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Last night the Art World was shocked to hear the news that controversial artist Damien Hirst had died. Hirst, 1995's Turner Prize winner, appears to have been working late in his studio when he apparently slipped and fell into a vat of his own formaldehyde and died. Hirst's agent, Jay Jopling, still visibly moved by the news, made a brief statement to the press this morning: 'As befitting the artists memory his final work, so to speak, willl go on display at the Tate Gallery, London tomorrow, and will tour towards the end of the year.' When asked what the title of Damien Hirst's last work would be, Jopling replied that Hirst's will actually stipulated that in the event of the artist's death his penis be put on display alongside the title: 'THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF THE ART WORLD TO RECOGNISE A USELESS PRICK WHEN THEY SEE ONE' Jopling's only comment was that Hirst obviously didn't expect his demise to occur so soon.
THEE DATA BASE, P.O.BOX 1238, GLASGOW, G12 8AB.
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'AN ART MOVEMENT IN YOUR BATHROOM'
AN Autonomous art Movement DEDICATED TO: 1. The Principle Of Uncreative Creativity. 2. The Promotion Of A 'Do It Yourself' Aesthetic. 3. The freedom to express all forms Of Individualism, (Even To The Point Of Imbecility). 4. the Manifestations Of Self-Love. 5. Holding A Mirror Up To Mother Nature. 6. The Building Of A Utopia Where Desire Can Live Hand In Hand With Freedom. 7. The Promotion Of Intimate Acts Of Non-Participation normally Considered Degenerate & Depraved By The Moral Majority. 8. The Celebration of nocturnal emissions. 9. The Celebration Of Solitude. 10. The Celebration Of The Flesh.
'Onanism: a journal of Desire Armed.' To secure your copy of 'Onanism' send a large S.A.E. to The Dadanarchists @ THEE DATA BASE
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the millenium for a million! - a bargain or buy yourself a time-share on the year 2000. for sale - prime site time
-"but why buy time?", i hear you ask.
-"i'm interested, Tell me more"
-"fascinating! but how do i get a return on my money?" you can increase the return on your investment tenfold by simply buying a whole decade, and if you take up our offer before the end of july you can buy two decades for the price of one and still pay nothing till next january! now that's what i call A bargain!! alternatively for the speculative investor There is the opportunity to make untold returns if you should choose from our wide range of epochs and eras on offer! or buy infinity and pay for it on the never never!
-"but what if i die before i can collect on my investment?"
-"i'm sold, where do i sign?" it is our duty to inform you that other people may be bidding for the same day and all sales of days are made to the highest bidder so return your catalogue with your bid immediately. remember a delay in returning your investment calendar, even by one day, is revenue lost and irrevocably reduces the earning potential of the future!
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the responsibility to ban this evil play and all other works by the sick and depraved author Willianm Shakespeare. It is our desire to see these foul abominations Publicly burned as a warning to others the public will no longer tolerate the vomit that is thrust down our throats that some call Culture, Art & Literature It has been revealed that Macbeth, the sadiostic work of Sixteenth Century playwright William Shakespeare was the favourite book of Stephen Wilkinson, the fucked up schizo psycho who viciously stabbed to death a defenceless 12 year old schoolgirl in March 1995. Schizo Wilkinson carried a copy of Macbeth with him everywhere and tragically so on that fatal day when he marched into Hal Garth Comprehensive school in Middlesbrough carrying in his holdall three knives, a hatchet, a Colt 45 replica revolver and a copy of Macbeth. Wilkinson, it has also been revealed, had pinned a quotation by Jonathon Swift to his bedroom wall, describing humanity as 'pernicious race-odious little vermin'. From this evidence we believe that it is not far fetched to draw the conclusion that Wilkinson's reading of these black mass-terpeices of the occult led directly to the brutal murder of that innocent young schoolgirl. This is evidence enough in our eyes that Macbeth and other works by William Shakespeare, reported to contain many depraved acts of sex and violence, be removed from the National Curriculum forthwith and that the poisoning of our children's young minds ceases immediately. Who knows what other works by Shakespeare (that freak of nature some call a writer) psychos like Wilkinson could have read and what disgusting filth is pillaging our children's innocent young minds. The works of these shameless authors litter our bookshops, which in some cases are no more than brothels. How can we defend publication of this noxious material. Those responsible should be prosecuted and punished. We will not rest until William Shakespeare's works are banned and banned forever then and only then will we sleep safely in our beds. We await the governments response.
to abolish the complete works of William Shakespeare.
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Returns to Scotland!
- the long lost Cutlery of Scotland's Kings - has been returned by those thieving English bastards to take up its rightful resting place in Edinburgh Castle. A Brief History of the Spoon of Destiny The Spoon of Destiny, was the very kitchen utensil with which William Wallace supped his last mouthful of haggis before setting forth to hammer the English. The Spoon of Destiny was the very ladle with which Robert the Bruce in 1314 did vigorously stir his porridge (prepared with the water and the salt, not the milk and the sassanach sugar) which he had for his breakfast before setting forth to Stirling to fight the Battle of Bannockburn, whereupon he did hammer the English. In 1745 when Bonnie Prince Charlie returned from France to tackle the English overlords in the Jacobite Rebellion he feasted first upon the tattie scone. The Spoon of Destiny was grasped firmly in his fist, handed down through generations. Tragically, however, before Charlie's army reached Carlisle the Spoon disappeared, mysteriously spirited out of his hands, presumably stolen by a traitor in the pay of the dirty English Bastards. Consequently, Charlie did not go forth and hammer the English. The last reported sighting of the Spoon of Destiny was in Argentina in 1978: the owner one Lord Archibald of Gemmell. But all reports of sightings went uncorroborated until the Spoon was eventually uncovered in a secret hiding place in Camden Market in London. The Spoon of Destiny has now been finally returned to Scotland and is proudly preserved next to the mighty 'Stone of Density' in Edinburgh Castle. We are free to become a Nation again.
semtex(t): poverty press, glasgow, 1996
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Why vote for the Unabomber? For the last 17 years the Unabomber has been the most notorious terrorist in the USA sending mail bombs to prominent Academics and Politicians. He has successfully killed three academics in over 21 bombing campaigns. By voting the Unabomber for Rector you too can make a contribution to the Unabomber's 17 year long campaign against the complacency of the establishment. But why stop there? Along with nominating the Unabomber for Rector why not nominate the academic you would most like to be first on the Unabomber's UK hitlist. Nominating your favourite academic couldn't be more easy! Just fill in the sad fuck academico's name and department in the boxes provided below: Academic's Name: Department: Establishment: Address:
Students are the Niggers of the World! Students of the World Unite! You Have Nothing To Lose But Your Brains! The 'Unabomber for Rector' Campaign is organized by the Dadanarchists. 'the people who fuck with your mind till you come to your senses' semtex(t): poverty press, glasgow, 1996.
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