So I asked him if he's afraid to have sex with me more than we do because he's afraid that the more we do the more he's increasing his risk of being positive? He said that that wasn't it. I told him that from what he'd just told me, that was what it sounded like to me that he was saying. I don't know for sure about that, but maybe you're right; he said. Maybe that is what it is. If he'd told me that just five or six weeks ago I would have been hurt, angry or both. I couldn't get angry with him. He's been doing so much lately to please and satisfy my desires; I'm too grateful to be angry with because he's afraid of something he doesn't understand. (HIV) I just wish he didn't have to get drunk to be so uninhibited with me.

He mentioned something to me that I had been thinking about myself. I love the passion he provides in the lovemaking when he's drinking, but I don't want him turn into an alcoholic either. He said himself last night that he really wants to get drunk more often so we can have awesome sex more often for both of us; in that he's not afraid of the HIV when he's drunk or got a buzz. It's easier for him to really get into it and let himself go so that we can both enjoy it more. The fact is however that; he's afraid of himself becoming an alcoholic also. If it weren't for the fear of that happening ; he'd do it a lot more than he already does. I'll tell you, one thing is for sure; that man loves me perhaps more than he's ever loved anybody. I can't say I know that for sure but; I think it's possible. I know he defiantly loves me more than any other "man" ever has before him. He proves it to me all of the time in both word and deed.