ooo)O(ooo

Walter

He was still sleeping when I entered his room to check on him. His room, now why did that send such a strange sensation through me. An odd comforting warmth, like he had always belonged there.

It was odd, watching him sleep, his face peaceful and still, snuggled under the thick quilt, his one good arm outstretched, the cuffs glinting in the dim pre-morning light.

As silently as I had entered, I left, and walked back out into the living room once more.

Sleep had eluded me, so finally I had given up and had gone back out to the living room. There I had sat up half the night nursing a whiskey while wondering what the hell it was I had done.

The stillness of the room seemed to surround me, fill me with an odd sense of well being. Or it could have been the whiskey, I thought with a rueful grin. Either way, I had finally pulled myself out of this inertia that I had been in for far to long. No longer would I be pulled along by blind idiot fate. Now I was going to take some control over my life. For once I was going to do what I wanted.

//Does that include handcuffing a man to a bed?//

Yes, when that man happens to be Alex Krycek; sure it does.

//And just how long do you intend keeping him here for?//

For as long as I fucking want.
Shocked, the tiny little voice fell into silence allowing me to ponder more important things, like, how I was going to be able to convince Alex to stay, without the use of football tackles and handcuffs.

//Do you really want him to stay? And more importantly, are you willing to break laws in order to make him stay?//

Christ, are you back again? I thought wearily, I thought I had sent you packing.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by a low growling noise. I pressed my hand to my stomach. It had been several hours since I'd eaten and my body was busy reminding me of that fact.

Not to mention that a couple of shots of J&B didn't sit well on an empty belly either.

Pushing myself up off the couch, I walked into the kitchen. Early morning sunlight, thin and yellow warm, streamed in through the half open window.

Going to be a nice day, I thought as I opened the refrigerator door. Reaching in, I took out the carton of eggs and packet of bacon that I had bought the other day. Normally I didn't have time for a proper breakfast. Usually a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin while working at my desk was sufficient enough. But this morning, I thought that some thing a little more fortifying was more appropriate. Besides, I was sure that Alex would appreciate a decent breakfast, the boy looked as though he hadn't eaten a proper meal in months.

Laying strips of bacon into a pan, I mentally went over the list of things I had scheduled for today. Nothing urgent, a couple of meetings to go over the various agents expense accounts, stuff like that. I could call Kim, tell her I was ill and that I wouldn't be in today. That brought a grim smile to my face. The last time I'd been off work sick was when I'd been laid up in hospital with a bullet wound to my gut.

Breaking eggs into another frypan, I allowed my mind to wander lazily, invariably coming back to rest on the young man lying in the bedroom nearby. I would wake him up as soon as the breakfast was cooked and hopefully be able to establish some kind of, what? Rapport? Would that even be possible?

I turned the rings off on the stove and filled two plates with food. Carrying them over to the table, I knew that I could not put it off any longer. Bracing myself for the confrontation to come, I went to wake up the rat.

ooo)O(ooo

Alex

ooo)O(ooo

Walter

I watched as Alex ate the bacon and eggs, the way he used the side of his fork to cut the food into small pieces to scoop into his mouth. I wondered how he managed with the more difficult foods like steaks. Did he still even eat them, or was it to hard for him? And even simple things like tying a shoelace or doing up the buttons on a pair of jeans. How had he learned to do all these things one handed? It must have taken him months to relearn even the most basic skills and I felt my opinion of him lift a notch. But then I never figured him for a man that could take defeat easily.

Finally he finished and with a shove that was clearly half resentful and half defiance, he pushed the now empty plate away from himself.

"Now I'll make that coffee." I told him as I gathered up the dishes.

"About time." I heard him mutter behind me. I turned to give him a look, eyebrow raised. By the way he hastily shut his mouth, he had got the message.

Dishes done and coffee made, we both went into the living room. I called Kim to tell her that I wasn't coming in. She assured me that she would cancel the meetings and made me promise that I would spend the day resting and not trying to catch up on paperwork or anything.

I was aware of Alex's eyes on me as I hung the phone back up.

"Lying to Kim are we now Walter." He said, a nasty little smile playing around the corners of his mouth.

Refusing to rise to the bait, I replied evenly.

"I thought it was best if I stayed home today."

Alex chuckled. "Nice of you to baby-sit me."

"Not like I have a choice is it Alex."

"Sure you have a choice." He replied. "You can always let me walk out the door."

"Just like that." I said.

He nodded. "Just lie that."

"And how do I know that you wouldn't be back to murder me in my sleep?" I asked reasonably enough.

Alex's smile widened. "You don't now do you Walter."

"Bu then again, you didn't all the other times you broke in, and you could have quite easily. Now I wonder why that was?"

Alex shrugged. "Maybe I felt sorry for you Walt. I mean after all, what kind of life is it that you actually have. A balding middle aged man living all alone with nothing to show for his life except a dead wife who didn't want him anymore anyway and a stalled career."

"That may be right Alex." I replied softly. "But what about you? What was it that brought you back here night after night? A balding middle aged man? A man that in your own words has nothing to show for his life? What is it about me that you just can't keep away from?"

I leaned closer towards him, watching his face carefully as I spoke.

"You may think that I'm a loser Alex, but if it's a loser that you need to be near, then what the hell does that make you?"

His face red and raw with anger now, Alex got to his feet. It was easy to see that I had hit a nerve.

"Fuck you Skinner!" He snarled furiously. "Fuck you and your...fucked up psychology. You don't know me..."

"I know Alex." I calmly cut in. "You've pointed that out before. And you're right, I don't know you, but I want to."

"You what?" The look on his face was pure astonishment now. I nodded.

"That's right Alex," I told him earnestly. "I want to try and understand you. Understand what made you the person that you are. Why you do these things. Why you live your life like this."

Alex stared at me, the colour draining from his face, somewhere deep inside, I had managed to reach him. But then, just as quickly; a shuttered expression closed down his face, the naked vulnerable look was gone only to be replaced by the sneering swaggering assassin once more.

"Good try Walter." Alex said with a harsh bark of laughter, "nearly had me going there for a while. All that crap about wanting to...understand me." He lifted his hand, making a 'exclamation' sign with his fingers.

"Sorry buddy but I just ain't falling for it."

Inwardly I sighed, just what the hell was it going to take to finally gain his trust?

ooo)O(ooo

Alex

I had to admit the bastard was good. All that shit about wanting to understand me...yeah sure Walter. You would no more want to get that close to me then Mulder or his cute little red haired side kick Scully would.

Although I had to say, he really had me going there for a moment. Fuck, if only I didn't feel this way about him. Only I didn't want him to get close. That's what hurt the most. The fact that I knew that Walter could never feel the same way about me as I feel about him.

One thing was right though, as far as losers go, I had to take out the prize. I was in love with a man that could never love me back. How pathetic was that?

TBC