Since I have yet to contribute to complete and illogical yankees hating, here is my contribution.

The big concern in baseball over the past years has been the rise in homers and batting average and the subsequent rise in ERA's and the number of games with football type scores. Everyone loves offense and a game with a lot of excitement but this is finally getting out of hand. Everyone has been writing about this from national to local papers and all the major sports networks have done several pieces on the home run boom. But I want to provide for all of you something different - the true explanation for the homerun boom.

Before I get to my explanation about the boom, let's talk about why the boom is doing a disservice to baseball. Commissioner Bud Selig may love all the numbers and highlight homeruns but all of this is bad for baseball in the long run. Think back just to the mid 80's when homerun champs came had to get on a hot streak at the end of the season to break 40 homeruns. The homerun ball was exciting. You came to the park to hope you caught a homerun ball, but there was no guarantee that you'd even see one in a game. It was that moment in the game where brute strength and skill met for a brief second in time to rocket the little white ball into the outstretched hands of screaming fans rooting for the hometown team. Now, it's not uncommon to see a game with more homeruns than doubles or even singles on occasion. The homerun, once a majestic feat for the strongest or the most skilled has become, dare I say, ordinary. Yawn. Ho Hum. Whatever.

To solve the problem, we first need to deal with the cause. Before we get to my ground breaking investigative journalism to air out the true cause of the homerun boom, let's go through some of the indirect reasons.

The ball is wound tighter - this is going to happen whenever you end Far East sweatshops and rely on machines. The machine will not build the ball like its human counterparts. The leather is pulled tight and core is wound even tighter to make for a more solid ball that is more "aeronautically" friendly. Also, machines create a ball that has much tighter stitches. Tighter stitches mean less ability to grip the ball by pitchers and less friction produced en route to the plate resulting in less movement of the ball. I.e., it's easier to hit a straight ball than one that's curving, sliding, breaking, knuckling or whatever it's supposed to do.

Bigger hitters - This one we can't complain about, it's a natural bias of the game. The stronger you are, the faster you can swing a bat. Unfortunately, the strength has little to do with throwing the ball. Pitching is 100% mechanics, otherwise there's no way out beloved 175lb wonder Pedro would have no chance of throwing 96 mph. WE can't complain about this one, we just have to commend batters for smartening up and working out to improve performance.

Smaller strike zone - Let's face it, big leaguer hitters are spoiled. In little league, the strike zone is knees to letters. The same goes for junior high, high school, legion and Babe Ruth. Something happens from there to the pros. Somehow, someway the zone changed to knees to the belt. This is making life easy on hitters. Did Teddy Ballgame, the Splendid Splinter himself have this paltry strike zone to work with? Nope. He's a man. He hit .406 with a real strike zone. I don't know how or why it happened, but we need to get back to the old strike zone.

And what is this about not being allowed to pitch over the inside of the plate as we saw with Pedro and the Indians. What's this pansy thought by hitters that pitcher shouldn't pitch inside? Many hitters today lurch so far over the plate that an pitch letter high, but still over the plate makes them hit the dirt to avoid getting some chin music. It's disgusting. All of these advantages the batters have acquired make this a game stacked against pitchers.

Finally, smaller parks - All I'm gonna say is that this is getting out of hand. It is required by MLB that all newly built parks contain outfield walls no closer to the plate than 325 feet. Enron field has a left field wall of 308 and San Fran's new park has one at 318 I believe. Pathetic.

Now that I've beaten a dead horse with arguments you've been inundated with for a year, let's get down to the real reason for the homerun boom. It's a conspiracy. It truly is. Bear with me. The home run boom has gotten out of hand in the last half of the 1990's. Who dominated baseball during this time? The Yankees. I declare that the homerun boom that is ruining our favorite game is a conspiracy of the Yankee organization in attempt to dominate the sport. They already buy the best roster, so what's a little conspiracy to spice things up.

Considering the Yankees have not exactly been a homerun powerhouse since Tino Martinez started trailing off at the plate, I can't explain the reason for the conspiracy. But this is the beauty of being a citizen of red Sox Nation and member of the Yankee Haters Club. I don't need to be logical. How can a red Sox fan be logical? We root for a team that keeps inventing new, heart-wrenching ways to loose. We love them not because we are band wagon fans, but because of ...well....I don't know why but we do, damn it! And that is the same reason that I know the Yankees are at the heart of baseball's greatest problems (see my first article blaming them for ruining the economics of baseball to buy world series trophies instead of winning them).

Seriously though, look at their leadership, George Steinbrenner himself. Notorious for his unscrupulous tactics and off the field composure. Would you trust him? I don't! Just ask Billy Martin. The man is capable of anything in his quest for World Series rings and doesn't care if he ruins baseball on the way to winning and creating the cash cow of a team the Yankees have become.

To coincide with my argument, here are other things that I personal blame on the Yankees. Again, I offer no proof or logic, and claim no responsibility for my words, I am merely professing the word of the Red Sox Nation Gospel.

JFK assassination : Hey, the Yankees were once called murderer's row - a very violent reference not to their homerun hitting but I believe their off the field hijinx.

Global Warming - Let's face it, NY City is filled with tons of angry, hot headed people. So when 50,000+ of them gather at Yankee stadium, all of the body heat created by their combined yelling and screaming and hatred and anger creates forceful heat to rise into the atmosphere, permanently changing weather patterns and creating global warming.

Start of the Cold War - in Beantown I've often heard the Yankees referred to as a bunch of communist pigs. That's right- witnesses folks. They said it not me. Communists were the other side of the cold war so that means the Yankees played a role in it.

End of the Cold War - Our winning ways at the end of the 80's and the first couple years of the 90's moved the world and motivated the masses to bring down communism and end the cold war. Don't you feel all warm and mushy?

Stockmarket crash of '29 - Who caused the crash of '29? Stockbrokers. What do they wear? Dark, pinstriped suits. What do Yankees wear? Pinstripes. That's right folks, blame them for the torture and torment your grandparents had to grow up in.

The fact that people wear pinstripes (ugly!) - The Yankees. Big Ass pinstripes on suits show to the world the horrible effects that bandwagon Yankee fans have on this planet. Shame on them...

Isn't Monica Lewinsky from New York? It just never ands.

Damn Yankees.

patdaddy@prodigy.net