Dancing
Author: Richess A.N.H. Richards and Hilary a.k.a Spike Lover UK
Email for feedback: spikeloverrichess@hotmail.com
Summary: This fic ends four consecutive BTVS episodes, Listening to Fear, Into The Woods, Triangle, and Checkpoint. Each part has been the continuation of the above-mentioned episodes, as well as past seasons' references. This is a Spike/Buffy shipper piece. Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: All Characters belong to J. Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, the W.B. and/or Fox Production and etc. Music: 'Charms' by The Philosopher Kings (1994 Columbia/Song Music Ent. CND)
Part 1
He watched Buffy as she tried to sleep. She tossed and turned, unable to get settled. She hadn't even noticed that he was there hiding in the dark corner of her room, watching, as she finally managed to drift off. She looked at peace, a look that he hadn't seen in weeks.
In sleep, as in death, there were no worries, no expectations, no failures, and no guilt.
He stepped closer.
She stirred.
He stopped.
And then started again, sitting on the edge of her bed. The blue and white floral cotton sheets were cool and crisp; her back was turned to him. The moonlight shone across her cheek and neck, her hair sprawled out over the pillow, he stroked it. The smell of apples tickled his nose. He touched her neck gently and cautiously as not to wake her, his finger tracing the bite mark that Angel, The Master and Dracula had left on her. She was special. She was beautiful not only in appearance but in soul. But the rest of her was all opposites, kind and cruel, strong and weak, vocal and soft, wicked and chaste. He was so busy in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed that she had woken up.
"What are you doing?"
"Uhh…"
"Spike," Buffy gritted between her teeth, as she turned toward him. The moonlight shone all around him. He looked almost angelic for a second. "What are you doing?"
Spike jumped. "I…I was just checking on you. You…you know. Making sure no more alien things were here." he said searching.
"Whatever." Buffy said, sitting up.
Spike had become an unexpected comfort in her life; someone that had betrayed her and her friends on numerous occasions had actually become a source of support. And in a scary way, he knew more about her and her abilities than she did herself. He had made her look inward, not as Buffy or the Slayer, but as both, her destiny and her life. His recollection of killing the two slayers, who had wanted to die, made her look at her life, Kendra's, and Faith's. Kendra's life had been so ridged and strict that the first time she'd fought against a formidable opponent, she'd lost. Not by Drusilla's superior strength but by her wanting to die. Kendra had no family; they had given to her Watcher at an early age. She had no ties, no life outside of studying demons and killing techniques. 'She was a better fighter than me.' Thought Buffy 'If I hadn't pulled those silly stunts on her, she would have beat me good.' Had it been too much for her to handle? That everything she had known all of her life would end. She had an expiry date and decided to take the opportunity.
Faith. She always seemed so tough, but she was fragile. With Kakistos, she ran. He killed her watcher right before her eyes. She was so afraid to die. 'With Gwendolyn Post and Angel's return she soon didn't believe or trust me. Faith was afraid of getting hurt, so she pretended to be tough, but she was scared. She hated that I had something to live for and she didn't. When Angel told me all of what happened in L.A. I felt betrayed and angry because I didn't know, I didn't understand…but now I do. If my mom dies I will only have Dawn. And she's not even my…
"Whatcha thinking 'bout?" he asked. She had been silent for a long time deep in thought, but as tears began forming in her eyes Spike decide to interrupt her.
"Nothing." Buffy looked at Spike and gave him a hug. Her warm body pressed against his cold torso, her hands snaking around his waist. Spike wished that the two of them were naked but he would settle for this. He closed his eyes until…
"Ah ha." Buffy said pulling away and holding a picture of her. She had tricked him! She just wanted to get the picture out of his pocket. "I knew you took a picture of me! What are you doing with this?"
"I…I was…" Spike searched for an explanation nothing good came to his mind.
"If you're going to take a picture at least take a better one than this," She crinkled her nose when she looked at it; it was an old high school picture from Hemery High. "I look like a ditz."
"No you don't. You look carefree." he said quietly. Her hazel eyes bore holes into him but he refused to look up.
"Whatever. Why are you here again?"
"I already answered. I'm making sure that no more alien creatures are here." Spike finally looked at her as she snickered. "What?"
"You were screaming like woman when you saw that Queller." Buffy laughed.
"I was not." Spike said almost childlike.
"Fine." Silence erupted in the air.
"Spike?"
"Yes, Buffy."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" He looked at her.
"For what I said at the Bronze…Last week…in the alley. I know that I hurt your feelings and it was wrong." Buffy swallowed as she apologized.
"Don't worry 'bout it. Think I thought about it, didja?" Spike lied, putting his head back down and examining the blue floral pattern on the sheet, those 'you're beneath me' words had still sunk his heart a hundred and twenty years after he'd first heard them.
"Yeah. Because you always come to my house with a double barrel shot gun because it didn't hurt." Buffy touched his face, lifted his chin and forced him to look at her. "I know that you wanted to kill me for hurting you. But you saw me crying and your face went from sheer hatred to concern, and genuine concern at that. When you asked me what was wrong I thought you were crazy…I'm truly sorry."
Letting go of his face and breaking their gaze, Buffy breathed in slowly and continued. "I went for the jugular and it was wrong."
"It's ok. I can't say that I haven't done it that many times myself," he admitted. "Lets call it a truce."
"A truce," Buffy said firmly nodding in agreement. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"How did you hook up with Harmony?" Buffy smiled trying to suppress a giggle as Spike groaned.
"I'll answer that question if you answer a question of mine?"
"Shoot."
"What was with you last February at the Bronze? Coming onto me and saying…let me get the words right…'you would ride me at a gallop until my legs buckled. And you'd pop me like warm champagne and I'd beg you to hurt me just a little bit more' or something to that effect?"
"I never…" And the realization hit her. Last February. Faith.
As Buffy's face dropped, Spike wondered what had he just done. He shouldn't have brought that up. "What is it slayer? I didn't mean to…"
"It wasn't me…that said that to you, it was Faith, the other Slayer." Buffy proceed to tell Spike the whole story of Faith switching bodies with her and all the mayhem she caused her throughout the last year of her high school career.
Listening to the story made Spike feel ill. Faith tormenting her, Faith trying to steal Angel's soul so that he would kill Buffy, Faith trying to kill Xander and holding Willow hostage, Faith and Buffy fighting to the death to save Angel's life, Faith toying with Buffy's life and her body. Buffy finished the whole account with a huge sigh.
"Well…Your life's never boring is it slayer? I'll give you that." Spike finally said, "I should go. Night, Slayer."
"Bye." Buffy replied yawning as Spike climbed out of her bedroom window.
Part 2
"What the hell are you doing in my house again?" Buffy seethed with anger as she stepped through her front door after a long night of patrolling.
"I just…" Was all Spike got out.
"So gloat. Get it over with. I know that you always hated Riley. So go on gloat." Buffy yelled at Spike.
"What? Buffy, I didn't mean…"
"If you say that you didn't mean to hurt me I'm going to kick your ass."
"Buffy I…"
"You what? You're sorry? Don't bother. Our truce lasted all of one week and I have to say I'm surprised it took you this long to find some new way of hurting me."
"I didn't show you Riley getting bitten by those trolls to hurt you." As soon as he said that a roundhouse kick sent him flying into the Summers' dining room. He lay on the ground shocked and rubbing his sore chin.
"So what'd you think I'd do? Jump back flips and shout, 'my boyfriend would rather be with vampires than me!'? Yeah." she mocked standing over Spike.
"Who ya tryin' to kid, Slayer. He wasn't the long-haul guy and you knew it." Buffy glared at him, taking in his words.
"Long-haul guy?"
"Yeah. You went into your relationship with Riley on the premise that you were equals, that you and he had common goals and strengths. But you never saw his weaknesses, Buffy, and you never let him see yours." Buffy remained silent.
"I know that I'm not your favourite person…"
"You're not a person at all. And yes, I hate you with an unbridled passion." she spat out.
"Well isn't that cute, you show me more emotion than you did your honey." Spike replied, picking himself up and heading out the Summers' front door.
With his head pressed against the Summers' front door, he could hear Buffy crying on the other side. Spike sighed deeply before heading off into the night.
Part 3
Spike was wakened by the squeaking of his crypt's door. The sunlight filtered in, surrounding Buffy and threatening to set him a blaze. She slammed the door shut as Spike jumped out of his bed.
"So, did you have fun?" Buffy's voice asked him, filled with disgust.
"What are you talking about, pet?"
"First of all, I'm not your 'pet'. And second of all, I'm talking about you copping a feel at the Bronze when that troll knocked us down."
"Oh." Spike tried his hardest to suppress his grin but failed miserably.
"You bastard. I knew I was right. You're disgusting, Spike." Buffy lashed out and struck him with the ball of her palm in his nose.
"Oh, all right, so I'm disgusting. Sing a new song slayer." Slayer scoffed at Buffy, holding his nose.
Buffy scowled at him. "Well, what else do you expect me to say? Not only were your hands all over me in the middle of a fight, but then you go and expect me to be pleased when you don't feed from bleeding disaster victims."
"HEY!" Spike protested. "Do you think it was easy for me, being in a situation like that? The smell of all that blood was so overpowering, I could hardly think. You know, Slayer, sometimes I think you forget that I'm a vampire. Well I am, and vampires drink blood. I just wanted you to know that I was trying to do the right thing."
Buffy's frown lifted a little and Spike continued "And don't go thinking that Angel never gets into situations like that. You think that while he's helping all those people he doesn't get tempted by all that blood? Bollocks. He just never mentions it because he knows you trust him not to sample. Me on the other hand, I know you'd stake me in the first instance if you thought I was hurting innocent people."
Buffy sighed, opening the crypt's door as Spike jumped out of the light's rays. "Just stay away from me, Spike, I'm not going to put up with this crap for much longer."
Part 4
Spike was the last person that Buffy wanted to see. The last couple of days with the council and its test had been stressful. Glory showing up at her house, had been stressful. The Knight of Byzantium had been stressful. But Spike was going to get staked tonight if he pissed her off. Buffy tried to ignore him but he saw her and it was too late.
"How was your little Watcher's Council reunion?" Spike quipped as he walked toward her.
"Painful. And thanks to you, they think I'm half crazy. How the hell could you tell them that crap?" Buffy growled.
"What?" Spike asked innocently.
Buffy stalked toward him, "Telling them that I let you feed off of dying victims. Telling them about my 'man' problems. They thought I was a basket case. Me soon going to be crying on your shoulder after another disappointment? Yeah right. As if."
"Did before."
"That was over my mom. You make me sick…"
"I want you and I'm hatin' it. Got me lit like a candle stick…" Spike began to sing.
"Pink? Ohmygod, why don't you just leave? Leave Sunnydale." Buffy sighed dramatically.
"Because you need me. I think that I've been the only constant in your life. And the only person that you can vent on." he replied a matter-of-factly.
"I know you haven't seen Dru in over two years now but, is it possible that she's rubbed off on you?" Buffy asked with fake concern.
"Give me a break, Slayer. You know I'm right."
"I have no clue what you're talking about."
"Me and you?" he said searching.
"Me and you? There is no 'me and you'. There never will be a 'me and you' in any context. We stayed civil to each other for a week. That was our max. And that was a feat in and of itself."
"Why?"
"Why? Because we can't stand each other. And the more I get to know you the more I wish I didn't."
"I think you said that one already."
"Get lost, Spike." Buffy turned on her heels and then stopped. "No…I want to know something. Were you actually going to kiss me that night in the alley at the Bronze?"
Spike didn't know how to answer the question; the truth would freak her out. And a lie? Well he couldn't think of one. "Yeah. What of it?"
"You're deranged. Did you think that I'd let you kiss me? Do you think that I want you to kiss me? I won't and I don't. I don't need you, Spike. And I don't want you." Buffy shook her head and began to walk away from him.
She heard the pounding of his footsteps as he caught up to her.
"When it's convenient you need me and want me."
"What are you talking about?"
"Protecting you mum and the brat. Forget about that already? Figures when it comes to you. Selective memory loss. Wish I had that." he told her as she stopped looking at him. "I've saved you from utter humiliation at the hands of that wanker and now look at this."
"Don't you mention Riley." Buffy hissed at Spike.
"The Slayer's boyfriend a happy meal for some vamps. How pathetic. He wasn't really worthy of you."
"And what? You are?"
"Damn right." Spike eyes widen when he realized that he said that out loud.
Buffy began to laugh, "You've got to be kidding me. Are you trying to say that YOU have something over Riley? He was good. He did good deeds because he wanted to, not because it passes the time, unlike you. You didn't know him. Hell, you don't even know me."
"I don't know you? You'd look for any excuse. Wouldn't you?"
"What?" Her laughter stopped
"You know that I'm bloody right, you're just too afraid to admit it. I've seen you at your best and your worst. You've bared your soul to me on more than one occasion. ME! The person that you hate with every last breath in your body. ME! You bloody put me in a wheelchair, goddamn cripplin' me. You nearly burned me to death when you took the ring of Amarra. I think that we've caused each other more pain and heartache than any other two people imaginable. I'm the long-haul guy and you don't even see it. You're so bloody blind. That look on your face when you saw Riley and that troll was the same look you gave Angelus when he got his soul back. You were stunned into silence. You looked at him like the world had stopped. And when you put the sword into his stomach, I've never seen something so brave and so sacrificing; saving a world that doesn't even know that you exist and sending your true love to hell. And now the one that betrayed you wholeheartedly you cry for. At least Angelus had an excuse; I'll give the poof that. But Riley what was his mistake. Didn't have superpowers anymore? Aww, poor baby. That son of a bitch staked me for you. He wanted me to stay away from you because even he knew it. He knew I had more of a connection to you than he did. And further more…"
Spike stopped only when he looked at Buffy's stunned face.
"You came back? You saw me send Angel to hell?" Buffy's mind was a whirl at his words.
Spike reached out to her and she sunk back away from him.
Spike threw his arms in the air. "I give up, Slayer. I'm not that pathetic, contrary to popular belief."
Spike spun on his heels and darted from the cemetery.
Part 5
When Buffy reached the Bronze she realized that looking for the gang wasn't going to be easy. It was 'no cover Thursdays' and everyone made sure to end up at the Bronze.
"Hey Buffy." The timid voice could only belong to…
"Hey, Tara. Willow and Xander here?"
"Nope. Willow had a Bio test today and was wiped out after two straight caffeine filled days. She was out like a light by six. And Xander and Anya said that they were coming…" Tara looked around. "But I don't know when."
"So you're here by yourself?" Buffy asked as they plopped themselves down on a couch.
"Kinda. I was leaving the Magic Shop and figured that I'd either run into you or Spike, so I came in to browse." She smiled slightly. Buffy opened her mouth to say something but quickly shut it.
"You want to talk about something?"
"Ahh. Well, I uhh…wanted to talk to you about Spike." Buffy looked around the dance floor to see if Spike was there.
It had been two weeks since Spike had last seen Buffy. When he entered the Bronze, actually when the new Spike entered the Bronze, all eyes were on him. No duster, his hair dyed back to his original ash blond and his clothes a definite change, a gift from Harmony that he had found in his crypt. Getting use to the whole ensemble was difficult, but hey it was his last night in Sunnydale.
A petite dark hared girl locked eyes with Spike and gave him a devilish smile. He turned on the old Spike charm and smiled back but something inside him told him to do it shyly. He lowered his eyes slightly and then looked back up at her quickly. The girl giggled and thanks to his vampiric hearing he heard, 'He is sooo hot!'
A song began to play and the girl, ushered by her friends, asked Spike to dance.
"Certainly, luv." he replied. Spike could have sworn that her knees nearly gave way when she heard his accent.
Sleep my love,
Dream warm and hard and true.
In a cloud of awkward blue.
Hold my hand
Feel the things you'd tell no man.
Move through you so easy
It's a knife that cuts me through.
The girl tugged Spike closer toward her and nestled snugly in his arms. Spike rested his head on top of her and closed his eyes. He wished that if he opened eyes, he would be dancing with Buffy.
Buffy glanced across the dance floor as the song started to play. The haunting rhythm played as the patrons danced effortlessly to the beat. Buffy looked at Tara's shocked face as she watched the dance floor.
"What is it?" Buffy looked in the direction where Tara's eyes were frozen. It was Spike. He looked different.
And you bring me your charms
In the cool of your soft little hands
In the heat of your legs and your arms
You bring me your charms
In my arms
In the circle of my arms
My baby, my lover
That is warm and hard and true.
When you bring me your charms
In the cover of our evening sheets
In the twist of our legs and our arms
You bring me your charms
Buffy sat ridged as she watched Spike seductively dance with the short-skirted brunette. She didn't even recognize him at first. His hair wasn't slicked back or peroxide blond but his ash blond curls looked naturally handsome. His outfit consisted of a light brown fitted linen sweater and, believe it or not, dark brown leather pants, with black leather shoes.
Spike could feel familiar eyes on him. He opened his eyes and they locked with Buffy's. If his heart still beat, it would have skipped at that moment.
He broke away from the girl who gasped in surprise.
"I have to go, I'm sorry." Spike said without waiting for a reply. He spun around and headed for the door.
When Buffy saw him bolt from his dance partner she took off after him.
Spike was ten feet away from the door when she grabbed his arm. He spun around to see Buffy looking at him with uncertainty in her eyes. Spike yanked his arm away from her and they just glared at each other.
In my arms
In the circle of my arms
My baby, my lover
That is warm and hard and true.
When you bring me your charms
In the cover of our evening sheets
In the twist of our legs and our arms
You bring me your charms
Buffy made the first move. She stepped closer to him and snaked her hand around his neck and leaned his head down as she tiptoed for her lips to meet his. She kissed him softly and innocently.
Spike pulled back shocked. This girl, this Slayer, who had brutally rejected him days ago, was now kissing him. His head was dancing with implications. His head was spinning with past rejections. His head was throbbing. He wished that it was the Initiative chip that was activating but he knew it wasn't.
Oh, you bring me your charms
Oh, you bring me your charms
Oh, you bring me your charms, your charms, your charms
The laughter in his head was unbearable.
'Say it's true. Say I do want to. It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. You're disgusting, Spike. Unless you want to go back and stake Spike for the fun of it. There is no 'me and you'. There never will be a 'me and you' in any context. I don't need you, Spike. And I don't want you. Better keep out of my way, Spike, I'm not going to take this much longer. He's not the only person that can die. I'm done, Spike, you're a killer and I should have done this years ago. What are you doing here? No one has time for this, William. Get out of my sight, Spike, now. What the hell are you doing? It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. It wouldn't be YOU, Spike. It would NEVER be you. You're beneath me.'
You are just a glutton for punishment, aren't you, Spikey, old boy.
You bring me your charms
You bring me your charms, your charms, your charms
You bring me your charms
Oh, you bring me your charms
Spike backed away from Buffy like she'd burnt him. Now he was the one who looked confused. He took one last look at her face.
"This has got to end." he whispered to himself as he walked away.
Buffy bit her lip as Spike walked away from her. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to scream. He knew her. He knew her better than anyone. Better than her friends, her mother, and her sister. Angel? 'He knows me better than Angel and definitely more than Riley. I can't just let him walk.'
"I can't." she said aloud as she ran after him.
And right into Spike. He stood in the alley light and managed to catch Buffy before she fell. She looked into his eyes, so blue, so dark, and yet caring, loving, concerned, confused.
"This is not going to work. I'm leaving for good." Spike said quickly, as he let go of her arms.
"No. You are not going to run like everyone else." Buffy could feel her eyes begin to water as Spike turned away from her. "I'm not going to let that happen again."
"Buffy, you . . ."
"What? Spike I realize that I've been a bitch to you lately and blaming you for things that aren't your fault, but I didn't…I didn't…I never thought for a moment that you had any feelings for me. I thought that we were just doing the normal Spike and Buffy 'I hate you' thing. I never thought of having feelings for you because I thought it was a ridiculous. I thought…"
"You thought it was ridiculous, because it is. I can't do this. The utter humiliation that I have suffered in Sunnydale seems like nothing compared to the way you made me feel two weeks ago."
"That night you bared part of your soul to me and I didn't get it…Spike, that night you came to my house to kill me, but when you saw my pain, every drop of hate that you felt for me was gone. I never thought that you cared but that night you proved me wrong. You continually do that, you prove me wrong. You do know me better that anyone else. And that's scary." Buffy took a deep breath before she continued.
"My greatest foe, my greatest nemesis knows me better than my family. You've been with me through most of my Slayer life. You've seen me rise and fall. When you asked me if there was something that you could do. I thought you were crazy. It just never occurred to me that you had a soul, that there was a part of you that the demon couldn't get rid of, because it was inherent in you. Your fibre. Your being. And when you touched my shoulder, I knew that you would always be there, even if I didn't see you. But I never expected you not to be there and I never expected to want you to be there. But I do, Spike. I want you to stay. Stay here with me. We haven't even begun. Can we at least try?" Buffy's face was streamed with tears and Spike stood still as humanly possible. If he moved, if he looked at her, he knew that he would not want to leave. If he saw her crying again, he didn't know if he could hold back his own tears.
When her hand reached out and touched his check he couldn't control it. A tear ran down his cheek.
His eyes finally met hers. "We can try, Buffy."
Buffy smiled and grabbed Spike into a hug.
Buffy woke up suddenly. Was it a dream? Was it real? A dream. It seemed so real.
She blinked her eyes and rolled over to find herself facing a sleeping Spike.
She smiled.
THE END
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