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"Thoughts from the Crypt"
Sunday, March17, 2002
8:00am
I am so confused these days; I feel so pathetic. This relationship feels pathetic. My life in general just feels pathetic.
I don't know if I'm expecting too much from Foggy, and
Maybe I need to acquire some interests outside of him and our relationship, or if; perhaps our agreement to begin an open relationship is for the best. He hasn't seemed to be able, willing, or both for several months now to give me the time and attention that I need from him to be as satisfied with our relationship as I really could be. He seems to think that if he let me do it I would take up every moment of his spare time when he comes home from work.
I have tried to tell him that I don't want all of his time in the evening; I just want enough of it to make me feel satisfied with the amount of it that I'm getting from him. I told him yesterday that, if I could just get some cuddling and snuggling from him in the evening; I wouldn't feel so strongly the need for sex. (which, is something I've had to learn to live with a lot less of because of his crazy drive swings) I never know from one week to the next how much sex we'll have if any. When I do get it it's always done and over much sooner than I'd like. I would enjoy a much lengthier amount of foreplay than I often get. Sometimes I get it; most of the time I don't.
Part of me feels that, If I can't get what I need from him
I deserve to get it from somebody. At the same time, I know it's really him that I want all of these things from the most. Everyone else is secondary. He doesn't believe any of that. He's made that quite clear by saying such things as; It doesn't make sense to him that if I love him so much; why have I pushed so much for the three ways and an open relationship? I `just can't seem to make him understand that; I don't really want it to be that way. I want more of him than I'm getting. However, if he's not willing to give as much to me as I need; I've got to figure out some means of having my needs met. So far this is the only way I've been able to come up with.
Well the intruder has returned, you know who "Dustin'
See you soon.
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