Dear Mr. President,
I was talking to God today. He told me that he was a big fan of America, as well as the New York Yankees. I was surprised by this tidbit, so I inquired as to why he let the Red Sox finally win the World Series. And God said to me in a rather thunderous voice, "Everyone gets one wish from St. Peter, and Babe Ruth finally got into heaven." Enough Said.
As for his love of America, I asked him to expand on this. And again God said to me in a thunderous voice, "I became a fan of the colonies in the early 1700's. I am no bandwagon jumper. Ever since I have created a world, where the children of Africa will die from hunger, and only the Middle East will see the night-sky filled with explosions. I've done everything in my power only to protect American soldiers. It really brings a tear to my eye, when the people of America pray only for the safety of their own soldiers. Just like the Americans, I don't really care about the people suffering from torture, AIDS, or war around the world. And to be honest the families of Iraqi soldiers matter much less than the families of American soldiers."
This took my breath away. Here I was talking to God, and he had this passion to see America thrive at the expense of other nations. I guess you were right President Bush. Christianity is the only correct religion and God does tend to protect Americans instead of the rest of the world.
Signed,
Your biggest fan
PS. I asked God one final question, "Do you think you'll ever root for any other countries?" God actually replied, "Sometimes I like to root for the underdog. Wouldn't it be funny if Philadelphia finally won a Super Bowl, World Series, Stanley Cup, or NBA Championship after their 2 decade long drought? It would be like rooting for Kenya to take out California."
PPS. God says hi.
PPPS. Tell your daughters I said hi. With your permission I would not be opposed to a ménage a trois. (At least the French got something right. Threesomes are the best. Two girls and one guy only though.)
PPPPS. Sorry I forgot you wouldn't like threesomes, because of your anti-gay crusade. God said he doesn't mind when two girls kiss. He thinks it's cute.
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