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Part 1 ~ The Patrol

Her long slow careful movements looked rhythmic in his eyes. He was watching the woman whom he had loved and lost. The woman he had dreamed of and ached for. She was the Slayer. His slayer.

Following her night after night he had watched her kill minions, and demons. She attacked with a cold precision. Her eyes hungry for the hunt. A look he loved and hated. Her death this time had changed her. She was not his Slayer. Not the one he fell in love with. Not the one he would have sacrificed what was left of his soul for. She was a woman who had seen more in her short life then most will ever now. Her demeanour, stalking. Her movements fluid as she beheaded a fledgling.

She was forever changed and now so was he. Hope was gone from his crystal blue eyes. No hope for them. He knew there was never any but he tried even during all the obstacle over the last year since her rebirth.

As she staked an attacking vampire he shuddered. It was time to let go. She was not his. She was never his, not even for a moment.

"Good bye Buffy." The words flowed from his tongue as his duster bellowed behind him as he walked into the night.

Buffy turned as she heard her name. But there was no one there. She shrugged deciding to patrol for another hour. She needed to kill some more demons before going to the Bronze she knew there was going to be an impending explosion that was waiting to happen.

She walked further into the cemetery. The night air was still. She walked until she began to think about how these last couple of months had been a struggle. Adjusting to her place in the world again. Realizing that she didn't fit in anywhere. She didn't date or go to parties, just the odd Bronze gathering was enough of a social life.

Everyone had been acting different around her, even Dawn. Willow was around constantly and Spike was there in the background, she could usually feel him near even if she couldn't see him, that was until a month ago.

Buffy had to kill her first human with her bare hands. The Council understood but she couldn't. She snapped Ethan Rayne's neck like a twig when he went after Dawn.

A part of her wanted to rejoice for winning yet another battle, but a black hole in her stomach began to engulf her. Guilt. And she took it out on everyone with a ten foot radius.

One month before......

Spike walked to the Summers porch where Buffy was sitting. Her face was drawn and tired, he watched as she sipped the red liquid from the glass.

"What do you want?" She said before emptying the glass of its contents and pouring the next one.

"Cheap wine pet?" Spike picked up the bottles and dumped the contents.

"What THE?!?!?!" Buffy stood as drained the wine.

"Not going to do you any good. Remember the last time. You and alcohol don't have a a real good history."

"You owe me six bucks for that." Buffy growled before she grabbed her glass and hugged it close.

"I know what today is Slayer."

"And what day is that?" Buffy asked walking to the picnic table putting down her now empty glass.

"It's been a month since you've killed him."

Buffy felt her legs go weak as she remember the feeling of Ethan's skin beneath her fingers as she began to squeeze the life out him. Yelling at him to release Dawn from the spell he cast on her. The look in his eyes etched her conscious. She gripped tighter as his face reddened. His eyes bulging, gasping for air, and finally he grunted the words to break the spell. Buffy let go to hear as Ethan gasped for breath and laughed. She had sacrificed everything to her life, and her family safe and now another thing was here to invade her . To violate her in some way and it was enough she had enough. She grabbed the top of his head and his chin. His reaction was slow he didn't even know what had happened. The sickening pop and the subsequent thud as the body hit the ground was the last thing that she remembered. That and a smile. The smile she gave when she had killed him shocked her to the core.

Buffy shivered and grabbed herself in an embrace, feeling tears spring to her eyes.

"It'll be ok pet." He tried to lull her. Over the past year he had been a good friend but a part of her knew that he was in love with her.

"It's not friggin ok." Buffy pulled away from his grip stepping backward.

"He was evil." He tried to justify her actions.

"He was human. And I killed him."

"He would have killed Willow and you, if you hadn't stopped him."

"I should have let him kill me.

"Don't you say that." He gripped her shoulders tightly and look straight into her now green eyes. "He was evil and you know that you had no choice.

"You are no better then he is."

"What?"

"Your a useless demon. You are a nothing in either world. But he was a person. And yeah he was evil but it's not my job to kill humans, I kill demons." Buffy just continued to let the words spew out of her mouth, "I could have spared him, like I did Ben. I could have let him have a second chance."

"A nothing?" Spike said softly.

"I mean, it was so easy and I should have felt...." Finally her own words registered in her mind. She swallowed hard as she looked into his eyes, the expression of pain, shock was etched across his sculpted face. He let go of her small shoulders and backed away from her slowly.

That was it. Over the past year he had been there through the tantrums, the new big bads, even all the insults. There was something special about them this time, he couldn't place it but it gnawed at him. He knew then he was seeking a hopeless prize. Something that was never his and never would be his. For some strange reason the words of an old poem that he had written came back to him,

'If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with'

Spike walked away from her that night and that was the last time he talked to her for a whole month.

Part 2 ~ The Bronze

Buffy walked slowly to the Bronze thinking about all that was about to happen. In three days there was Anya and Xander's rehearsal dinner, everyone who was a part of the wedding was there.

She walked into the Bronze to find the gang sitting around a table talking and laughing, Anya was sitting in Xander's lap fiddling with his hair, Willow was talking to Tara. suddenly her eyes caught site of her sister and Spike huddled by an emergency exit in a heated discussion. Buffy watched as Spike brought his hand to her chin and looked into her eyes. His words broke the ex-Key into tears, he brought his hands around her and she grabbed him in despair. Buffy looked on as the vampire, 'the nothing' as she had called him stroked her sister's hair, he pulled back and wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumbs. Then he took his index finder and slowly ran it along the bridge of her nose, then he tapped the tip gently, bringing a smile to Dawn's face. The blonde vampire took her hand in his and lead her back to the table. Spike looked up and his eyes immediately caught Buffy's stare.

The slayer looked away quickly, but glanced back to see Spike pull away from Dawn, and walk toward the dance floor. Dawn looked up to see Buffy and sighed deeply before heading back to the table. The rest of the gang finally took notice at the arrival of the slayer and she sat down next to Xander's cousin Tony and some other people whom she had no clue who they were.

"Buffy!" Tony exclaimed smiling brightly, he was 16 and had a huge crush on the Slayer.

"Hey Tony. Hey guys!"

'Hi Buffy's' rang out briefly, but she didn't pay much attention as Dawn sat down next to Buffy, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I am fine now."

"You can talk to me about anything Dawn."

"Yeah I know." Dawn said grabbing a handful of pretzels. "Xander's sister is here!"

"Really?"

"Yup Penny is here, my dad is actually being nice and stuff. The other relatives are coming in tomorrow." Xander announced.

"Well where is she?" Buffy asked.

"On the dance floor, with my brother." The stranger answered. Buffy looked at him and then at the gang. "My name is Innis. My brother." Innis pointed through the crowd toward a young curly dark haired man with a girl clinging to his arm. She wore a tight leather skirt and a green tube top. Her hair was dyed burgundy and hung in a close shaped bob. "He is Penny's boyfriend.

The music was fast and pulsing the Bronze was extra busy for a Tuesday night.

"Let's go and dance Buffy." Tony said grabbing Buffy's arm and dragging her toward the dance floor. Buffy turned back mouthing 'Help'.

Dawn got up wearily and caught up with them, Somewhere by Default blared as Tony bounced around Buffy laughed and Dawn groaned. They danced until the tempo changed and Buffy pushed Dawn toward him and turned around smack dab into Spike. They stood frozen as the song blared.

Never made it as wise man
I couldn't make it as a poor man stealing
Tired of livin' like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling

This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

The vampire and the Slayer stayed still even as the bodies moved around them. He smirked as he thought of the bridge. Buffy cringed at the expression of contempt in his eyes. Her heart felt heavy under his gaze but, her stubbornness commanded her to stay still.

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
this time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
these five words in my head scream 'are we havin' fun yet?'

This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you don't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause livin' with me must have damn near killed you

This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

His expressions changed like the gentleness of the song to the hardness of pain that expressed.

In his mind her heard those words, they were worse then 'You're beneath me', to her he was 'nothing'. His love, his heart, his friendship, his loyalty was nothing. He broke the gaze and turned to leave, but he felt her strong arm pull back around. Buffy looked into his eyes but the next verse cut through.

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream 'are we havin' fun yet?"

Never made it as wise man
I couldn't make it as a poor man stealing

Spike mouthed the words to her. She felt her heart lurch as a looks as cold as ice seemed to glaze over his eyes. The tenderness that he had for her was gone. His love was lost to her.

This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream 'are we havin' fun yet?"

Spike wrenched his arm out of her grasp and slowly walked toward the table.

Part 3 ~ The Kiss

When Buffy finally left the bathroom, she felt sick to her stomach but, she came back just in time to step into the middle of the argument. Willow and Tara looked at the Slayer for help. Buffy glanced at the engaged couple and shook her head. She looked at Spike who was drinking a beer and looking anywhere but her direction.

"So you think that I am going to get all fat and lumpy and that I'll let you leave me for some intern or secretary."

"I never said that Ahn."

"Well it's not like when you get older you won't look flabby and gross you aren't too far off now."

"WHAT!?!" Xander said shrilly.

"You heard me. Anymore donuts at the construction site and I'll have three Xander's. Flabby, Smelly and Hairy. Not a pretty picture."

"Well I got you didn't I."

"And you are lucky." She replied. "I give you lots of orgasms and now you..."

"Hey hey hey, I give you lots of them too."

"Oh god." Tara cringed siting next to the fighting couple

Anya's eyes flashed with anger, "Look here Xander I am a damn good catch and ANY guy in here with eyes would want me. Like him." Anya pointed to a redheaded young man that just walked in, then she switched directions and pointed to another innocent guy, "And him."

"Yeah right! Anya. With all your tact and subtlety, I'm sure they'd be jumping on you in an hour."

Spike visibly gulped down his bear, loving the exchange.

"I think as 'Best Man' status, Spike, you should try and resolve this." Willow whispered to Spike.

"Yeah bloody right me getting in the middle of this is like trying to part two hungry lions from their kill. I don't feel like being mauled anytime soon." The blond vampire smirked before he abruptly left.

"Fine you don't think I can. Just watch me." Anya declared as she jumped up from the table and approached the redhead.

Xander watched as his fiancé flirted with the guy who was definitely reciprocating the flirtation. Then a couple of his friends gathered around laughing and talking with Anya as she swung her light brown locks back and forth giving all of the guys a perfect view of the smooth skin from her neck to the top of her breasts. Xander wanted to knock out every guy over there but he knew it was Anya's way of getting back at him. Well now he was going to get even. He remembered an argument that happened after fighting a demon when he and Tara ended up trapped in a cargo container and Anya had wanted to know if he and Tara had done anything 'inappropriate'. The answer was 'Hell No'. Well now he was going to show her.

As Willow chased after Spike, Buffy sat on empty chair. Xander put his hand on Tara's knee startling the Wicca. He leaned in to her as if to tell her a secret. Tara moved in innocently and as Anya turned to look at Xander's reaction to her flirtation her heart nearly dropped.

Xander pulled Tara toward him and before she even knew what was happened they were lip locked. Buffy remained in complete shock as Tara tried to protest and then the slayer knew that he had slipped in his tongue.

Tara struggled to break the hold that Xander had on her. Finally she got her wits together and bit Xander's tongue.

Xander let go of her and immediately reached for his now throbbing tongue.

"What the hell was that?" Tara asked recoiling away from him.

"I knew it. I knew it." Anya said her eyes brimming with tears as she walked back toward the table.

"Oh boy." Buffy said as all hell was about to break loose

Suddenly Tara's face turned red and she began hitting Xander with girly slaps to his head and shoulders. Then Anya started and Xander was being pummelled. Willow and Spike ran up to stop the assault on Xander.

"Buffy! Do something." Willow shrieked

"He deserves it. He just kissed Tara." Buffy replied and then counted to three.

Spike pulled Anya away from Xander in time to let Willow take her place, "Bloody hell!"

"Hey you are not allowed to hit him only I am." Anya struggled in Spike's arms.

"Ok guys he can't be too black and blue for the wedding." Buffy announced. Bringing his assault to an end.

"Are you ok baby?" Willow asked Tara as she hugged her lover. Then she turned to a sheepish looking Xander. "You ever pull a stunt like that again I can guarantee no more orgasms for you."

"Willow I am ....HEY!." Xander said his hands covered his crown jewels.

"Cause they will be nothing there and I can make it happen Xander." The Redhead turned abruptly, "You and Anya deserve each other. Let's go honey." Willow took Tara's hand in her and started to walk away.

"Well if anything he reaffirmed why I am gay."

Spike nearly spit out all the beer he was drinking when the blond wicca walked past him.

Buffy watched as a smile and gasp escaped his lips. The slight way his mouth twisted, the flex or his angled face looked soft and inviting. It took a moment before she realized that he was staring back. As soon as her eyes met his, the simple look he gave her said is all. It was silent but it ached with such violence.

'You are nothing.'

Spike slowly stood walked out the back toward the dance floor only to be intercepted by Dawn moving out of the way of a fleeing Anya

"Anya I am sorry." Xander pleaded as he chased her.

Part 4 ~ The News

Buffy watched as Spike and Dawn left the bronze taking the back exit. She followed closely but not enough to be detected by the vampire.

Buffy only heard the tail end of their conversation.

"So how does it look Niblet." Spike showed off his new Harley.

"It's awesome Spike. Can I get a ride?"

"Now way Nib. Your sis would stake me." Spike smiled.

"That I would." Buffy smiled but the drop of his face tied her stomach in painful knots.

"Well tomorrow is the final fitting, are you going to be there?" Dawn asked Spike ignoring Buffy's attempt to make everything all right again. Buffy went back through the door realizing that she was interrupting but she listened from the shadows.

Spike continued once Buffy was gone. "No way Pigeon. I got a meeting with the Watcher, about me sailing ship after the wedding."

"You can't go Spike! I don't care who she is? You can't leave Spike." Buffy heard Dawn crying. She peeked around the corner to see Spike hugging her. "You can't go I still need you and Buffy needs you."

"Buffy doesn't need me Dawn and neither do you."

Buffy stood silent and confused in the background, Spike was leaving?

"Look Nib's there is nothing for me to do around here anymore?"

"You can protect me."

"You got your big sis and the wacky Wicca's and the donut boy, the vampire is not needed."

"But I want you to stay." Dawn's voice suddenly drop to a low whisper.

"Nibbs I'll be a phone call away if you need me." Dawn hugged him tightly.

Buffy crept back into the Bronze trying to figure out a way to make him stay. And she had to figure it out soon.

The whole taxi ride home Buffy and Dawn remained silent. But once they reached the Summers house it was different.

"I know you were listening at the Bronze." Dawn growled before heading to the living room. "It's all your fault!"

"What?!?" Buffy asked meekly.

"I don't know what you did or said to him but he's been acting different for weeks now. I have let it alone until now. But he's leaving Buffy and now I want to know why?" Dawn seethed with anger as clenched her fists.

"Dawnie, if he wants to leave. Then we can't stop him. I don't know..."

"Don't lie to me." Dawn turned and stormed up the stairs. She stopped on the top landing looking at Buffy, "Just because you are too blind to how great he really is, doesn't mean that I should suffer because you want to be a bitch!" Then she ran up the rest of the stairs.

"DAWN!" Buffy ran up after her.

"What? I know you did something to him. He wouldn't tell me, but I know it." Tears welled up in Dawn's eyes. "I love him Buffy he's my best friend and now he's leaving because of you and what you did. And it's hurting me."

"Dawnie I'm...."

"Your what? Sorry? Spare me Buffy." Dawn opened her room door. "Just make it right."

"But...."

The sound of the door slamming cut off the rest of the slayers sentence. She sighed deeply before retiring to her own room.

Part 5 ~ The Wedding

"I think that I am going to vomit." Anya said for the tenth time as Penny fixed her hair.

"You'll be fine." Willow smiled.

"I guess..." Anya said before her face turned green ad she ran to the bathroom door.

"Oh boy." Willow said slapping her forehead.

"It's nearly sunset. The ceremony is starting in 10 minutes. Let's move people." Dawn hurried.

Buffy stood up in her lilac chiffon dress and walked toward the closed bathroom, she looked at Willow briefly before she opened.

"Anya?" Buffy called gently. She peeked inside to see the ex-demon sitting on the edge of the bathtub with sheer panic written on her face. Buffy sat next to her and grabbed the box of nearby tissue and handed it to Anya.

"Thanks." She replied meekly.

"I know you love him and I know that he loves you. And you should be nervous. This is real life. But you are living it. Which is more then I can say for others." Buffy cringed at her own words. "And I can only imagine how afraid you are to commit your heart and every waking moment to another person. But Anya, Xander is the right person. We all know it." Buffy said as she looked up to see Willow standing in the door way.

"Anya, just face it you two are soul mates." Willow smiled.

"Yeah! and I know real love when I see it." Buffy smiled.

But Dawn's snort brought reality back to the forefront. "Real love? You had it with Angel, or Riley huh?"

"Dawn this is not the place." Tara said politely.

"Not the place? I think it is the place. She made it the place. REAL LOVE?!?. Is that a person who would change everything to be with you? Bend over backward to make sure that you were fine? Real love... Is that when a person loves you so completely that they would do anything to make sure that could protect you? Is that the person that would never leave you no matter what? Jeesh that sounds familiar. But what do I know about it? I know that my sister would rather be alone then with the man that she loves and is too afraid to admit it to herself. Jeesh what fine examples of love us Summer's women give each other. We just drive our REAL love's away. Don't we??"

"Dawn's that's enough." Buffy gritted between her teeth.

Dawn raised her eyebrow and pressed her lips together, "What are you going to do chase me away like you did Spike?"

"I did not chase him away."

"Then what happened. You were friends one day and then the next he acted like you had vampire ebola. What did you do?"

"I don't want to talk about it it's not the time or place."

"He is leaving tonight and I want him to stay. And I can't make him unless I know what you did. And I know that you did something to him. Something more then the usual insults. What could have said that was so mean that he would want to leave you?"

"I told him that he was nothing. A nothing! I was rambling and it slipped out and hates me for it."

"Really. That's it? Then apologize." Dawn pleaded.

"I've tried Dawn but he hates me."

"Buffy he loves you. He could never hate you."

"Dawn..." Willow tried to step in.

"No. He'll listen to you if you apologize. He loves you and you love him."

"I don't lo...." Buffy began before she saw the accusing eyes of her sister and her friends. "Whatever I feel for Spike can never happen."

"But if you love him..." Tara looked at the torn slayer, "And you DO love him," Tara gagged her reaction, "Then you should tell him before it's too late and you end up regretting it."

"Like the saying goes, it's better to have loved and have lost. Then to never have loved at all." Anya smiled at her words of wisdom.

"Buffy do you love him?" Willow sat down next to the Slayer

"I don't know Wills. Not having him around me lately and not being able to talk to him has been hard. Harder then I would like to admit. I so want to make thing right with him but he won't give me a chance. Every time I get near him he freezes me out." Buffy felt tears brimming her eyes.

"Just tell him, Buffy." Dawn pleaded. "I don't want him to go."

"Buffy you need to make up your mind. He's leaving after the reception. What are you going to do? What are you going to tell him."

"One minute guys." Penny burst through the door. Everyone jumped in the bathroom and quickly tried to compose themselves.

"Hey there is one thing I can say." Anya smiled, "I'm like my nice uncomplicated Xander."

"Let's go." Penny yelled from the hallway.

The small church was packed, many of Anya's scorned women clientele showed up for the wedding with there new beau's. And most of Xander's family was present too.

Spike and Xander stood waiting for the girls to walk down the aisle. Suddenly the organ blared the wedding march, both turned wearing there charcoal grey tuxedos. Dawn walked down the aisle first. Spike smiled at how cute she looked in a light blue chiffon gown. Then Willow walked down the aisle radiating confidence and beauty with her pale pink matching gown.

Then she appeared.

Spike watched as Buffy came into site, and if he had breath to lose he would have died from lack of oxygen. Every moment was fluent and breathtaking. Her lilac dress contrasted perfectly with her light tanned skin. Buffy reached the church platform kissing Xander on the cheek then she took a swift look at Spike. His eyes quickly diverted away and awaited Anya's entrance. Buffy's stomach did flip flops as he ignored her. Her throat felt dry, and tears began to form but she was not going to be the cause of Anya's ruined wedding day. Buffy sucked in the proverbial breath and did her duty as Maid of Honour to get through the ceremony.

Part 6 ~ The Reception

With in forty-five minutes they were at the reception. All of the Wedding Party sat at the centre table with the Harris family and many of Anya's ex-clientele sat buzzing around waiting for the happy couple to walk in.

Buffy remained pretty silent watching as girls ogled Spike. She felt not a twinge but an all out punch of jealousy. She was quickly brought back to reality by Penny.

"Buffy so what's up?"

"Nothing." Buffy replied slowly.

"Well like you and Spike give each other like these glances and then it's like pure loathing and then it's like I so want you and then it's like I can't stand you. You two are confusing me. Just go at it already. It's not like...." Penny looked over to the buffet table. "Ackkkk mom is going toward the champagne. Xander will kill me." Penny took off across the room leaving Buffy flabbergasted.

Buffy took a deep breath. The first toast was approaching as Xander and Anya settled into there seats. Buffy had no clue what to say everything that she knew about love ended up with heartache and tears. Nothing to appropriate about that.

"I am not good at the whole speech thing so I wrote something that I would like Anya and Xander to read to each other."

Buffy took out two slips of paper handing the first to Anya and the second to Xander.

Anya began reading, "You are my life..."

Xander read, "My happiest moments weren't complete if you weren't by my side."

"You're my relation and connection to the sun..."

"With you next to me, there's no darkness I can't overcome."

"You make the confusion go all away from this cold and misty world."

"I appreciate the love and dedication from you to me."

"I see my whole future in your eyes."

"Realize all of my blessings, I'm grateful to have you by my side."

"Every time I see your face, my heart smiles. Every time it feels so good, it hurts sometimes."

"Created in this world to love, to hold, to feel, to breathe. To live you. I am in love with you."

"You set me free. I can't do this thing called life without you here with me."

Both Anya and Xander finished the last line, "Cause I'm dangerously in love with you. I'll never leave. Just keep loving me the way I love you loving me"

Buffy wiped away the tear that threatened to spill from her eye and sat down quietly as the room resounded in applause

"That was beautiful." Willow whispered to Buffy, "I think you got it across."

Buffy knew exactly what she meant. The slayer turned to see Spike staring at her. He quickly turned his head stood up.

"Well I haven't been to too many weddings in my life time." Spike smiled looking at Anya and Xander. "But I know that there are things that true love can bring you, and you two have already found that. You've been through lot, you know apocalypses, a cyborg a demigod."

Everyone stared blankly at Spike.

"Just kidding folks. I am just trying to say that they have been through the good and the bad and they remained strong. Anya, Xander is a very lucky guy to have found a woman like you caring and honest and beautiful, inside and out. And Xander, well you are lucky to have found a woman as caring and honest and beautiful, as Anya." The crowd snickered, Spike raised his glass and the sound of clanking and clickering of glass resounded in the room.

"Spike" A shrill voice called.

Spike cringed as he stopped talking with Tara.

"Mrs. Harris." Spike smiled

"Now where is she....AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Mrs Harris scanned the room, "There she is. Buffy! BUFFY!"

Everyone turned back to see what was going on and Buffy watched as Penny tried to hide. "She got into the punch bowl didn't she?"

Penny gave a slight smile and took off.

Buffy sighed deeply before heading over to the middle aged woman holding onto Spike's arm.

"I can't believe it. It seems like just yesterday you were living with my Xander." She smiled up at Spike then she grabbed the slayers arm. "And you were such a cute little girl. And you and your toasts I thought you two looked so cute. You guys would make a cute couple."

"Hey leave those kids alone Maggie." Mr Harris said walking toward his drunk wife.

"You know they make a cute couple Mike. DJ! Mr. DJ!"

The disc jockey looked up and Mrs Harris ran across the dance floor and whispered something into his ear and then ran back to see the couple acting strangely cool toward each other but she was going to fix that. "You two go and dance. I requested a song for you one of my favourites"

Spike and Buffy hesitated until Mrs. Harris pushed Buffy toward the blonde vampire. They stood stationary neither wanted to make the first move.

Spike sighed before he took Buffy's small warm hand into his. As the piano instrumental played he knew the song instantly. Inwardly he cringed. The woman he was trying to get over was in his arms and this song was about to play.

Is it my turn to wish you were lying here.
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping.
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world.
Or even imagine your emotions to tell myself anything...

Is it my turn to hold your hands.
Tell you I love you and you not hear me...
Is it my turn to totally understand.
To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing...

Buffy pressed herself against him unconsciously. His arms wrapped around her on instinct. Tears tickled her eyes and she raised her head to his face a mirror of her pain. But it soon faded as they melded into each other and let the music take over.

If I have to give away...
The feeling that I feel.
If I have to sacrifice...
Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby.
If I have to take apart...
All that I am...
Is there anything that I would not do,

'Cause inside I'd die without you...
'Cause inside I'd die without you...
'Cause inside I'd die without you...

Buffy looked up into the vampires eyes the tears threatening to spill. For the first time she knew that she needed him. That she loved him.

Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done.
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning...
Is it my turn to be the one to cry.
Isn't it amazing how some things just completely turn around...

The slayer couldn't help but laugh at how true the song was. A complete turn around. She was in love with Spike. She had been for a long time but she never let her guard down. She always treated him like he was beneath her. She had always let him know how insignificant he was in her life with some simple words that came out in a moment of rage. She hated that she had never thought that it would hurt him this bad. But once it leaves your mouth you can't take it back. She certainly hadn't extended the olive branch after that final encounter, but one day while sleeping she had felt her stomach truly drop. She had lost him before she had every truely found him.

So take every little piece of my heart...
So take every little piece of my soul...
So take every little piece of my mind...
'Cause if you're gone... inside... I'd die without you...

If I have to give away...
The feeling that I feel.
If I have to sacrifice...
Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby.
If I have to take apart...
All that I am...
Is there anything that I would not do,
'Cause inside I'd die without you...
'Cause inside I'd die without you...
'Cause inside I'd die without you...
Die without you...
'Cause inside I'd die without you...

He pulled away from her scorched, until she grabbed his head and pulled him down to her and kissed him deeply. He looked down at her.....

Pick Your Poison

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