DISCLAIMER: Set in the world of Neon Genesis: Evangelion. We are ours.
Eva and it's characters, settings, situations, etc. are not ours. This
is non-profit, for spoof and parody purposes, and isn't helping our
social lives at all. We will not be held responsible if you take any of
this story seriously.

WARNING: Foul language (I'll  when I can for the sake of not
having an imagination), reckless humor, the plotline was drawn by a
drunk monkey on a hallucinogenic (don't worry the monkey is fine), and
excessive use of Creative License.

NOTE: This is a Tag Team self-insertion fan-fiction. Sometimes we write
our own episodes, sometimes we alternate lines. If you haven't realized
the three distinct writing styles, then go back and read the first three
Episodes. And unless otherwise noted, the script is in Japanese. In
addition, if you haven't noticed yet, faithfulness to the original
storyline went out the window from the first episode, when all three
Evas successfully defeated the 7th Angel on the first try.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[It was a dark and stormy night.]

John: This isn't any steppe dry-land wussy rain back home. These drops
are big as gophers!

[Some say that the weather is a great omen of things to come.]

Andy: Isn't the simile "cats and dogs"?

[A night such as this could signify a coming disaster...]

Jared: Japan is an island, we're right next to the Pacific Ocean. This
is an entirely differently climate than back home.

[or it could bring the promise of a new hope.]

John: < -_- > I am fully aware of the meteorological differences between
Kennewick, Washington 1999 and Tokyo-3, Japan 2015.

[Or it could just mean that it's raining and no one wants to go
outside.]

Jared: (mo-men-tum!) Well!! Who's up for some anime?


           --------------------------------------------------

                              TITLE FLASH:

                              Three Goons

                     Being of Sound Mind and Body /
                          Where are the keys?

           --------------------------------------------------


[The follow dialogue is translated from Japanese.]

Misato: Report.

NERV Guard A: (over the phone) The Americans have locked themselves in
their apartment. They haven't left in a week.

Misato: I haven't heard anything from them next door.

NERV Guard A: That may be because they were last seen soundproofing the
place. They had material all over the walls, the door, the ceiling, and
the floor.

Misato: I see. Anything else?

NERV Guard A: Before we lost contact with them several large boxes were
shipped to them. It appeared to be stereo equipment and a giant TV. Then
came several boxes full of what looked like videos, but we weren't able
to determine the nature or content of the tapes.

Misato: (thinking) Just my luck to be responsible for a bunch of
perverts. (out loud, a few seconds later) Can we call them?

NERV Guard A: No ma'am, the only phone in the apartment was last
reported flung out the window when we tried contacting them a few days
ago. We tried forcing open the door, but they've barricaded it fairly
well. We tried rappelling through the windows, but we were blocked off
as well. I would like permission to use a shape charge on your wall for
a temporary entry point.

Misato: Out of the question. Are they broadcasting anything, any
transmissions via computer or such?

NERV Guard A: No ma'am. They just came in one day with a bunch of
supplies and after they got the tapes, haven't left since.

Misato: (biting her lip) Well, if you get any response from them, I want
to be the first one to know.

NERV Guard A: Yes Ma'am.

[The guard hangs up. Misato sighs and puts away her phone.]

Ritsuko: (leaning back in her chair, slightly amused) You sound like you
miss them.

Misato: Well, the blonde kid did manage to get Asuka off my back for a
while.

Ritsuko: (laughs a little at the memory) I don't think even Shinji has
gotten her that mad before.

Misato: Things just seem a lot more quiet around here now that they've
locked themselves in. I don't know if it's culture shock, jet lag, or
what. They've closed all outside communication... I just don't know what
to do.

Ritsuko: Look on the bright side, from what we've seen of them, they've
probably attacked each other with one survivor feeding off his
companions' remains until the mortal wound he suffered from the conflict
finally takes its toll and he dies too. We'll have three dead bodies of
boys that don't exist, that we can just incinerate and forget about.

Misato: The blonde kid really made an impression on you didn't he?

Ritsuko: Not just that one...

Misato: I hope they come out soon. We have the language classes all
setup for them.

Ritsuko: Not to mention the Americans have completed the new Evas to
their... specifications.

Misato: How did they get to have a say in Evas they shouldn't even know
about?

Ritsuko: "The American Way".

Misato: < -_- > They bribed you?

Ritsuko: Trickery and deceit.

Misato: I'm not surprised, they know a lot about a lot here and they
also spew a bunch of bullshit. I wouldn't be shocked if one of them
claimed that there was a room full of Rei Ayanami's downstairs.

[Misato laughs at her joke. While Ritsuko nervously chuckles.]

Misato: But seriously, I wonder how long they're going to stay in there?

----------

[Two weeks later.]

[After the usual morning routine, Misato leads her charges to another
day of boring tests, morale-sucking brooding, and countless drills. She
let the door slide shut behind her, glancing at the neighboring door
with a sigh. Shinji, with his usual depressed lethargy pressed the
elevator button, while Asuka started up on her constant riling on him.]

[Then the door slid open with a "whoosh", fog billowed out of the dark
portal, from inside a broken light created a periodic strobe effect.
Shinji was backing away slowly, his usual "I mustn't run away" mantra in
full throttle. Asuka prepared to give the first one to step out a good
hard glare. Misato was tempted to peek into the apartment, but Jared
burst from the abyss before she could get close enough.]

[He's wearing a pair of dark slacks and a light blue button-up shirt,
complete with a tie.]

[John and Andy soon follow but at a more casual pace.]

[John is also wearing dark slacks, but topped it off with a black
T-shirt covered in the NERV logo. Andy is wearing light khakis and a
button up Hawaiian shirt with a tropical print, minus tie.]

[Jared looks around and finally notices the neighbors.]

Misato: (poor English, obviously nervous) Good... good morning, guys.

Jared: (in flawless Japanese) Konichiwa, Misato-san. And what a splendid
morning it is, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, Asuka is
looking particularly delicious...

Asuka: rrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! (charges at
Jared)

John: (in English as he watches Jared lead Asuka in a few laps around
the floor) And he promised he'd behave... (in Japanese of exceptional
quality) Good morning, Misato-san. I trust that things haven't gotten
too out of control during our absence.

Misato:  Depends on who you ask...

Andy:  (cheerfully (and loudly)) KONNYANYACHIWA!! (suddenly
ominous) The seven sons of god shall unite over cheese, the Destroyer
shall come as one, FEAR THE WRATH OF JAAAAMES!!!!!

Jared: (glancing back as he passes by) You rang?

Misato: (unnerved by this) Ummm... John, explanation please?

John:  Once upon a time, for reasons we still do not
pretend to understand, Jared acquired this little fascination with
assassins. From this he developed a character known as James Rahn.

Misato: (tapping foot) Is this going anywhere?

John: (off-hand) Eventually.  James Rahn is not the kind
of guy you'd want to meet in a dark alley. Actually, he's not the kind
of guy you'd want to meet at all--unless you were trying to kill him,
but that... is another story. Any way, this "James" character started to
get a little strange. We kept tinkering with him, like a couple of
teenagers tinkering with a car stereo.

[Misato takes on a horrified expression.]

John: (talking slowly, as if in shock) He started getting stronger, more
powerful... and we got careless. And then... there was the cheese.
(hangs head in shame)

Misato: This isn't going any where, is it?

John: (shakes himself) James is just... just something we don't want to
think about. Anything "James" is just evil distilled, concentrated into
it's purest form... added to a cigarette... with no filter...

Misato: (flat voice) I get the idea.

Andy: (to Jared) James, knock it off!

Misato: (raises eyebrow) Umm...

John: (ashamed) And then there's that.

Misato: Ah hah. Well, have you guys had breakfast yet?

[John looks at her blankly. Andy looks at her blankly. Jared finally
finishes his chase with Asuka and stops to stare at Misato until Asuka
catches her breath again and tackles him.]

John: (slowly, as if this is a new and alien concept) Break... fast?

Misato: < o_o; > You know, stuff you eat in the morning?

Andy: (mystified) Morn... ing?

Misato: (hinting) After you wake up?

John: (as if remembering a great pain, like being stoned to death by
angry villagers) Sunlight? Waking?

[John and Andy exchange a "She doesn't need the details" glance.]

John: We had our Dew, we'll be fine.

Misato: What do plants have to do with this?

John: (gesturing) Let's go.

Asuka: (jumping to her feet, screaming) PERVERT! YOU DID THAT
DELIBERATELY!!!

Jared: (grinning in a most disturbing fashion) No... well, yes. Come
back down here and I'll finish the job.

Asuka: (livid, backing away quickly) ...

John: (warning tone, to Jared) We're leaving....

Jared: (on his feet in a flash, hair slicked back, adjusting tie) Then
let's get moving.

[Down in the garage level, Misato is leading the troops to her car,
seemingly oblivious to the fact that the two-door vehicle couldn't
possibly contain one of the Americans much less all three in addition to
Shinji, Asuka, and herself. The foreigners, however, are much more aware
to the volume problem and have no intentions on playing "clown car"
especially with Misato behind the wheel. Not to mention the arguments in
about who will be sitting on whose lap.]

Misato: (as she unlocks the driver's door) Oh wait, my car is a little
small for everyone, who wants to walk?

[Shinji and Asuka scramble to declare that they want to walk, but the
goons are nowhere to be seen. Three dust trails lead out of the parking
garage, through a car's shattered windows curiously, but outside the
building nonetheless.]

[Both Shinji and Asuka hang their heads, so their bangs cover their eyes
as they tempt fate again and enter Misato's car.]

----------

[NERV HQ]

[A FEW hours later....]

Ritsuko: (screaming) WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU BAKAS!!!!!

John: There is a perfectly rational and reasonable explanation for this.

Misato: (in her stern military commander (i.e. professional) mode) This
had better be good!

Jared: John, fire away.

John: Jared, we're not packing yet.

Jared: (glares)

John:  While we can now, due to our extensive ummm...
"training", speak Japanese fluently, we have yet to actually master
reading the Kanji. So stupid here (gestures to Jared) got on the wrong
bus.

Jared: (Classic Catch Phrase) THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!!

Misato: (still in professional mode) Okay, where did you go?

John:  Well, first we found ourselves outside Osaka, then we got on
the train and went through this tunnel and ended up in a place that must
have been Kyoto.

[The crickets cheer.]

Jared: What my esteemed and confused associate is trying to say is, we
got a teensy bit lost--

John: A teensy bit lost?! We wandered over half the damn country!

Jared: Teensy, like I said. It's a small country. (breaks into song)
It's a small country after all... (sees John) what?

John: (hands clenching imaginary 2x4) And to top all this off, we lost
Andy.

Misato: Excuse me? 'Lost' him? He's not exactly a set of car keys, now
is he?

Jared: Maybe a big--

John: (standing over Jared's unconscious form) It is more accurate to
say he got lost... independent of us.

Misato: Meaning you got separated.

John: That's what I said.

Ritsuko: RED ALERT! Call up the JSDF, they will want to know about
this. You two! (points at John and Jared) Err... John, grab your friend
and follow the nice guys wearing body armor.

[Faceless Minion-like military types appear as if hiding in thin air,
materializing around John in an escort formation.]

Ritsuko: --and follow me. We've got to get him back.

John: That will be a bit of a challenge.

Ritsuko: Explain.

John: (sighs, LM) Stupid here, (pointing at Jared) came up with the
bright idea to stop at the airport we were passing by to ask for
directions. He figured that since it was an international airport,
somebody would help us with the sign problem. At the very least, I think
he was planning to get a book on kanji translations. (disdainfully) Not
that it would have helped if it was written primarly in kanji. Oh _why_
didn't he just ask for directions.... (refocusing) But our intrepid
leader became suddenly distracted, to use to the word lightly.

[He pauses. Misato realizes it before Ritsuko.]

Misato: Manga.

John: < -_- > Yep.

Misato: Dojunishi manga.

John: < -_- > Ayeup.

Misato: But he can't read it.

John: ("are you a clueless idiot" look directed at Misato)

Misato: Oh dear god.

John: No, just Jared... or was it James? Any way, he was plenty
distracted, and Andy got away, and--

Misato: And where were you?

John: Dew. Bladder. Bathroom with kanji sign. Angry female mob. `Nuff
said.

Misato: And Andy?

John: (continuing) F-type. Explosions. Roaring noise. Atmospheric
flight. Again, `nuff said.

Ritsuko: < 0_0 > Oh shit.

John: < -_- > That too.

Misato: So where is he now?

John: Thirty-five thousand feet and descending at a perpendicular angle
to the city I would venture.

Misato: < 0_0 > WHAT?!

John:  You recall the incident with Unit-02? Andy has always favored
the flashy entrance, preferably with as many pyrotechnics as possible. I
would suggest you issue a general alarm and lower the buildings.

Ritsuko: SCRAMBLE REI!! SHOOT HIM DOWN!! DO SOMETHING!! BRACE FOR
IMPACT!!

Misato: Are you done panicking, Rit-chan. We have 22 layers of armor
above us. Sure, he'll take out five, ten, twenty, um (starts counting on
her fingers) Oh... Oh my.

John: Yep, with Andy at the helm, your Eva transport has become a
sixty-thousand pound shape charge. Accelerating due to gravity well past
Mach 2. Not to mention the N2 reactor powering the sucker. Armored nose--

Ritsuko and Misato: WE GET THE FUCKING POINT!!!

Jared: (sitting up) Did I miss anything?

John: Telling them about Andy.

Jared: < ^_^ > Andy? He couldn't hit the ground if he tripped. What's
the problem?

John: < -_- > I was about to tell them that. By now Andy has completely
botched his crash making a perfect 3-point landing on the airfield.
Upside-down, forgetting to extend the landing gear, and probably
smashing hundreds of civilian craft in the process, crashing into the
5th Angel's corpse in a fiery inferno of destruction, but not the total
apocalypse I was making it out to be.

Jared: Oh, so business as usual?

[John nods.]

Ritsuko: (pointing at the two, demon head mode, veins nearing exploding
from her forehead) GET THOSE    
 OUT OF MY SIGHT!!

--------------------

[The hallway to the Eva cages... An hour later. Ritsuko is much calmer,
perhaps having snuck some samples of the opiate they drugged John with a
few weeks ago, perhaps just using the techniques taught in one of her
many stress management classes. We'll never know. Andy has rejoined the
group, his clothes scorched, his face covered in soot, but surprisingly
unharmed. Asuka, keeping no less than four people in between her and
"the pervert." Shinji was trailing behind lost in his own little world.
Rei was pacing behind Ritsuko obediently, but ignorant to John's
advances.]

Ritsuko: I'm actually curious to know why you three can speak Japanese
so well now.

Jared: (hopping up and down trying to catch a glimpse of Asuka) Anime.

Ritsuko: What?

Andy: Anime, (looks to John for his Lecture-mode, but sees John
distracted by his "Albino Love Goddess") Dragonball actually. Z, GT, and
the classics.

Asuka: All of them?!

Jared: Of course. I never do anything halfway, come over here, and I'll
show you.

Asuka: (shoves Andy into Jared, flattening the pervert against the wall)
Ha!

Andy: (giving Asuka a very familiar smirk) That one was free, but you
won't use me like that again, puny human.

Ritsuko: (sipping her obviously spiked coffee) Riiiiiight. Anyway, if
you three can't read Kanji also, I'll enroll you in Asuka's after-school
class. Might as well get four birds with one stone.

Asuka: (shrieking) YOU CAN'T!! (Glare O' Death to Jared) I won't go
then!

Ritsuko: Then you'll flunk your physics test coming up in a few days.

John: (mumbling outloud) Physics test... physics test... why does that
sound familiar?

[At last the group came to the last set of doors.]

Ritsuko: I was hoping it would never come to this, but-

John: (quoting the famous American poem) The best laid plans of mice and
men are often led astray.

Ritsuko: < -_-; > Riiiiight, well given the length of time that both
this and the First Branch have had to prepare the Units for you three,
they're pretty much done. I hope you realize what significance this has
that--

Andy: (interrupting loudly) Less yak, more mech!!!

John: Jared, it's your turn to hit him.

Jared: (slapping Andy a few times) Calm down.

Andy: (unfazed, now foaming at the mouth) MECHA!!

John: (to Ritsuko after taking a swallow from her mug) This will get
uglier the longer you take.

[Ritsuko nods and swipes her NERV card. The doors open and the doctor
pulls out a flashlight and leads the Children and the Arrivals into the
darkness beyond. The air temperature dropped drastically and their
footsteps seemed to become hollow, indicating that they were on a
catwalk above the bakelite lake that the Evas slept in.]

[Ritsuko stopped suddenly causing much confusion and complaint.]

Asuka: AHH!!! PERVERT!!!

[SMACK!!]

Shinji: Owwww. What did you do that for?

Everyone: (minus Rei and the target) JARED!!!

Ritsuko: Andy, stay here. (indicating `here' with her flashlight)
Everyone else follow me.

[She dropped Jared and John off in a similar fashion at different
intervals down the catwalk. It wasn't long before the three Americans
were left in the dark (pun not... well maybe... yeah I meant it and I'll
do it again, given another chance! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!) Ritsuko gave
instructions to the rest of the Children to board their entry plugs.
Ritsuko, herself, went back to the control room and refilled her mug.]

[Meanwhile in the cages...]

John: If this is a prank I'm going to hurt many people.

Andy: (eerily) meeeechaaaaaaa...

Jared: < 0_0; > Andy is starting to scare me, John.

John: I'm not worried.

Jared: Why?

Andy: (eerily) meeeechaaaaaaa...

John: He has to go through you before he can get to me.

Jared: < -_- > If I knew where you were, I'd hurt you.

John: I know.

Jared: It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra on the shady side
of an iceberg in here.

John: We're over the bakelite, it's supposed to be cold.

Andy: (eerily) meeeechaaaaaaa...

Jared: CUT THAT OUT!!!

John: Ummm... Anytime now.

[Back in the control room...]

Maya: Now, Senpai?

Ritsuko: Not yet, let them sweat a little.

Misato: But it's freezing in there, they can't sweat.

Ritsuko: Misato, please be quiet, I'm trying to enjoy this fully.

[Back in the cage...]

[Finally, the lights turn on, one bank after another starting well
behind the goons. A symphony orchestra behind a pane of glass begins
playing "Also Sprach Zarathustra". The lights come on gradually so the
goons aren't blinded completely by the illumination. John and Jared look
around, alternating watching the far end of the cage get slowly
illuminated and worried looks at Andy, who is standing in a pool of
foaming saliva, his Hawaiian shirt rent by his own hands turned claws.
The final bank of lights switch on sending a sparkle to his maniacal
eyes.]

[As the theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey builds to its climax the three
Evas are revealed... Or at least their heads anyway. Neck deep in the
lake of containment fluids, three heads, with sinister looking grins,
attached to monstrous bodies concealed by the pink liquid.]

John: From the dawn of the eighties, Man has wished to control giant
robots. That dream was manifested in cartoons such as Voltron,
Transformers, Go-bots, and innumerable anime. But now, my fellow
Americans, this dream has come to a fruition that we have only dreamt
about. (wipes away a tear) I am so happy to be here right now.
Finally...

Jared: We...

John: Have...

Andy: MEEEEEECHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ritsuko's mug slips from her hand and shatters, dogs everywhere begin
barking, car alarms start going off, Gendo's shoe unties and he trips
coming out of the restroom, psychics in the area scream in horror, Rei
blinks, Chairman Keele shuts up for a moment, and the moon, just for a
moment, appears to be blood red.]

Jared: (posing) SUIT UP!!!

Ritsuko: This bodes of forebodingness.

----------

[Andy has apparently recovered from his dementia and joins his friends
as they stroll over to the locker room.]

Andy: Hmm, I wonder, do we get guns with these things?

Jared: (thinking) Calm down, Ed... (looks at Andy) ...

Ritsuko: (over the intercom, after the obvious happens) Jared, why did
you knock Andy out?

Jared: For the sake of humanity.

[John and Jared drag their comrade to the locker room, where he wakes
up. The three look at the three folded plugsuits sitting on the bench.
Instead of having to borrow some of Shinji's spares like before, each
had their own individual suit. Jared's was completely black, to the
point where it was hard for him to figure out how to get in the damn
thing. Andy's was black too, but not completely. The chest section that
contained the life-monitors and defibrillator was a deep crimson. The
entire thing seemed designed by Mad Max, or at least any of the
innumerable bikers from those movies. John's seemed normal in
comparison, looking more like a heavily modified fighter pilot jumpsuit.
Olive green, primarily, but with black markings.]

[After activating the seals on the suits, they finally notice Shinji
quietly brooding down the bench. John hops on the bench and balances his
way down to the series hero.]

John: (sitting down next to the younger guy) Hey, Ace. What's up?

Shinji: Nothing.

John: (looks to his friends for help, but finds Jared stretching and
Andy posing in front of one of the mirrors, sighs) Come on, Ace. Buck
up.

Shinji: Why are you calling me that?

John: Because you are the Ace, Shiji. You have more than five notches on
your belt. You've stopped several Angels from killing the rest of
Humanity.

Shinji: I've had help though.

John: And Rei and Asuka deserve credit with the assist. But this is the
guys' locker room, so you're the man. Wasn't it you that said saving the
world was a man's job?

Shinji: When did I say that?

John: In about six episodes, (under his breath) I think... (normal) but
that's not important. You pilot the biggest chick magnet in the world!

Shinji: Evas are chick magnets?

John: (as if this is as basic as breathing) Of course they are. How many
babes flocked to you when you let it loose that you were a pilot in
class?

Shinji: Well...

John: You should be proud of what you do! When you step out to do battle
in the name of Humanity, you are the premiere ass-kicker in the entire
world! You don't have to worry about running away! You're a man!

Shinji: I am?

John: < ^_^ > Of course! (stands Shinji up, and indicates his plugsuit)
You have to be a man to wear these tights!

[In the control room...]

Misato: What's taking them so long?

Kaji: (walking in) Rit-chan could always turn on the cameras in the
locker room and find out.

Misato: (alternating glares at Ritsuko and Kaji) Cameras?

[Ritsuko types in a few words, and a screen pops up showing the events
from both sides of the divide in the locker room. Thankfully,
(relatively speaking of course) all of the pilots are dressed. The four
boys have formed a chorus line of sorts, the sound comes on a moment
later.]

All four: (singing) We're men, manly men, we're men in tights, yes! We
romp around the city looking fights! We're men, we're men in
tiiii-iiights...

[As John, Jared, Andy, and a reluctant Shinji continue to sing in their
plugsuits, Asuka holds her head and whimpers in the other side of the
room. Rei just blinks and leaves the locker room. Misato dry-swallows
some of Ritsuko's aspirin as the Mel Brooks tribute carries over through
the speakers.]

Kaji: (singing along after he recognizes the tune) We maaaaaay look like
paaansies. But don't get us wrong or else we'll punch out your lights!

Ritsuko: (swallowing her own dose of headache medicine) Kaji, please
quit singing along.

Maya: Strange Americans...

[The singing gets broken up when Ritsuko tests the defibrillator on
John. After that all of the young adults make their way to the entry
plugs. John and Andy however choose to jog to the area humming the
launch music from the original Wing Commander. Jared follows much
slower, his head hung in shame.]

Andy: (dropping into the seat) I can die a happy man.

John: (settling into the chair) I don't know about you, but I'm about
ready to blow some serious shit up.

Jared: (sitting down) Let's kick the tires and light the fires,
gentlemen.

[The entry plugs fill with link-connection liquid, and the interface
goes through its test patterns. The view screen came to life with seven
images in each plug; Ritsuko, Misato, Rei, Shinji, Asuka, and the three
Arrivals.]

Ritsuko: Ok, I guess since you guys synched with them, you can pilot
them.

John: YOSH!!

Misato: I suppose we should get the initial walking tests out of the
way.

Andy: Walk, my ass! I want things to go [BOOM]!!!

Ritsuko: (looking at her broken mug) I don't think that's a good-

Gendo: Let them go to the firing range if they succeed with the basic
movements.

Ritsuko: (thinking) I wonder what dirt they have on him?

Ritsuko: (into a private line to the native pilots) Remember what I said
if things went from worse to horrendous?

Shinji: (did anyone not see this coming?) I can't harm another pilot!

Ritsuko: Fine, load the Dummy plug into Unit-01. Rei, Asuka, you know
the plan.

Rei: (quoting Akagi) If the Evas so much as growl, rip them to shreds...

Asuka: (continuing the quote with way too much enthusiasm) and smash the
entry plugs since they were obviously infected by Angels!

[Misato raises an eyebrow, Ritsuko gives her a sheepish grin, the lady
in red simply sighs and gives the order the three were waiting for.]

Misato: EVA LAUNCH!!

----------

[Tokyo-3, Surface.]

[The city has been evacuated and a general alarm has been raised. The
buildings have been lowered. The cicadas are silent. The tension in the
air is almost corporal.]

[With a mighty rush of air and a squeal of metal, three elevator-like
boxes burst from the earth. The twelve massive bolts on the roofs locked
into place and the _front_ doors slide open. Three Evas stumbled out of
their restraints into the daylight. Like newborn calves, their first
steps were wobbly, and uncertain, but with each further movement, the
giants and the humans within become more confident.]

[The original three Evas surfaced a short time later, positioned to
triangulate a lot of firepower on the three Americans, should something
go wrong. Or should Ritsuko sneeze, really Asuka was looking for any
excuse to put several large holes in the chest area of Unit-03.]

[This would've proven difficult. Per the instructions of the three
Americans, each Evangelion was a made-to-order killing machine, capable
of dishing out punishment and taking it. Unit-03 was like a sleeker
version of Unit-00 but with a skull-like head and long, pointy chin. A
layer of AV7 (an experimental transparent descendant of the ALON
bulletproof glass) covered the black B-type armor, easily quadrupling
the Unit's ability to take a hit and relatively small tungsten
protrusions on the knuckles seemed to complement it's hand-to-hand
abilities. Most notable about the Eva Jared was piloting, was that the
AV7's abnormal refraction and reflective properties rendered the 130'
behemoth almost invisible in some places.]

[Unit-04 was even worse of a target to aim at, not that it was hard to
keep track of, as with Unit-03, but simply that it could probably return
fire ten-fold if provoked. Andy's mecha was gunmetal gray and sported a
double thick B-type chassis. It's shoulder guards, in fact the entire
shoulders themselves were larger, the back area was dominated by a
mechanical wing system that was currently disabled, thus the wings were
folded up. Opposite to the wings in the upper chest was a pair of empty
rocket launchers. Empty holsters in the upper thighs that would normally
hold machine pistols were a silent image of what this thing could do in
combat. And in the wrists, a set of jagged claws not unlike those in the
American movie _Predator_. But that system was disabled as well, for
safety's sake.]

[Unit-05 seemed to be the product of John looking over Jared's and
Andy's notes. From a purely external view, Unit-05 was physically
similar to Unit-04, but predominantly white with black markings and no
wing system. Instead, Unit-05 could afford a larger pair of missile
launchers that were built into the tall, thick shoulder guards that
usually held a simple prog-knife. The arms and legs of 05 were of
special interest as they sported a layer of the AV7 armor, making it a
challenge to determine the actual location or direction of the
appendages.]

[And to Asuka's surprise none of the new Units were even _plugged_in_,
yet they had been active and walking for well over ten minutes now.]

Asuka: (thinking) I want one too!

Ritsuko: Ok, we're sending up some pallet guns and some targets, just--

All Three Americans: (droning) Center the target and pull the switch, we
know, we know.

Ritsuko: < 0_0;;; > Ooooookay.

[With another rush of air, the armaments locker emerged from the ground
as a series of large paper targets sprang up on a nearby mountain. As
one, the Arrivals acquired their Pallet rifles and moving into firing
position.]

[The three went through the monotonous procedure of centering targets
and pulling triggers, occasionally trying to liven the action with `a
little John Woo.' But it just wasn't working. Jared was getting bored,
feeling as if his will was being sapped away by the repetitiveness.]

Jared: That's it!! I've had enough of this button pushing, paper
shredding, nose-picking rhetoric! We wanna do some DAMAGE!!!

John: (calmly) With these weapons? I hope you have some kind of plan.

Jared: (mo-men-tum) PLAN?! We don't need a plan for this; we're just out
here to cause destruction.

Andy: (assuming the Pose, which doesn't look too bad on a 130' tall
robot carrying a suitable sized rifle) Gentlemen, POWER UP!

[A short, tense silence drops over the battlefield, each member of the
three-man team-o-destruction contemplating Andy's suggestion. Finally, a
consensus is reached, voiced by a single mind.]

Jared: It's worth a shot.

[All three Americans share a nod and drop their rifles. They each pick
their targets and assume separate peculiar and, to Asuka's mind, very
familiar combat stances.]

Jared: KAMEHAME-HA!!

Andy: GALLET GUN FIRE!!

John: MAZENKU-HA!!

[The Units' AT fields condensed into spherical points before being
forced outward as a beam. The simple pop-up targets and the mountains
behind them were baptized by fire and simply ceased to exist
afterwards.]

[All three Evas stare at their own hands. Ritsuko's jaw hits the
console. Misato's bounces off the floor. Kaji goes into seizures. Shinji
has a heart attack then and there. Rei's eyebrows shoot up, her only way
to express surprise and shock. Gendo spits out his coffee. And just
before Asuka faints, it occurs to her that if they could learn the
spoken Japanese language watching every single Dragonball, Dragonball Z,
and Dragonball GT episode and movie; why couldn't they pick up on some
of the tricks?]

----------

[The toast pops up out of the toaster, and is caught with a skill long
ago imbedded through routine. Shinji swipes some butter on the hot bread
and readies another pair of slices for his roommates. Asuka comes
crawling out of her room, her hair still damp from her shower, and her
school uniform fresh and clean. Misato soon follows from her own room,
clad in her usual morning garb. She lurches past Asuka towards her beer
fridge and grabs three cans with a nod to Pen-Pen as he takes over the
bathroom.]

Asuka: I still can't believe what happened yesterday. That shouldn't
even be possible.

Misato: (chugs her first can, lets out a whoop, then settles down a bit)
A lot of things are impossible, until someone actually does it.

Shinji: I don't really see the point of piloting anymore. If those guys
have these new Evas, and they don't even need weapons, what's the point
of us going out there?

Asuka: Baka! If a bunch of idiots can pull that kind of stunt off, just
think about what a real pilot, like myself, could do.

Shinji: But if they don't need power cables, then why do we have to even
go out?

Misato: Because, since the Super Solenoid cores have proven to be
successful, all of the Evas will be retrofitted with them within the
next couple weeks. Pretty soon you will be able to fight without the
restrictions of an umbilical cable to slow you down.

Shinji: But why us?

Misato: Because NERV still thinks of them as too big of a security risk.
They'll be lucky if we ever let them go through a synchronization test
again. Especially after they've shown what they can do.

Asuka: Well I, for one, will be glad to be rid of them as soon as
possible.

Misato: We can't get rid of them either, they know too much to simply
let out into the world, and way too much to simply kill them. We have to
keep them close enough to NERV that we can monitor them at all times.

Shinji: So what is going to happen to them?

Misato: Right now, the plan is to mothball the new Evas and forget they
even exist. As for the boys themselves, we hire them as assistants,
gophers, custodians, anything to keep them at NERV, but nothing so
sensitive as being pilots.

[The rest of breakfast is finished in silence. Shinji and Asuka leave
for school and Misato changes into uniform. As she leaves her apartment
her gaze falls upon the door, that for weeks, had been barred to the
outside world for quite possibly the longest anime marathon ever known.
Now...]

[Out of curiosity, she tests the button. The door slides open, revealing
the domicile in all its... normal glory?]

[A mixture of snoring comes from the three bedrooms just down the hall
identical to hers. The sound-proofing that had once silenced the
activities inside is now piled up in a neat stack of material. The
couch, clean of potato chips and drink stains, is facing a monster of a
television, switched off. The VCR was quietly recording morning cartoons
and actually showed the correct time.]

Misato: (thinking) I'll have to ask one of them to come over and fix my
VCR sometime.

[The kitchen, too, is spotless. Everything is where it could logically
be expected to be. It wasn't too long before she found the coffee
filters and decided to brew a few cups for the boys. The coffee began
dripping into the pot slowly but surely. Several minutes later, she is
collecting mugs, listening to the snores of the three foreigners. She
smiles. Carefully, she pours a cup for herself. The three young men
stand on the other side of the counter waiting patiently. Misato looks
up as she sips.]

Misato: < 0_0 > (spitting her coffee out) Wha?! How-?! But-! HUH?!

[A three-part harmony begins.]

John: < ^_^ > Coffee...

Andy: < ^_^ > Coffee...

Jared: < ^_^ > Coffee...

All three: < ^_^ > (once again, in chorus) COFFEE...

[Each of them are dressed and relatively awake. They seem clean, and
oddly enough, ready to go outside and face a new day. Well, if John
would pull the comb out of his hair; Jared, take the shoe hanging from
his ear and put it on his foot; and Andy change his T-shirt from
inside-out and backwards to the more normal method of use, _then_ they
would be ready.]

Misato: < 0_0; > Uh, good morning fellas.

[John snatches the pot from Misato's fingers, pours his roommates a
round, and slams back the steaming cup o' joe. Jared chugs his mug down
almost as quickly. Andy merely sips his coffee before frowning
distastefully and fetches some milk and sugar. Everyone watches him
return and mix in the additives to his preference.]

[John pours another round for him and Jared. He looks to Andy.]

John: (in a tone as if apologizing for his friend) He never went to
college.

[John steals the additionals and carefully adjusts the contents his
second cup to be sugar with milk and some coffee. Jared is less worried
about measurements and adds a splash of milk and a second of sugar to
his cup. All three sip at the same slow leisurely pace now.]

Misato: (raised eyebrow, still sipping black) You guys went to college?

Jared: Yes.

Misato: But you guys can't be more than 14. I know in Germany, Asuka
graduated but the school system in America works much more slowly.

Andy: < 0_0 > (speaking with the shock of a man suddenly castrated by a
slamming door) Four... teen? Fourteen?!

[All three take turns looking at each other. They don't seem to notice
any physical changes from their arrival.]

John: Ummm, Misato, all three of us have seen about nineteen years go
by.

Misato: But you guys can synchronize with the Evas, I though only kids
born after Second Impact could do that.

Jared: Well, maybe because we're not even from this universe, we get
special treatment. After all, has anyone else been able to do a
Kamehame-ha wave before?

Misato: No one has ever really tried.

John: Subject change, what--

Andy: (interrupting) When do we get to pilot those babies again?

Misato: (trying to make something up) Well... The power systems weren't
really able to handle an output like that, so the Evas are going to be
out of commission for a while.

Andy: (slowly considers this, then considers hijacking one of the other
Evas, then considers just waiting, then goes back to considering
hijacking) Hmmm...

John: (warning tone) I know that "Hmmm" and you better stop thinking
that, mister. Now, as I was saying, what happens now?

Misato: (thinking) That is a good question.

Author: (thinking) That _is_ a good question.

Misato: Well, I guess when we get to NERV you'll find out.

Jared: (mo-men-tum) TO NERV!!

----------

Ritsuko: They've already been through college?

Misato: That's what they said. Or at least, they have had a few years of
it. Two of them can make you look like an amateur drinking coffee,
that's for sure.

Ritsuko: Hmmm, okay.

Misato: OK? I thought that only kids Shinji's age could pilot Eva!

Ritsuko: < -_- > And I thought that the artificial S2 core would fail
miserably and wipe out the First Branch, but it didn't and they can
pilot the new Evas. (sigh) I'm beginning to think that nothing is
impossible anymore.

Misato: But mathematically speaking, nothing is impossible in the first
place.

Ritsuko: < ^_^ > No talking about math or science until after 10
a.m. please.

Misato: That reminds me. I know that the basic procedure is to shuffle
all of the pilots into the same schoolroom, but since the boys aren't
technically pilots, not to mention that they're about five years the
pilots' senior, I was hoping you knew what we were going to do with
them.

Ritsuko: Talk to the Commander about that. They aren't my problem.
(Ritsuko indicated the conversation was over by turning her attention to
Maya) I need those chips now if we're going to meet Ikari's deadline,
you know.

Maya: I'm finishing up right now, senpai.


[Later...]

Gendo: (doing his hand thing) It would be too suspicious to just send
them to the same class room. What about a higher grade level, with
others their own age?

Fuyutsuki: (doing his potted plant impression) They would still be a
year or two older than the rest of the students.

Gendo: Teaching Assistants?

Kozo: I don't think so.

Gendo: Me neither.

Kozo: The only records we have on them are barely a month old and based
on tests and information they have given us.

Gendo: We could easily alter that information, to our needs.

Kozo: But then there is their physical age, if not their mental.

Gendo: Have them shave everyday.

Kozo: I don't think this will work.

Gendo: Hire them as personal staff, perhaps.

Kozo: And do what?

Gendo: Mop the floors?

Kozo: That would prove difficult.

Gendo: We could ask them.

Kozo: And they all would choose to be pilots.

Gendo: It's odd that my own son would rather run off and do
God-knows-what but these three strangers had to be removed from their
cockpits by the Jaws of Life, kicking and screaming all the way.

Kozo: Put them in the intelligence division, perhaps. They already seem
to know the inner workings of this place.

Gendo: And that office is under constant surveillance any way. I like
that idea.

Kozo: But do you think it's wise to pay them to be paranoid?

Gendo: Irrelevant. Send in Major Katsuragi and the Arrivals.

[The door opens and Misato leads the goons across the spacious, if dark,
office to the desk. John starts humming the Imperial Death March in a
low key.]

Gendo: Cut that out. I've decided what to do with you.

Andy: We want to be pilots.

Gendo: No. You'll be joining the-

Jared: We want to be pilots.

Gendo: What you want is irrelevant. You'll be part of our intelligence
division, you'll have your own office--

John: Each?

Gendo: Don't make me laugh. And--

Andy: We also get to be pilots.

Gendo: No.

Jared: < -_- > We are going to be pilots.

Gendo: (meeting Jared's gaze) No, you will not.

John: What about our deal?

Misato: Deal?

Gendo: The deal has been fulfilled, the Evas were constructed, you got
to test them.

John: There were clauses as well; we were to be put on the active pilot
roster.

Gendo: We have enough pilots.

John: And now you have three more.

Gendo: This is not negotiable.

John: You're damn right about that. We'll accept the position and office
in Sector 7, but we also will be placed on the pilots' roster. If you
fail to hold up your end to the deal we made, we will follow through
with our end of the bargain.

Gendo: (covertly reaching for a button on the floor with his foot) Are
you threatening me?

John: Of course not, I am merely stating that the deal will be seen
through, one way or the other.

[Gendo presses the button the same time John leaps onto his desk. The
trapdoor underneath the other startled goons open and they drop through
it.]

John: (crouched over on the desk, face-to-face with the statue of a man)
Now Andy and Jared are in the ventilation system, you old fool. But back
to the dilemma at hand. If you put us on the active roster, then you
only have to pay us as pilots. The intelligence division is paid under
the salaries of whatever job they are infiltrating. And as pilots we'll
be paid far less than a pure desk job. Financially speaking, it would be
more cost effective to let us pilot. Given NERV's tight budget, it's
your best option.

Gendo: But how much would that friend of yours cost us in damages?

John: Andy can be distracted, Jared is easily entertained. Plus, you
merely have to take slightly larger cuts from the UN budget, and freeze
progress on some of your programs.

Gendo and Misato: What programs?

Gendo: You are dismissed, Major.

Misato: (firmer) What programs?

John: Some highly unethical ones that will not turn out very well.

Gendo: < -_- > The ends will justify the means.

John: Not for the ones on my list.

Gendo: Sabotage? I would've thought your style to be less violent.

John: Not sabotage, but by merely not interfering with your plans, I
will doom them to failure. You Dummy Plug system, for example. It
eliminates the need for a pilot, true, but it is uncontrollable. You
would have a berserk Eva on the loose every time you undid the
restraints. And if you were to give the Dummy Plug to an S2 powered Eva?
You'd have an unstoppable monster rampaging throughout the city, you'd
lose millions of civilians and personnel; and probably several pilots
and Evas in the process of taking down just one rogue Eva.

Misato: My God...

Gendo: (to Misato) Are you still here? (after the Major leaves, to John)
But if I let you pilot...?

John: We know enough about what is going on to prevent to need for the
Dummy Plugs. Put the program in stasis, don't kill Rei's clones, just
don't use them, let us be your back-up system. That will free up
hundreds of millions in your budget. Enough, I would venture, to pay for
any collateral damage on my associates' part.

Gendo: You drive a hard bargain.

[Andy falls through the roof and lands on his head. Jared rolls out of
the new hole and lands in a crouch.]

Gendo: That pit dropped forty feet, how did you end up on the floor
above us, let alone unharmed?

Andy: Trade secret.

Jared: < ^_^ > ...

John: Well?

Gendo: Very well, you'll be on the pilots' roster by tomorrow. I would
assume then that our deal is fulfilled?

John: Time will tell, Commander.

Jared:  You smooth-talking son of a bitch.

Andy:  So we keep our Evas?

John:  Not only that but we also have a day job.

Ritsuko: (coming in with a suitcase) I hope I'm not interrupting
anything. (steps around the still open trapdoor) The wrist-mounted
supercomputers are finished, sir.

Gendo: I suppose you are right on time. (turns on the small lamp above
him that angles the light to reflect off his glasses) Distribute them
according to plan.

Ritsuko: You don't have to sound so sinister. You can just say "Start
handing them out."

Gendo: < -_-; > Just do it.

[Ritsuko digs through the case after opening it and tosses three objects
at the boys. They fumble the catch, but manage not to drop the gifts.
They looked, for all intents and purposes like ordinary sports watches.
A little bulky, but not enough to be a bother in normal human activity.]

Ritsuko: (in a lecture mode that puts John's to shame) These are not
ordinary watches.... But I'm not going to bother going over the
complicated internal technology to a bunch of ingrates like you three.

Jared: (swooning) You wound me.

Ritsuko: (thinking) I hope so. (out loud in a lecture mode that puts
John's to shame) You want the run-down? Fine, but if your brain
explodes, I'm not mopping it up. We used diamond chips for the
processors. Using the crystal to resonate under a laser beam, these
chips are merely clusters of carbon atoms that cut laser beams to act as
microswitches. They use practically no energy and run off molecular
nuclear reactors because they use photon and not electron energy, and
run at about fifty terahertz. We dropped three of them in there in a
molecular storage medium thus, you now are carrying wrist-mounted
supercomputers. (obviously trying not to laugh in her triumph) You
should be able to figure out all of the programs as they are clearly
labeled. We've also included a tutorial program that will give you
specific information if you so require.

John: < ^_^ > To paraphrase one of my professors, Andy and I don't know
enough technology to understand it, so for us it'll be magic.

Jared: < -_- >  Unenlightened.

John: < -_- >  Hacker.

Jared: < ^_^ > Proudly.

John: < ^_^ > Likewise.

Andy: Ummm, how do we use them?

Ritsuko: That big button on the face, you just press it.

[All three did so. Above each wrist, two faintly green rectangles
digitized into view at an angle top each other.]

John: This is like Washu's laptop in Tenchi Muyo!

Ritsuko:  Riiiight. Anyway, yours are in English, as you can
see. Use the "keyboard" to type and touch the "screen" for graphic
interface. We're working on special cables for using peripherals, I'm
also trying to make the screens more inconspicuous, and it has enough
memory to hold a hundred American Library of Congresses.

Jared: I feel short-changed being given the layman's lecture.

John: Well, Andy is happy. (patting Andy's head) Aren't ya, boy?

Andy: (smacking John upside the head) Don't talk to me like I'm an
animal!!

John: (raising a pinky to his lips) I shall call mine... Mini-MAGI!

Jared: HEY!!!

Ritsuko: Actually that's not a bad name for them. If you'll excuse me, I
have to get the rest of these mini-MAGI's to the other pilots. (Ritsuko
leaves with the box)

John: But, but, fine!! (yelling at Ritsuko though she's no longer in the
room) Be that way! I'm gonna name my three chips then!! (obviously
struggling to one-up the absent doctor) And it won't be some stupid wise
men!! I know, I'll name them Moe, Larry, and Curly! Ha!

Jared: Wise men to wise guys... I think John's brain broke. (Jared leads
his friends out of Gendo's office)

Andy: You can't take the dude's wind from his sails. What are you
calling your three?

Jared: James, Dave, and Ed.

Andy: I should've known...

Jared: I figure that I should follow John's example and give three
aspects that are in perpetual conflict. You?

Andy: I don't see the point. Maybe Scissors, Paper, and Rock... it
doesn't really matter to me.

Jared: You lack a poet's soul, my friend.

[John, meanwhile, has worked himself into so much of a frenzy he's
actually chibified and become super-deformed. It takes a while for
either Jared or Andy to notice this change, but when they do...]

Andy and Jared: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super-Deformed John: Why are you yelling?

Andy: He's... he's... chibi... and...

Jared: Kawaii...

SD John: (confused) Ka-what?

[SD John waddles over to a nearby Men's room with his worried friends in
tow. He climbs onto a sink and looks into the mirror. Paddle legs and
arms with no visible digits. His eyes, a third of his entire head. Yep,
the standard issue Japanese wild-take.]

[John did the only thing that logically followed from such an
observation, he fainted. But this was after he shrieked, shattering the
mirror with the sheer volume, hovering in the air with his arms and legs
waving faster than a hummingbird's wings. Then after sustaining flight
for about a minute, screaming all the way, he finally passed out. Jared
and Andy quickly gathered him up, wrapped Andy's jacket around their
friend and hauled him like a sack of potatoes back to their
apartment. They had had enough of NERV for that morning.]

----------

[Jared and Andy return with several bags. A flipper of an arm waves from
the couch in greeting.]

Jared: Hey John, still chibi?

SD John: (channel surfing) Yeah.

Andy: Ummm, John? If you don't have any fingers, how are you using the
remote?

[All three take a moment to look at the multi-device remote control that
seems to be just stuck to SD John's hand. This is not the remote the
Arrivals were carrying on... arrival. That one was safely locked away in
John's care (the other goons were worried that if Jared hung onto it,
he'd get tempted and level the city or something). SD John points the
remote at the TV. Numbers appear in the center top of the screen and the
station is switched.]

SD John: (shrugging) Hell if I know.

Jared: Weird. Anyway, Andy and I may have figured out how to get you
back to normal. Remember that Tiny Toons episode where Plucky turns into
a giant eyeball? He had to calm down to end the wild-take.

SD John: (assuming a cute widdle Lotus position and chanting) I am calm.
I am the Zen master. My spirit is at peace.

Andy: (not buying it) Riiiiight.

Jared: Ummm, maybe if you forgave Ritsuko for stealing the name you came
up with?

SD John: The Earth will burn before I do that. (popping out of his
'meditating' posture) On a lighter side, I was experimenting, and I
discovered that the physics of anime are not too far off from the
physics of cartoons.

Jared: How so?

[SD John stands on the top of the couch, and looking up, he proceeds to
walk off of the couch hovering in air until he looks down, then he falls
flat on his face.]

SD John: (in a cute lil' lecture mode) I've been trying a bunch of other
things. I've managed a Demon-head mode, though in this form, it's not
much. I can sweat-drop, I can do all of the other takes, and when the
girl across the street was coming out of the shower and her towel
dropped, my nose bled.

Jared: You little--

SD John:  It was for the sake of science, so don't interrupt.
And I've even been able to access multiple sub-spaces for random items.
Observe.

[SD John reaches behind him, then with a yell leaps at Andy with a
proportional 2X4 (i.e. .75X1.5) and hits his head. The board doesn't do
any damage, either to Andy or itself. SD John lands and pouts adorably.]

SD John: Curse this tiny kawaii body. I have not the strength to smite
my enemies.

Jared: Whatever. So, I guess that means that Andy and I could do
something similar, right?

SD John: It takes practice, grasshopper. You must become the emotion.

Jared: Well I'd rather not be stuck being a foot high for the rest of my
days, thankyouverymuch.

SD John: (starts making cute faces at Jared)

Jared: Stop that, you're scaring me.

Andy: Jared and I were going to do some experiments of our own on the
roof.

SD John: In other words, you and him are going to see if you can emulate
the Evas and fire off a Kamehame-ha wave.

Andy: Well, everyone knows that the Final Flash is superior to the
Kamehame-ha wave.

Jared: (skeptical, in a challenging tone) I'd like to see that.

[Jared drops the groceries and heads for the door. Andy shrugs, drops
his groceries and leaves after Jared. SD John puts away the forgotten
groceries, cursing up a storm, vows vengeance, and hurries after his
roommates, arms and legs flapping like a hummingbird's the entire way.]

[However, outside the apartment SD John collides with someone. Before he
can start ranting about how when one imitates corporate America and
walks all over the little people, they should at least apologize, he
realizes that his new height gives him a prime angle to look up Asuka's
dress. SD John adopts a rather stupid grin on his face.]

Asuka: EEEEEK! PERVERT!! (slaps SD John hard)

[SD John's lack of mass allows Asuka's Righteous Fury Slap to propel him
down the hall. The redhead stormed after him in pursuit.]

Asuka: I am sick of every one of you being a pervert!!

[But it seems the slap knocked him out of super-deformed mode. John rubs
the handprint on his cheek. Then he realizes he has fingers and is back
to normal again just as Asuka comes in range for another attack.]

[Overjoyed, he gathers Asuka up in a hug and gives her a big kiss in
celebration.]

Asuka: rrrrrRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

John: (thinking) This is going to cost me.

[Outside view of the apartment complex. There is a sound of a hit. Then
an upside-down John-shaped portion of the wall dents out. Back inside,
John gets up and scrambles for the stairway, Asuka pursues with murder
in her eyes.]

[John comes out onto the roof, out of breath from the multi-floor climb
at top speed. But he wastes no time in pulling a hammer and some boards
from sub-space, and apparently without any of the metal objects, nailed
the boards to the door frame. The youngest, though arguably most sane,
arrival looks around frantically, and lacking the aforementioned sanity,
retrieves a large wooden mallet from subspace. As the first pounding
from Asuka hits the boards, John sets himself up to deliver an ambushing
blow, the look of a cornered rat ready to fight the tiger on his face.]

[Andy and Jared grow small sweat drops.]

Jared: Umm, John?

[The boards flex as Asuka's second charge weakens the wood. The
sweat drops multiply.]

Andy: I don't think John is in control of his mental faculties right
now.

Jared: He's looking normal though.

[Asuka's next hit cracks many of the boards.]

Andy: You mean the foaming mouth, the glazed eyes, and the large weapon
in his hands poised to deliver a killing blow?

Jared: I did mean that he's not chibified any more. (changes to
thoughtful) But now that you mention it...

[The boards take their final hit, splintering and falling wayside as
Asuka stomps out into the light. Jared puts seven and five together and
dives to intercept John's ambush. Shoving the object of his obsession
out of the way, he takes the mallet full on the head. Both John and
Jared are frozen in mid-air before a bump the size of Jared's head grows
and dislodges John.]

Jared: (tears of pain streaming down his face) That... really hurt.

[Asuka backs away, now she's sure Jared's not human.]

John: (trying to sound casual, but backing away from his friend) Well, I
guess that evens things up. I clean up your mess, I get attacked by
Asuka, I hit you with a large hammer, Asuka owes you for saving her
life.

Andy: (shrugging) Sounds fair.

Asuka: I DO NOT OWE HIM!!!

Jared: (now with a large bandage on his injury, despite no body actually
putting it there, to John) You're learning.

Asuka: (now thoroughly confused) Anno... why are you two on the roof?

Andy: I almost forgot. (reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag of
microwave popcorn, still in its wrapper)

[Jared and John become still. The breeze blows dramatically.]

Asuka: Wha--

John: Silence, wench!

[Asuka hits John, but that's obvious.]

John: (rubbing the fist-print, doing his own Vegeta expression) That one
was free.

[Andy solemnly hands Jared the bag of popcorn as a retainer might hand
his lord a tanto to commit seppuku. Jared accepts the bag and with
ritual precision releases the bag from its plastic confines. Slowly,
Jared shuffles his way to John, whom accepts the bag and quickly runs
off to pop it. Jared returns to his position a respectable distance from
Andy and remains motionless both staring at each other, the wind running
through their short hair. Asuka walks some circles around the two
would-be statues, demanding answers but receiving none. John returns
with a steaming bowl of the nummy goodness and motions Asuka over. John
sits in a lotus position cradling the bowel with his legs. He carefully
selects a piece of the white fluff and holds it up bowing his head to
both young adults. He tosses the first piece into the air, adjusting for
wind, and snaps it up like a rattlesnake. Jared and Andy slide into
combat stances and leap at each other. The rite having been completed.]

Asuka: (Watching Jared and Andy mixing it up, and stealing the
occasional bit of popcorn) Explain.

John:  When one goes to the movies, they tend to eat popcorn,
correct?

Asuka: (taking more popcorn) Okay.

John:  And popcorn is sold and consumed at major sporting events as
well, right?

Asuka: (taking more popcorn) Yes...

John:  Both movies and sporting events are entertaining. Thus, it
would follow to say that most entertaining events have popcorn being
consumed by its spectators.

Asuka: (taking more popcorn) I'll give you that.

John:  Well, what could be more entertaining that watching Jared and
Andy beating the crap out of each other? Besides beating the crap out of
Jared and yourself, of course.

Asuka: (taking more popcorn) Of course.

John:  We just take it a step farther, and make popcorn the symbolic
equivalent of throwing down one's gloves. We've developed this entire
ritual for the simple purpose of declaring war on each other.

Asuka: (taking more popcorn) So... that's it?

John: Well, actually, this is the first time we've done the ritual. But
I'm glad it turned out so nice.

[Jared and Andy break off at the same time breathing heavily. Neither of
them have seemed to be winning their little fight. Then Jared crouches
lower and assumes the standard fireball stance for a Kamehame-ha wave.
Andy spreads his arms and legs out in preparation for a Final Flash.]

Jared: KAME...

Andy: rrrrrrRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG...

Jared: HAME...

Andy: RRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH...

Jared: (thrusting his hands forward, wrists together) HA!!!

Andy: (bringing his wrists together in front of him) FINAL FLASH!!

[The wind blows over the rooftop. No one moves, though all begin to grow
sweatdrops.]

John: Did you guys really think that it would work?

Asuka: (taking the last piece of popcorn) Baka.

[Jared and Andy lower their hands and dust themselves off.]

Andy: What's for dinner?

[John finally reaches for some popcorn but finds the bowl empty.]

John: HEY!!!

----------

[Misato lets herself into the boys' apartment the next morning.]

Misato: (singing out) Guuuuu-uuuuuys, time to wake up!

[Silence greets her cheerful, if flammable, greeting. Misato tries
knocking on the bedroom doors, but no one answers. Next, she tries
opening one of the sliding doors, only to find it shut off by magnetic
lock.]

Misato: (to herself) So much for the Japanese way. Hmmm, maybe some
coffee will wake them up.

[Misato sets out to brew a fresh pot of coffee in the tranquil
apartment. The sound of dripping fluid fills the kitchen and soon the
main room is alive with the smell of caffeine-saturated wake-up juice.
Misato cocks her ear, listening for any signs of life from the
Americans, but hears nothing. She grabs a mug from the cupboard and
pours herself some coffee. The first of many drops to come touch the
ceramic cylinder. All three Americans lick their lips waiting for their
own cups to be filled.]

Misato: (thinking) Oooooookay. I think I get it now. (cheerfully as she
passes the pot of coffee around) Good morning, guys.

John and Jared: (slamming back their first mug, then cheerfully) Good
morning Misato-san.

Andy: 

John: Andy says "hi."

Jared: (distributing the cream and sugar) Ummm, Misato-san, what time
are we supposed to be at work?

Misato: Intel division day shift starts at 0300 hours, I think.

John: (glancing at Andy's spit-take) Sorry for them.

Misato: Aren't you guys now part of the intelligence division day shift?

Jared: Actually we never had a chance to get our assignment yesterday.

Misato: Well, I'm sure they're looking for you.

[Andy finishes his coffee and stretches. It then becomes apparent that
in his rush to get to the counter, he put his underwear on after he put
his pants on. John and Jared were about to laugh, but then Jared notices
the socks on his hands and John has to pull the toothbrush from his ear.
Misato would've laughed her ass off, but she's seen much worse rooming
with Ritsuko and Kaji in college.]

All three boys: < -_-; >

[After they had made themselves presentable, chased Misato out of the
kitchen for suggesting she make breakfast, firmly denied her offer for a
ride to work and waved the luscious tactical commander goodbye...]

John: (praying to the porcelain god) I can't believe the woman can mess
up making a cup of coffee with preprocessed filter bags!!

Jared: (looking green) So... what's on the agenda?

John: (wiping his mouth) Well, since we have the excuse of not knowing
when our shift is, we can take our time in going to NERV. I'll lead the
way, of course.

Jared: I don't think so.

John: You got lost going two blocks to the grocery store, Andy told me
the whole story of why it took you the entire afternoon to get back.

Jared: (defensively) I was taking the scenic route!!

John: THAT'S ALWAYS YOUR EXCUSE!!

Andy: (from other room) Keep it down!!

John: (straightening out his shirt as he leaves the bathroom) We do face
a dilemma, gentlemen.

Jared: Which one?

John: As members of Intel, Ikari, Katsuragi, Akagi, and Fuyutsuki will
all be wanting our advice, trying to tap into our vast knowledge of Eva
from watching way too much of it. What do we tell them?

Jared: I say we just mess with their minds.

John: Why did I even bother.

Andy: (poking his head into the bathroom) Yeah... good idea.

John: I know that, but I'm questioning more in regards to, for example,
interfering with key plot points.

Jared: We all know how this is going to play out if we do nothing. I say
that we do what we can to keep this world in its original fan-service
filled, joke cracking, Angel smashing state! (leaping on the kitchen
table) WHO'S WITH ME?!

[John and Andy shrug, as they don't have anything better to do.]

----------

[The three are walking along the sidewalk, no doubt on their way to
work, given how they are dragging their feet. They pass various Tokyo-3
landmarks before finally stopping. A nearby clock reads 12:54 pm.]

John: A real man can admit when he's lost.

Andy: No, a real man would whip out a large automatic weapon and start
demanding directions from the frightened populace.

John: Shut up, Ed. (blinks) Andy! Shut up, Andy! (grabs his head) You're
Andy, not Ed!!

[The other two look at John and share a "we've lost him, doctor" look.]

Jared: So admit it.

John: (confused) Admit what?

Jared: That we're lost, and the it's your fault.

[While the two begin the customary bickering, Andy turns on his mini-
MAGI and activates its map function. After memorizing the directions, he
turns to his friends to berate their idiocy. But he is distracted by a
large movie sign.]

Andy: Anno... Isn't that the Kanji for Shining Glorious Super Magical
Girl Ayane R VIII?

Jared: (looking up at the sign) Anime... on the big screen... (begins
drooling)

Andy: (rushing over to the ticket booth) Quick, what movie is playing
here?

Ticket Man: Shining Glorious Super Magical Girl Ayane R VIII, can't you
read?

Andy: < ^_^ > Obviously not, three tickets please.

John: < 0_0 > I'm not going.

Jared: < ^_^ > You're going.

[Andy purchases the tickets and helps Jared drag John inside. Inside
John breaks free of their grip.]

John: Fine! But we need to get a few rules straight. No going "Lost
Movie-Goer" in there. No spazzing out like a complete otaku. And no...
(realizes that both of them have already disappeared into the theatre.)

John: < -_-; > Well, shit.

[A tumbleweed rolls by, completely ignored. John rushes in to ward off
any disasters.]

[Back at NERV...]

Misato: Where are they?

Ritsuko: (offhandedly) Watching (deep breath) Shining Glorious Super
Magical Girl Ayane R VIII.

Misato: That came out?!

Ritsuko: Yesterday.

Misato: (thinking outloud) I'll have to get tickets later. (blinks) How
do you know where they are?

[Ritsuko points to a nearby computer screen with a map of Tokyo-3
sectioned off. Three circles are in a theatre on the other side of the
city, while three more are in Shinji's high school, room 2-F.]

Misato: How?

Ritsuko: (yawning) Tracking beacons in the mini-MAGI's. You think I'm
going to let them walk around my city without a leash up their ass?

[She fishes out a remote control from her labcoat. There are three large
buttons with the American's names clearly labeled and beneath are small
buttons with the rest of the pilots' names. Ritsuko flips a switch near
her. The sounds from the Arrivals location comes through along with
their voices. With a wicked grin, Ritsuko starts pushing the three
buttons in seemingly random order. Yelps of pain can be heard,
suspiciously to the tune of "Fly Me to the Moon" to our viewers. After
the first verse, however, the shouts stop.]

Ritsuko: (frowning) Hmmm, either the battery ran out, or they're
unconscious, or dead, or have taken the mini-MAGI's off.

Misato: Well, I hope you're happy now, they'll never wear those things
again!

Ritsuko: Please, they have the collective attention span of a
hyperactive terrier.

Misato: But terriers can be house-trained.

[After the ninety-minute movie finished and Andy successfully led them
to the main entrance, then down into the control room...]

Ritsuko: You're supposed to report to Sector 7, now get out of my face.

[John leans around Ritsuko to see the paused screen of Quake 7 on her
terminal.]

John: We will report to our section as soon as one thing is cleared up
first.

Ritsuko: What?

John: My Eva, I specifically requested an urban camouflage scheme to it.
Yet it is white. (pulls out a clipboard with some documents on it) Sign
on the line indicated below, please.

Andy: (handing over a similar document) And mine was supposed to be
shiny chrome, not some drab gunmetal gray.

Ritsuko: If you want a paint job, you'll have to defeat Bob, here, to
get it.

[A giant sumo wrestler walks into the room.]

John: Is this in the manual?

Ritsuko: No, but it's fun.

Andy: 

Giant Sumo Wrestler: I AM BOB.

John: Hi, Bob.

Bob: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

John: Can you turn down the volume?

Bob: WHAT?

Ritsuko: (large hand gestures) Bob, these two want a new paint job for
their Evas.

Bob: TO HELL WITH THAT, THOSE FUCKERS ARE HUGE!

John: He must work with the construction crew.

Ritsuko: (with hand gestures) Bob, I told them if they beat you, I'd
sign the order to paint the Evas.

Andy: John, you first.

Bob: (nodding) OH, NOW I GET IT. (to the boys) I WILL CRUSH YOU!!

Andy: Definitely your turn, dude.

[One ugly minute later...]

Ritsuko: (evil grin) Your turn, Andy.

[A few hours later...]

Ritsuko: (looking to the crowd that has gathered around the control
room) I'm still taking bets, if anyone is interested.

Kaji: (just arriving) What's going on?

Ritsuko: The boys wanted some decorative adjustments to their Evas. I
said that I'd give my signature, only if they defeated Bob.

Kaji: Bob, the former yokozuna sumo wrestler, Bob? Bob, "he's not a
person, he's a place", Bob?

Ritsuko: The very same.

Kaji: You have an evil side, you know that Rit-chan?

Ritsuko: (indifferently) Yes. Bets are still open, this is round...
twenty I think.

Kaji: Put me down for 4000 yen on the boys. What's this decorative
adjustment? Some sort of new paint job?

Ritsuko: John wants an urban camouflage scheme. Which is reasonable, and
we were going to do it anyway. But the other one... He wants his Eva to
be chrome-plated.

Kaji: (laughing) Typical American boy and his toy.

Ritsuko: Thus, I really don't think it to be too unreasonable to require
some sort of trade.

Kaji: Like paying in blood?

Ritsuko: (snaps her fingers) Now you have it.

Kaji: Where is John? I just see Andy getting the pounding.

Ritsuko: John ran off a while ago, I would guess he gave up.

[Andy continues to take the punishment. Then the ground begins to shake,
the ceiling overhead is ripped off as Unit-05's glowing red eyes pierce
through the dust in the air. Bob screams like a little girl and runs off
as fast as his mass will allow him. With slow deliberate steps, John
stalks after the sumo.]

John: (through the speakers) How about that paint job now, Bob? (laughs
maniacally as the wrist claws extend)

[As the Eva chases Bob around the Geosphere, Kaji collects his winnings,
and Ritsuko signs the orders with a heavy sigh. As an after-thought she
orders an underling to mop up Andy and cart him off to medical.]

Andy: (before passing out) < @_@ > Did I win?

----------

Sector 7 chief: (continuing his drill sergeant impersonation) --smashed
through the main control room, ruined four...

[The chief's voice drones out to background murmur for the goons.]

John: (thinking) It's not like they said I had to actually fight with my
body. I should be praised for my ingenuity!!

Andy: (thinking is garbled because he accidentally received the same
drugs John had last month, though thankfully a smaller dosage) 
.... Oooh, I see the sounds of the music... 

Jared: (thinking; mind filled with diagrams for kendo moves, modified to
suit an Eva) Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow.

Sector 7 chief: (voice coming back into focus) --Bob in traction for
weeks! Now what do you have to say for yourselves?!

[The Americans huddle and whisper to each other for several minutes,
much to the annoyance to the chief and not helping his blood pressure
any. Eventually, Jared, the less injured, is elected to voice the groups
opinion.]

Jared: (shrugging) So?

John & Andy: THAT'S NOT WHAT WE AGREED ON!!!

John: (commenting on the chief's reaction) You could jump a dirt bike
off those veins.

[Andy has already fled, not from the Chief though. No, his terror was
spawned from the stampede of Holsteins running on the ceiling. He dives
through the nearest ventilation grate for safety. Not understanding
Andy's raving about "mad cows", they still join him in the tunnels that
have become their friend's preferred method of travel. It takes a while,
but they eventually lose the pursuing chief in the labyrinth of
passages. Then they arrive back where they started.]

Jared: (patting Andy on the back) Good directional skills, dude.

Andy: This isn't Dairy Queen!

Jared: (leaning over to John) He will be alright, won't he?

John: I'd say give him another twenty minutes and keep him away from
anything sharp or heavy.

Jared: Good, time to break in our new office!!!

John: Who died and made you king? As, arguably, the most sane of us
three, I should be in charge.

Jared: John, you need style to be able to rule with an iron fist.

John: Jared, you have neither an iron fist, nor style.

[Both growl at each other then start fighting.]

[After things had settled down from full boil to simmer, John discovers
a pocket-sized NERV manual in the desk he grabbed. He opens it up and
starts skimming through the English side of the pages.]

[Up in Gendo's office...]

Gendo: And you've taken into account everything that they could do?

Ritsuko: I'm a scientist, not a behavioral psychologist. But I tried to
cover the most likely problems.

[Back in the Americans' office...]

John: (reading outloud) There is no using aircraft carriers as
surfboards, nor using flat-bed trailers as roller-skates.

Jared: Darn, that's a pretty good idea.

John: No victory celebrations after a battle, especially no doing the
"bull dance" with the Lance of Longenis, nor "spiking" an N2 mine.

Andy: But what else is there?

John: We also are not allowed to use our Evas when we are told to "take
it outside."

Jared: But, where's the fun in that?

John: And no roasting hot dogs over a burning Angel's remains...

Andy: (claws raised to the sky) NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!

John: They get worse. We aren't allowed to install hidden cameras in the
women's locker room and shower area.

Jared: Well, it's too late for that, the cameras are already in place.

John: We aren't allowed to put bumper stickers or stamp our "kills" on
our Evas.

Jared: Killjoys.

John: The manual specifically prohibits the release of EVA-sized ki
blasts within or in the direction of the city...

Andy: Gimmie that! .... Wait a minute... this is a MENU!

John: (trying to reassure Jared) He'll be ok. (snatching his manual
back) We can't climb the skyscrapers, banging our chests and swatting at
passenger jets?!

Andy: WHAT?!

John: We aren't allowed to post pictures of the female staff, especially
Ritsuko or Misato, on the Internet. < 0_0; > It states that they will
have permission to shoot us if we do.

Jared: I better take down the web page then.

John: We also can't make posters making fun of the injured pilots and
hang them in the infirmary.

Jared: You mean I can't hang that "If you're reading this, you just got
your ass kicked" poster I was making?

John: You know guys, what disturbs me isn't the rules.

Jared: Then what?

John: It's that we may be the most emotionally stable people in this
entire city.

Jared: That is scary.

Andy: (screams and points at his empty desk) AAAAAHHH!!! LIMA BEAN!!!

Jared: (worried) About ten more minutes right?

----------

[All three boys have risen to the coffee call. Misato is back in her
apartment, though they can hear the conversation through the thin walls.
Jared is back from switching clothes with Andy, having arrived at the
counter in the much larger man's outfit, and Andy is out of Jared's
clothes and into his own. John seemed to have gotten it mostly right,
though his glasses were facing the wrong way.]

Asuka: (through the wall) WE CAN'T GO ON THE SCHOOL TRIP?!

John: (looking up from his cereal) School trip?

Misato: (through the wall) You have to wait here in case of an attack.

Jared: What?

John: Asuka is complaining about not being able to go on a school trip.

Jared: So?

Shinji: (through the wall) Oh, I kinda figured something like this would
happen.

Asuka: (through the wall) So you've already given up on the trip?

Shinji: (through the wall) Yeah.

Asuka: (through the wall) That's pitiful! A tamed man is the worst type!

Shinji: (through the wall) Don't put it like that.

John: Twenty bucks says Asuka complains about always being on the
defensive.

Andy: I'll take that bet.

Asuka: (through the wall) We always have to wait, wait, wait, wait!
We're always waiting for an enemy we can't predict! Can't we figure
out where they are and attack them?

John: Pay up.

Andy: What's the catch?

John: I figured out what episode we're in.

Misato: (through the wall) After all, while the others are away, you can
get some studying done. Did you think I didn't know about that?

Shinji: (through the wall) Ah, no!

Misato: (through the wall) You do realize that I know everything even
without you telling me. I can easily access any information on your exam
results.

Asuka: (through the wall, to Shinji) You idiot! (and to Misato) Then
what's the point of school?!

Misato: (through the wall) In Rome, do as the Romans do. I do hope
you're used to school life in Japan.

Andy: Would you get off that boat already!

John: Interesting choice of words, my Jackson-less friend. But we are in
MAGMA-DIVER!!

Misato: (through the wall) What is John yelling about?

Shinji: (through the wall) Something about lava...

----------

[An hour or so later by the Olympic-sized pool in the fitness and
recreation area...]

Jared: (in an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, and Bermuda shorts, sitting
down next to Shinji) Studying?

Shinji: Science.

Asuka: (we all know what she's wearing, coming up behind Shinji,
sarcastically) Well, aren't you the good student!

Jared: Well, Ms. Sohryu, you are certainly dressed for the occasion.

Asuka: Since I can't dive in Okinawa, I'll just have to settle for here.

Shinji: I have to be-- (turns his head to look at Asuka and gets a face
full of cleavage)

[Fortune smiles on the poor boy that minute, as Asuka is too busy
looking at the screen to realize Shinji is wandering through paradise.]

Asuka: (types in the answer) Hmmm, can't you solve an equation this
easy?

Shinji: How'd you solve this, when you bombed the exam at school?

Jared: She never learned kanji at the university she went to, so she
couldn't read the test.

Asuka: How did... Never mind, what's the next problem?

Shinji: It's in regards to thermal expansion.

Jared: (standing up and moving behind Asuka) That's easy. In short when
things get warm, they expand, and when things cool they contract.

Shinji: I know that, but--

Jared: For example, if I were to warm Asuka's breasts (cups the 2nd
Child's chest) would they get bigger or smaller?

Shinji: (realizing he's talking to a dead man, but still blushing out an
answer) Larger?

Jared: (his last conscious thought as Asuka turns to face him) It was
worth it.

[CRACK!!!]

[Jared's body skips across the length of the pool, ricocheting off the
edge, and finally comes to rest against the far wall. A raspy groan of
pain from the body indicates that Jared is not dead, but very likely
wishes he is. John glances at Jared, then returns his attention to his
swimming goddess with a sigh.]

[Elsewhere in NERV, Andy is discovering the cons of having a shiny
Eva...]

Andy: (waxing) You think that this is a penalty?! HA! I am honored to
have the best looking mecha in the world!!! (continues polishing the
last of the chrome as he laughs maniacally)

Ritsuko: (Over the intercom) You missed a spot.

[Andy looks about sixty feet down at the upper thigh.]

Andy: (hands raised to the Heavens) Son of a BIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!!!!!

[Fade out on Andy's cry.]

----------

End Episode 4

[The preview music starts up.]

Misato: (off screen) Mt. Asamayama crater, where an Angel remains asleep
before its emergence. Nerv attempts to capture one for the first time
with Eva Unit Two in the next episode "Magma diver". I assure you some
service in the next episode!

[There is the sound of a beer can being popped open.]

John: (off screen) That was the old script you read.

Misato: (off screen, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug) Aaaahhhhhhhh. I like
this job!

John: (off screen) Umm, Misato, it's still a live mike. Just read the
new script please.

Misato: (off screen, cracking open another can) Why don't you do it? I'm
gonna be a lil' too drunk to handle this.

John: (off screen, sighs) Fine, drive safely.

[A door closes, tires squeal, pedestrians scream in terror...]

John: (off screen, clears throat) In our next episode... Well, I'm not
sure actually. Andy will be writing it, so I guess we can expect some
mass destruction. But don't worry, Jared and I will do what we can to
bring the camera to the other side of the hot springs (the grin is
actually audible). Also expect some chaos to erupt when the lights go
out over Tokyo-3. All in the next episode of Three Goons in Eva, "BUS
DRIVER/ All in a Day's work"! To quote Gene Starwind of Outlaw Star, You
better get ready!

Ver  1.0 Jul 6, 2001

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