was supposed to help you with target practice before and wasn’t able to. So, I’m up for it now, if you are."

"Right then, let’s go. Time’s a wasting." Stated Cy and turned and headed out the door.

Janelle turned back to her friends. "I’ll keep her occupied, while you chickens work on a plan. We’ll meet back here later."

As Janelle went through the door, she heard a combined, "Good luck." And mumbled under her breath, "Why me, why me?"

Janelle stupidly followed Empress Cy onto the practice field wondering what in Tartarus she was doing.

"So, what we going to do?" Janelle nervously asked.

"Well, you’re going stand at the target and I’ll see how close I can get to your head." Empress Cy casually replied.

"W-hat?" Janelle stammered.

"Since things have been relatively quiet around the village lately, I haven’t had much opportunity to practice, so I need a target, and you’re it. Now get over there."

"But, but, what if you miss?" Janelle continued to stutter.

"Don’t be such a baby. You’re an Amazon and start acting like it." Empress Cy shot back at her.

"I’m not a baby." Janelle whined. "It’s just that I’m not too fond of being used as target practice that’s all. Come on, let’s get started."

Janelle took her place at the target and didn’t catch the gleam in the eyes of Empress Cy.

The Empress flung her first sai hard at Janelle and it landed a short distance from her right ear.

"Hey, that was a little too close, Empress." Janelle shouted.

"Nah, close is when you’ve got to duck out of the way so the sai won’t stab ya," The Empress returned.

"What do you mean ‘duck’?" Janelle enquired.

"You’ll know."

The Empress let the next sai go and quickly yelled, "Duck!"

Janelle didn’t need the warning, as she could see the sai coming quickly towards her head.

The sai hit the target with a loud ‘thud’ and as Janelle stood up, she turned and gave the Empress an evil stare.

"Hey, you might be my Empress, but I don’t take too kindly to people trying to take my head off."

"You got out of the way in time, didn’t you? I don’t see the problem." Empress Cy battered her eyelids at the Aussie bard.

"Don’t you be battering those eyes at me. It’s not going to work this time."

Empress Cy walked towards the target and removed her sais from the target, while dismissing the frown that she was being given by Janelle.

"Alright, you don’t have to help me anymore if you tell me what you and the rest of the Amazons were talking about in the hut before."

"N-Nothing, we just happened to be in the same place at the same time, when you walked by."

"That’s not what it looked like to me." Empress Cy moved closer to Janelle.

"Janelle!" came a shout from across the field. Janelle looked past Empress Cy’s shoulder to see MomBard heading towards them.

"…… waltzing matilda, waltzing matilda, who’ll come a-waltzing matilda with me. And he sang as he stuffed that jumbuck in his tuckerbag, who’ll come a-waltzing matilda with me."

"MomBard!" screamed the Empress. "Stop that, right this minute. You know I can’t stand that song."

"Janelle, you know the next verse, take it away." MomBard encouraged.

"Aargh." Groaned Empress Cy in frustration.

Back at the hut ….

Terri had managed to track down the group of Amazons and was quickly informed of the situation by Red Hope.

"We’ve got to find a way to get Empress Cy to either start wearing a thong again or get her into trousers.

"And we’d better do it quick." Tea interjected. "Come look."

The Amazons scrambled to see what Tea was pointing at. They could see the evil look on the Empress’ face as she threw another sai towards Janelle. Janelle, on the other hand had to duck so she missed getting a sai in the face.

"I think the Empress might be in need of a little rendition of Waltzing Matilda, MomBard and Janelle style." MomBard announced and headed out the door.

The other Amazons looked out the window once more, but shortly thereafter, the door of the hut flung open and there to everyone’s delight was Queen Karena.

Red Hope quickly raced over to the Queen, grabbed her in a big bear hug and kiss the top of her head. Tea and Cindy quickly followed.

Queen Karena took it all in her stride, but she had to let it be known that she was not in the best state.

"As much as I’ve missed you guys, you’ll have to give me a bit of room. I managed to score myself a major case of sunburn on my legs."

The Queen lifts her skirt to show the other just to what extent her sunburn is. The area at the top of her legs had major blisters on it.

Red directed Cindy to grab some salve and the Accountant quickly took off to the healers hut.

"My Queen, how on earth did you get burnt so badly?" Michelle enquired.

"You should know. That damn Aussie sun. It was so hot."

"But you were warned about it, weren’t you?" Michelle asked.

The Queen turned her head down for a moment and mumbled, "Yes, I was."

"Well, come and sit down while we wait for Cindy to come back with the salve." Tea and Red directed Queen Karena to a nearby chair.

"Speaking of Janelle, where is she? Before you answer that, what is that noise?" The Queen wanted to know.

Terri looked out the window to catch sight of MomBard and Janelle in a duet of Waltzing Matilda.

"It’s MomBard and Janelle singing Waltzing Matilda." Terri reported.

"Why on earth would they be singing that terrible song?" Queen Karena asked.

"Janelle sort of volunteered to keep Empress Cy occupied by being her sai target practice, while we came up with an idea to get the Empress to start wearing her thong again, but that doesn’t seem to be going well, so MomBard went to help her get away and she decided that she was going to sing." Michelle complained.

"What’s this about Empress Cy not wearing her thong?" Queen Karena questioned.

"Empress Cy has taken to not wearing her thong under her leather skirt. We’re hoping that you can do something about that. Red informed the Queen.

Cindy came back with the salve and Queen Karena rubbed some onto her legs, which helped ease the soreness.

"Well, I think I’ll need to have a word with the Empress about her behaviour." The Queen stated turned to Michelle. "Can you please have her report to me and someone nicely but firmly tell MomBard to please stop singing that awful song."

The Amazons looked at each other all wondering who was going to be the bearer of bad news to MomBard.

"Not me." Said Tea.

"Don’t look at me either." Michelle started backing away.

"Red, you’ve known her the longest. It should be you." Terri stated.

"Yeah Red. It’ll sound much better coming from you." Cindy backed up Terri’s statement.

"Thank you very much fellow Amazons. I’ll remember this, you know." Red turned, puffed out her chest, and strode confidently out the door.

As soon as Red left the hut, she regretted it. ‘Why me?’ she thought to herself. ‘Just because I’ve known MomBard the longest, doesn’t mean she’ll take the news any easier.’

The noise coming from the practice field was bad enough to wake the dead. Janelle and MomBard were really singing up a storm with their terrible rendition of Waltzing Matilda.

Empress Cy was standing in front of the two women with her hands of her ears.

"Stop it, just stop it. I can’t stand it any longer. I’ll start wearing my thongs again, if you two will just quit." The Empress pleaded.

Janelle and MomBard stopped their singing for a short moment, looked at each other before breaking out into the next verse.

"Down came the jumbuck to drink at the billabong, up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee ….." screeched the pair.

Empress Cy saw Red coming towards them all and she raced over to her and got done on her knees and pleaded with the bard.

"Please, Red, please make them stop. My ears are hurting."

"Get up Cy, don’t worry. It’s not just your ears that are hurting. It’s starting to get to the whole village. I’m here to tell them to stop."

The Empress jumped up and grabbed Red in a big bear hug.

"I thank you, my children thank you and my children’s children thank you." The empress gushed.

Red blushed at the comment and hugged the Empress back.

"You’re to report to the Queen immediately. She wants to talk to you about wearing your thong again."

"Don’t worry, I’m going back to wearing them straight away. I don’t need another dose of Waltzing Matilda to make me."

With that the Empress ran off in the direction of the Queen’s hut.

Red then turned her attentions to the two women who were still going hard at it (singing that is!).

"MomBard! Janelle!" Red shouted. "I need to speak to you about your, um, er singing."

Janelle had her arm flung over MomBard’s shoulder and was really getting into the song.

MomBard stopped at the sound of Red’s voice, but Janelle continued.

"Down came the troupers ….. Hey, Why’d you stop?" she questioned looking at MomBard.

"Janelle!" a voice shouted. "You and MomBard are to stop this instant. It’s an order from the Queen. Your so-called ‘singing’ is hurting everyone’s ears. Besides, the Empress has just said that she’ll start wearing thongs again."

Janelle recognised the voice as Red’s and knew right away that her and MomBard were in trouble. She had thought their rendition of Waltzing Matilda was pretty good.

MomBard was offended by Red’s comment.

"What do you mean, ‘hurting everyone’s ears’. Mine are fine. What about your’s Janelle?"

"Mine are fine too. Some people just don’t appreciate good voices when they hear them."

The two women started to sing again and no amount of shouting from Red was going to make them stop.

"Alright you two. I didn’t want to do this, but you’ve forced me. I’m calling everyone together and we’ll just take a vote on whether you two will be allowed to ever sing again."

That got the women’s attention.

"You can’t be serious." MomBard nervously asked.

"Damn right I am." Red replied. "You two didn’t listen and MomBard, you were only helping Janelle to get the Empress to wear her thongs again."

"Yeah, but when I got here and I started singing with my good buddy Janelle, well, I just can’t stop."

Janelle decided to put in her two cents worth, "Me either. We were only having a little fun."

"Well, I have had enough. It’s always the same when you two get together and start singing, the rest of us suffer. Now come on, back to the Queen’s hut."

Red turned on her heel and stomped off.

Janelle turned to MomBard and gave her a stare, "It’s all your fault. I had the Empress right where I wanted her and then you come along and start singing. It’s always your fault. You start and then I have to follow."

MomBard was hurt, "What do you mean my fault. From what I could see, you were about to end up on the wrong end of a sai if I hadn’t of come along when I did. The things I do for you and I get no appreciation."

"Well I never asked you to come and help, now did I?"

MomBard was shouting now. "Don’t worry, I’m never going to help you again. I should have just let the Empress impale you with her sai and put us all out of our misery." As soon as the words left MomBard’s mouth she regretted saying it.

Janelle’s face went white. She couldn’t believe what she had heard. Tears welled up in her eyes and she tried hard not to let them fall.

"Do I really annoy you that much," whispered the Aussie, her eyes downcast.

MomBard moved closer to Janelle. "No, of course not. I’m sorry, Janelle. I didn’t mean that. I am just so damn angry. I mean Red’s pretty mad at us and she wants us to face the others about our singing. To think we did it all to make the Empress start wearing her thongs again and now we’re in trouble."

"Yeah, makes one feel pretty unappreciated now doesn’t it?"

"Well, you never know, someone might be on our side."

"Sure, that’s why everyone groans and ends up leaving when we start to sing." Janelle reminded MomBard.

MomBard laughed. "Come on my friend. Let’s go face the music."

The two woman put their arms around each other’s shoulders and went to face the music (so to speak).

After Red at left the Queen, the others were quick with their questions.

"How was the vacation?" Michelle asked.

"What did you do?" Tea questioned.

"What did you see?" Cindy questioned as well.

The Queen held up her hands. "One at a time, please. One, the vacation was great. Two, I tried to relax as much as possible, and three, I saw the most amazing sights. You guys need to go visit that place, it’s awesome."

"From the looks of it, you saw more of it than you wanted." Terri replied pointing to the Queen’s legs.

"Well, I forgot just how hot it can get there, so with some salve and some TLC, I’ll be fine."

Before the women had a chance to ask any more questions, the door opened and Empress Cy ran inside.

"My Queen, it’s so good to see you." The empress cried as she raced towards her friend to hug her.

"Be careful there Emp. I’m a bit sore."

"My Queen, how on earth did you get so sunburnt."

"It’s a long story, which I’ll tell you later. Now onto more important matters. What’s this I hear about you tormenting the other Amazons by not wearing your thong?"

"Well, you see, after we came back from the market, I had this terrible rash and the only way to get relief was by not wearing my thong. Nothing I put on it worked. Unfortunately, the others didn’t take too kindly to me not wearing a thong and they sent MomBard and Janelle out to torture me with their singing."

"I see." The Queen replied.

"Can you please make them stop? The noise is starting to hurt my ears." The Empress pleaded with the Queen this time.

"Do you intend to start wearing thongs again?"

"Yes my Queen, right away."

"Good, then I see no need for further punishment. Having to listen to those two wailing for any amount of time, even a short one is punishment enough. Now why on earth are they still singing?"

Michelle and Cindy were looking at the scene unfolding on the practice field.

"Well, it looks like Red’s not having much luck getting them to stop." Michelle informed the rest of the group.

"Yeah, she’s pretty ticked off to, I’d say." Added Cindy.

All of a sudden the singing stopped.

"What happened? The Queen enquired.

"Can’t say." Answered Michelle. "I’d say Red’s giving them a dressing down. Hang on, she’s heading back and boy does she look miffed."

"What are MomBard and Janelle doing?"

"Looks like they’re having a major discussion of their own."

Terri looked over to Tea and grabbed her hand. "Well, I think we need to make ourselves scarce don’t you?"

The Queen held up her hand. "You two are going no-where. Grab a seat. I want to see what’s got Red so damn angry. Michelle, Cindy, you two take a seat as well."

Cindy and Michelle quickly sat down in readiness for Red’s appearance. No-one wanted to be in the bard’s way when she came through the door.

All was quiet when Red entered the Queen’s hut. Anger was written all over her face.

"My Queen, I demand that we vote on limiting MomBard’s and Janelle’s singing once and for all. I asked them politely to stop and they wouldn’t. I had to threaten them with a vote just to make them stop. I know that MomBard went out there to make the Empress start wearing her thongs again, but once she got together with Janelle, they lost it."

"Red, calm down." The Queen pleaded.

"Calm down, you calm down." Red replied.

The Queen rose from her chair. "Red, do I need to remind you who you’re talking to?"

Red realised she may have overstepped the mark just a little.

"No, my Queen. My apologies."

"Apology accepted. Now, did you tell those two what your intention were?"

"Yes, I did, so they should be here shortly."

"Alright then, we’ll see what they have to say for themselves." The Queen decided.

Janelle opened the door slowly and stuck her head in and noticed seven sets of eyes on her. She turned back to MomBard and whispered, "It doesn’t look good."

"Janelle, get in here and bring MomBard with you." The queen demanded.

The two women dragged their feet on the floor as they moved closer to the Queen.

"What is this I hear about you not stopping your singing when asked by Red to do so? I understand why you started singing in the first place, but when you are asked to stop, you should stop. Now what part of stop don’t you understand?"

Janelle went to speak, but MomBard butted in. "My Queen, we can’t help it. When either one of us starts, the other just can’t help but join in. Please don’t hold that against us. We just enjoy singing so."

"Unfortunately, for you two, the rest of the village doesn’t see it that way. When you two start to sing, you can clear out a room quicker than anything else I’ve ever seen."

Janelle was getting a bit annoyed at this stage, "What’s that supposed to mean?"

Queen Karena gave Janelle a stern look, which caused the Aussie to lower her eyes. "What that means, my dear Janelle, is that you and MomBard cannot sing for nuts. And seeing that you two cannot stop when asked, the village will have to decide your punishment."

MomBard was worried then. Would the rest of the Amazons ban her and Janelle from singing altogether? She prayed to the Gods that they wouldn’t. She just loved to sing and if she was banned from it, she didn’t know what she would do.

"MomBard, are you willing to accept the punishment decided upon today?"

MomBard looked up and nodded, "Yes, my Queen. I will accept the punishment." Her heart started to beat faster.

"Janelle, are you willing to accept the punishment decided upon today?"

"Yes, my Queen. I will accept the punishment."

"Good, then I have decided that the two of you will be banned from singing for a period of one season."

The Queen addressed the others. "Is this acceptable to the rest of the village?"

"Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?" Michelle asked.

"No, I do not. These two will die if they’re not allowed to sing."

Red spoke up. "I don’t think it’s harsh at all. I am sick and tired of them interrupting my train of thought. I’m a bard and I need quiet. The two of them get together and start on the coke and there’s no stopping them. Just thing what they’ll be like at the upcoming slumber party?

"Well, then what do you suggest?" the Queen wanted suggestions from the group.

"What about banning them from singing in the village for a season." Tea suggested.

"Yeah, they could still sing, but they would have to go deep into the forest where we couldn’t hear them." Cindy added.

Michelle and Terri nodded in agreement.

"Just as long as they’re no-where near the creek." Terri said. "That’s where I go to get my inspiration.

The Queen turned to the Empress. "Empress, you’ve been rather quiet. What do you have to say about the punishment?"

"I think that what everyone suggested is acceptable. Ban them from singing in the village for one full season. Allow them one day out of every 10, to go deep into the forest to sing. That should be enough for them."

The Queen was impressed. "Okay, that settles it. Janelle, MomBard. Your punishment is that you will be banned them from singing in the village for one full season. One day out of every 10, you will be allowed to go deep into the forest to sing. Punishment starts from now. Is this acceptable?"

Both Janelle and MomBard managed to mumble a "Yes" together.

"Right, now that everything seems to be in order, I think we should all return to our duties." The Queen declared.

Everyone filed out of the Queen’s hut and returned to their normal duties.

After a few days everything was back to normal in the village (well, normal for the Amazon Village anyway). Red Hope was in her hut working her magic quill, Queen Karena and Empress Cy were overseeing preparation of the food in the food hut, Michelle was busy working on a new picture, Cindy was balancing the books, Terri was walking along side the stream searching for inspiration for another of her wonderful poems and Tea was lurking around ready to lend a hand wherever it was needed. And what of MomBard and Janelle? Well, after being banned from singing in the village and their ten day waiting period was up, they headed off deep into the forest where, if one listened very carefully, their faint wailing sounds could be heard torturing the creatures of the forest.