Unknown Happiness:
The Smile in the Blissful Rain 

It's raining.

People always connected rains with depression and misery, perhaps because of the gloomy air that came with the raindrops. But I had other different reason.

All the worst things that happened in my life occurred when it's raining. Perhaps, the sky was crying before hand for me, as it knew that I was going to be sad.

Every time it rains, I wonder what kind of misery would come to me.

So it was another rainy day. It happened that I forgot to bring my umbrella with me, leaving me trying to cover myself hopelessly under my cheap plastic folder. I ran, looking for any place that I could shade myself.

I kept running, and I came across her.

It was the first time that I ever saw her, and I still couldn't forget the rampage I felt thumping hardly in my chest.

This could not be love, as I never believe at such a thing as 'love at the first sight'. Yet, she stood out from the crowd. My eyes could only see her.

She was walking, shading herself with an umbrella. Despite of the cool atmosphere, her crimson colored umbrella made her looked warm, even though the color was a bit too bright. But I did not care much about her umbrella. It was her soft expression that chained my feet to the ground.

If I were to point out her attractiveness, honestly I could not point of any. She had the plain look, common body, common clothes, but she still made me felt like clinging onto her.

I need to know this lady.

It was then I realized that she had walked far enough away from me. I even had forgotten to cover myself now that I was already drenched in the rain. I followed her.

On a rainy day, I found someone who could erase my uneasy perplexity.

How far is the distant that we could possibly in?
Tell me whether you're in happiness or in misery
Thinking of you enough to make me worry

"Your coffee, sir."

Surprised, I jerked and snapped away the letter I held in my hand. She frowned a little before walked away. Did I offend her? I'm sorry, but no one supposed to see this yet.

I still could not figure out what exactly was my feeling toward her. But I felt like she could help me in my search.

I was looking for my true love. I believe that everyone's true love was already chosen; it's up to us to look for that person. And I was still looking.

Seeing her made me felt like being closer to the one I'm looking for. Maybe she could help me find her. Then, I would present this letter to her. That was why I followed her till this place. I would come to see her everyday, figuring out about everything myself.

Amazingly, the rain lifted up my mood today.

And as I lifted my head, our gazes met. But she turned her head away before I could smile.

Let me see the lights in your eyes
The lights that I can't find anywhere else

I can't get near to you whom I love
Nor can I get myself to erase you
The only way for this worthless me
Is to keep waiting for you endlessly

I came again, this time, with mixed feeling.

The unexplained feeling ever since the first time I saw her had put me in denial. And now, I just realized it.

She was the one to whom I would present this letter.

I felt like being called, so I placed my eyes on her. To my surprise, she smiled at me. Of course I smiled back at her, because I always did.

I scolded my excited feeling in silence, as I reminded to myself, her smile could be just an obligation. I would wait to the day where her smile for me would be a smile from a lady to a man.

As this moment passes by
You probably living on forgetting about me
I am just another history

But for me, you are not something to be forgotten
As you have already become every part of me
Everything of you.

Unintentionally, I left my precious letter today, at that coffee house. Worse, it was already too late when I noticed it. It was already passed its working hour.

What if she read my letter? Could she guess it right away that it was written for her?

But, it would be wrong. I was not ready yet. The letter was not ready yet. It was not ready yet. That would be just wrong.

What if she rejected me right away?

Why, suddenly I began to miss her so much.

Little by little, deliberately you can come to me
I can always wait for that
Doesn't matter how long, I'll promise to wait

Yet to watch over you in distance
Not being able to hear your sweet endurance voice
How can I stand it any longer?
Please, why are you out of my reach?

"Your coffee, sir."

Surprised, I jerked and snapped away the letter I held in my hand. The girl frowned a little before walked away.

This seemed familiar, like a replayed scene, yet, with different actress.

She, whom I had been chasing, had gone.

I wonder if she read my unfinished letter. Maybe she could guess it was meant for her, and I scared her away. I didn't mean to harass you, I'm really sorry.

But, I longed to see her so much. What should I do? For now I could only wait for her while staring at her photos I snapped in silence, the one where she was laughing brightly.

Were you laughing at me? Were you mocking at my hopeless soul?

In sorrow I cry
Trying to wash you away from my mind
While you could be laughing as much as my fallen tears

Just come back to a place I can see you
I will always be waiting in that place
For you, I will

"Excuse me, sir? Sir, are you alright?"

The young waitress nervously asked the young guy - regular customer to be exact. He came everyday, sitting at that particular seat, watching outside with eyes filled with hope. He seemed to be getting weaker these days, though.

Why didn't he move? Did he fall asleep?

"Sir?"

She shoved his shoulder gently with her index finger.

He fell with a thud, followed by the sound of the pieces of the cup shattering.

He was unconscious.

As I am drowning in my own sorrow
As much as the tears dropped at the corner of my eyes
Please be happy more than that
That is all I ask

Then I shall try to forget about you
As much as I love you
Everything of you

They said if you cried too much then you'd ran out of tears.

Maybe she didn't cried that much yet. Her tears were still streaming down her cheeks, as she reminisce about her brother that she cared so much.

Her brother was sick, some problem with tumor. It was too late when they found out about it, and he decided to spend his days in his room.

She had been there for him almost all the time. And he kept telling her his story - story of his unknown angel. She could tell he loved that girl so much, seeing how he tried to be strong.

It was his strong will that help him fight the pain, his eagerness to see this girl even just for once again.

But now, even his strong will was not enough to help him.

She promised herself to let the girl know about his love. Even he was already gone, his pure love should be cherished forever.

And again, her tears plopped down as she continued weeping at the side of her dearest little brother's bed, which was then, emptied.

UNKNOWN HAPPINESS...
... the unknown, mysterious delight from the first time I see you.

- END -

inspiration:
'It's Been Raining Since You Left Me'
by H.O.T

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