Return to the Ride Forever Archive

Apr 30, 2002

Rating: G

Warnings: none

Teaser: Buck meets Julie for the first time, and remembers what wasn't meant to be

This is a mostly sap fic, but there's a bit of death thrown in. Don't let it scare you, though. It was partly inspired by a Ray fic I read on Exwood, where he and Angie had a baby that died of SIDS. The rest was just my imagination and the bunny.

Broken Dreams, New Hope

by Buck

"No words describe a mother's tears

No words can heal a broken heart

A dream is gone, but where there's hope"

-Two Worlds, Disney's Tarzan (by Phil Collins)

As Buck Frobisher turned off his car's ignition and stepped out, the door of his cabin opened and Caroline Fraser emerged. Behind her, the face of three-year-old Benton Fraser peered through the crack in the barely open door. He moved back as Buck approached the door. For a moment, Buck was concerned that something might have happened to Tina. She was due to have her child any time, and even though she kept reassuring Buck everything was normal, he was anxious anyway. He hadn't really wanted to go on this latest assignment, but the baby wasn't due for a couple more weeks and he thought he'd be home in plenty of time. After a moment, he realized what must have happened. Caroline motioned him toward the door.

"What.... What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Come on inside and see." Caroline said with a laugh.

"You mean.... How did I....I thought she wasn't....But I wanted to be

here...."

Caroline chuckled. "You sound exactly like Robert did when Benton was born. Come on inside and meet your daughter."

A daughter. He had a daughter. Looking slightly dazed, he made his way inside. As he took off his coat, he looked across the room and could see Tina sitting in the wooden rocking chair, holding a tiny bundle in her arms. After hanging up his coat, he walked over to where she was sitting.

"How long ago was she born?"

. "A week ago. Caroline said she'd help me out until you got back.... Just so I wouldn't be alone, at least during the first few days."

"Thanks." Buck said. "I appreciate it."

"Oh, it was no problem" Caroline answered. "I left a note for Robert... He'll probably be along shortly."

"I can't believe I was this late." Buck shook his head. "I thought I'd be okay going on this stakeout. I mean, I know you can never tell with these kinds of things, but I thought I'd get back in time."

Moving slowly and carefully, as to not disturb the baby, Tina got up and Buck sat down in the rocker. It seemed a bit strange. The chair was an old family one that his mother had used when he was a small boy and now he was sitting in it, getting ready to hold his own child.

Tina gently placed the baby in his arms. "Buck, this is Julie. Julie, this is your dad." She smiled happily.

Julie stared up at him, her bright blue eyes looking at him a bit uncertainly. Light wisps of blond hair were on her head. Her tiny hands and face had a soft, pinkish glow to them.

" She looks just like you." He said, looking briefly up at Tina. "She's beautiful." His eyes filled with tears of joy. "The most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Benton stood by Caroline and Tina for a moment, and then scurried around to the other side of the rocker, trying to get a better look at Julie.

"Ben, come back here." Caroline said in a soft tone, as to not disturb Buck.

"But I wanna see" he protested.

"You'll get to see her again later," Caroline said, motioning him back with a gentle reprimand. "This is her dad's first time seeing her."

"Can her and I be friends when she gets older?" Benton asked.

"I'm sure Buck wouldn't mind if you two played together once she grows up a little bit."

"I'm sure it would be all right." Buck looked up only briefly, unable to take his eyes off his new daughter even for a few seconds. "I'm sure she'd like that."

"I promise I'll be nice to her."

Buck nodded, but he wasn't really paying attention. All of his attention was focused on Julie. As he looked down his daughter, he was at a loss for what to say. Several different emotions flooded through his mind. Awe, that this tiny life was something he'd helped create, that was a part of him and would carry on his lineage if not the family name. There was also a great deal of nervousness about the new responsibility placed on him. But the strongest thing he felt was an instant and overwhelming love, unlike anything he'd felt before.

As he watched Julie snuggle against him and slowly fall asleep, other thoughts entered his mind. There should have been another child, about two years old, welcoming Julie with them.

Buck could still vividly remember holding little Duncan Robert Frobisher in his arms for the first time. Big brown eyes, soft brown hair, perfect body...It had been the happiest moment of the Mountie's life. For the first time, he'd felt as if he had everything that he wanted. But, a week later, everything seemed to come crashing down. He knew he'd never forget Tina's anguished cry when she discovered the baby not breathing, and the look in her eyes as she pleaded with Buck to do something. Telling her that there wasn't anything he could do was the hardest thing he'd ever had to say.

The rest of that night was a blur in his mind, but he remembered Tina shaking and crying uncontrollably, while he tried desperately to comfort her. It was difficult, because he could barely contain his own grief. The days that followed were the hardest Buck could remember. The Frasers offered what support they could, and Buck and Tina were grateful for it. Still, it had taken Tina a long time to recover from the tragedy.

Now, he prayed that nothing would happen to Julie. He knew that if anything happened to her, it would be too much for Tina. She could never handle losing another child. Someday, he thought, when Julie was old enough to understand, he would tell her about her brother.

There was a knock at the door.

"That's probably Bob." Caroline said, as she went to greet him.

Bob opened the door enough to come through and then closed it again, trying to let in as little cold air as possible. Buck nodded a hello.

"So," Bob said, "I hear you've got a new member of the family here. I think congratulations are in order." He looked down at the baby in Buck's arms.

"Yes" "It's a little girl, Julie Christine. The Julie is after my mother and the Christine is after Tina.... We really wanted `Christina,' which is Tina's full name, but we couldn't come to an agreement. So I suggested just altering it to Christine and she agreed."

"It's got a nice ring to it. He smiled at Julie. "A pretty name for a pretty girl."

Benton looked up at Caroline questioningly. "Are you gonna have another baby?"

Caroline gave a chuckle. "Maybe, someday. I don't know. I suppose if the Lord wants me to, I will. You never really know about these things."

"I wouldn't mind having one more," Buck said, exchanging a glance with Tina, "But if we're only meant to have one, I'm happy with that. " Tina nodded in agreement.

Buck shifted his weight, and the rocker made a creaking sound. Julie started to squirm and cry a bit. Buck rocked her gently and started to speak in a soft tone.

"Shh-hh.....Don't cry. It's all right. You don't have to get scared. As long as you're in my arms, you never have to be scared. "

Tina glanced at the clock. "I think I better feed her again...it's almost that time." Reluctantly, Buck prepared to give her back to Tina.

Buck knew that no other child could replace the son he and Tina had lost. Little Duncan would always hold a special place in both of their hearts. But, they had been blessed with a very beautiful daughter to love and cherish. He hoped they would have other children, perhaps even another son, but if Julie was all they were meant to have, he was happy with that.

"I love you very much, my little Julie," he whispered as he handed her to her mother. "My little angel."

I hope the Caroline/Ben interaction doesn't take too much away from the main focus of the story....that's my main fear. Let me know if there were any glaring grammar or structure/flow/character ect errors. (I know, Melanie, I'm a bad girl for not letting you look at it first. I'll take the liberty of giving myself an offical reprimand...LOL)