Luce's Fanfiction Blog: January to August 2006
Luce's Fanfiction Blog: January to August 2006
29 August 2006
Sometimes I think All Strides Lengthen in a Race is the only worthy fanfic I've written so far, and that's not just because it gets mentioned more often in my lj's comments. It's the fact that I haven't felt the same drive now, when I'm writing fic. Well, it's definitely not that I don't like writing fic any more, or that I'm writing for readers--Finding Sai, for example, was an itch that I needed to scratch, and I didn't much care who read it or not, and even with Unfolding Fan and now with Next to NetGo, I still feel that. Maybe it's the fact that I'm more deliberative about writing fic, and more conscious of the fact that there IS an audience for my fics, immodest as it sounds. I ask more of myself when I write--I want it to be better. I want it to flow better. I want to break new ground. And I remember a time when I didn't really feel like that; then, it was a combination of 1) there was a fic inside that wanted to be told, 2) I wanted to see if I could do it, and 3) I wanted to have fun.
And yes, when I get into the groove of writing, I thoroughly enjoy it. Maybe even enjoy it more than before, because I can now think to myself: "Maybe it'd work for the next fic!" whereas I used to dump everything I could think of into the current fic because I had no notion if I had it in me to continue writing. I guess I do think of presentation more, now, and put pressure on myself that way. Like the way I have of writing short chapters--I'm trying to write longer chapters, but it doesn't work the way I want to: I set short scenes, and having many short scenes together doesn't sit well with me. I think longingly of the talented writers who write forty-page fics at one go.
I guess this is a rather long-winded way of saying that I'm giving myself unnecessary pressure with Next to NetGo. I don't know if it's a good thing. I mean, I really, really did not care if someone liked my fics before. I won't lie and say I don't enjoy receiving comments, but to me, the fact that the next chapter was posted was more important than who read it, because I could then go on with the task of writing the next chapter. It was always the next chapter. The next fic. The next scenario. Heh, it sounds like I wrote dozens of fic, doesn't it? I didn't. I imagine fics more than I write them, not just because I'm lazy (true) but because it's a weird little process, translating thoughts into writing. Sometimes I'd be struggling, and realize that I've been trying to translate a feeling, a mood, rather than actual events, and it frittered to nothing because trying to hold a mass of feelings and reactions together without a context to hold it together isn't something I have much skill at. I think that's why Slip Roads (another fic on hiatus) got stuck--I must go back and take a stab at it one day again--because the plot was mechanical, and it was mechanical because I was manipulating events to make the characters do/say something, to convey a feeling--which is kinda like writing by putting my notebook next to a mirror--doesn't come out right unless you're Da Vinci, and I'm plainly not.
Hm, come to think of it, most of the failed fics in my computer are of this sort--I was thinking with my heart--a most unreliable organ--instead of with my gut (not to mention my brain). Yup, even Dropping Names, despite my unfamilarity with the fandom. I admit, it's an act of folly to write for a fandom while having very little direct experience with the canon material--though I wrote Tricks and Traps based on fanfic and on long-past viewing of Petshop of Horrors. Then other fics that I just didn't have the drive... maybe time? to write, even after thinking it through. Too many thought experiments.
Now I have to go and see what I can salvage of my blind_go fic.
16 August 2006
Tryfanstone has written this utterly beautiful fic Nettle Soup and Gooseberries, a Snape/Harry fic that thrills with its honesty and delights with the touches of lightness within its solemn voice. The use of insertion is new for Tryfanstone, but it fits her startling passages of narrative well. It makes for such wonderful reading that I'm overwhelmed, and I'm already reading it for the third time. I think one of the reasons I have such a strong liking for Snape/Harry pairings is because of Tryfanstone's fics. She outdoes herself again and again.
Come to think of it, it's usually the fics that persuade me to pairings. Tryfanstone for Snape/Harry, Maya for Draco/Harry--though not always; I still don't get Sirus/Remus. Then sinsofwill for Atobe/Jirou, Aki for Momoshiro/Ryouma... maybe that's why I don't read pairing fics that much--because unless I already care for the pairing, it doesn't resonate with me. Then I read a fic that determines the pairing for me. It all comes down to the writing, I guess. More than that; the way the writer deals with the dynamic of the relationship is really important for me. There must be give-and-take, even in unequal relationships (as in schooldays Snape/Harry, though those aren't my favourites): even if one person's doing all the taking, so as to speak, the other person's giving up something too. And if it's an equal relationship, either must get something out of it--the tension flavours the entire fic, and gives it substance.
Further to Hikago brainstorming... would a fic about a haunted Go Institute work? I guess it could be a horror story, but at the end it would be a story about how we're all haunted by different ghosts. Muri had the most intriguing comment, about how Hikaru is the one person who longs to be haunted but can't get that. She's right, and it is what makes Hikaru's loss so sad. I mean, he knows for sure the dead can come back, but they (Sai) don't come back to him. Sounds fun to write, but can I actually write that? I mean, do I have the capability for that? Err... I'd almost rather have someone write it, except I feel irrationally attached to this fic bunny.
Paraphrased from Mirror Dance:
"No, Hikaru is not all we have of Sai. Hikaru is all we have left of Hikaru."
I'm at a loss at how to use this line. It almost seems to fit into a third-party POV fic, probably one where someone is discussing Hikaru, and yet it could fit into a conversation with Hikaru as well. I've had this line in mind for so long, but still haven't found a home for it.
15 August 2006
Leareth updated with "Hunter", a sidestory of her Nukume Dori
. Nice, but I wanna chapter 11! I guess it's fun to have Seishirou's perspective on things, but the more entertaining is really to find out what happens next!
30 July 2006
Signed up for the blind_go community few days back. Supposedly, you write a Hikago fic, and other people get to read it and guess who wrote it. I get to do the same thing. I'm a bit nervous about this part, as I think I won't be able to identify people all that well. I'm quite terrible at names, too. But how can I resist being part of something that adds more Hikago fic to the fandom????
Maya updates with chapter 14 of Quality of Mercy, and it is an outstanding development. I mean, it's one thing to pile tragedy upon tragedy for the angsty effect, but it takes solid skill to build Narcissa's death into the plot, while letting it reverberate with emotional impact for Draco, Harry, and all the other characters. I grow in awe of Maya all the time. She has to publish in RL soon, so I can recommend her to people who don't care to read fanfic.
18 July 2006
Tari's Genius, about Fuji Syusuke (of PoT) is weirdly nostalgic. Not for me personally, but I remember all the tales my friends told of going to university and finding out that they're not that special after all. This is what happens to Fuji: little by little, he's becoming ordinary. Oh, well, there's a Chinese saying: xiao shi liao liao, da wei bi jia, which describes it in a rather heartless way.
Though I admit it never really happened to me. It was interesting to find people who also liked literature in university, but duh, I was taking lit classes. And for most of my classes I naturally assumed that I'd be good at some and bad at others, so it all evened out, no? Guess it's easier since I'm not a genius.
Read Aspen's chapter 1 of A Summer Like None Other. Hm. Don't like it as much--too much backtracking, and Draco doesn't make a good narrator in this chapter. Maybe because of the backtracking.
16 July 2006
Listening to Alan Luo's "Clown Fish" which, while unwillingly reminding me of Finding Nemo, has a nice melody that got stuck in my head. Besides, the lyrics (always the decisive factor for me in songs) are certainly... It's supposed to be about unrequited love, as are most of these songs, but the protagonist puts a twist by comparing himself to a clown fish who is watching his beloved. I think what resonates most strongly are the lines "I can't close my eyes" and "my tears flow in the transparent water". Which is literally true if you're a fish (and if you cry) and yet poignant at the same time. Also, rather screamingly funny. And sad.
Read Maya's final chapter to If You've a Ready Mind, loved it. She manages to pull a great ending (Harry/Draco) from the events of HBP, and make it funny and serious at the same time. There's something so right about Harry ending up with Draco, even Death Eater-ish Draco (who does reform). Quality of Mercy was also updated with chapter 12, and wow.
I think one of the many things that Maya does really, really well, is that she can write happiness. Funniness, well, that comes naturally to her... angst--well, you expect that in lots of HP fic. But she has the knack of writing happiness without it being sappy--usually happiness in the midst of danger, the precious quality of that moment of joy--and this is what makes me root for her characters no matter what. Beautiful.
13 July 2006
Ooof. Has plainly been more than a while. Just have been pressed for time, in so many ways, I guess. Let's see... exams, and by the time they were over, I admit that I didn't want to anything that took effort. But still, a two-month hiatus is extreme.
Have been reading some of the fics from a list of Powerful!Harry fics. Now, since I like Harry the hero, the idea of an extra-powerful Harry is rather attractive. Besides, how is he going to defeat Voldemort if he isn't? The problem, though, is that many of the versions I read come up with a version of Harry who is far too mature and self-possessed for my liking. Yes, a dose of maturity isn't amiss in fanfic, but the Harry in canon isn't known for adult-like maturity, or nice, useful traits like forethought, strategy, logical thought, or even the ability to speak subtly. Nope, Harry is rather careless, and forethought isn't really there. He's just lucky, in many ways, and a quick thinker when he gets into difficulties, but otherwise... subtlety is out, too.
I mean, just to take an example, Viridian's fic, Harry Potter and the Nightmares of the Future Past, where Harry, after defeating Voldemort, finds that everyone he knows is dead, and decides to go back into the past. Pretty interesting, as plot devices go--you actually get to eat your cake and have it: write an AU, with a plausible explanation for why Harry seems to be more powerful and less 'stupid' this time. Still, not something I necessarily want to quibble about. If the story's fun, even a cliche is good. But this Harry is just... too mature. Too conniving. Sly. Even if it's for a good cause.
What kills me is that the writing works! The prose is workable, and tells a story reasonably well. But the characterization... guh.
The very cute Snape's Invisible Friend is fun to read too. Reminds me faintly of Mine in tone. But, gah, this has to be one of the most implausible nice!Snape ever. I'm all for rehabilitating Snape, but I really do not think that Snape hated the Death Eaters and joined only because his stepfather, who was also beating his mother, demanded it. Or that he was sympathetic towards werewolves. I can take that he took an instant liking to Harry the abused toddler (oh, bring it on, cliches!) and perhaps, his character changed to become a better, more protective person. With a large pinch of salt, that's acceptable. As I said, cute, even. But you do not turn Snape into waffly-fluffy Snape. Snape does not stop wearing black, ever. Snape is not nice. Even if he turned into an acceptable, likeable person in his adulthood, he'd still be standoffish, prejudiced about odd things (but trying to overcome them, if you really wanted to make him a better person), and unable to resist making a nasty remark now and then. He's got that kind of personality, and to say he changed out of recognition just because his heart softened and melted after meeting baby Harry is just plain nuts.
It's rather sad then, isn't it, that I can't stop reading this.
9 May 2006
Read If and And by Ciceqi. Wow, I love Nataku. I
guess the second part is more fanservice than anything else, but If was
excellent in telling the story of what happened once they finally reached
Gyouma's castle (?) and the first that it involves. I like the way she
writes Sanzo so much--a man cold enough to see the Truth, and intelligent enough
to accept it, and to live with it.
25 April 2006
I suppose it says a lot about me that given an afternoon to myself, I could
have studied, or worked on fic, or read a book, or watched anime, but I cleaned
the house (mostly). The pleasure of being alone in the house and having
actual tasks to accomplish is really quite unrivalled by most other
self-indulgent activities I can think of. I put on the dvds of Hikago, and
swept and mopped and scrubbed with the volume turned up so I could hear it even
when I was in the other rooms.
Got fic scenarios like whoa. When I tried to scribbled them down, my cramped fingers made it look almost illegible. Fortunately I have this special talent of reading my own handwriting, however bad. But it was good to clean away the dust and grime. The only part that hurts now are my toes. Hm.
Wrote a drabble after I was done. See?
Also read Nefarious Devices by Basingstroke, yet another Sentinel fic. Great dialogue. At this point, I think the Sentinel folder on my 'assorted fandoms' folder is now larger than any other 'assorted' fandoms I have in there.
Read a really depressing HP fic (Snape is Harry's father) yesterday. Gah, I knew it was playing on my feelings, but... Must note down title.
23 April 2006
Chapter 96 of A Year Like None Other. Oof. Didn't really
like the Aran v. Snape, as it was fairly obvious what the outcome was. The
only interesting spot was the way Harry understood himself better, and his
happiness that Snape was standing up for him. I liked that a lot.
20 April 2006
Things read lately:
Maya's chapter 9 of Quality of Mercy!!!
I love the way she brings in the fact that Ginny, for all her loyalty/devotion to Harry, isn't mature enough to realize that helping to defeat evil isn't some grand gesture, but rather tedious hard work--something that Ron, Hermione and even Draco understand--and that is why she isn't part of the inner circle, as it were. Beautifully done. And with the way he and Draco and Charlie rescue the children, working together (and yet another of Harry's realization that Ginny just can't cope) and thinking not of any feud but only of rescue... again excellent.
19 April 2006
Pru's meme is somewhat bothering me. Basically, she asked what people
thought of her and her fic based on her LJ. Hm. I don't know if
she's being serious in that she wants some frank opinions, and I thought
about leaving a comment, but I'm just too non-confrontational. Besides, I
really don't wish to announce my presence... and I'm supposed to be projecting
this lofty ideal of not being bothered by trivialities, right? Right?
Yup, delusional mode on with a vengeance.
Just glanced at my notes. It has:
As an individual--she's what makes America so attractive to so many: slavish in her enthusiasm, fierce in her convictions, creative, resourceful, gregarious (or social?), and very good in what she sets out to do.
As a writer--intensely sensuous, with lovely, well-shaped turns of phrase, beautiful characterizing (rather than characterization???), with a strong journalistic voice and an outstanding authorial style, accompanied by at times a rather distinctive declaratory (or do I mean declamatory? I can't read my own handwriting) slant.
Ugh. Look at that, I sound so offensive. I can't even say nice things without sounding sarcastic. Thank goodness I didn't post it anyway; I'd be getting that mental dagger at the side of my head. She probably wasn't serious anyway. I can't imagine asking for someone to tell me what they think of me. (Actually, I can: it's the subject of my bad dreams, as though I don't castigate myself enough when I'm conscious!)
Hm, this actually makes a good fictitious style, should I wish to describe a character who is a writer one day. I think this has so much to do with my own conflicting views on writing. Or am I too easy affected by what is shiny and popular? Possibly the second.
13 April 2006
I think I should make it a rule of thumb never to contemplate the state of
my own writing at 3 am. I make zero sense. From notes:
5 things I know about writing (and 5 I don't)
1) Write what you believe. Or was it believe what you write? Sounds horribly idiotic and fuzzy, doesn't it? It's a belief (hah, pun) that I hold to. Or should that be principle? For as long as I've been writing. Imagine my shock when I discovered Strunk and White had similar advice. I mean, gah! You mean I'm not the genius who thought that up?
2) Integrity. Never misrepresent your writing, no matter how tempting. If you can't admit a certain scenario to yourself, don't write it. Maybe that's why I don't do the 'prompt me to write a drabble' thing--I'm too scared that I'd be asked to write something I hate, and yet I'll do it... peer pressure or something.
3) Words are bricks. Building blocks. Or something like that. Never blow smoke unless it's smoke you want. Don't smoke for the hell of it. Build!
4) Normal names, for a given value of normal. Call another character Sereniaphenia or Marissa-annelynity and I won't believe what you write. I just won't.
5) Uh... scraping the bottom of the barrel here. It's easy to tell I know zero about writing. Um. Consider the audience. Because you're writing for someone, even if it's just yourself.
Okay, now we get to the negative stuff!
6) I don't know how to construct a plot. It's so goddamn pathetic because I like plot, and I write fics that have a semblance of a plot. But the plot is not contingent on character or setting or anything like that. It's just some stuff that happens.
7) I don't know how style appears. I don't know how to make it have a style. It's just this big group of grade 6 vocabulary words.
8) I don't know how to tell a story the way I want! The way I imagine it to be, exactly right, the right note and the right words. I'm still learning and thus am ignorant.
9) I don't know how simple, ordinary words can evoke emotion like that. I stand in awe of writers who can, and have done so.
10) I don't know why, despite decent plot, characterization and other stuff, I still find myself turning away from some fics. It has to be the writing, right? I mean, you can't really get the psychic hatred over the internet, or from mere words. So why am I apathetic to certain fics?
11) I don't know genius.
Okay, so that's more than 10.
11 April 2006
Reading so much The Sentinel fic it isn't funny. I don't really know
why, except that the dynamic's fun to play with. Hm, I think this marks
another fandom which I have never watched, but have read loads of the associated
fic: much like The Professionals.
6 April 2006
AU PoT fics, Ryoma in some other school. Three to date: Hyotei, Rikkai and
Fudomine. The one in Hyotei is in fact the weakest of the lot, despite it
receiving the most raves. I base this on the fact that I remember nothing
of it, except for a few lines of Atobe being arrogant and something of a
show-off, and wanting to show Ryoma how to be... I dunno, triumphant?
Leader-like? Just my impressions. Rather gummy effect, on the whole.
The Rikkai was pretty good, especially in the interaction between the
characters. Some great lines. Tries too hard at certain points, and
strangely silent on other salient angles (what I consider to be salient,
anyway). I mean, Kirihara and Ryoma being friends, good. Ryouma
evaluating Yukimura, Yanagi and Sanada, somewhat extraneous.
The one in Fudomine has the best story, though the technical part isn't as robust as I hoped. But good story makes up for everything. Good interaction between characters, and particularly in showing Ryouma's own conclusions about the situation--without being obvious about it, too. Winning and losing and learning--beautiful combination.
31 March 2006
Chapter 95 of A Year Like None Other. I dunno, I'm really more
interested in knowing when the next chapter will be up. I know, it's awful
of me, to think that. This fic has become almost like a friend, with all
the regular updates and so on. But this chapter, while still enjoyable, is
starting to make me feel that I need the end in sight, because I kept wondering
where it was going. I don't really care how Snape will deal with Aran, I
just want school to be over! Yeah, maybe it's just reader's fatigue.
25 March 2006
After Black Heart yesterday, I got to thinking. Yoh/Anna are
just so perfect a pairing that I find that I cannot genuinely accept any slash
or yaoi fic that features either of them. I like yaoi and all that, and
for not a few of my fandoms, I'd happily take the "everyone is gay" route (GW,
WK, X/1999, PoT...) But there are some canon couples that are just so
right that I scoff at slash. My favourite het (and canon!) couples:
24 March 2006
I read Obakesan's Black Heart today. A Shaman King fic, with
stupendous style, great characterization, telling an excellent story. Upon
reading it, I instantly stopped feeling whiny because I was so delighted and
impressed. There was no room for envy--well, a tiny bit--because I liked
it so much.
I'm actually quite pleased that I wrote Thinking at Night. It was like scratching an inch, that I finally managed to use my sequence of "Shush" and "Yes, Tachibana-san." I didn't get Shinji's voice as well as I hoped, though. I guess it was okay, but it could have been much better. Gah. Live and learn.
I'm wondering whether it's moral or ethical to write PoT fic and make Tezuka the villain. Hm. I mean, it's rather contemptible to bash a character in a fic just because I, personally, don't like him. But. I see no good coming of him in the future. He's a great buchou--with mad tennis skills... actually, too mad, considering he's supposed to be the voice of reason (well, except for the dinosaur-killing tennis) in the junior high tennis world. Well, as much a voice of reason he can be, which isn't much, because 15 year old boys are not, in my experience, all that sane to begin with. I think it's hormones. Girls either get emo or terribly self-conscious, and boys... Yes I know I'm over-generalizing here.
But back to Tezuka. I mean, I've already ranted (mini-ranted? see below) about Steward inserting her morality into her Sentinel fic, so clearly it's a position I wouldn't want to find myself in. But. But. Tezuka. Good captain, cares for those under his charge, protective in his own distant, block-of-wood way, killer tennis skills, with an odd penchant for hiding those said skills, for example, by playing with his right hand. Though my mind boggles at Genius 271's revelation that he's had had those skills since 2, 3 years ago (hence why even Oishi didn't know), because the temerity of Konomi drawing another 12 year old with killer tennis skills that are even better than Ryouma is a prospect that leaves me inwardly fuming. I am not cheered by this instance of super-prodigy!Tezuka. Rather, I think it's setting Ryouma up for an eventual win over his captain, which may well propel him upwards too quickly for my narrative taste. (Not to mention the side-effect of elevating Tezuka above what is needed for narrative purposes: the point of Tezuka is that he's the Buchou and he's Serious About Tennis, isn't it?) I don't have any objections to Ryouma winning, but doing it this way is akin to pulling out a sack of Senzu beans at the last minute and proclaiming that it's okay, you can come back from the dead anyway. And that is unfair to Ryouma. Besides which, this surprise is too cheap. "And this is why everyone's attention has been on Tezuka!!! Ta da!"
So, okay to write him as villain or not? Part of me really, really wants to make him some big bad evil bastard, but I think at the end I'll still have to acknowledge that he's just Doing His Best, in a good-intentions-paving-the-way-to-hell kind of way. Well, brainstorm and see how it goes, then.
I still think he's too controlling.
I wanna an electric erhu.
23 March 2006
Although I'm not much for music--listening to, that is--I find that I do
have this habit of using songs as theme songs, or to create moods, for certain
fics. I mean, Unfolding Fan would have never been written if there was no Huang
Shu Jun's "1997". The note of nostalgia, and what-could-have-beens in the song
were so essential for building up (for me) the atmosphere of adult Hikaru and
Akira, what happened than and what now, and the indication of an ongoing
journey, that even now I can't imagine the story without it, even though nothing
of the song appears in it.
Someday I'd love to write a song based on "Yi Zhan" (Halfway Station), because even if HSJ only spoke the story, it's such a haunting and poignant narrative that it just calls to be a base note in another story. Harry Potter? Or Hikago? It wouldn't suit 'N-Floor'...
And the other one in planning proposes to make use of Jay Chou's "Feng" (Autumn leaves?) It'll take place in the autumn too, and have red as a theme. Hmmm.
20 March 2006 : A rant
So, yeah, I know it's totally unfair and horrible of me--not to mention
being cowardly by only noting this here instead of confronting the person
responsible--but Aja. Stop with the Tenipuri spaz-out. No, really.
I'm ceasing to feel sympathetic or amused, and am starting to feel
murderous. So murderous, in fact, that I have the urge to write Tezuka as
a horrible, macho-posturing OOC who falls in love with a sparkly yet abusive
Mary Sue and kills Ryouma for being attracted to him. Then
the dinosaurs come back and chew him (Tezuka) up, particularly his stupid left
arm. Then he stops playing tennis and gets his law degree, but becomes an
ambulance chaser.
I mean, is it not enough that she goes on and on about how much she loves PoT and wants everyone and his best friend to love it too, she peppers her posts with "I will cry" if people won't read PoT fic and fall in love as well. Stop whining. Really, stop. Dude, not everyone likes anime okay? Ryouma is twelve years old, Tezuka is fifteen going on sixty--there are people who are totally not into this stuff. There are people who like adults falling in love--or even older teens falling in love. Sometimes it's fun to have couples that deal with the minutiae of life, or couples that catch thieves, or couples that used to be Gundam pilots, or couples that are FBI agents. Or hah, even couples who are wizards. It doesn't have to be PoT or nothing. The relentless flogging of PoT on her posts are fatiguing me. I know, I know, don't like don't read, right? But I like her posts because she recs interesting PoT fics. I'm more than happy to read fics, really--I just cannot take it that she acts like (seems like to me) a series of persistent spam mail telling me how this shiny new thing called PoT will change my life. No, I don't need tennis viagra, thanks.
And when she sounds like PoT is the best discovery ever, I get pissed, because yes, PoT is very popular and fun, but it is not the end of the world if other people like other stuff. Like 12K. Or HnG. And Initial D, which I initially (heh) believed to be for car-obsessed males only, only to find myself being fascinated by it. Yeah, I'm still perplexed by some racing/car-focused episodes, but hey, a sense of mystery is essential to any relationship. But I digress. Yup, I get this childish reaction when she goes on and on about PoT and how great it is, because you know what? I was into PoT long before you, nyah nyah nyah! And I consider myself entering the PoT fandom late (the manga started in 1999), because of this wimpy resistance to tennis. I remember the days when I first got into PoT, when it wasn't so much rabid yaoi yaoi yaoi and gay gay gay. Yes, I get it, they are gay. So? Next, please! Gah. It's quite irritating to have this spokesperson come in from elsewhere waving the PoT flag. Come to think of it, hm, my feelings towards new GW writers is a bit similar. I feel like they've usurped the fandom. The obsession is so very... obsessive.
I know, it's probably (most likely) my skewed sense of judgment towards fandom that's making me feel like this. But. Stop emotionally blackmailing me, and making it sound like there's something wrong with my anime spidersense (slash-sense?) just because I'm not into Tezuka/Ryouma.
Because while I can see very clearly how it might work, I can't conceive of a possible ending for this relationship other than angst of the worst kind. The life-and-sanity-destroying angst, the type you see on tearjerkers, the kind that makes people slit their wrists and erm, that is not what I want to see, never mind the fact that I really don't feel that they are they are that kind of people.
16 March 2006
Read C.D. Steward's Walking with Dark Angels, which uses elements
from Susan's GDP universe, but set in the far future. I found myself
liking her OCs far more than Jim and Blair--she had a good build up for Blair as
the Dark Guide, but it didn't go far after he was claimed by Jim, so I'm left
somewhat scratching my head. There's a better sense of closure with the
other two pairs of Sentinel/Guide. Her other stories are quite readable as
well. Steward's style is interesting: a lot of exposition, and she has
this weird author's note that she doesn't hold with stuff like political
correctness. Not sure what she means by this, unless one points out the
persistent use of the word "Jewess" to refer to Naomi, Blair's mother. Er.
What a clumsy word, and surely out of common use by now. If she has to
refer to the background of the characters, I do think "Jew" is more than
sufficient.
The bad: some turns of phrases are odd--perhaps she needs to use even more commas--and there are swathes of run-on sentences that give me a sense that she's hacking the thing out at times. She uses infodumps like paragraph breaks--really, I could do with not knowing about the specifics of interstellar travel, the house dynamics/politics and the backgrounds of certain prominent families, especially when they have nothing significant to contribute to the plot. It feels like she's creating the backgrounds for her AU but narratively, these backgrounds don't work so well in the actual body of the story. I think it would be better if she cut them and placed them in a file elsewhere instead of letting them clutter the story.
Besides, I don't admit Biblical Archaeology to be a valid discipline, though she has a character with this PhD. Particularly not in the 31st century or similar.
There's also the fact that her social theories and projections now sound a bit dated. Okay, so the bank account thing was off, but that's only a cheap laugh; it's not what really got to me. I mean, not that it's impossible (based on the view that virtually nothing is impossible), but I really do not think that the future of India and China will be one where the imbalance of girls has caused social chaos and instability, and that one day the female heirs of royal families (whoever they may be) will proclaim themselves rulers and take multiple husbands. First, I shudder to think which royal family will come out on top: I'm more familiar with China, and my general feeling is that however the Chinese feel towards the Qing dynasty, they are not likely to agree to think of Manchus as the royal/imperial house alpha. (Again.) And if you go into the previous dynasties then huge, huge messes in genealogy (not to mention the Mandate of Heaven shit) await the prospective empress. And the situation in India is hardly less tangled. Overall speaking, even if you don't think mixed-race marriages are going to be popular (which was the reason given for social instability due to boy-girl demographic imbalance, with boys finding wives from elsewhere), a technology that can cook up high-IQ kids can be easily used to produce children (and women!) for the women-starved populations of China and India, if it comes to that. Plus the overarching moral of her stories seems to be "Spare the rod and spoil the child"--not that I'm against this view, but it's kinda teeth-grinding to read about the nth villain who was a villain because he or she was spoilt as a child and used to getting what he or she wanted, and turned murderous as a result. There can be spoilt adults whose behaviours are thoroughly reprehensible, and yet did not turn into criminals! And there can be criminals who are so because they are weak, or greedy, or evil or because of other factors at work. I think that makes investigative stories more interesting.
I think her social and futurist theories need a dose of Bujold.
Still, I enjoyed the stories. More power to her?
10 March 2006
Reading Sentinel fic, by Susan, cf crack_van. Why, why do these people call
each other 'chief'? It's confusing. To backtrack and explain, it's an AU where
Sentinels are alpha and the Guide are seen as second-class citizens and
dependant on the Sentinel. Okay... it's a kink of a sort, to read this
kind of implied dominant/submissive relationship, especially when the AU has
this concept institutionised in the universe. I mean, I'm enjoying it, because it is a
kink of mine. Nonetheless, when I see it, I still ask, WHY??! I mean, from
what I understand, the rest of the AU society is okay (well, mostly okay: the
tension comes from the fact that Jim Ellison isn't okay with it, nor is Blair
Sandburg) with the idea of physically and publicly humiliating the Guide, giving
the idea that they are less than animals. I mean, even if one thought of
Guides as less than human, in this universe, logically speaking, as the
'superior' human race, you'd still want your er, pets? slave? children?
dependants? to be happy and contented, right?
And they don't get paid. That makes zero economic sense! How can a society function like this, given that it's a human, however second-class you're talking about?
Never mind. It's a rant.
Read Maya's If You've a Ready Mind part 8, the one where Draco is in Ravenclaw. The meshing with HBP was very fine, and more refreshing to read, mainly because I'm anticipating what happens next.
8 March 2006
Tryfanstone's Black Story. Excellent, gorgeous style. Hm,
the images were extremely vivid--loved the idea of repairing books by spinning
the ruined pieces. She writes Harry/Snape like an dark, evocative dream:
sometimes pain-filled and full of horrors, yet delicate and powerful,
unflinchingly tender--and underneath it all, there's a narrative that is as
moving as it is satisfying.
What I really admire is the dynamism her writing has: you might say it's too oblique, too heavy on the imagery, too angsty, too dense--and indeed, I've thought these things at one point or another while reading, but when I went to pin it down, it didn't really suit, either--but whatever happens, there is a story going on: there is a resolution waiting to happen, and however difficult the waiting stages, it's going to happen. And that's what makes Snape and Harry magical.
28 February 2006
Scoradh's HP fic, Dancing With Ben Hall, equals oddly and crazily
satisfying insanity, complete with open mocking of British and European royalty
and really, really delicious turns of phrases. I read it with sheer
envy-tinged enjoyment, yet with the feeling that I should be mocking this as
something really silly. And yet--I don't get the 'silly' vibe. The
'so bad it's good' vibe, maybe, but otherwise... I think it's good.
I enjoyed it. Enough said. And it's still in progress--yay!
More to expect in the future. Her Lucius is gold, her Draco glorious.
I guess I'm sometimes wary that people will turn around and think I have horrible taste. I mean, I get that my taste is questionable at times. Lengthy angst, implausible plot points, gratuitous sex and violence--I've read them and enjoyed them (at point of reading if at no other time), only to become horrified by it at other times. I dunno--there are people who see my lj, who see the links I put up, and think I'm reccing them. Which I am, in a way, but it's reccing with a huge cravat emptor: beware of my taste. I mean, if I think that a fic is really, really good, Good, I go nuts over it, as evidenced by the recs to Muri's fics, so that there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that everyone who like Hikago must read it. I frighten myself at times, heh.
Well... I do try. If I do think that the fic is bad, I tend not to link it. I don't link to fics I haven't read, or read and didn't like. Though I admit to being more critical on writers that are not to my taste, and conversely, rather lenient about fics by fic writers that I'm friendly with. I'm sadly biased. At least I admit it? And there are pairings that I actively avoid, no matter how good. All the Sirius/Remus fics, or Snape/Sirius fics, or Remus/Snape fics. Or Sirius/Harry. Or Remus/Harry. Yeah. I hate Sirius and Remus.
Aja has been drumming up a lot of awareness of PoT, which by turns amuses me and awes me, because she does have a large network of acquaintances and friends, and high name recognition, and it tickles me to know that lots of people are finding their way into the PoT fandom and discovering people like Atobe. (ATOBE I STILL LOVE YOU.) Especially people who are not normally into anime--which promises to be an interesting spectacle as they assimilate magical tennis and the insane PoT movie.
The thing that I find is a little... one-sided, is that because Aja's favorite pairing is Tezuka/Ryouma, she's pushing it very hard, and reccing only Tezuka/Ryoma fics (I think all?) on her lj. Which she is perfectly free to do, of course. I appreciate reading fics by new writers, even of a pairing that I cannot normally contemplate without a reflexive wince. I'm glad so many people like Ryouma, anyway. And I do like decent writing. And it's fun watching this mini explosion of Tezuka/Ryouma fic in the fandom. But I do wish there are more Hyotei pairings. Like with Atobe.
Facing Forward, by Striking Sparks, is original in that it had Tezuka going to US for a tennis camp and meeting Ryouma there. Hm. At least it's a break from the stream of high school fic I've been seeing.
Good pacing, and not too obvious on the romantic angle--I mean, I probably wouldn't have called it a Tezuka/Ryouma fic, except until the very end--which is quite palatable: the number of T/R fics out there that have Tezuka milling about in a daze and finding 'suddenly' that he is in love with Ryouma is really rather astonishing. I mean, is Tezuka (and teenage boys) really this angsty?
Wouldn't call it 'achingly beautiful', though, which was one of the comments I read. It's not 'beautiful', something I'm grateful for; I'd rather have good, solid writing. I mean, if you think about it, Tezuka isn't 'beautiful'. Nor is Ryouma. Tezuka, aka block-of-wood, is powerful, the yardstick against which all the other players in PoT measure themselves--as a character, he's supposed to define superiority (but not in an offensive way), determination and strength. 'Beautiful' seems like a poor consolation prize when used for his personality. I find it more persuasive when the writing suits the subject, but then that's me. Oh, well.
(Just wait. One day I will write my Momoshiro/Ryouma fic and sway some people into my camp.)
I'm writing Enter the Phoenix fic, and making up names for the characters whose names I don't remember. It's pathetic, truly. I deserve to be relegated into that camp of writers who do zero research--like on the name of the main characters--and probably tarred and feathered.
20 February 2006
I guess it's weird that for all that I claim to be somewhat good at English,
I cannot abide English music. Not music from England, mind--music that is
sung in English. Which I think cuts me off from large segments of my
friendlist, who listen to large amounts of pop/rock/whatever it is that they
listen to. I mean, clearly I like some English songs: a few
Christmas carols, Andrew Lloyd Webber, the songs I sang in choirs years back, a
number of Child folk ballads, and some pop love songs that have been played on
every radio for the past year(s). But they got into my head by sheer
incidence: if it were up to me, I'd have never touched one with a ten-foot pole.
I dunno why--listening to people singing in English simply seems odd, and wholly
unintelligible to me, not to mention being really distracting--overall, don't
get it and am not interested. Musically speaking, Mandarin pop isn't
superior (much) but I'd listen to it. This becomes a weird situation where
I write fanfic in English while listening to Mandarin pop. And it's rather
sugary pop--the chart-toppers, and the like. Hm.
14 February 2006
Maya's chapter 8 of Quality of Mercy (finally!), which is splendid
and makes me sigh in delight. I love Maya's consummate skill at tying up
threads of conversation and themes, her beautifully sensitive nuances and the
sense of pace and rhythm. What is particularly interesting is that she is
somehow able to write a dislikeable Harry--or at least, a Harry with dislikeable
traits--without making me feel out of patience with Harry. Perhaps it
because Harry engages with the surrounding no matter how big his head gets.
And her Draco is just- plain good. I look forward to the Draco/Harry
relationship in her fics not simply because she can make their relationship
beautiful and painful and angsty--as in every other Harry/Draco fic you
read--but because she writes it as a relationship that seems to will itself into
existence. I never feel like I have to twist their character around to
believe in the slash--just seems like a natural progression, and that is very,
very nice.
Tryfanstone's An Evening at La Maison is quite, quite beautiful (I'm over-using this word) as well, because the subtlety is in every step, every nuance is as soft as air, but the narrative is relentless at the same time. Snape/Harry: she makes it look right--angsty without tearful, and with hope on the horizon.
The day of fluffy clouds isn't so bad after all.
13 February 2006
Stacy's Ryouma/Draco fic, delicious and utterly enjoyable. I love the
way she writes Draco, his arrogance which wilts into issues of self-esteem
around Ryouma--which makes me feel gooey and tickled pink at the same time.
29 January 2006
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2772882/1/ Tipping the Scale, by Stacy. It reads much smoother than before. I think what's striking about this fic is the measured way
she builds up to Touya's encounter with Count D, and the way she delineate the two worlds.
The two worlds clash, as in Hikaru's involvement with the Petshop, Sai, and
Touya's suspicion, and in the way Hikaru is drawn to what the Count can offer
(Sai), and in the way Touya himself is draw, to Hikaru , but you do it in a way
that preserves the integrity of both series.
26 January 2006
Read Just Desserts, a Hikago/Antique Bakery crossover, by The Hoyden.
Not familiar with the second fandom, but loved it just the same. Fluffy
yet without losing focus, and I loved it that a kifu cake could be completely
plausible, and that there was the mention of Touya's familiarity with the game.
I read this fic and I think, who really cares about anonymous writing memes when
there's writing as good as this?
25 January 2006
So, what does this mean? If I'm away from LJ, I stop commenting here
as well? Hmmm. I must admit, I still log in once in a while to check
out fic--damn this addiction!--and once to post a drabble. So it's been a
fractious time for me. I mean, I like my LJ. I like my f-list...
Speaking of LJ, I've been seeing a writer's meme going around. Well, two. One's rather interesting, though I'm not quite certain about the point of doing it: ten distinctive things about your own writing. I thought about that for a bit when I saw that, but as the chief characteristics of my writing are 1) bland, and 2) blander, I thought the less I drew attention to myself, the better. The other is an anonymous meme on the writers on one's f-list. Quite similar to the paranoia meme going around at Christmas, though I think this one is a little... unthinking. Because it's one thing to talk about your friends or f-list, and quite another to talk about another person's skills as a writer. I don't know why; it smacks of making professional criticism--but of the anonymous flavour. I dunno why it seems to be worse that way, but maybe that's just me. I mean, you can talk about people's personality, because a lot of that is subjective, but to critique their writing without giving a name to it... seems beyond the pale.
Though the way these memes go... except for the anonymity, they sound quite similar to the way I rave about my favourite writers, so I find myself searching for a reaction--"Uh-huh, uh-huh... so?"
So plainly it's interesting to think about, but there isn't much to react about it, is there? Hm.
Am straining my tiny brain trying to conceptualize a fic. Just the fact that I'm using a word like 'conceptualize' should be really ironic, and probably ridiculous, because I have this aspiration of writing a big-concept fic, but when it comes to planning the nitty-gritty details, I find that I am bored to death, and would rather sketch the best way for Hikaru to fall into a cake (or to jump out of one?) And yet I keep persisting. I mean, single plotlines bore me. Really, very, very much. When I read certain fanfics, especially the angsty sort, I sometimes find myself reeling in astonishment as how much the angst can single-line/dominate the entire narrative. And I like angst, given good writing and characters I like. And it's pleasant reading. Touching. Heart-wringing. Then I think, wait, a person can go through life thinking and feeling so much. I can't imagine it. I mean, I can see it in the words on the screen, but I can't take it in except in a highly stylized, overwrought manner.
I think that's why fanfic is fanfic. There's that element of projected angst that really quite inward-seeking. Well, it has to be inward because otherwise there'd be accusations of mis-characterizations and unrealistic-ness. It's an element that original fiction doesn't have to deal with. I guess that's why I like my crazy soap opera so much.
15 January 2006
I wanna read some 1x2 fic. Something sweet and funny and not too
girlish or sissy. It's kind of sad, really, that now that I no longer keep
up with the fandom, I don't recognize, or feel enthusiastic about the new
writers, and therefore I get fewer and fewer fics that I want to read.
Will this ever happen with Hikago, I wonder--though probably not right away,
because I'm still hugely interested in it--but in the future? It gives a
feeling of trepidation because the Hikago fandom isn't as big as, say, GW, and
it's more reassuring if there's a big fanbase, because then it keeps growing,
and more fic. Someday someone will write that Isumi/Le Ping fic. It
might even be me. Hey, wait a minute, this is giving me an idea...
12 January 2006
I was re-reading Pru's fics today. When she's good, she's really good,
though sometimes I think her style suffers from journalism-itis, or something.
When I first came across her fics, I kept feeling as though there was something
she was trying to do--other than the telling of a story, I mean--and only
recently I've realized that she writes as though she wants to bring me into the
thoughts, and under the skin of her characters. This sensuous quality is
her strength, and there's no denying that it works beautifully, because it's as
though you end up being that character, empathizing with them with almost
visceral intensity. It's an intense reading experience.
What I found slightly unpalatable--and this has to do entirely with my personal prejudices regarding personal space and privacy (which translates to the fact that I'm somewhat socially incompetent and would run screaming from most sorts of close physical contact)--what made me a little twitchy was the fact that there is no distancing. It's like I can see the character so well, right into what he ate for supper the day before, and the last time he rented a smutty video. And these sorts of input are conveyed through an intent, observing writing persona that is as encompassing as it is... er... sticky. Being the sort of person who likes being a recluse and likes fading into the background when I am not required (and even when I am), I feel weird about it. It's almost like watching a feelie show. Honestly! I like emotional intensity in fic, I like it that sometimes fanfics make me feel like crying, but I also like blandness and distance.
Once I had this idea, it was astonishing how often it crops up in Pru's fic. In my favourite Bruno and Boots On the Road fic. In the Smallville ones. I dunno about the SGA ones, as I've read only a few fics in that fandom. I think that's why her fics are so attractive. Hm.
8 January 2006
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.html Reading
Da Vinci Code. Continued in
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/001628.html More on Dan
Brown's writing
http://lookingglass.lightgetsin.com/ads10.html Miles, I mean this in the best possible way: hahhahahha!!!!
6 January 2006
A Deeper Season: The 'hey' is pretty American, too. But I
confess I'm starting to be wary of the potential power issues that could ensue.
I know; I'm slow--I should have realized this would happen, but I didn't.
So. Hm.
So, further on lj, there was this anonymous comment "I hate Issen4 and svz_insanity", which actually makes me feel a bit guilty about Stacy. I hope it wasn't because of me that the hater linked the two names together. She doesn't deserve the hatred for fandom matters. Though I'm really quite surprised that I haven't come across people expressing open hatred of me before this--I really haven't been hanging out in the right communities or ljs, clearly. Practically speaking, it's hard to go about on the internet, not to mention lj, without being disliked at least a few times (with reason or without), so I'm astounded it's taken so long.
5 January 2006
A Deeper Season, again. This is not a fault-finding thing,
really. I'm just over-thinking it because I'm so addicted. It's not that I
find this to be perfect--there are tiny sections that don't jell with me, and
everybody grimaces too much. I think their facial expressions are too...
well, expressive. In the books, it's always been the small details and
actions that declaim the character's feelings--or perhaps I'm misremembering
them. Like the second chapter, where Miles tells Ivan, "I love him
already", which I find needlessly sappy. Then chapter four, where Gregor
says: "Perhaps, between us, we can learn not to be afraid at all." Hm...
It's American, that's what it is. The authorial voice, I mean... it comes
out American. (Though of course Bujold herself is American, but...).
It's not a slur on the quality of the work, mind you. It's just that the
range of responses, though, available to Gregor, not to mention Miles, seems to
smack of a more outwardly obvious emotional flavour, as one derived from a more
passionate and impetuous culture. A wider range. I dunno... my view
of the Vor is that they are more dour and conservative. And Ivan would say
"Aunt Cordelia" rather than "Cordelia"--also in that he's afraid of her.
Still enjoying it!
3 January 2006
Still terribly distracted by A Deeper Season. It's eating my brain.
Not to mention the experience of trying to decide how the writers integrate
Memory (only parts of it--those that don't have Laisa) into a plot which, in
the summary, should elicit gurgles of, well, giggles. I mean, Gregor, the
Emperor of the Barrayan Empire, wants to make Miles the Imperial Consort. It
boggles the mind.
But the way both writers get into the story, and into the plot, is very lovely. The style is a nice imitation of Bujold's own style, and the way the undercurrents--political, social, and now romantic (??!!??)--move in the conversations and encounters between the characters, especially Miles and Gregor, is simply fascinating. It's like a balance of 'copying' Bujold outright and... being fanfiction. I've friended both writers, that's how much I'm panting for the next chapters. It's supposed to be completed, and one chapter out, per day. I'm on chapter five. I'm... addicted.
I haven't been reading much of the other fandoms, even--that's how distracted I am.
1 January 2006
I'm reading chapter 3 of A Deeper Season, a Vorkosigan fic, Miles/Gregor,
by sahiya and eolianbeck.
Just the mention of that pairing makes me a little nervous. Because while
I'm neutral towards Laisa, I love Ekaterin, and I don't like the implication
that she won't end up with Miles. On the other hand, I'm wildly excited
about Miles/Gregor--I'd love to read about how Gregor finds (gets?) his beloved,
and more importantly, how Miles shifts into a mindset where such a relationship
would make perfect sense to his equanimity. And what it means for Barrayar.
Absolutely fascinating.
Tryfanstone's chapter 7 of Misrule is so very gorgeous, and I want someone like Duncan in my house. If I had a house like Methos. Or something.