| How do you get you viola section to sound like a horn section? Have them miss every note How do you get a French Horn to sound like a trombone? Stick your hand in the bell and lose all sense of taste. How many horn players does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he'll spend hoours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Why is the French Horn a divine instrument? Because a man blows into it, but only God knows what comes out! How do horn players traditionally greet each other? Hi! I played that piece last year! Hi! I plyed that piece in Junior High! A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?" "Nah," the first girl replied, "that dry, tight, tiny little pucker, it was no fun at all." The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back, her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Ugh!" the first girl explained. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!" The next night she went out with a French Horn Player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Well," the first girl replied,"his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!" What is the difference between a horn player and a conductor? Two measures! (When someone asks what instrument you play) So what instrument do you play? I play the Horn. The French Horn. God made some people Horn players. Others were not so fortunate. How many times does a horn player laugh at a joke? Once, when he hears it. How many times does a trumpet player laugh at a joke? Twice, once when he hears it and again when he gets it. How many times does a tuba player laugh at a joke? Three times, once when he hears it, once when it's explained to him, and once when he gets it. How many times does a percussionist laugh at a joke? He doesn't. He gets in a fight because he thinks everyone is laughing at him. How do you make a trumpet sound beautiful? Sell it and buy a French Horn. How do you get a Horn section to sound like a flute section? Have them miss every other note. |
| Warning: Some of these jokes suck...for now |
| HORN JOKES (MAINLY) |