Title: A Pleasing Shape Takes Place
Author: Luce Red
Series: Hikaru no Go
Disclaimer: characters are the creation of Hotta and Obata.
Notes: mention of Akira/Hikaru. Some gratuitous Japanese use.
Summary: Touya learns about Sai.

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Slowly, so slowly that he didn't even realise it was happening, Touya Akira learnt about Shindou's secret.

It started with Shindou muttering about telling him everything one day, a promise that Touya kept waiting, waiting for--and that didn't materialise into the confession he had unconsciously braced himself for. Instead, he got Shindou in odd moods of introspection and reminiscence, who would say now and then, when no one else was listening, "he would have done this," "he would have done that," and Touya didn't know who "he" referred to, and Shindou never explained.

It was after their second match together after the Hokuto Cup tournament that Touya got hold of the next piece of the puzzle. Shindou had leant back with an exaggerated sigh, his deathly serious expression relaxing into his usual easygoing grin, one that grew chagrined as he examined the Go board again. "Here... and here..." he pointed, "You really got me there!" he said to Touya, his face sobering to a near-pout. Shindou had such a mobile face, so full of quickening expressions, that it almost seemed a pity that he had to put on a neutral face for his games.

"You made a mistake here, too!" Touya murmured, his hand making a quick pass over the lower corner.

Shindou leaned close, his eyes narrowing. "Oh, yeah, I did. Argh!" He threw his hands up in surrender, and the remaining pair of players in the room raised their heads to look at them in disapproval. Shindou didn't seem to notice, though; he only studied the Go board once more, his eyes stilling to take in the tussle on the upper corner. It had been a difficult territory to gain; Touya had barely managed to wrest control away from Shindou, who had, in the middle of the game, played one of those moves that seemed incredibly old, and sure. It had stunned him, and for a moment, he had had to look up to see that person opposite him was Shindou, and Shindou only.

Shindou touched the stones there briefly, before he replaced them in the go-ke. Touya followed, with his own white stones. As he replaced the cover, he heard Shindou say, in a low, choked voice, "That first game... it was Sai, not me." He looked up at that, his heart already beating fast, but Shindou was already standing up and Touya watched as he left. They met later in the lounge outside, where Shindou was channel-surfing on the TV set meant only for broadcasting games, and watching him thumb the TV remote with a preoccupied air, Touya could not find the words to ask him.

After one of their fights at the Go-salon, one of the rare ones which didn't end with Shindou stomping his way out but with him crossing his arms and glaring at the Go board as though it was alive, he heard Shindou say, "At the Kaio Go-club tournament, that first time... that was Sai too."

Before he could ask any questions, Shindou had stood up and leaped to his side, and was grinning at him. "Ne, Touya, let's have ramen! There's a new ramen stand on the corner, I saw it when I was coming here. Let's try it out!"

"But-" he wanted to ask, what about Sai.

"I'm starving!" Shindou said, taking in a deep breath as though he were preparing to marshal his arguments, "And they have a special price today! 600 yen for two bowls, Touya, TWO bowls! Come on, we can play again after ramen, and I'm going to defeat you this time!"

He couldn't help himself. "You, defeat me?" he said, deciding not to mention that Shindou had lost three straight games to him the week before.

Shindou glared, though it seemed his expression was slightly less competitive and more amused. Probably the hunger talking, Touya decided. "I'll beat you in an official match one day!" he declared to the salon at large.

"You there, pipe down!" one of the grumpier patrons shouted at him. Shindou had made a face in return; Ishikawa-san had to help to restore the peace, and Touya nearly had to drag him away before he launched himself into an argument with Kitajima-san.

And months later, when he was playing with Touya's computer, trying to figure it out, before he said, turning to look out of Touya's bedroom window, "Sai... Sai could only play NetGo."

More pieces fell in place, though Touya was learning not to question, not when Shindou's face held that look of sorrow, of someone who had suffered a painful loss. He taught Shindou to send email instead.

****

"That second game... it was Sai, too, wasn't it?" he asked softly, as they stood together by the window, watching the rain pelt down from the sky.

"Ahh." The sound was desolate, and Touya shifted nearer to him.

"I lost that game completely," Touya said, his voice without inflection.

Shindou's breath came soft and slow. "I admired the way you played. And I said to you, 'Your intensity for the game is so strong. I could feel your concentration through the Go board.' " He turned slightly towards Touya. "You didn't hear me, though."

Touya felt a whisper of cold spray from the rain, which seemed to sting his exposed skin. "Well," he said, letting a hint of teasing enter his voice. "You can say it again this time, Hikaru. I'll hear you."

"Ah." Shindou tilted his head so that his forehead touched his, wisps of his blond hair mingling with his own dark hair. "I said, 'I could feel you through the Go board.' Akira."

****

"You and Shindou-san?" his mother said, her voice slightly high from surprise, looking from him to his father. Touya quelled his anxiety, his attention firmly focused on the retired pro. "Yes," he said clearly.

He could feel, rather than hear, the steady drip of water from the garden outside, and steeled himself to wait.

Sai played you on the Net. So did your father.

A slightly irrational part of Touya's mind gibbered that the fault for his father's retirement could be, in a twisted way, be laid at Shindou's door. Except that... except for the fact of the defeat, there was nothing to regret about his father's retirement. Touya Kouyo certainly seemed to be enjoying his retirement: he'd joined the China League the year before, and was this year going to take part in another amateur Go tournament in Korea. His mother seemed equally satisfied; for all the busy traveling they did, there was no denying that Touya's parents now spent far more time together than they had when his father was still a title-holder.

The loud 'tap' of the bamboo water pump reverberated through the room; Touya Kouyo spoke. "So you'll be visiting Beijing together." He looked keenly into Touya's face.

"For the international Go meet, yes." The event had been planned months in advance.

"Perhaps after that ends, you and Shindou can meet us in Seoul," his father said.

"Anata?" his mother asked.

"For a few days. I haven't played with him since the Beginner Dan match."

Er . . . that game with your father. . . that was Sai, too.

Touya repressed the urge to gulp, as Shindou sometimes did when faced with something intimidating. "He'll be happy to play a game with you," he replied. The same irrational part of his mind was asserting the exact opposite view—and Touya didn't look forward to breaking the news to Shindou.

"Good. In terms of originality and strategy, he is a rare player in the Go world. I look forward to a game with him."

Touya remembered the time he saw his father sitting silently in front of the Go board, as though waiting for an opponent to turn up, and inexplicably matched that with the few times he'd caught Shindou doing the very same thing. Yes, Sai was a part of their lives, even if he hadn't realised it before.

"And he still plays with you at the salon?" his mother asked.

Happy with a normal, easy-to-answer question, Touya nodded firmly, his long hair brushing the side of his face. "Whenever we can find the time," he told his mother.

She still looked uncertain, but gave him a tentative smile. "I'm glad," she said. "You always look more cheerful when you've played with him."

*****

"This is it?" he asked, watching dust motes settle in the dim slight.

"Yeah." Shindou sat down beside the Go board and began to clean it gently. "I always hope, when I come, for a miracle to happen, so that I could see him again, but..."

Touya sat down beside him, watching as the dark grain of the wood reappeared beneath Shindou's dustcloth.

Shindou peered at the Go board as he cleaned, and finally sat back. "Nothing," he said. "He played so many of my games," he went on, his lips quirking in amusement before he glanced at Touya. "But you know, I played my own games too. Like when I was in the Go-club."

"And in the second Kaio Go-club tournament?" Touya asked, though he already knew the answer.

"That was me," Shindou said, his face growing sheepish for a moment.

"The pro exams?"

"That was me."

"The match with Ochi?"

"That was me."

"The qualifying match with Yashiro?"

"I told you, he had left by then!.. Er, me." He seemed to realize what Touya doing, and his eyes met Touya's helplessly.

"The match with Ko Yong-ha?"

"Me."

"The match last week?"

"Me."

"Last night?"

"Me."

They grinned at each other like idiots, the old Go board beside them like a silent witness, until a lusty yell from downstairs jolted them.

"Oi, Hikaru! Come and have a game with your grandfather! And bring your guest down from that old dusty place!"

"Let's go," Shindou said, standing up and yelling, "Coming!" Without waiting, he stood up and made his way down, knowing that Touya preferred to move at a more sedate pace.

Touya took one last look at the Go board, and caught his breath. For a moment, he could have sworn he saw an indistinct shape forming over the Go board. There was the impression of long, white robes, a tall black hat, a softly clasped fan, and the shape of a face composed in a enigmatic smile, before the impression fell away and Touya realised he was staring at nothing.

"Touya! Come on!" Shindou was yelling from downstairs.

Touya blinked. "Coming!" he said, turning to go.

So, that was Sai...

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Luce (redacanthus@yahoo.com)
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