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Louisiana Tourist Attraction Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg." Lying through your tooths If somebody accuses you of lying through your tooth, you might be a redneck. Monks Made a Mistake One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls. "You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these." "Can I see one?" "Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom--" All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees. "What? What does it say?" "Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!" Monster Mystery What has 72 arms and 36 heads an has an I.Q. of 12? A redneck bar on friday night Montana Ghost Story A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, How many people here believe in ghosts? About 90 students raise their hands. Well that's a good start, says the professor, Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost? That's really good, continues the professor, I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? That's a great response, remarks the impressed professor, has anyone here ever touched a ghost? That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost? asks the professor. The professor is astonished. The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The student replies, Ghost?!? Dang, I thought you said goats. Newlywed Redneck You could be a redneck if you were just married and you have nothing but empty Skoal cans strung from your bumper as you leave the church. North vs. South
Nutty Hunters Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all his life, but Steve was hunting for the first time. Joe told Steve to sit down and not make a sound. So he did. But when Joe got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said. "Well, I was when the snake bit me," said Steve. "And I was when the bear attacked me... but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat them or take them with us,' I screamed." Okie Jokie Q: What do they call pall bearers in Oklahoma? A: Carry-Oakies Post-Coital Redneck You might be a redneck if you smoke hams after sex. |