He must have wanted me to or he wouldn't have put my dick up his ass without me having to even ask him or hint at it. I fucked the Hell out of him for about five minutes. He started off trying to jerk off with my dick in his ass, then; he just stopped. He didn't start up again so I went ahead and got my self off. He asked me if I was done in the shower as if to say, "I want you to get out." So I did. That fucking dildo was still in there. After he tried to fuck me and said he was too frustrated to get off because he'd been working on the computer for a few hours and couldn't figure out how to get them connected to each other. I got out because he said he still had to clean himself up. He has never had to have me get out of the shower before to clean up.

I decided to wait. He asked me to shut the door on my way out because the draft was blowing in through the shower curtain. I did as he asked; I didn't stay out of the bathroom like he'd thought I would. I went back in three times to see if the dildo was still on the towel rack or not. The third time it wasn't; so of course I knew he was either using it to try to get off after telling me he was too frustrated to get off with me, or he did get off with the dildo. If he was too frustrated to get off with my dick up his ass, he should have been too frustrated to even try with the dildo. Make sense? It does to me also.

I don't think I've been that humiliated and made to feel so inadequate since "Fuck Face" told me that he got more pleasure out of cyber sex than he did out of being with me. It's interesting that I'd compare tonight to that; I told Foggy just the other day that if it ever got to that point with us we'd might as well give it up. He seemed to agree even though he also agreed with Pablo to some extent when he found out that he'd had a web cam. I was kind of worried when I heard him say, it might be different if you have web cam." Now I know why I was worried. If he' use a dildo in place of me when I'm readily available; he'd probably use a web cam as well. Why would any body want to use a fucking dildo on him when he can have the real thing? It beats the Holy Hell out of me.

We'd had a wonderful night the night before. We were going to go to Connections to see a drag show, but decided we'd stay home and make love to each other instead. I was really not in to it because he'd been looking at everything in sight that evening and verbalizing as usual everything he'd like to do with this one, that one and the other one, men, women, children, dogs, cats and Komodo Dragons; Hell I might as well throw in a Piranha or two while I'm at it. It makes me feel so "Third Rate" when he does that. Last week we were at Wall Mart and we both noticed a really hot Daddy with his little boy. Sure he was hot, but Foggy didn't have to look at me talking about him and say; "Feed me Daddy!" The closest I ever get to even being told I'm sexy is being called a "Hot Ass." Who fucking cares about being called "Hot Ass" when he says that about every hot and not so hot guy and girl he sees? I don't understand why he can't say the kinds of things to me, about me, that he says to me about all of these other people he sees and wants so fucking bad. He doesn't know how tempted I get at times to just tell him to find some other place to live and leave me with my two furry four legged pussies. I get more attention from them than I often do from him and they make me feel like no one and certainly no thing can take my place. If everybody else is really what he wants so badly maybe he doesn't need to be in a relationship right now with anybody; if that's the way he's going to about ours; I don't really feel that I want to stay in it. It just hurts too damn much to feel so much less wanted and desired than everybody else is. I wish somebody would let me know why I always fall for the ones who wind up eventually making me feel as if, I'm not worth having. He's almost never in the mood for me, but he's always in the mood for some one else whether he goes after them or not, or like tonight he wanted a dildo more than he did me. Go figure!

Well that's all I have to say for now.

Till next time.