Category: Humor/parody
Ratings/warnings: G..
Pairings: none
Spoilers: none
Disclaimers: The original story belongs to Dr. Seuss. Used with many
thanks.
Teaser: Have you ever had trouble with your muse, or lack thereof.
This was inspired when I could not get my muse to cooperate. So by
borrowing the muse of Dr. Seuss I created an anti-muse who I could
blame for any writers block.
Archive: Please archive. If posted to other lists, please give credit to
Dr.Seuss and me.


How the Mrinch Stole Fanfic
By Marian

Many Fans
Out in Fandom
Liked Fanfic a lot

But the Mrinch
Who lived outside of Fandom
Did NOT!

The Mrinch Hated Fanfic! No Fanfic had pleased him.
Now, don't ask me why. It seems Fanfic just queased him
It could be he knew he just had to be right.
It could be; maybe, he just liked to pick fights.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
His imagination was two sizes too small.


But,
Whatever the reason,
This egotist man
He sat there on this cold night, hating the Fans.
Staring out from his shack with a dour, pinched up face
At the bright lit windows below in their space.
For he knew many a Fan in Fandom out there
Was busy now writing a Fanfic with care.

"And they're banging on keyboards!" He growled without cheer.
"They'll post them tomorrow! They're practically here!"
Then he grumbled with his Mrinch fingers spastically thrumming,
"I must find a way to stop Fanfic from coming

For,
Tomorrow, he knew.....

...All the Fan girls and boys
Would write bright and early. They'd send coast to coast!
And then! Oh, the posts! Oh, the Posts! Posts! Posts! Posts!
That's one thing he hated! The POSTS! POSTS! POSTS! POSTS!

Then the Fans, young and old, would sit down to a chat.
And they'd chat! And they'd chat!
And they'd CHAT! CHAT! CHAT! CHAT!
They would chat about Fan writing and give Fan feedback.
There was something the Mrinch couldn't stand about that.

And THEN
They'd do something
He liked least of all!
Those Fans out in Fandom, the short and the tall,
Would get it together, with cursor lights blinking.
They'd move site to site. And the Fans would start linking

They'd link! And they'd link!
AND they'd LINK! LINK! LINK! LINK!
And the more the Mrinch thought of this whole Fanfic link,
The mote the Mrinch thought, "I must stop this Whole thing!"
"Why, for so many years I've put up with it now!"
"I must stop Fanfic from coming!"

"...But HOW?"


Then he got an idea!
A nasty idea!
THE MRINCH GOT A BRILLIANT, NASTY IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Mrinch laughed with a sneer.
And he made a quick plot bunny suit and some ears.
And he snickered and guffawed, "What a great Mrinchy ruse!"
"With this suit and these ears, I look just like a muse!"

"Now I need a familiar..."
The Mrinch looked around.
But familiars are scarce, There were none to be found.
Did that stop the old Mrinch....?
No! The Mrinch simply said,
"If I can't find a familiar, I'll make one instead!"
So he dug under his shack. He found a ferret there
And he tied a unicorn horn on the top of its head.

THEN
Then he loaded a crate
And a trailer to bear it
On a ramshackle truck
And he snatched up the ferret.

Then the Mrinch said, "Let's go!"
And the truck started down
Towards the homes of the Fans
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All the windows were dark. Quiet snores filled the air.
All the Fans were all plotting sweet plots without care.
When he came to the first little home he found there.
"This is stop number one," The old Mrinchy muse hissed
And he climbed through the window, with duct tape in his fist.

Then he found a computer, It was not a cinch.
But, if Muses could do it, then so could the Mrinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he booted it up and started to view.
He then noticed Fan notes and outlines in a row.
"These outlines," he smirked, "are the first things to go!"

Then he sneaked and slunk, with a smile downright gory.
Around the whole desk, and he took every story!
Drama! And deathfic! Genfic! And slash!
Short stories! Series! Humor! Were trashed!
And he saw other discs. Then the Mrinch, very quickly,
Grabbed all these discs, one by one, grinning sickly.

Then he skulked to the bookcase. He took the thesaurus!
He took the tech manual! He took the Filk chorus!
He cleaned out the references as quick as a flash.
Why, that Mrinch even took their post-it note stash.

Then he stuffed the goods out the window with glee.
"And NOW!" sighed the Mrinch, "I will grab the PC!"

And the Mrinch grabbed the PC, and the plug he did pull
When he heard a small gasp in a brief, quiet lull.
He whipped around fast and he saw a Fan, who
Named Mary Sue Fan, Who'd wrote no more than two.

The Mrinch had been caught by this newbie Fan writer
Who'd got out of bed when an idea inspired her.
She stared at the Mrinch and said, "Plot Bunny, why,
"Why are you taking my story? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Mrinch was so wily and smart
He made up a lie, which he then did impart!
"Why my sweet author friend," the fake Plot Bunny lied,
"There is a plot line in this story that hangs off one side.
"So I'm taking it back to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll beta it there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the newbie. He then patted her head
And he gave her a wink and he sent her to bed.
And when Mary Sue Fan went to bed for her nap,
HE got the computer and left in a snap.

And the last thing he took
Were book sale flyers!
Then he went out of the window, himself, the old liar.
On the desk he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

And the one bit of stuff
That he left in the house
Was a pad that was even too small for a mouse.

Then
He did the same thing
At the other Fans houses
Leaving pads
Much too small
For the other Fans mouses!

It was quarter past dawn....
The Fans, in bed were tucked
All the Fans, still a -snooze
When he packed up his truck
Packed it up with computers! The outlines! The mappings!
The books! And the manuals! The references! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of MT. Frumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"Nyah-Nyah to the Fans!" He was Mrinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Fanfic is coming!"
"They'll try booting up! I know then what they'll do!
"Their eyes open wide for a minute or two"
"Then all the Fans in Fandom will all cry BOO-HOO!

"That's a noise," grinned the Mrinch,
"That I really must hear!"
So he paused. And the Mrinch put his had to his ear.
And he did hear voices coming from below.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sounds like a party!
It couldn't be so!
This party sounded HARDY!

He stared down at Fandom!
The Mrinch Bugged out his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a total surprise!

Every Fan out in Fandom, the short and the tall,
Was linking! With no material at all!

He HADN'T stopped Fanfic from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Mrinch, with his Mrinch-mind totally blown.
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could I have known?
"It came without reference! It came without tags!
"It came without computers, books, or mags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his cerebrum was sore.
Then the Mrinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Fanfic," he thought, "is not such a bore."
"Maybe Fanfic...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Fandom they say
The Mrinches imagination
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his mind was not closed so tight,
He raced with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the stuff! And the computers at that!
And he...
...HE HIMSELF...!
The Mrinch moderated the chat!



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