Here, There
by M-A
They were only gone three weeks. Such a short time. Enough to change a life, yes, but so short a span of time. Perhaps they could have pushed on, but soon as the warm weather came, the sense of adventure, of survival, was gone. It was better to close their epic when their last memories would be of ravaging winds and huddling deep in the heart of a quinzhee to evade an early spring storm. The last moments of a life altering experience are always the clearest; they would remember a struggle for survival equally well with the warming of days.
For Ray, it was time to go home. But for Fraser, now came a time of soul searching.
He and Ray made camp on a glacial plain one early evening, the fluvial debris making it difficult to find an even remotely comfortable spot to set down their bedrolls. They had been at this routine for three weeks now and were so comfortably entrenched in it that no words needed to be spoken between them. It was a given that Fraser took care of housing while Ray prepared a hot meal. Once
Fraser found a spot where they could sleep undisturbed, on an uncommonly smooth expanse of gravel, he joined Ray by the campfire. Tonight's meal would be jerky stew. Ray dished out three hearthy portions, set one down for Diefenbaker, handed another to Fraser, then settled himself down with his own. "I'm going to miss this stuff," he said.
"As will I," Fraser agreed.
"So."
"So?"
"I'm going back to Chicago in a couple of days."
Fraser heaved an almost inaudible sigh. "I know."
"What are you going to do?" Ray sopped up some gravy with a piece of bannock, waiting for a response that was only a shrug. "You've got a lot of decisions to make, Benton buddy."
"Not really, Ray. Here or there. Those are my choices."
"Home's here."
"The people I love most are there."
"Except Maggie."
"Except Maggie." He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. "What does `home' mean, Ray?"
"A lot of different things?"
Fraser grinned. "A most helpful answer, Ray."
"Yeah, well. For some people, home is their landscape, for others its their things, and for the rest it's the people around them. You don't really have `things', so you've got to decide if home is defined for you by your landscape or the people you live with."
"Ray... that was... very..."
"Philosophical?"
"Philosophical," Fraser agreed. "Why can't I have both?"
"I think you know better than most, Fraser, that you can't have everything you want in life." Ray was awed when he saw a moment of realisation reflected in Fraser's eyes. He could have seen a lightbulb go on over his friend's head and the moment would have been no more clearly defined. Fraser has obviously made his choice.
"Chicago."
"Chicago?"
"Chicago," Fraser repeated firmly. "But with a nice little place in the suburbs, with a yard, some old trees, and a park nearby. Barely an inkling of the landscape I love, but close enough to nature to keep me happy. And there, I could live close to the people I call my family. It's as close to perfect as I can get."
"Won't you miss it, though?"
"Miss what?"Ray pointed his chin out at the barren yet achingly beautiful landscape around them. Fraser shrugged. "Of course. But I'm used to having friends now, Ray, people who count on me and on whom I can count. I can't just erase how my four years in Chicago changed me. When I think back to the happiest times of my life, Ray, most took place during my stay in Chicago. Whether I like it or not, I've grown accustomed to my life there and, frankly, I prefer the man
Chicago shaped."
"But what about being a cop? Don't tell me you'd be content spending the rest of your career behind some consular desk."
"Of course not. In fact, I am considering asking Lieutenant Welsh if it would be possible for me to become your official partner."
"As in my official, CPD partner?"
"Yeah. I'm sure this could be arranged."
Ray was taken aback. "I don't know if I can imagine you as `Detective Fraser'."
"`Constable Fraser' was--is--just a title, Ray. It's not who I am. Chicago taught me that if nothing else. The more I had to hide behind the title, the more aware I was of just who `Ben Fraser' really is."
"So, who is he?"
A sad look over came Fraser's ocean grey eyes. "Someone who could never be home here again," he said sadly. "No matter how much I will always love this place, it has been spoiled for me. I'm *used* to modern day conveniences now, Ray, and while I could live without them, there are many I've grown too accustomed to."
Ray shook his head, the look on his face matching Fraser's. "Spoiled for you."
"Yes. It is like an innocence lost, Ray. Like being six again and knowing your mum is dead. Only, this loss of innocence, while saddening, is also full of promise because it came about not only through great darkness, but also through love. I can never again be the innocent `Nanook of the North' who chased his father's killers from the great white north to the Windy City. I can't because I've lived through too much in Chicago. I have an awareness of this world I never used to have. In the end, I know I'll be happier going back to Chicago as your partner, than remaining here alone."
"Is that what you meant about us always being partners?"
"No. What I meant that night was that I was staying here. The last three weeks have made me realise that that was euphoria talking."
Ray nodded thoughtfully. "What about Vecchio?"
"What about him?"
"Why partners with me, not him?"
"I spoke to Ray a few nights ago, when we were in Reindeer Depot."
"Oh?"
"He's decided to take a leave of absence, much as we have. Only he'll be taking his in Florida. Joked about opening up a bowling alley with Stella."
"With Stella?" Ray smirked.
"Does it bother you?"
"Hell no. I'd rather she be with Vecchio than Orsini!"
Fraser laughed. "Really?"
"Hell yes. At least I *like* Vecchio."
"You do?"
The tone of Fraser's voice made Ray laugh. "I admit it. We didn't exactly hit it off. But we did end up finding common ground."
"Oh?"
"Your weirdness," Ray said slyly.
"Of course." Fraser grinned, his smile as bright as the northern lights that would soon grace the sky around them.
"Plus, he's a good cop. He'll treat her like a lady. How could I not be okay with it?" Off Fraser's look, "Okay, I tend to act like an ass around her. But I know she's not mine anymore. How's that old saying go? `If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was?'
"That's right. I guess that means I'm yours, uh?"
"Somehow, that doesn't seem fair. Vecchio gets the girl while I get the strange Mountie with the wolf whose a florist."
Fraser burst out laughing, choking on a mouthful of stew. It took a full minute for him to regain his composure. He assured Ray he was all right soon as he could breathe easily again, then he took a moment to collect his thoughts. "Maybe we could do this every couple of years."
"Once a year," Ray said firmly. "Come hell or high water or either one of us getting married. I've had the best time of my life here, Fraser."
"I'm glad you've enjoyed yourself, Ray."
"Enjoyed? Nah. It wasn't enjoyable to get my ass frozen off in some ice crevasse. But this was like finding the top of the Nile or--"
"Dating a super model?" Fraser teased.
"Hey, you didn't exactly disagree with me on that one!" The pair shared a laugh. "Seriously, Fraser, thank you for the last three weeks."
"Thank you for sharing this adventure with me. This has been the happiest time of my life. But it's not reality, not any more. In three days time, it'll be time to wake up and go back to normalcy."
"Oh, yeah, like that would ever be possible with you as a partner."
Fraser responded with only a *look* before turning his gaze to a darkening sky that held a promise of spring. When a shooting star streaked through the heavens like some prophet bringing the news to earth, he found he had no wishes left to make.
Fin.
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