october 24 2002
dear friend,
maybe there'll be a time when you'll be finally out of my mind. but until then, i'm forced to this misery and paronoia. i miss you. i miss you so bad. i have missed you more than you'll ever imagine. i don't know how i was ever able to face you with a smile on my face when deep inside i cry thinking of what we used to be and how we are now. it's so sad. it hurts so much.

it also hurts when you seem not to care anymore. because i do care, so much more than i want to. the thought of you with another girl doing what we used to do, brings tears to my eyes, pain to my heart and taunts in my mind. i wish i have never let you go.

it's true, what they say about goodbyes. you never know what you have, what you'll lose or what you've taken for granted until they're gone. i was able to prove that when we said goodbye.

we live for the future and learn lessons from the past. but why is that i want to relive my past instead of learn from it and move on? i guess, in a way i'm afraid of the future. i'm afraid that you'll find someone else who'll make you so much happier than i did. i'm so afraid of losing you. please tell me that i haven't lost you.

i don't know why i even wrote this letter. i know very well that we can't be and this is wrong. but screw society. if loving you means lying and hiding the truth about what is wrong and right, then let me rot in hell. i'd rather be wrong and love you rather than be right and spend my whole life crying for you.

i guess what i really want to say is that i still love you. so much that i was able to manifest these random thoughts and feelings in writing. i still love you. i wish that we could give it another try. i wish i knew what you're feeling. whatever it is, i can wait. i will wait. i really want to try again.

spaced out at 05.59pm