What do I do and how do I survive after I've been abused? No doubt, many of us are either asking ourselves questions or have asked ourselves those questions in the past. First off, let's define the word "abuse". The word "abuse" can be defined in several ways as followed: A corrupt practice or custom; improper or excessive maltreatment. That being the case, a good portion of those abused have been abused in more than one area which would explain why it is so difficult to not only overcome the hurt of abuse, but prevent the abuse from passing generation after generation.
When I was a child, the word "abuse" was seldom ever mentioned. If it was, it was all kept hush hush. Since then, times have completely changed for the better, as it is no longer considered a taboo subject. Even so, the victims of abuse feel a deep sense of shame and blame themselves. How do I know this you might ask? To be honest, because I was one of those victims. I was the quiet child, who until I got older, never had much to say. You might think that would attract people to notice, but people would merely say 'my isn't she a good girl.' I was so good, as it was put, that I did not know how to fight back. In my childhood, it seemed like the old adage was practiced, where children wer to be seen and not heard. Therefore, one bad thing after another happened to me. I wish I could say that things automatically got better when I grew up; however, they didn't because I didn't choose well when I married and had leftover garbage from the past. Coupled with my ex's own childhood garbage, it was a disaster waiting to happen. Needlesstosay, we divorced. While this didn't have to be the end result, since we weren't saved and never sought counsel it was inevitable.
Now, I have good news I must say. Our Lord Jesus Christ knows the perfect way of making lemonade from lemons. I know this to be true, because of what He has done for me. The only way to survive the hurt and the past is by falling at His feet and saying, 'Lord, help me.' This is exactly what I did. I blamed the perpetrators of abuse for every bad thing that ever happened to me. While they were responsible for the acts they committed and how it affected my life, I had to come to the realization that I was responsible for where I found myself in life. How could I expect to go on with my life, by living in the past and blaming others for my inability to cope? Simply put, I could not.
I needed someone who could help me through the grief of the loss of my childhood, the loss of the years of my adult life, and help me to forgive myself for wasting all those years of my life---the only one capable of doing that was Jesus Christ. He was and is the the only one Who could change me! This is not to say that counseling doesn't help, it does. Counseling helps us to talk throught our problems and opens our eyes to how things really are in our life. Still, the best place for answers to life's problems is in the Word of God and in a relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He knows how to take each lemon of our lives and make the perfect lemonade. It doesn't happen over night, and it's definately a one lemon at a time process. Even so, as long as we submit to Him, it can be done. Yes, I know that for those of us who have been abused the word "submit" has somewhat of a dirty ring to it. It quite literally means "to yield oneself to governance or authority". To those of us who have been abused, trusting someone is very difficult. And to be truthful with you, it is something I'm still learning. I take things one at a time as they come. Many times, I have to pray alot and read alot to further develop my trust in the Lord. He takes one or more of the lemons of my life at a time. And yes, sometimes it hurts. After all, there are many places in our lives that don't really want to be healed. And yet, there is no way that I would want to go back and be the frightened little girl I used to be; not at all. The only hope I had was that maybe one day I would die and then all the pain would be gone and I wouldn't hurt anymore. The Lord is making and has made so many changes in my life that I'm so glad He saved me and is continuing to change me from glory to glory.
In the next writing, I'll tell you about being the apple of my Father's eye and overcoming the anger and bitterness of the past. Please feel free to email me and follow the links to various abuse websites. |
