| Wednesday, February 23, 2000 |
What do postal worker say when they say someone is to "go postal"? No offense to those who do work for the postal service, in what ever country. I've never had a bad experience with the post, and dont want to start now.
My theory... they dont say "go postal" they say something else. "He going crazy.. like a fox". "He's going like a badger.. in a gimp suit". "He's going service central!".
not funny. boo hoo. budda budda budda. *psttttttshhhhhh*
| Tuesday, January 11, 2000 |
"Happy Birthday, Mr Smithers, Happy Birthday to you"
| Wednesday, August 25, 1999 |
Some prose from Brudda Linds
*sigh* Once I had a friend who had money. His name was Reuben, but then he got a GF he wants to be serious with, bought a car & moved to a place that is too far for me to walk to. I never saw him again. 8/ 8b 8)
| Tuesday, June 01, 1999 |
Ook ook ook ook, ook ook. Ook ook ook ook ook ook ook
Oh.. and I know who was on the list. Patience and persistence. The nuts have learnt their lessons well. (Dont try figure this one out unless you're a Simpsons fan).
| Monday, May 24, 1999 |
*grrrrr* who was on that list?
*whistle innocently*
Its too late for fear...
fear is for when an even it about to happen. now its just unknowing....
such wisdom from one so young. Br brave young grasshopper. That which does not kill us, only serves to make us stronger.
Tell that to the paraplegic on life support.
Can you be so certain young grasshopper that you are indeed stronger than the paraplegic? There is more to strength than muscle pupil.
The key to strength is persistence and patience, patience and persistence. Patience without persistence is the fool waiting for death to take his soul. Persistence without patience is the fool who passes from one life to another because they never wait to see the result of their actions. Once both of these lessons are learned true strength is only an aeon away. This much I learned, master. Let me demonstrate my persistence and patience.
Who was on that list?
I tire of this. Evidently you have still not grasped the lesson. Contemplate what we have discussed before comming to me with this matter again.
My persistence is greater than the void and my patience is everlasting. Answer in your own time, for my time is all time and I shall have an answer when it is ready to become.
Who is on the list?
I shall not tell you who is on the list
| Friday, April 30, 1999 |
Thoughts are sought and sunder'd
Ideas are produced and blunder'd
Products are reproduced and consumed
Consumers do buy and assume
Its the latest, man! Get with the programme!
Lessons are never learned
A turd will always be a turd
- Thoughts Are Sought by Reuben Helms
| Thursday, April 08, 1999 |
Think about that one! Ha! We dont need yer steenking money. Oh Stimpy! Make me some chicken sausages. But I dont wanna go to the ball game, I wanna stay and feed the monkeys bananas.
What? No gravvy!? (*thok*)
If existance is pointless, then why are you such a prick?
| Wednesday, February 24, 1999 |
People see these quite often. They're the quotes from law cases. This is my favourite one.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
| Monday, February 22, 1999 |
| Tuesday, December 22, 1998 |
Big Electric Eels.
| Monday, December 7, 1998 |
"I wanna live in Los Angeles. No, not the one in Los Angeles, not the one in South California. They got one in South Patagonia" - Frank Black
| Thursday, December 3, 1998 |
This week I are been mostly having... Choc Deluxe Sundaes
| Tuesday, October 13, 1998 |
We, the Willing, led by the Unknowing, are doing the Impossible for the Ungrateful. We
have been doing so Much for so Long with so Little we are now qualified to do Anything with Nothing.
| Wednesday, October 7, 1998 |
Checkout someones artistic impression on Y2K.
| Friday, October 2, 1998 |
Networks can look like trees. NT Servers hang off trees. Therefore, NT Servers grow on trees.
RJH: Looks like deep end policy.
JB: But I can't see the bottom!
RJH: Don't come up until you find it.
Poetry
Here's a little poetry inspired by a Quake2 challenge.
I wipe my cheek and taste of the blood that your spiked gauntlet has raised.
The berserker rage seethes
The senses heighten
The adrenalin quickens
The challenge beckons
The king must die!
And here's one from Brudda Linds
In the arms of Lady Death
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
a poem by Lindsay Bradford.
Wanting her demise is not enough.
Wishing her passing shall not suffice.
Wailing at the gates of perdition.
Thine prayers grant you naught solace.
She hungers. She needs. She knows.
She scents. She hunts. She grows.
Wailing at the gates of perdition.
Thine prayers grant you naught solace.
Her laughter ringing in your dying ear,
Taste her punishment, and know your fear.
Wailing at the gates of perdition.
Solace denied thee. Your only rest...
In the arms of Lady Death.
Please note. Printed without permission, but it was just too damn cool.
| Friday, September 18, 1998 |
Today, I are been mostly having... cashews
| Thursday, September 1, 1998 |
Its bad when even the voices in your own head dont want to be there.
| Tuesday, June 30, 1998 |
When it comes to the stockmarket, I have the kiss of death. If I buy a stock, the price plummets (eg BHP). If I think about buying a stock the price rises dramatically(ANZ when it was $10.79. Its now $11.14). If I actually sell a stock, the price rises by 50 cents the next day(Sold at $13.20, next day closing price was $13.65).
I'm wondering what would happen if I applied that to human souls. If I planned to purchase a human soul, would it purify itself? If I actually made the purchase, would it sink into corruption? If I set it free or sold it on, would it blossom and be attractive once again.
My services in corporate espionage are for hire. If you wish to see the downfall of a publically listed company, just give me a few thousand dollars to make a purchase and devalue them. While they fall to their lowest price ever, courtesy of yours truely, you could buy at the lower price, then I sell, the price goes up and vola! instant profit when the price goes back up.
| Monday, May 18, 1998 |
A hex on binary coders!
| Saturday, May 2, 1998 |
For my first twisted bits posting I thought I'd just copy the stuff from my .plan.
1] Save lots and maybe holiday or car.
2] Be wary of sugar coated razor blades...
3] Be a fearless team leader yet cope with paradoxal stupidity!
Reincarnation:
If I were to come back as something I would come back as the light bulb that appears above peoples heads when they have a bright idea. The possibilities are many.
In a crowded room, I would amaze onlookers by appearing out of nowhere, light up and then promptly fall and smash on the ground.Since most brilliant ideas occur whilst sleeping, I would probably make genius' like Einstein cross the boundary to madness, as he would wake every morning to find himself in bed with a bunch of light bulbs. Until the genius went mad, my lifespan would be prolonged by actually being used as a light bulb.
I would probably thwart the prevention of the destruction of the human race. Our fast thinking hero would come up with the plan to save the human race one second before complete destruction, but would die wondering where that damned light bulb came from.
Pondering thought at 2:00pm
My sandwhich sits still, warmed my the radiation emissions of my terminal. Do tomatoes taste better green and fried, or was it just a catchy name for an otherwise boring movie.
Evolution
Cats will eventually talk. It will be a defence mechanism. They will be able to tell you how free space there is in a room. "No need to swing me!! There's room, goddamit, three cats by two". They could also do real estate evaluations.
Disclaimer
Please email me for a gander at the disclaimer that should be applied to this file.
Sentient Cells
This one started with sentient blood cells, but I guess it could apply to all cells in the body. Lets take blood cells. Every hemoglobin has part of the body that it must service. "Hey Hank". "Hey Bob". "Watcha up to". "Lung duty". "Hard yakka". "Damn straight". Then you've go the upity blood cells. "The different between you and me is that I am a brain blood cell and your just a lowly armpit lout". Blood clots and strokes are the results of strikes and picket lines gone wrong. "What do we want?!". "Wider arteries!". "When do we want them?!". "NOW!". "We need to send a message. Lets go congregate at the narrowest artery we can find and chain ourselves to it.. We shall not be moved".
| Friday, May 1, 1998 |
People who know me could probably vouch that I come up with some pretty weird shit. Oops, swear word. Anyway, this page will be used as a record of some of the really weird stuff my fertile imagination comes up with. If you have any comments, feel free to pass them on...
