Rating: PG-13 for drug use
Codes: Fraser/Kowalski
Part: 1/1
Teaser: Ray's acting very strangely, and Fraser can't quite figure out why.
Disclaimer: Alliance owns all.
Note: The authors do not condone the use of drugs. Especially illegal ones. That would be most un-Mountie like behaviour. Oh yeah, and there's slash. If it ain't your cup of tea, don't smoke it.
Archive: DuSC, yes. Anyone else, just ask.
Calling the Kettle Black
(c) 1999 Zeborah and Sasscat Bu-to-y
Fraser looked up as the door opened. Ray and several other police officers burst on, all on a rather strange angle. "Chicago PDQ! Freeze!"
They started putting handcuffs on people. Ray was walking towards him, looking around nervously, and Fraser wondered if the detective was going to cuff him. "Fraser, you okay?" Ray demanded quietly.
Okay? Of course he was okay, he hadn't been trapped in here that long, and he'd discovered some rather fascinating things. "You know, Ray," he confided, "I don't think the substance these gentlemen were smoking is entirely legal."
"Uh... me neither," Ray said, "which would be why we're arresting them."
"Oh. Right you are." Fraser nodded and slowly fell down.
"Jesus," Ray muttered, for no apparent reason. "Fraser, you gotta get up. C'mon, we gotta get you out of here." He kept looking around - was there something on the walls? Fraser didn't know.
"I think I'll just lie here for a while," he said importantly. He giggled. It felt good, so he did it some more. He could see a piece of mud on Ray's shoe.
"Fraser. Fraser. Fraser. Fraser. *Fraser*."
He let his giggles die away and winked at the mud. In one easy motion he rolled to his feet, and blinked to find Ray's hands on his shoulders. "Ray, you're touching me."
"Come on, Fraser, where's that inner ear balance thing when you really need it?" Ray was sliding Fraser's arm over his shoulder, leading Fraser out the door.
"Under my pillow, I think," Fraser said, and laughed again; it seemed appropriate.
"I'm screwed," Ray was muttering. "Biggest drug bust of this century and my partner's whacked up on scooby snacks. If we're lucky those guys were too busy arresting people to notice you, or Welsh is going to have my ass on a platter."
"I'm sure he'll leave the rest of your body on the platter too," Fraser reassured him. He saw the ground slide towards eye level, then Ray grabbed him and it dropped back. "Hm," he said curiously.
"Jesus, you are so wasted," Ray muttered.
Fraser was beginning to worry about his partner. "On the contrary, Ray," he hastened to assure him, "I feel very fulfilled right now."
"Jesus," Ray said again.
Fraser thought about it for a moment. "No, I don't think so."
"What--? No, I don't want to know. Fraser, we're going to my car, and then I'm gonna take you home, okay? Can you manage that?"
"I'd rather stay out here," Fraser said. "The sunshine is lovely today."
"Fraser, that's a streetlight."
"Oh." Fraser looked at it for several moments. Of course it was a streetlight; if it was the sun he wouldn't be looking directly at it. "Right you are, Ray." He nodded and then kept nodding; the images blurred in front of his eyes, producing a pleasantly surreal effect as he moved his head.
"Fraser, stop that." Ray grabbed his chin and made his head hold still. "Come on, are you ready to go to the car?"
"Well, if you're going to be like that," Fraser said sulkily. Really, Ray didn't have to be quite so bossy. He nodded experimentally but the happy blurs were gone. He sighed and set off.
"Fraser, *watch*out*!" Ray pulled him back into the middle of the sidewalk-- sidewalk? Footpath? Pavement?
"Huh," Fraser said thoughtfully. He couldn't quite remember which was correct.
They made it to the car without further incident, although Ray gave him the oddest looks from time to time, and kept pulling him around. Fraser waited patiently while Ray opened the door for him, relieved just to be allowed to stand on his own for a few moments.
"Here y'go, buddy, easy does it." Ray pushed Fraser into the seat and buckled him in tightly. "Watch your fingers," he ordered before shutting the door and walking around the car.
What a curious thing to say. Fraser held his fingers in front of his face and stared at them. The whorls of his fingertips slowly merged into one another and apart again. "Huh," Fraser said.
The car started with a metal rumble and he felt himself slide towards the window. There was a sudden vibration as his head touched it. "Whee," he said thoughtfully. The window purred against his hair. "Wheeeeeee," he purred back to it, to be polite. His voice vibrated, and he chuckled.
"For God's sakes, Fraser, sit up, wouldya?"
Fraser opened his eyes and frowned. "No, Ray, I will not sit up. I like it here." What was wrong with Ray tonight? He was acting very strangely - Fraser didn't mean that as a criticism, of course, but there it was.
"Fine, then, stay there."
"Okay," Fraser said happily. He closed his eyes again. "Wheeeeeee..."
"I'm in so much shit," Ray muttered. Fraser, beginning to tire of Ray's seemingly endless pessimism, ignored him.
"Are we there yet?" he asked, a short while later.
"No."
Fraser squinted at the road. "Are we there yet?"
"*No*."
"Are we almost there yet?"
"*No*! Fraser, I'll tell you when we get there, okay? Until then, for God's sakes, just shut up."
Fraser stared at him in shock. Ray... yelled at him. Rather loudly in fact. What had he done wrong? Or perhaps Ray was having some frustrations of his own, but really, there was no point in taking them out on Fraser. "Well, there's no need to be rude, Ray."
Ray shook his head. Good, Fraser had been worried that he might have upset him further.
"When's the Ice Queen leave work?" Ray asked suddenly.
"Inthatcher Spector?" Fraser thought about it. "In the evening," he hazarded.
"Thank you, Fraser, that was very informative."
Fraser nodded, relieved that Ray was once more acting with politeness and consideration. "Glad to be of service, Ray. --Why are you turning the car around?" He regretted the words almost as soon as he said them, because it was apparent that it was in fact the *road* turning around *them*, and he'd just made an utter idiot of himself.
Ray humoured him. "I can't take you back to the Consulate if the Ice Queen's still there. She'll tear strips off you, and then she'll tear strips off *me* for getting her officers stoned, and before you say anything I do not mean anyone was assaulted."
Fraser stopped opening his mouth and instead subsided in confusion. After a few minutes he ventured, "Where are we going, Ray?"
"Back to my place."
"Why don't you just drop me at the Consulate?"
There was a long inexplicable silence. It was a rather rude silence. Fraser had just asked a question, and he wanted to know the answer, and Ray was not giving him the answer. "Ray," Fraser said impatiently, and while Ray was taking a breath added, "Ray Ray Ray Ray Ray--"
"*What*?"
Good, he had his attention. "Wasn't that a red light?"
"Where?"
"On the side of the road back there, opposite all those cars in a line of cars."
"Fraser, that was *their* red light. Y'nno, red light for one set of cars, green light for the others. It's a little thing called traffic control we have here in America."
"Hm," Fraser agreed absently. He thought about it a moment longer. Red for some cars, green for others... "Isn't that favouritism, Ray?"
"No, it is not favouritism," Ray said sharply, thumping the steering wheel with one hand. Oh dear, he was getting irritated again. Perhaps he had some kind of mild bipolar disorder... Ray took a deep breath. "Look, Fraser, don't try and understand it right now. You're a little out of it-- A little, you're a lot out of it, but everything's gonna seem a lot clearer in the morning. You just gotta trust me on this."
"Fair enough," Fraser said obediently. After all, Ray had trusted him on a number of occasions. Like the time Fraser had had to arrest him. Putting handcuffs on Ray, yes, that had been fun. They should try it again sometime. Perhaps tonight, the smog content in the air was almost exactly the same as it had been then.
"Here we are," Ray said, and Fraser realised that the car had stopped. Or maybe the road had stopped. Yes, that was it. He got out of the car, the ground stumbling beneath his feet. Ray was suddenly out of the car and at his side, pulling him up against the smooth metal.
"That was quick," Fraser mumbled.
"Yeah," Ray said tersely, "whatever. C'mon, Fraser buddy, inside now." He pulled Fraser, none too gently, into the building - how had he managed to get a park right in front of it? Curiouser and curiouser.
Ray kept pulling and pushing at him until they reached his apartment, then finally Fraser was allowed to sit on the sofa in piece, peaces. But he had to urinate. Oh dear.
"Ray," Fraser said, then found that he couldn't stop. "Ray ray ray ray ray ray nay..." It sounded like the start of a neigh, so he finished it. It was a rather poor horse impression, of course, but the best he could manage under the circumstances and rather amusing nonetheless. He chuckled helplessly for several minutes while Ray made something that smelled like hot chocolate.
A warm mug was being pressed into his hands - it was hot chocolate, exactly like what Ray had been making. What an extraordinary coincidence.
"Drink this," Ray said. "You'll feel better with some liquid in ya."
Fraser looked at it uncertainly until Ray sighed and took it back. "I think perhaps I should take this opportunity to urinate."
"Okay, no problem." Ray pulled him roughly off the couch, and swore when Fraser landed on the floor.
"Hm," Fraser said, and let the couch and Ray pull him back to his feet.
"Through there," Ray guided him to a door. "If you fall over, just call me. *Once*," he added quickly.
"Understood." Fraser walked into the door. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry," he said, then added, "You know, I don't think I have to after all. Never mind."
"Right. Great. I suppose you want me to help you back to the sofa," Ray said sourly.
"I can manage." Fraser did, indeed, manage a couple of steps before the floor moved and Ray was holding him again. "Oh dear," he said absently. Then he stopped looking at the floor, because being held by Ray was much more interesting. The air was suddenly sweet in his mouth, and he was floating. He felt good. And after several seconds he decided he wanted Ray to feel good too. He kissed him.
Ray pulled back slightly. "Mm, woah, Fraser, what're you doing?"
"I think I'm going back to your place," Fraser mumbled between kisses.
Ray was moving; Fraser wasn't sure if he was protesting or trying to get a better angle. "Fraser--"
"Ray--"
"Fraser--"
"Ray--"
"Fraser, no, you're inebre-- inebro-- stoned."
Fraser blinked. "Are you sure?"
Ray nodded. "Pretty sure, yeah."
"Oh, well..." Fraser thought for a moment; it gave him a strong sense of deja vu. "Good," he decided finally.
"Good, what is that? Being high is not good. You're not thinking, Fraser-- Mmph," he added as Fraser kissed him again.
It was a good kiss, as kisses went, which admittedly wasn't very far. Fraser was dizzily clearheaded, aware of every point they touched and a few where they didn't. After too long not long enough, Ray twisted away.
"Fraser," he panted, "no. I can't-- you're not-- Oh, god..."
"Ray," Fraser said. "Ray, Ray. Neigh." He chuckled.
"Y'see, that's, that's exactly why we can't do this. C'mon, Fraser, I gotta put you to bed. Alone."
Fraser groaned, but couldn't be bothered arguing. He let Ray lead him to the bed, let the bed rise to thump against his face, felt Ray roll him over and pull his boots off.
"Goodnight, Fraser," Ray said softly.
"Right you are," Fraser said coherently. He frowned at the ceiling. There was something there, some kind of ancient script in the cracks in the plaster. Possibly Arabic, or was it Linear B? It seemed important - he probably had to tell Ray - and he was just about to figure out what it said when he fell asleep.
** **** **
_The End_
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