Category: Humor/parody

Ratings/warnings: pg

Pairings: Fraser/us many of you are ficced. Don't kill me

Spoilers: The Night Before Christmas

Disclaimers: The Due South Characters Belong to Alliance.

Teaser: I wrote this For another group a long time ago and decided to adapt it for any group I hang around in. (Gee plagerizing myself as well as Moore)

'Twas One Day

Marian

'Twas one day like another, but in the group hall

Ride Forever people, were in for a squall.

The muses were making us tear out our hair,

So Due South outbursts, flow from us there.

Some newbies in lurkdom, some join in our riff

Using ropes and pitons for hanging on cliffs.

Plot bunnies were settled in their little beds

Bound up with duct tape so tight, foot and head

And out on the tundra there was a loud clatter,

That, sadly, came from failed cliffhangers splatter.

Away from our keyboards, we flew in a flash,

To clean up the mess and discuss some recent slash .

The sun on our building amidst the tundra,

Gave a lustre of brilliance, and a penumbra.

When what to our widening eyes should appear,

Two cops from Chicago, a Mountie saying "Oh dear".

With a leap, from them a kiss Marian did take.

(I am the one writing this, so give me a break).

More rabid than bats the others they came,

Engulfed them and hugged them and called out our names.

"I'm Snowee, "I'm Janice", " I'm M A " and "I'm Buck"!

Others were muffled, under them many were stuck.

To the top of the pile, such a butt wiggling wall,

Pushed away, pushed away, our heroes did crawl!

As doughnuts, that before the ravenous Dief,

They vanished from the area, much like a thief.

Then into the group hall, the Mountie he flew,

Then came a cop with an experimental hairdo.

And then in a moment, we heard from our roof,

An Italian saying "Fraser, you goof"!

"I came here to help you, to this madhouse of sin"

"For Valentines Day" he shouted over the din!

Then Fraser did say "Well, Ray, that's a misnomer",

"This day comes from ancient times, though after Homer".

"Lupricalia is the name of this feast",

"Rife with dancing, orgies, wildness, much like a beast".

His eyes at once did see rapt gazes of delight.

His cheeks burnt like fire. He realized with fright.

His cute little mouth was drawn up in an "OH".

Licked then by his tongue his lips did magically glow.

He stroked his left brow then he tugged on his ear,

*Lust from these women* he felt caught like a deer!

"Historical perspective" he said to RayK,

"Is what I wanted to teach on this holiday".

Ray replied "You talked about sex, what will Chicks think?"

"A man in uniform..Ya know.. nudge, nudge, wink, wink,"

A manly voice said "That man in red serge",

"In here causes a most un-mountie like urge".

Then appeared Wolfwalker, with a wild man call.

To rescue the guests from the women in thrall.

"To hear you even hint at sex" Wolf did tell,

"Can create a huge, massive, estrogen swell"!

With harness, rope and skyhook, the man did abet,

A dramatic escape and no blood was let.

Swinging out of Red Suits You, the three guests did say,

"Thank you kindly. Happy Lup..er, Valentines Day"!