Touch me and You'll Die
by Birgitt Schuknecht
It's not before I hear you leave through the front door that I dare to breathe again. It hurts. The simple task of breathing hurts. I fear to think about what has happened right now. It's easier to face the physical pain.
I didn't think it was possible. You are still... dear to me. I still... care about you. After all what happened years ago this is not fair. I promised to myself that whenever you would step into my path again, I would have you killed. No, I would kill you myself.
But I didn't. My own heart betrayed me. My own soul tricked me. Whom can I trust after this? I cannot even trust myself.
"Touch me and you'll die." That's what I wanted to tell you when you confronted me. Challenged me. "Touch me and you'll die." That would have been the proper answer. But I could not bring out those words. Does that make me a coward? My father would have had no doubts about that. Charlie? He may think a little different. But that's only because Charlie knows you almost as well as I do.
What am I going to do about you? When we were still friends... lovers... I always knew what to do about you. And you liked my ideas, didn't you, Ray? Well you didn't like the ideas I had for the Mountie. I should have expected that you have placed your loyalty somewhere else after leaving me. First it was your job, now it's... him. You may appear cynical and cold-hearted to others, to those who don't know you. But that arrogance of yours doesn't work with me. You have a great heart, Ray Vecchio, and everyone who is able to realise this is blessed.
Maybe it was my fault that I lost your love and loyalty. But that cannot be changed now. All I have to do now is to make sure that you won't ruin the rest of my life. As you have ruined the last years.
I need some time. To heal from the blows you just gave me. To deal with the fear you instilled in my heart. To face the loss of your love and your loyalty. To handle the fact that there is someone else now. I will gather my strength. I know I have the strength. Thanks to you. You always brought out the best in me, Ray. I have forgotten that. Otherwise you couldn't have beaten me up. But now I know again. Next time I'll be ready for you. Next time you will hear the words that are only meant for you. "Touch me and you'll die."
End
Return to the Ride Forever Archive
Return to Birgitt Schuknecht