exam

read this and I guarantee 100% sucess, or your money back*

Tim's Exam and Revision Survival Guide: **

You Will Need:
? Tissues
? Vaseline
? Books
? Lots of Paper
? Cool music
? No Blink 182 for revision, so lock it away guys
? A Pen and Pencil, along with rulers, rubbers et-cetera
? Some good porn or a willing boy/girlfriend
? Good material. Also, make sure you get a good spread, it could get
monotonous.

Tips:
1- Make sure you plan your time:
      ? 1/2 sessions to be interspersed with
drink/shit/piss/wank/whatever-girls-do-when-they-masturbate breaks
      ? Do the subjects you don't like first, and leave all the
interesting biology till last. (Dammit, i wanted to learn how sheep had
sex)

2- Make sure you smell nice
      ? A smelly body = a smelly mind

3- Play your music very loud
      ? This will help you to forget why you were worrying. Hey! who
cares if Mr Smart forgot to teach us this bit, scratch that, sorry Mr
Smart forgot to teach us, it
         doesn't matter because everybody loves Green Day

4- Milk it
    ? Sorry, I can't cut the grass/load the dishwasher/wash the car/wash
the baby/wash the horse/shag the sheep - I have to do revision, and you
want me to do
        well don't you??!!

5- Use the internet
     ? And if you can't find anything on Whig policies 1830 - 1834, who
cares? www.lesbian-action.com is always worth a look, likewise
       www.xxx.oh-yes.i-love_sheep.com

6- Talk:
     ? If your friends are busy, then either:
          1- Get some new ones
          2- Call 09445 7884500 for free sex

7- Harness the power of your mind:
      ? Its a great thing, as I type this, I think of historical stuff,
like Mrs Stead. Brilliant.

8- 'Ad deum per discendum' (`To god through learning)
      ? 'Dear God; I know, I know, I haven't done any revision, but
please let the questions on the paper be easy and let me get a grade B.
Amen'

9- Eat
     ? Who cares if you weigh 33 1/2 stone, you got four Cs in your AS
levels

10- Believe in yourself:
     ? 'Damn I'm good at biology, so good, I don't have to revise'

Good Luck
(You're going to need it) ?

Tim (AKA AS Guru)

* Subject to an advance payment of ?100.00 ex. VAT, and a letter from
the Queen. Maximum claim ?1.00. You must claim before 23rd June 42BC.
This effects your statutory rights- sorry. At

** Written in co-operation with the Chief Examiner for the Allied Sheep
and Chinese Examinations Board (ASCB- Success through bestiality)

? At least 124% of this is a load of crap