Rating: G

Pairings: m/f

Steve walked slowly into the bar; aware that the bar fight was in full swing. It was inevitable, Gordon’s wife left him for Isaiah Lightfoot and Isaiah went to the bar not caring who was there. Steve broke up the fight like a thousand times before and went back to the office. There were 2 messages, and one was from Benton Fraser. Steve decided to call him right away.

******

On the fifth ring Benton Fraser picked up his sisters phone.

“This is Maggie McKenzie and Ray Kowalski’s residence Benton Fraser answering.”

“Saying ‘Hi’ would be too simple for you huh Ben?”

“Steve? Oh good, you got my message. I need to ask a favor of you.”

“Oh, first I save your life, now you need another favor?”

“Well, yes. You see Maggie and my partner Ray are getting married in a couple of days and need a place alone, so I need a place to stay, I really don’t mean to inconvenience you but I fear I have no where else to go.”

“Sure, come on over right after the wedding, I am about an hours sled ride west of you. Bring Dief, it’s been a while since I have seen the little guy.”

“I’ll do that, thank you Steve, you have been a big help.”

They said their goodbyes and Fraser thought on meeting Steve again. The last time he and Steve saw each other Steve told him that they couldn’t be partners anymore, Steve had been transferred to Yellowknife, a city. Benton couldn’t live in a city, but Steve had been such a friend, how could his first partner leave without him? He soon realized it was more than that; his best friend left him alone. His first real best friend. When he was a kid his friends were merely people who he had things in common with, he truly admired Steve, even if they didn’t have all that much in common. Steve made that feeling of loneliness go away, so much so he didn’t need to remind himself of the mistakes he made with Victoria. Such a kindred spirit, but it felt like it had been hundreds of years since he had seen his friend. He wondered how Steve had changed, how much he himself had changed.

#2

Benton Fraser,

I am sorry I couldn’t be here to greet you, but I had to go check out a dead body on Beaver River Ave. I will be back in time to make something for dinner, you and Dief can make yourselves comfortable.

Steve

Fraser looked at his watch, 5 pm. He decided to surprise Steve by making dinner and cleaning up a little. Steve was still the same as before, clothes on the floor, a carpet that hadn’t been vacuumed since the last time Fraser was over, and mystery items long dead in the back of the fridge. He wondered if those were from the last time he was here too. After he cleaned and started to make dinner it was already 8.

Steve finally walked through the door as Fraser was setting the table.

“Hey Ben!” Steve bent down to the wolf and scratched behind the wolf’s ears. “Hello to you too buddy. How was the wedding?”

“Beautiful. Beautiful bride, beautiful wedding.”

“Did you give Maggie away?”

“Yes, being that our father is dead and now gone I seemed to be the best choice. I left before the reception.”

“How come?” The wolf was now all over the old friend.

“It was their night, and I didn’t want to be told to leave.”

“Yeah, but I bet they’ll be mad you left so soon.”

“Well I also wanted to clean up this dump you call a cabin.”

“It may be a dump but it does have electricity, running water, and a bathroom… indoors. You making dinner?”

“If I didn’t we would be eating around 10.”

“Did you? Is that?”

“Yes, its your favorite. Rauppie Pie. Would you like to wash up before dinner, it won’t be that much longer.”

Steve went to the bathroom and started to wash up, but then smelt something rank. Steve deduced it must be the shirt since that’s what got stuff all over it while they were checking out the dead body. The offensive article was disposed of immediately. The bathroom door swung open Benton trying to ask something was stopped.

“Oh, I am so sorry.”

Steve took a towel and tried to cover her bare chest as Benton mumbled another four apologies.

“Ben, I get it your sorry. Now go away so I can get dressed.”

Benton exited quickly. He went to the kitchen ready to stir something or do anything. In his years of partnering with the Rays he forgot what it was like being partnered up with a woman. He took the Pie out of the oven and dished it out onto three plates.

#3

A week went by quickly, Ray and Maggie said they would visit him and Steve today. Steve was acting nervous and actually cleaned the cabin so it became spotless.

“I didn’t know you could make something so clean.”

“Thanks a lot.” She said with no amusement.

“I was just joshing you. Why are you so nervous?”

“The only family of yours I met was your father, I was unprepared then, so now I will be more nervous than necessary to compensate.”

“Oh good, as long as you have a plan.”

Shortly after Ray and Maggie came to the door and were surprised when Fraser introduced them to Steve.

“Umm Frase, You know… well what I mean is… Steve is a woman?”

“Yes. I don’t see your point Ray.”

“My question is, has Steve always been a woman?”

“Well Ray, like most women she was born that way.”

“Why do you call HER Steve?”

“ Oh, I see what you are getting at Ray. Her name is Sarah Stevenson. When I transferred into the post she was working at everyone called her Steve so I did too.”

“Have you ever called her just plain Sarah?”

Fraser thought about it for a good while and realized he had never actually called Steve Sarah, or is that he never called Sarah Sarah, or maybe it’s the artist formally known as…

“Earth to Fraser. You haven’t have you? You ever think she gets offended when such a close friend doesn’t even call her by her name?”

#4

About an hour after Maggie and Ray left Benton was still thinking about what Ray said. It was true, He never did Call Steve by her first name. Maybe that was why it was so easy to call Ray Vecchio ‘Steve’, he thought of Steve as a partner, a friend, not really as a woman. But she wore nail polish, she wore dresses, she had amazingly soft hair that smelled of strawberries and Champaign, how could he not see Steve as Sarah?

“Ben, do you want to go feed the dogs or should I?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it Sarah.” He left the cabin trying to get used to seeing her face and thinking Sarah.

******

An entire evening went by and he continually called her Sarah without a slip up. Right before they went to Steve… no, Sarah stopped him.

“Whats wrong?”

“Nothing, why do you ask Sarah?”

“You have never called me Sarah, now all of a sudden I ask you to feed the dogs and you decide to call me Sarah?”

“Well it is your name.”

“Yeah, but only my dad called me Sarah.”

“Why only your father?”

“It was the name he gave me. My father called me it. My mom called me Talitha, and if I decided for people to call me one over the other I would be playing favorites.”

“So why did you pick Steve?”

“One of the guys called me that, and since I really didn’t have a name to begin with it stuck like white on rice. I never told you this before? I must have if you knew my name was Sarah.”

“No actually, I had to find your file to get your name.”

“So why start calling me Sarah?”

“Ray said it was weird that we are so close and I don’t even call you by your first name. It seemed logical, you call me by my first name, that is unless you want me to keep calling you Steve.”

She seemed to think about it for a moment, then looked back at him and said, “Whatever your comfortable with.” And immediately went to bed.

# 5

Another week passed until Ray and Maggie invited Fraser back to their home. He thanked them but truth be told he was having an amazing time with Steve/Sarah, they were working on cases together again and it felt good. But there was something missing that he couldn’t put his finger on. Maybe he had an inner ear imbalance.

***

“Hey Steve, you and Fraser did a good job on the Robbery, how about the rest of the week off?”

“Great, I’ll go tell Ben and we will get out of your hair.” She happily sashayed over to Fraser’s desk.

“Guess who did a good job?”

“Us?”

“Yuppers. And we get the rest of the week off. What ever shall we do with five whole days to ourselves?”

“I don’t know, do you have anything in mind?”

“I got some new CDs, some new DVDs, I am thinking we could stay home binge and watch movies all weekend. Then we could go camping.”

“Ok, that sounds good, let me just finish these papers and we’ll leave.”

************

#6

“Isn’t she beautiful?”

“Audrey Hepburn?”

“Yeah, I always wanted her figure and her face.”

“Sarah, you have a nice shape, I even believe you lost weight since the last time we were partners.”

“I kinda did. About 50 pounds.”

“Oh really, that much?”

“Ben, I lost a backstreet boy, are you telling me you didn’t notice?”

“No, It’s just…”

He was at a loss; he didn’t know what to tell her. Sarah got up and immediately left the room slamming her bedroom door. He shut off the TV and went to Sarah’s door. If he was not mistaken he could hear her crying.

“Sarah, I am sorry. I am sorry that I didn’t notice, I guess I never thought of you in the way you look, I just think of you as Sarah.” He didn’t know why but that seemed to make her cry harder. She opened her door apparently not caring anymore that he saw her crying.

“So I guess that’s it huh? Just Steve huh? No need to think of Steve as a woman who might be a little more attractive than a donkey’s ass right? I don’t know Ben, I just wish that some one would think of me as Sarah.”

“You are Sarah to me. I have always found you attractive.”

“Oh, even when I was the size of a baby elephant?”

“I have never cared about outward appearances, you know that. And I don’t understand why for you it is so impossible that when I first got to know I thought you were attractive?”

“You what?” She stopped crying.

Benton tugged at his collar. “I, ahem, what I mean to say is I…” He looked Sarah in the eyes, “I have always found you an attractive woman. I just never really thought about it because we have been such good friends and the way we connected… I have always seen the beautiful person that you are.”

“Beautiful?”

“Yes.”

“Audrey Hepburn beautiful?”

“I wouldn’t say that, but you know if she were alive and she could show me how to get hair follicles from a crime scene her chances might be promising.”

#7

Steve and Benton had been camping for one day and yet Steve could tell something was wrong with Ben. He was acting normal, and acting normal for Ben was weird. She didn’t want to say anything because if she did she would just sound insane, ‘Ben, stop acting normal, you’re scaring me and Dief.’ She was letting it pass, but after a while Benton was no longer acting normal. If she didn’t know any better one would say he was acting moody. Maybe if she called him on it he would stop acting moody or normal and start acting weird again. She didn’t know why but she had a sudden urge to hear an Inuit legend.

“You want to go fishing?” She asked, maybe he would be more forthcoming out on the pond.

“No. You go ahead.”

“You want to just play some hockey then? We could…”

“Why don’t you just go and catch some fish?”

“What is with you and this new attitude?”

Fraser looked at her and said slowly, “Why don’t you and Dief go fishing? I promise by the time you two get back my ‘attitude’ will be gone.”

“Geeze Ben, why couldn’t you just get in a better mood while me and Dief are here…….. Oh, well in that case why don’t you …umm … that is I mean…. Why don’t you come fishing with us when you’re done… I mean… Come Dief…. I didn’t mean it that way…bye.”

**********

“Dief Caught two big ones already, I had to put mine back.” Steve said as Benton walked up to the lake. He noticed that she did every thing else but look at him. He was ashamed he had been so short with her, but he hadn’t ‘taken care of the pluming’ since he arrived at Sarah’s home.

“So you… what I mean is…”

“My, Ahem, pipes are all clear. That is if that’s what you were wondering.”

“Oh, good. So you wont get another clog in the pipes for a while right? What I mean is if you need…. Time alone me and Dief will be happy to go outside… Or you know if you want we could make you a room.”

“A room?”

“Oh, I am sorry, I just thought… don’t you want to stay? If you stay we could build you a room…”

“Well I never really thought about it… to tell you the truth I was actually going to go with Ray in 6 months, back to Chicago.”

“Oh?….that is……good for you, you can go back to the consulate and … that’ll be fun for you…”

“Sarah, I need to ask you something about Chicago.”

“I’ve never been to Chicago.”

“Yes, would you like to though?”

Butterflies attacked Sarah’s stomach, and she didn’t know how to speak all of a sudden.

“Huh?”

“Will you come to Chicago with Ray, Maggie, and I? It’s just that we are such good friends, and we work so well together… You really are my best friend. Plus, all the women in Chicago, you should see the way they act towards me. Its good to know that I have one woman friend who thinks of me just as a friend and not a conquest or something.”

Sarah’s heart dropped in her stomach, leaving the rest of her feel somewhat empty.

“Of..Of course. Sure, Friends, totally. You know you and Dief are so much better at fishing than I am, and I end up throwing them all back anyway, even if they are big enough to keep. Why don’t you two stay here and fish and I’ll collect wood for the fire.” Sarah left the pond and went to search for wood, kind of.

#8

“Hey Ray, what are all those?”

“Hey Steve. They’re my stuff, we are moving back to Chicago.”

“Yeah, but there must be like eight of em.”

“Can I help it if Canadians pack light?” She smiled and helped him put his bags on the plane.

As they got on the plane Ray asked, “Who’s flying us to Chicago?”

“Steve.” Maggie said as she buckled up.

“Steve is a pilot?”

“Yeah, apparently in one of her first flights she got knocked clear out of the sky by another plane, her and Ben were stuck in the woods all alone for 2 weeks.”

“Has she gotten any better?” Ray started to panic.

“Of course, that crash was the other plane’s fault anyway.”

Ray prayed as the plane took off.

Also titled: The Great Peanut Conspiracy.

#9

Chicago was big, noisy, and very American. Sarah had seen pictures of the place but she never pictured it like this. When they got there she noticed something in Ben change, although she couldn’t place it, she could tell it was there.

“Anyway Frase, I talked to Dewy and he says the Ice queen did something bad while she was throwing dictators out of office and is now back in the Canadian consulate. I guess your gonna wanna suck face wit her now she’s back.”

“What?” Sarah said, startled.

“Hey, you didn’t know about that did you? Heh, Fraser and the Inspector got a thing going.”

“A thing?”

“Ray, we do not have a thing.”

“Oh, so that’s why you offered to ‘help’ her with havin kids huh?”

“You what?” Sarah’s shock was evident now.

“I should have never told you anything Ray.”

Could Ray be right? Benton and his superior officer had a tryst? What if it wasn’t just a tryst, what if it was a relationship?

“Can we stop, I have to use a wash room.”

“You alright Steve?” Maggie asked.

“Sure, must be the peanuts.”

After puking up her peanuts Sarah went back to the back seat of the GTO with Benton.

“Are you sure you are ok?” Maggie whispered.

“Yeah, I just need to lie down or something.”

“Is it the city? To tell you the truth I was scared about moving here too.”

“Naw, the city is great. I just don’t feel so good, the peanuts are gone so I will be ok in a little while.”

#10

“So what did she say, she coming down?” Maggie re-joined Ray and Fraser in the lobby.

“No, She is still sick to her stomach, I told her we were going over to the Vecchio’s and she said to tell them she is sorry she cant come.”

“My peanuts were fine.” Ray offered, “I don’t know why she would get sick off hers.”

“Maybe I should stay with her.” Fraser knew something was up, and it wasn’t the peanuts.

“No, she said that we should all go, she’d feel guilty if someone stayed with her.”

“Alright, lets pitter patter.”

#11

Benton came up to Sarah’s room after an evening at the Vecchio’s with a doggie bag. He knocked and thought on why Sarah would be so sick to her stomach. She wasn’t all that sick on the plane, but then she had been flying the aircraft. Maybe it was the city, the lights, or the sounds, or it could be the smell of it.

“Come on in Fraser.” Fraser?

“Ma Vecchio asked for me to give you this.” He held up the bag.

“Sure, you can put it in the mini fridge.”

“Are you feeling any better?”

“I guess I… What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“On your collar, is that blood?”

“Oh, no, Francesca was happy to see me, her lipstick must have smeared when she was giving me that bear hug.”

“So you like her?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like that inspector woman, do you like her like that?”

“No, I don’t, but could I ask you to specify what you mean by ‘that Inspector woman’?”

“You did have a crush on her, right?”

Fraser tugged on his ear. “I might have.”

“Ok. Well I gotta sleep because we do have work in the morning. Good night Fraser.”

“Good night Sarah.”

******

“Fraser…. Fraser… Wake up.”

“Sarah? What is it?”

“Come and see.”

They stood on the roof of the hotel and watched as the sun came up between the buildings.

“You can feel it right?”

“What?” Benton asked still half asleep.

“The beat… this city, it has a beat. Kinda like a heartbeat, but different. Don’t you feel it?”

“I never have, are you sure it’s the city and not some kind of inner ear imbalance?”

“Positive, just wait and you’ll hear it too. Just forget about the tundra, let all the snow fade away, and you’ll feel it. You’ll feel what it does to you.”

Benton waited for several minutes but felt nothing.

“Sorry, maybe we need to wait for the next sun rise.”

“Sure, we should get dressed anyway, it’s our first day of work.”

********

The doors to the Inspectors office closed loudly behind Sarah. She felt like one of those Christians being fed to the lions. She stood at attention in front of the inspector’s desk.

“Sir.”

“Ah, you must be Constable Sarah Stevenson. I am inspector Meg Thatcher, but you can call me Sir.”

“Like Peppermint Patty?”

“Excuse me?”

“From Charlie Brown, she is called Sir by that girl in the glasses. I take it you don’t read the comics.”

“Of course not, do I look like a child?”

“Of course not sir, if anyone is the child it’s me.”

“And why is that?”

“The comics are the only thing I do read in the news paper.”

“You must be joking.”

“Nope, the rest of it is just plain sad, and I don’t like start the day with sad news.”

“Well you know I find you inspiring.”

“In what way Sir?”

**************

“So Steve has to start off every day on sentry duty?” Ray asked Fraser. They were outside the consulate waiting for her shift to end.

“Apparently Inspector Thatcher found her morning routine to be insubordination.”

The bells chimed and Sarah got in the front seat of the GTO.

“That woman wouldn’t know anything about being a human being if it bit her in the ass. Ray you were right she is the Ice queen, the look she gave me…. I am still freezing.”

“It is below freezing outside.”

“Trust me Fraser, its only cold outside because that icy heart of hers.”

“Her heart is not icy.”

“Is so, I was out there for 3 hours, took a 20 min. break then I was back out there for another 3 hours.”

“You just met her, she’ll warm up to you.”

“I doubt it.”

**************

#12

“Wait I don’t get it, your name is Steve? Than why are you a woman?”

“My name is Sarah Stevenson, it’s a nickname.”

“Oh, now I get it. Hey Hewy, this chicks name is Steve!” Dewy said as he walked away from the Mountie.

“Excuse me miss, but I have always wanted to ask one of Fraser’s partners this.”

“Sure Lieutenant, fire away.”

“You’re his partner.”

“Yes…”

“And you did this voluntarily?”

“Yes.”

“Have you had a mental evaluation?”

“I know it seems bad. Sometimes it is, you know one time we spent 3 hours just taking the dog-ears off of the pages in the library? But then there are the times when your tracking a criminal in the woods and you know you could have no better partner. There is no officer that is more dedicated, not to the law, but to the people it protects. That’s what he is all about, making it safe for Suzie and Joe Normal to tuck their kid in bed at night and leave the doors unlocked, because they aren’t afraid.”

“Yes, but isn’t he… impossible?”

“Of course, but then that’s just Ben. I should get back to the consulate, I have sentry duty again.”

*******

#13

“You wanted to see me Lieutenant?”

“I have a favor to ask you…”

**********

“Oh Geeze, what happened to you?” Ray entered lieutenant Welsh’s office.

“Long story short, I was undercover for the 27th and this guy punched me out. Apparently that was his fantasy.”

“You look like you went head first with a train.”

“Well trust me, I got some hits off the train too.”

“Oh my God. Sarah, we should get you to a hospital, who did this to you?”

“Fraser, I do not need a hospital, I just got hit in the face, it looks worse than it is.”

“Than lets go home.” Fraser put his arm around her and walked her out of the station.

“I am so sorry Sarah, I should have been there.”

“Its not your fault. You do know that on occasion I do moonlight as a police officer.”

“I know. It’s just… I should have been there.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, I was a prostitute for a day, or at least undercover as one.”

“Still.”

“Still what? Still water, still mill? Stop being a mother hen about it, the guy came out of it with a broken jaw.”

“I just don’t like seeing my friends hurt, I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

# 14

Sarah had decided on an apartment already, Fraser was still living at the hotel, and Ray and Maggie bought a house. They decided they would spend half their time in Chicago and the rest at Maggie’s cabin. Things were turning normal, well normal for them. Fraser was still sticking his logical neck on the line, and Ray was still goin’ on instinct. But then someone from the past had to climb out of their grave, both figuratively and literally.

“Hello again.” Fraser fell off the bed and hit his head on the side table.

“What are you doing here?”

“Is that anyway to greet your father son?”

“But you said….”

“Yes, but I didn’t expect you would do this.”

“And what would that be?”

“Well… I don’t have much time; I just needed to tell you something before I leave. The past is dead and buried. Don’t screw up your chance on a future with trying to save what was.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“You’ll see son, you’ll see, just remember what I said.”

And then he was gone again. For forever, again.

#15

LAX was huge, though the odds were stacked against him he did find his ride to the police station. The police informed him a woman they had found with no ID asked to see him. They didn’t have any warrants on her but they still needed to get an ID off her, so once he told them that he knew her they would release the woman. Fraser kept thinking this might be the time his father was talking about, and although his advice was sound, he didn’t know what he would do.

“Hello Benton.”

“Hello Victoria.”

“Do you know why I asked you here?”

“You planed for me to give the authorities bad information, and that when they did find out we would be somewhere remote.”

“What do you think of Thai land?”

“I am sure its lovely.”

“Then you’ll come with me?”

“You know Victoria I cant go where you are going. First of all the only reason I ever loved you is because I was too lonely and the pain of knowing I was going to be alone hurt too much. And secondly, if I did love you, and I mean truly love you, I wouldn’t go anyway. I am too tired. I want to settle down, can you give me that? Would you have children with me, settle down in a home; make love to the same man every night? I know you aren’t capable of doing any of it. And lastly, I can’t go where you’re going because they don’t allow men in women’s prisons. You are a criminal and I am going to do the one thing I should have done, but didn’t have the strength to do, years ago.”

“So what was I to you Fraser? Just a good lay? Just a good fuck for the meantime? Until you get another girl to spread her legs at that fake sencarity?”

“No Victoria, you were so cold I was afraid my dick would get frostbite, and trust me you have spread enough of your legs for the both of us…you are a cold hearted bitch, but I loved you.”

With that he left the room and told the officer who Victoria Metcalf was, and what she was wanted for.

# 16

“Fraser?”

“I… I need to talk to someone.”

“Come on in.”

Fraser entered the newly furnished apartment and looked around. He sat down and saw a picture on a side table.

“When was that taken?” The picture showed him and Sarah laughing at something more likely to be only remotely amusing.

“Umm…. About three months before I left for Yellowknife. Are you ok?”

“No, yes, I don’t know. I turned in Victoria. I feel somewhat relieved. I really loved her though.”

“Oh Ben.” She sat down next to him and put a comforting arm around him.

“I know you think I am foolish for ever loving her, and I know you were right it’s just….”

“Stop that. You loved her, no matter how foolish, how many people told you better, you still loved her. Now that you have said goodbye forever to her… it must be difficult.”

“Forgive me?”

“For what?”

“Loving her?”

“Why do I have anything to do with it? If you want to apologize you should apologize to Vecchio, not to me.”

“I just… I need…I don’t want to be alone.”

“And you think other people jump at the chance to be alone?”

“It’s just so hard, and I work so hard…”

“You just need someone to come home to? Like Ray and Maggie?”

He nodded trying anything to stop himself from crying.

“You don’t love who is best for you. No one does. Some people get lucky, sometimes the person you love and the person that is best for you is one and the same. But no one is going to blame you for loving someone you shouldn’t have. I am proud of you, it took a lot of strength to turn her in.”

“You’re proud of me?”

“Of course. You know what might make this better?”

“What?”

“Ice cream and The Wizard of Oz.”

“No popcorn?”

#17

“Hey this is Steve, I am out at the moment, but if you leave a message I’ll get back to ya.”

Fraser hung up the phone and went back to work. Now that Sarah was missing he was doing both his own work and hers as well. Not only that but today was a bad day for the inspector and she wanted Sarah in the consulate now.

“Where is she Constable?”

“I don’t know.”

That’s when the consulate doors swung open and Sarah clumsily walked through. Something about her was different, although Fraser couldn’t place it.

“Sorry I am late Sir, I overslept.”

She walked past Thatcher and went inside her office.

“Where were you?”

“Like I said, I slept in.”

“I called.”

“Well I never said I slept in at my place.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I spent the night at someone else’s house.”

“Who?”

“A guy from a bar.”

“You slept with him??”

“No.”

“Oh” Benton sighed in relief.

“I had sex with him.”

She left and started her day with the usual sentry duty.

#18

Benton looked across from the meeting room table and watched Sarah as she wrote out her reports. How could she do that? It... It was affecting her work. And... And who was this man? What right did he have having sex with Sarah? How could she have relations with a man she didn’t even know? Fraser should know this man and ... make sure he was acceptable.

"Fraser?"

"Huh?"

"Is anything bothering you?"

Well it was now or never.

"I... Why did you sleep with that man?"

"Look, I'll talk to you about anything you want to as long as we can do it when we get home, ok?"

"Fine."

He kept concentrating on her features as they completed their paperwork.

**********

Fraser took the carton out of the fridge, before he could drink it; she filled a glass and put the rest of the carton back in the fridge.

"So?"

"So what? Oh right what you asked me before. Hmmm.... I don’t know how to put this."

"Try, I won’t leave."

"Well... I may come off as kinda like a bitch but, it is none of your concern why I sleep with a man, any man. Or who I sleep with, or when, or any position we may use .... Just stay out of it."

"I would rather not. You are my friend and-"

"You think I need to tell Ray who I sleep with? Or Welsh? Or do you think Turnbull needs to know who I screw and how?"

"No but we're-"

"We are what Ben? When was the last time that you slept with me? When was the last time I put your dick in my mouth? A quarter to never? You are my friend, but when it comes to that department; my friends no matter how old, have no argument on why they should be informed."

"I thought...."

"You thought what? You never told me about Thatcher, or Francesca, why should I have to tell you about him?"

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying you are pulling a classic double standard. Men can be the biggest sluts of the world but when a woman has sex with one man she is a whore."

"You are not a whore. I don’t think a good relationship can be gained with a man who you met at a bar then proceeded to have sex with."

"Who ever said I wanted a relationship with this man?"

Fraser stood shocked, what his friend had reviled was truly out of character for her. What was wrong with her? Was it the city? Could it be that she felt betrayed because he didn’t tell her what happened with him in the city? Fraser decided to think about it and let the two of them cool off; maybe he could get an answer later.

#19

"Maggie, I need to talk with you."

It was raining heavily outside and Sarah stood alone, without a coat, but she did have a bag.

"Come on in."

*****

"I cant live here anymore."

Ray gave her a towel to warm up with and sat next to his wife.

"Is it the weather?"

"Is it too crowded”?

"Its the smell isn’t it?"

"Honey, Chicago doesn’t smell."

"Of course it does."

"No, I would have noticed a smell."

"Look you two it’s not the city. Its not how crowded or what the weather is like. I... I just hurt to live like this. It just hurts me.... everywhere. I am so sorry, I love you two. I wish I could live here with you guys but... I cant."

"You know you are always welcome here."

"I know."

"What did Fraser say about you leavin?"

"I haven’t told him... could you?"

They promised to see each other again and hugged goodbye. Ray watched Sarah leave knowing how she felt. She hid it well but for someone who has been there it looked like she was wearing a bull's eye. Fraser had helped Maggie and himself get together so maybe it was time to repay that debt.

*******

"So guess what happened last night?" Ray stirred his bad coffee and watched to see how exactly Fraser reacted.

"I haven’t the faintest, did you see a flock of turtles?"

"Nope, its kinda sad really. Ya see Sarah came over and said she was leaving."

"What?" both surprise and dread bled through the Mountie facade.

"Yeah, she came to say goodbye. You mean she didn’t tell you first? Wow, that’s queer. Why do you think she wouldn’t tell you?"

Fraser thought a moment then looked into Ray's eyes.

"Could we discuss this further in your car Ray?"

"Sure Fraser buddie."

The car was silent for a short while, not knowing where to go exactly Ray stopped in front of Sarah's building.

"Sarah and I had a fight."

"Oh really" big surprise for Ray, "What was it about Fraser?"

"Well she did something... I know you will understand. You see she slept with this man, and she didn’t want a relationship from it. If that weren’t bad enough I think she couldn’t even remember the man's name. Can you believe that?"

"The nerve. But I do have one question, for the slower people who may not understand, where is any of that any of your concern?"

"Well its wrong."

"Maggs and I had relations before we were hitched, you sayin that’s wrong too?"

"No Ray, I am not saying anything of the sort. But if you would kindly desist from talking about my sister’s bedroom habits-"

"You threatin to kick me in the head?"

"Yes. But it is my concern because Sarah is my friend and I should look out for her and-"

"Ok, so you wanna meet the guy she dates right? Ok say you meet em, what would make them qualified enough to date your friend?"

"Well they.... They would have to have..... I wouldn’t know until I meet them Ray."

"What if you don’t like any of the guys she brings to meet you? Could any man be good enough to be with Sarah?"

"She just deserves better, that’s all."

"Sure, but in the mean time she isn’t here is she? Sarah is gone and you have to find out what on earth, besides a stupid argument, would make her go away."

Ray got out of the car and proceeded up the stairs to Sarah's old apartment.

#20

"Ray."

"Hey Maggie, guess what I just heard."

"What?"

"Fraser and Steve had a fight before she left."

"Oh, so that’s why she wanted us to tell him she was gone."

"Oh it gets much better."

"Huh?"

"It was because she slept with a man at a bar, and Fraser didn’t like that."

"Well of course he didn’t. She is his friend and that kind of attitude is strange for her, I hope she is alright."

Ray stood bewildered at what his wife just said.

"Oh, I get it, it’s a genetic thing. That is so sweet."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, I've got it all under control."

"Whatever Ray."

#21

Of course other men were good enough for Sarah. There is.... then there was that....... Fraser thought about Sarah being gone for the first time and an ache grew he couldn’t get rid of... something was wrong when Sarah was gone. It felt weird when he wasn’t able to smell her, or hear her voice, or see her... some thing felt very wrong. The plane ride to Yellowknife was longer than any other plane ride he had taken, maybe because he didn’t know how he was going to talk to Sarah. He was walking up to her cabin when he saw her walking towards him.

"Fraser, what are you doing here?"

"Its Ben, you have always called me Ben and I don’t wish for you to call me anything else."

"Ben, what are you doing here?"

"I need your help with something. You see ever since you left Chicago I have had a problem." He placed her hand over his heart. "I have this terrible ache right here, you are the only one that can stop the hurt... Could you learn to love me? Could I some day be what you mean to me?"

She took his head in her hands, "You have always been. I love you."

And then they kissed, it may have been the first time, but it wasn’t the last.